Wednesday's Child (12 page)

Jacqui took a deep breath. “Not just that. Whatever it is that’s eating you up inside, can only be solved with God’s help. And I don’t just mean the drinking, although He’d be able to help you with that as well.”

Liam shifted on his chair, the sharp stick of his conscience once again poking him. Niamh had tried several times to jumpstart his faith over the past couple of years and he’d brushed her off every single time. But not Jacqui. How did she manage to get under his skin? Something was changing and moving, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it.

“What’s bothering me is the fact that God didn’t do anything. I needed Him. Sally needed Him. I screamed for help, and He sat there, on His throne in heaven, and let those kids die. Sally died in my arms, and I had to tell her parents that their baby, the wife I promised to protect with my own life, was dead.”

“I don’t have the answers, which is why you need to talk to someone who might.”

“I told you I’m not...”

“Then talk to Pastor Jack with me afterwards. Please, it can’t hurt.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you. That’s all I ask.” She flung her arms around him.

His lips found hers, and he kissed her, deepening the kiss as she parted her lips. He’d never known a woman who touched him the way she did. The kiss grew more intense, and he pulled her towards him, her body seeming to fit perfectly with his. Her hands moved over his back, through his hair, possessing him as he possessed her. After a moment, he pulled back. “I…have to stop. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Sounds good.” She took a deep breath and stood. “Walk me to the car?”

“Sure.” He took her hand, leading her outside into the darkness. “Until tomorrow.” He caught her lips with his and kissed her. Finally, he let her go and stood waving as she drove away. Once her tail lights were out of sight, Liam headed back inside, going straight to the computer. He needed to know what this email said.

He watched as the info scrolled up on the screen. His stomach twisted and plummeted. That was the one thing he hadn’t expected. “You have got to be kidding me.” He reached for his phone and dialed Manu. “Manu, its Liam.” He started the call with no preamble at all, not wanting to waste words or time. “You’re having me on, right?”

“Liam, this is not a good time, mate, and this line isn’t secure.”

“Just tell me one thing. Is this information one hundred percent certain?”

“Yes, now I got to go. Catch you later.” The line went dead.

Liam read the e-mail again, still not wanting to believe the coincidence. Vince Devlin, CEO of the Horatio Corporation, had devised, funded, and executed the raid on the Endarra mission. The same Vince who had attacked Jacqui, had lunch with her, and offered her a job. The bloke he’d never heard of before today and was suddenly popping up everywhere. Vince was responsible for Sally’s death, for him being shot, and the deaths of the others.

“Why?” Rage filled him. What possible motive could Vince have had for doing it?
Wait a minute. Vince offered Jacqui a job designing something in Africa. What if it was the Endarra mission he was planning on rebuilding?
He needed to do some digging and find out more. Typing hard and fast, he forwarded the email to his older brother. Patrick was a spook and had contacts all over the UK and abroad. Despite the numerous TV programs to the contrary, the security agencies did work together on occasions. Patrick had promised to help him as much as he could when Sally died. Everyone else had put their faith in God and the local authorities.

Liam picked up the phone. He and Patrick were adept at speaking in code. “Hey, bro,” he said as the answer phone picked up. “You might want to check your personal email when you get the chance. Something came up in class regarding that school project I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t know the answer, but told the kids I knew a man who did. You know where I am. Bye.”

He headed to the bathroom and got in the shower, his mind whirling. What he didn’t understand was how things seemed so woven together. Was it a coincidence that the day Vince Devlin waltzed back into Jacqui’s life, a whole bucket load of information implicating him in Sally’s death turned up? A couple of years ago, he’d say it was the hand of God. Today, he put it down to a cruel twist of fate, irony, a fluke, happenstance as his mother would say, nothing more. He turned off the shower, dried off and got dressed.

He wasn’t going to tell Jacqui. Not yet. But he had to keep her away from Vince. He wasn’t going to lose another woman he cared about to the same man.

Climbing into bed, Liam caught sight of his Bible. Covered in dust, it lay on the floor under the dresser. That seemed wrong and something stirred within him. He got up and rubbed his hand over the cover. What did the song say?
When a Bible’s well used, the devil’s not amused?
Well, there wasn’t much chance of that. He flicked through the pages slowly. He hadn’t even done that much since Sally died.

It fell open in Jeremiah at a passage Sally had marked.
‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
’
Yeah, right.

He didn’t doubt God was there. His problem lay in believing in a God who would abandon His people when they needed Him the most. Perhaps God would listen to him if he went to church. He grabbed the phone and rang Jacqui’s new number. He got her voice mail. “Hi, it’s Liam. I wanted to let you know I’ll go to church with you tomorrow. Pick me up about five thirty, and we can eat first. See you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Was he doing the right thing? He didn’t know, but one thing he did know was he needed answers, and he needed to be close to Jacqui to keep her safe.

10

The church stood in the middle of a quiet residential street in the heart of the town. Its angular lines and grey and red stonework blended in with brick town houses.

Liam stared up at the familiar stained glass windows—she hadn’t said it was
this
church, the one he used to go to and his whole family still attended. Hopefully his parents, Niamh or Patrick wouldn’t be here tonight. He really didn’t want that conversation right now.

He hadn’t been inside a church since Sally’s funeral. His insides churned. He wasn’t scared. Scared was standing in front of a maniac with a gun who was firing point blank at you. Scared wasn’t stepping foot inside a church.

Jacqui’s hand slid into his, and her quiet voice filled his senses. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yeah, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“You discover the horrid truth about me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re really a leprechaun?”

“No, silly. I’m actually tone deaf.” She squeezed his hand. “Come on.”

They found seats towards the back of the hall. Liam sat down, not letting go of her hand. “You don’t use the main church?”

“Not for the midweek meeting. We use the chapel on Sundays and for special church meetings. Otherwise, we meet here.”

The service got underway.

Jacqui was right about being tone deaf, but that didn’t matter. His mother always said it was ‘make a joyful noise unto the Lord’ not make a tuneful one. He listened to what was being said, finding it easy to slip back into the routine. It was comforting and familiar. He knew all the hymns and found himself singing the bass part without thinking.

He even knew the passages Pastor Jack referred to as he spoke on faith and forgiveness. Problem was, his faith was no longer there, and forgiveness wasn’t in the cards. Sally’s murderers didn’t deserve it, and neither did he. Something inside him moved, but he refused to let the torrent of emotions sway him.

‘
God loves you, Liam. Just because you doubt Him, that doesn’t mean He doubts you,’
was what Jacqui had told him
. ‘He wants you back, like He wanted me back, and He wants all of us.’
After the service ended, Jacqui took him over to the kitchen to pick up coffee. He stood and sipped it, half listening to conversations around him, the other half of his mind swimming with questions and a need for something to fill the hole inside him.

Jacqui touched his hand. “Are you all right?”

He grabbed her fingers and paused for a long moment. Something compelled him to be honest. “Not really.”

She led him over to a table and sat. “What’s wrong?”

Liam slumped into the seat next to her and gazed into his coffee. “Where do you want me to start?”

“The beginning?”

“That would be back in the dark ages, then.”

“Jacqui…how are you?” Pastor Jack spoke to Jacqui, then to him. “Nice to see you again, Liam. It’s been a while.”

He shook Pastor Jack’s hand, managing to formulate a response. “Yeah, it has. I told Jacqui I’d come with her tonight.”

“How are you? Not seen you since the funeral.”

“I’m managing.”

Jacqui shifted her eyes from Liam to Pastor Jack. “Pastor, have you got a minute?” Jacqui asked.

“Sure.” Pastor Jack set his coffee on the table and took a seat. “How can I help?”

Jacqui squeezed Liam’s hand. “Talk. It might help.”

“This used to be our church.” He took a deep breath. “You know the story, Pastor. Sally and I were out on the mission field in Endarra. Gunmen attacked the compound, killing most of the people there, including Sally. They burned everything. I haven’t set foot in a church since her funeral—here or anywhere else.”

Pastor Jack looked at him unswervingly. “Do you blame God for what happened?”

Liam caught his breath. This guy was perceptive. He hit the nail right on the head. “Yes, I do. God could have stopped the gunmen. He could have given us warning or time to get to our own guns to defend ourselves. He didn’t. He let it happen. The local police are in the pockets of whoever did this because they have done nothing. The mission society hasn’t either. It’s like they don’t care, and don’t go quoting Romans chapter eight verse twenty-eight at me either.”

Pastor Jack paused with the coffee at his lips. “Oh?”

“
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose
.” Liam recited.

“Do you remember how that passage ends? Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Then there’s first Peter chapter five, verse seven.”

“If He cares that much, then prove it.”

“John three, verse sixteen doesn’t say ‘For God so loved the world with the exception of Liam Page’.”

“Now you’re mocking me. Anyone can take stuff out of context. For example, Deuteronomy five, verse thirty-three is ‘live long and prosper’. And this,” he continued holding up his hand in the Vulcan salute, “is the sign of the priestly blessing from Numbers six, verses twenty-four to twenty-six.”

“I didn’t know that. I didn’t mean to mock you, Liam. I was trying to make a point.”

“May I?” Liam picked up Jacqui’s Bible and opened it. He pushed it across the table. “Psalm eighty-eight, verse eighteen.”

“
You have taken my companions and loved ones from me. The darkness is my closest friend.”
Pastor Jack skimmed the rest of the passage. “It sums up how you feel right now. How I felt after Elisa died, but He doesn’t leave us in the dark. Are you familiar with the story of Job?”

“Uh huh. He lost his wife and kids, so God could prove a point to His stubborn people. Then he remarried, had more kids, and lived happily ever after.” He struggled to keep his voice level.

“His wife disappeared. It’s entirely possible she’s the same woman he had his second family with at the end of the story, but, yes, bandits murdered his kids. Or if you prefer, terrorists.”

Liam glanced down as Jacqui slid her hand into his and took a deep breath. “I see where you’re going with this, Pastor, but I don’t understand why. Sally hadn’t done anything wrong. She wanted to teach the kids about Jesus. I went to protect her and teach the kids out there a little English. What was wrong with that?”

Pastor Jack took a deep drink of his coffee. “I don’t know all the answers, and I’m not going to pretend I do. I’m not God, and I don’t know why this happened and what He has in mind for you. In Jeremiah chapter twenty, Jeremiah doubted the goodness of God when he learned all of Judah was to be handed over to its enemies or killed.”

“Verse nine.
If I say, ‘I will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name’, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones, I am weary of holding it in, indeed, I cannot
,” Liam whispered. Perhaps that was the ‘sharp stick’ that had been poking him these past few weeks.

Pastor Jack nodded. “It’s elsewhere in the Bible too. David, Hosea…even Jesus knows what it’s like to be tempted, to suffer and die, and to be abandoned.”

Liam straightened in the chair. “Abandoned?”

“My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me? Or if you prefer,
why
have
You
forsaken
Me
? Throughout the gospel of Mark, God proclaims His love for His Son. ‘This is My Son, whom I love’. Then comes the crucifixion and there is nothing. There is no light from heaven, only darkness. There is no voice from heaven, only one voice crying in great pain ‘
My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me
?’ God has a plan for all of us, Liam, and if He delivered His own Son to death, the worst kind of death, why should He step in and save us from following our Lord’s example and giving our lives for God?”

Liam’s stomach lurched. “I guess... I just...”

Pastor Jack turned the Bible back a few pages, then turned it back to face Liam. “We all have doubts from time to time. Yes, even Pastors have doubts and fall into sin, but each time, Liam, like I explained earlier this evening, God still loves us. He never lets go of us, even if we let go of Him for a little while. Read Psalm seventy-three. See the big change in the middle of it, in particular when the Psalmist realized the implications of eternity. He realized that although he had doubts, God still loved him and had a plan for him. Just like He loves and has a plan for you.”