Wednesday (Timeless Series #3) (10 page)

Getting Away With Murder

Hawke

I slid out of the bed without waking Francesca. She would try to impede my plans, and I didn’t have time for that. All I wanted was for her to disappear, to go back to New York and leave me in peace.

I got dressed then shoved the pistol into the back of my jeans. Hopefully, my father had returned to the house by now. He had to make an appearance eventually, especially for the funeral.

He couldn’t hide forever.

I knew he was terrified of me. He knew exactly what was coming. After the way I broke his nose and jaw at the hospital, he knew I would do something far worse now.

The fact he took off amused me.

Because he was scared.

I wanted to scare him as much as possible, to give him the greatest dose of anxiety just before I killed him. For my entire life. I had to walk on eggshells around the house, unsure what would set him off. My mom had to do the same, waiting on him hand and foot just to make sure he didn’t turn to scotch.

Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?

I grabbed my keys and headed to the door.

Francesca blocked the path, standing in her bra and underwear. The sight used to turn me on, but now I didn’t feel anything. She was just an obstacle in my way, a problem I wanted to remove. “Hawke, don’t do this.”

“Get out of the way.”

“You’re angry right now, as you should be. But this isn’t the answer.”

“Get out of my way or I’ll make you.” I stepped closer to her, threatening her with my entire body.

“Then you’re going to have to make me because I’m not moving.” She stood her ground, hiding all the fear bottled deep inside her.

“You think he deserves to live?” Nothing would piss me off more. My mother didn’t deserve to die, and he certainly didn’t deserve to live. How was that fair?

“I didn’t say that.”

“It sounds like it.”

“He’ll get what’s coming to him, Hawke. You don’t need to pull the trigger.”

“But I deserve to.” I should have killed him a long time ago.

“I promise you, you’ll get satisfaction the moment you take his life. But every moment after that will bring you nothing but guilt and grief. Your mother wouldn’t want you to do this, Hawke.”

Those were the only words she said that got to me. My mother wouldn’t want me to take his life. She would still protect him out of love if she could, even if she knew he would kill her one day. I didn’t call that love. I called that stupid. “I’m doing this no matter what you say. So just move out of the way.”

She didn’t take a single step. “Right now, you should focus on your grief. Take care of the funeral arrangements. Prepare to say goodbye. Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t worth your attention.”

When my mind was set, I never changed it. I was going to do this whether she liked it or not. Nothing could rob me of my revenge. I would put this guy in the ground once and for all. “Move.”

“No.”

“Now.”

“No.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Fine.” I kneeled down and threw my body into her legs, forcing her to flip over my shoulder. I held her in the air then turned around and placed her on the bed.

She fought me the entire way. “Hawke, no.” She grabbed on to me, wrapping her legs around my waist so I couldn’t get away. “Don’t do this. I’m not letting you do this.”

I twisted from her grasp and held her down with one hand. “Knock it off.”

“You knock it off.” She kicked me.

I pinned both of her hands above her head. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

“You never would.”

“Yes, I would. Don’t doubt me on that.” I left the bed and headed to the door.

She charged me from behind then jumped on me. “No. I’m not letting you make the biggest mistake of your life.”

I headed back to the bed and pulled her off me. “The biggest mistake of my life was letting him live in the first place.” I shoved her onto the bed again. “Do I have to tie you up? Because I will.”

“If you leave, I’m calling the cops.”

That was a bad threat to make. “Well, you better do it fast. Because I don’t need much time.” I pulled away and darted out of the room before she could grab me again. Nothing was going to stop me from doing this. My pistol was loaded and ready to fire.

Now I just needed a target.

***

When I pulled up to the front of the house, his truck was outside.

It’s show time.

I parked right outside and didn’t bother hiding my truck. If he was watching, I wanted him to know I was coming for him.

I wanted him to know his time was up.

The side gate was always unlocked so I took that route. I headed around the side of the house until I reached the back. The window was always loose, so I stuck my hand inside and unlocked the back door. Then I grabbed my gun and moved inside.

The living room was exactly the same as the last time I saw it. He probably just stopped by to grab a few things, assuming he would be in and out quick enough for me not to notice him.

I rested my gun by my side and listened to the sounds of the house. The floorboards creaked upstairs from his heavy footsteps. He was in the bedroom, probably gathering some last minute things. He intended to run and I doubted he planned on attending the funeral.

His footsteps were heard across the ceiling until they reached the stairway. Some of the floorboards creaked under his weight as he moved down. When he reached the last stair, he appeared in the entryway, a suitcase in his hand.

He was definitely taking off.

I stood absolutely still, waiting for him to notice me. He was determined to get out as fast as possible so he didn’t pay attention to anything around him.

He fished his keys out of his pocket.

“Going somewhere?”

He jumped into the air and dropped his keys on the floor. They fell with a loud thud, echoing inside the small house.

I lifted my gun and waved with it.

He wasn’t the scary man I remembered. He immediately recoiled in stark fear, his wide eyes giving him away. He was far more afraid of me than I ever was of him. Over the past few years, his stomach had grown, extending far past his waistline from all the liquor he consumed over the years. It bulged far out, his pants barely able to fit around his waist. He still had a full head of hair, and his eyes were identical to mine. While we looked similar, I didn’t notice those characteristics. I only saw a monster.

He didn’t speak. His hand clutched his chest and he breathed hard, like he was about to have a panic attack. He stepped back, like the extra distant would protect him from a flying bullet.

I pointed the gun straight at his head and closed the gap between us. I rested the end of the barrel right between his eyes and gave him a genuine smile. “I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time.”

He trembled underneath me, practically pissing his pants. For a bully, he was the biggest coward I’d ever seen.

I didn’t mention Mom because there was no need to. He didn’t bother denying it, knowing I would figure it out. He raised both hands in the air and started to plead for his life. “I’m sorry…”

“Did Mom say that before you killed her? Did you give her mercy?”

He continued to shake, unable to stand still.

“I won’t grant mercy to someone who doesn’t give it.” I cocked the gun.

“Please don’t.” Tears bubbled in his eyes.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy this.

“I…” He flinched slightly then gripped his chest. He took a deep breath but didn’t seem to get enough air. Then he fell back on the floor, convulsing as if he was having a seizure.

I lowered the gun.

His eyes remained wide and open, but eventually they became lifeless. His hand still covered his heart, and he started to foam at the mouth.

He was having a heart attack.

I should have called 9-1-1 but I didn’t reach for the phone. I stood over him and watched him die, seeing him suffer in his last moments of life. Francesca was right when she said I didn’t have to pull the trigger. If I did, I would be a murderer. But to stand by and refuse to help him just made me negligent.

When his body finally stopped moving and his eyes glazed over from death’s presence, I knew he was really gone. I kneeled down and examined him, seeing the foam drip from his mouth. I’d fantasized about this moment for so long, but I didn’t feel the way I assumed I would. There was no joy or the ecstasy of sweet revenge.

I felt nothing.

***

My mind was in a daze all the way back to my hotel room. I couldn’t get the picture of him out of my head, lying there like a worthless excuse for a human being. The sight of the gun made him panic and induced a heart attack.

How pathetic was that?

It was a death worthy of a coward, and was better than taking a bullet right between the eyes. Now that he was gone, I expected to feel free, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. But nothing had changed. I was exactly the same man.

My mom was still gone. Nothing would bring her back or give her the life she deserved. If only I did that sooner, Mom would have lived out the rest of her life. The regret was killing me inside.

When I walked into my room, I’d forgotten about Francesca. My mind was in a whirlwind of emotions.

She was sitting on the bed, and she jumped up the moment I walked inside. Instead of looking scared, she seemed relieved I returned. She didn’t ask if I killed him. All she did was stare.

“Why are you still here?”

She rose from the bed, her arms across her chest.

Why wouldn’t she just leave me alone? “Just go.”

“Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because I want to be alone,” I snapped. “I already said that.”

“I understand you’re in pain right now, but let me carry it with you. We’re a team, Hawke. Don’t carry this by yourself.”

“I want to carry it by myself.” I tossed the gun on the table then sat in the chair beside it. “I’m sick of listening to you talk. My mom just died and all you care about is yourself. You want me to pay attention to you and kiss the ground you walk on. Get over yourself.”

She didn’t move from her spot on the floor. “No, not at all. I just don’t want you to alienate yourself from everyone because you assume you don’t deserve our love and support. How many times do I have to tell you that you aren’t your father? There’re only so many ways I can say it.”

I held my hands together and stared at the floor. “He’s dead.” I was indifferent to the revelation.

“What? How?”

I looked up at her with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean how?” I went over there with a gun. What did she think happened?

“I know you didn’t kill him so what happened?”

How did she know that? Did she follow me? It just pissed me off that she knew me so well. “What makes you so certain I didn’t put a bullet in his head?”

“Because I know you, Hawke. You wouldn’t do that.”

I eyed the gun on the table and felt the suspicion cloud over. I snatched it then opened the barrel.

There were no bullets.

“You took them out when I was sleeping.” I should have known she would pull a stunt like this.

“I knew you wouldn’t need them.”

I threw the gun on the floor. “You have a lot of nerve.”

“I was protecting you from yourself.”

“If you knew I wasn’t going to kill him, why did you take the bullets?” I knew I had her there.

“Accidents happen. What if he grabbed the gun and shot you instead?”

I wanted to scream. “Get the hell out of my room. I’m sick of talking to you and looking at you. Just go.”

“I’m not leaving.” She sat at the edge of the bed. “You aren’t alone in this no matter how much you want to be.”

“Then I’ll leave.” I stood up and headed to the door.

“Hawke, what’s your problem?” She stood up and rested her arms by her sides. “It’s me. Why aren’t you coming to me? Why aren’t you letting me comfort you? Why are you pushing me away?” Tears bubbled in her eyes.

“Because we both know I don’t deserve it. We both know I’m not good enough for you. We both know that this relationship was doomed to fail from the very beginning. We’re from different worlds. I’m a violent man with a temper I can’t control. Ten years down the road, you’re going to be buried six feet under—because of me.” I got in her face, ignoring the tears that started to leak down her cheeks. “Let’s stop pretending this is going to last forever. We’re done—for good.”

Heartbreak

Francesca

I met up with Axel and Marie in their room.

“How is he?” Marie immediately asked.

Axel was sitting at the edge of the bed when I walked inside. He jumped up and came right at me. “Did you calm him down?”

I looked at Marie. “He’s terrible.” Then I turned to Axel. “And no.”

Marie deflated like a balloon. “He’s taking this really hard.”

“I get he’s struggling but acting like an asshole isn’t okay.” Axel was turning into the protective older brother I didn’t miss.

“He said we’re done.” My body was numb from our last conversation. He actually bought a gun to murder his own father. I knew he wouldn’t do it but I removed the bullets just in case. I couldn’t let him suffer for the rest of his life for something he couldn’t take back.

“What?” Marie blurted. “He broke up with you?”

“What the hell?” Axel said. “You can’t be serious.”

I nodded. “I tried to be there for him but he didn’t want it. The harder I push, the more he lashes out.”

Marie came to my side and hugged me. “God, this is a nightmare.”

Axel started to pace, his arm folded across his chest. “I’m gonna kick his ass.”

“Just leave him alone,” I said. “He didn’t mean it.”

“He didn’t?” Marie asked.

“He’s just upset.” I walked away from her and sat at the edge of the bed. “Anytime his family comes up, he pushes me away. He thinks he’s just like his father, which he’s not. He gets lost all over again.”

“I get that,” Axel said. “But he can’t just dump you every time things get hard.”

I hated to remind him of the past but I had to. “Axel, when Dad shot himself, you were out of your mind. You were angry and bitter for a very long time. To this day, you still aren’t the way you used to be. I changed too, and it took me a really long time to find myself again. Then when Hawke left me, I took a turn for the worse and tried to OD on painkillers. When tragedy strikes, we all do things we wish we could take back.”

Axel dropped his argument because he knew I was right.

“Right now, we just need to be there for Hawke in whatever way he’ll allow us to. We’ll go to the funeral and be by his side. When he comes out of his funk, we’ll know.”

“So, you don’t think he meant to end things with you?” Axel asked.

“No, of course not.” Hawke would never do that to me. I was the only family he had left. He loved me more than life itself. “He just needs some time to get through this. We all grieve differently. The guy just lost his mother, and even though he hated him, he lost his father too.”

“Whoa, what?” Marie asked. “When did his father die?”

“Did Hawke kill him?” Axel asked.

I wouldn’t tell either one of them about Hawke’s darkest moment. “No. He had a heart attack.”

“Oh…” Axel rubbed the back of his head. “That’s a lot of emotional garbage to take at once.”

“No wonder why he snapped,” Marie said.

“So, just let Hawke yell if he needs to yell.” Even though Hawke said a lot of unforgivable things, I would let it go because I knew what it was like to lose both parents—at the same time. “Let him do whatever he wants to get through this. It’s not about us right now. It’s about him.”

***

The funeral was held in a big white church near the coast. I went there a few times with Yaya on Easter. Hawke couldn’t have picked a better place to have the ceremony.

When we walked into the church, he was already there. He was sitting in the front row next to the aisle. A few other people were scattered around in the rows, but it was a relatively small crowd.

“We’ll sit back here.” Axel grabbed Marie’s hand and took her down a row.

I took a deep breath then walked to the front, hoping Hawke would want me beside him. I bought a black dress at the mall along with some heels because I didn’t bring extra clothes with me. When I came to his side, he slowly looked up at me.

The brutality wasn’t in his eyes anymore. But there wasn’t joy either. He stared at me like I was a random person, someone he didn’t know and had no interest in knowing. His indifference was worse than any insult.

“May I join you?” I suspected he would say no, maybe even tell me off.

He slid one seat over, allowing me to have the aisle. He didn’t look at me anymore, and not once did he speak.

I sat beside him and crossed my legs. Instead of grabbing his hand like I normally would, I sat still. The locket he gave me hung from my throat, and I hoped seeing it would bring him back to me. He was in a thick fog, lost like a hound abandoned on the side of the road during winter’s night.

He held the pamphlet in his hand, and it was crinkled from gripping it so tightly. No one else sat in the row beside him, meaning he was the last family member she had.

“I’m here if you need me.” I didn’t need to say those words, but he needed to hear them.

He stared straight ahead and watched the casket. It was pristine white with gold trimming. Flowers were displayed on top of the casket. It wasn’t an open viewing, probably because she was too beat up to show her face. Everything was of the greatest elegance. Hawke did everything he could to give her a beautiful funeral.

The pastor approached the podium then began the ceremony.

***

When it was Hawke’s turn to speak, he walked up to the podium and pulled his speech out of his pocket. His face was emotionless, like the funeral and his mother’s passing didn’t bother him in the least. He was numb, unable to feel anything whatsoever. He cleared his throat and stared at his speech.

I suspected he would tell everyone the truth of what happened, that his mom wasn’t some clumsy woman that didn’t know how to take the stairs one at a time. He would tell the world what really happened, that her life was taken away by an abuser. If that were what he wanted to do, I wouldn’t advise him otherwise.

“When I was ten years old, I wanted to dress up as a cone head for Halloween.” Hawke looked down at his paper as he spoke. “I wanted to be something different than all the other kids, and I wanted to be funny. But we didn’t have a lot of money at the time and my family simply couldn’t afford it. My dad told me I had to be something else, preferably something I could make out of cardboard. I was upset I didn’t get my way but I understood it was a lost battle. I decided not to go trick-or-treating with my friends at all.

“Little did I know, my mom had been working endlessly to make a cone head costume for me. She had a few friends from her arts and crafts class help her out. Together, they made the perfect cone head costume—and it cost her three bucks. The day she gave it to me, I jumped around and screamed. I couldn’t believe she did that for me—and spent so much time trying to make it happen. I didn’t care that we didn’t have a lot of money. All I cared about was having a mom that was willing to give her son anything—not matter how much time it took.”

I covered my lips with my fingers because I felt them quiver. My eyes watered at the story, picturing Hawke as a little boy with his friends. The only time I spoke to his mother was that one instance when she found shelter at his apartment. Now I wish I knew her better—that I could have heard these stories from her.

“That was the kind of mom she was,” Hawke continued. “She did everything for me, sometimes packing a chocolate pudding in my sack lunch just to surprise me. While I only know her as my mom, I know she was something different to the rest of you. She was a friend, a relative, and so much more. Now that she’s gone, my life feels empty, like there’s something missing. But I’ll try to remember that her spirit lives on in me. In my heart, I can feel her. And I’ll always feel her.” He folded up the speech then sighed into the microphone. “Thank you.” He left the podium then returned to the seat beside me. His face was still stoic, hiding everything deep inside. There was a war raging inside him but he kept it buried within.

I sniffed before I grabbed his hand, suddenly feeling empty. I’d never know my future mother-in-law as well as I wished I did. It was a shame to lose the opportunity.

Hawke didn’t pull his hand away but he didn’t reciprocate either. Cold and distant, he let his fingers lay there. It was like he wasn’t holding my hand at all—just letting me hold it for him.

***

They placed her casket into the ground, and everyone took handfuls of dirt and sprinkled it on top as they passed. Quiet prayers were whispered under their breaths before they walked away.

People mingled for a few minutes before they left and headed to the wake at the city center. Marie, Axel, and I waited at the gravesite until everyone else was gone. Hawke was still there, standing alone at the grave. His hands were in his pockets and he stared into the hole, seeing the beautiful white casket covered with pieces of moist dirt.

Axel turned to me. “What do we do?”

“You guys can go. I’m going to stay here until he leaves.”

Marie gave me a sad look, clearly wishing she could do something more. “Call us if you need us.”

“I will.”

They left the gravesite without speaking to Hawke, assuming he didn’t want to speak to them anyway.

I slowly walked across the grass, making sure the heels of my shoes didn’t puncture the soft ground. Hawke didn’t look at me or acknowledge me in any way. It was like I wasn’t there at all.

I came to his side but refrained from touching him. All I wanted to do was comfort him, to let him cry on my shoulder and release all his pain. I knew he was dying inside, unable to handle all the loss and regret.

I wished I could say the right thing, something to lift his spirits. But there was nothing, no matter how good, that I could say to change this situation.

“They were going to have my father buried on top of my mother.” It was the first time he spoke to me since he screamed at me a few days prior. “I said no. I told them to cremate him and sprinkle his ashes on dog shit.”

I didn’t flinch at his ferocity because I expected it.

“So, she’ll be buried alone.”

My silence was my only response.

He grabbed a handful of dirt then tossed it on top of the casket. “I’m sorry, Mother.” He turned away and left the gravesite, not waiting for me to walk with him. His hands were in his pockets, and he walked with a straight back despite the baggage he carried.

And I watched him go.