We Float Upon a Painted Sea (39 page)

“You got that speech from the Discovery channel didn’t you? I watched that too.” Bull nodded his head sheepishly and then said,

“So much has happened recently and it’s confusing, but my eyes have been opened. I’ve had time to consider my beliefs and feelings while being marooned on a raft. I realise how fragile we are and how easy it is to get caught up in the small and insignificant problems when there are more crucial things at stake.” Saffron smiled thinly. She sat down and picked a blue liverwort flower and rotated it between her thumb and forefinger. Bull’s eyes were transfixed by the spinning flower to a point where he almost felt hypnotised. Saffron broke the spell by saying,

“It’s better when you say it in your own words rather than reciting another, but I understand. We all follow our own path but along the line we come to a junction and need to make a decision.”

“I’ve missed your metaphors Saffron.”

“I’ve missed your bullshit!” Bull smiled nervously and then swallowed deeply. His voice became brittle.

“I’m sorry about your father, Saffron. One of the Elves told me he was on the Andrea Starlight when it sunk and that he was the unconscious man we couldn’t identify on the life raft. We thought his name was Malcolm…”

“Of course,” said Saffron interrupting, “It wasn’t your fault. You’ve been through so much lately. Not to sound heartless, but my natural father was never part of my life. I never really knew him.” Bull stretched his hand out to comfort Saffron, but she pulled away, but Saffron continued to smile. Bull said,

“I understand you’re still upset about me lying to you. I want to explain. I want to tell you everything.

“All in good time, come on we need to keep moving.”

Bull contemplated how his actions, single mindedness and warped logic had brought his life to a standstill, and brought pain to others. He desperately wanted to explain his feelings to Saffron, how he had been blind and had led a self-absorbed existence, but ultimately he had unravelled the complexity of his life after coming to terms with his faults. He wanted to explain to her that doors in his mind had been opened and she had shone a light in. She had helped him conquer his myopic view of the world. He wanted to describe the revolution and subsequent coup d’etat that had occurred within his mind. He would declare that his brain was under new management. Saffron started walking again and Bull followed. She said,

“The beard really suits you. It makes you appear more…”

“Intellectual?” offered Bull rubbing his chin and grinning.

“I was going to say masculine. And you’ve lost weight since I last saw you. What’s your secret?”

“I discovered this new diet where you get marooned on a life raft for a week and eat only raw fish and dried prunes.” Saffron’s emerging smile quickly faded. She studied his appearance and said,

“You poor thing, this must be awful for you.”

“I’ve had better weeks. It’s been a strange old time. I think I’ve developed narcolepsy. I sleep a lot these days. It comes on all of a sudden and when I wake I’m unsure if I’m still dreaming or not.”

Saffron stared at him curiously. “You do seem different,” she said, “calmer, at one with yourself.” Bull wanted to look into her eyes again, but all he could see was his own reflection against her sunglasses. He continued to follow her until they reached the Radar complex. There were several cabins dotted around the site but Saffron headed along a gravel path and towards the largest one. Before darkness descended, Bull stopped to take in the view. He breathed in the salt air and studied the green island sloping towards the cliff and the island of Boreray in the distance. Finally, he picked up Saffron’s trail towards the cabin.

Saffron switched on a light and a laboratory illuminated. Bull said,

“Why did you stay on the island? Why didn’t you escape?”

“When we were hit by the wave, I got off the ship just in time, but I couldn’t convince anyone else to join me. It was hell and everyone was in the panic. Three members of our crew died, the rest that survived were picked up by the Coast Guard, but when the MoDs showed up even they were taken into custody. I managed to escape, with some assistance from the local islanders. They wanted to smuggle me back to the mainland on a Lobster boat, but I decided to stay on the island, and with their help I’ve been hiding out in cleits and abandoned cottages. Eventually, I decided to give myself up so I walked up to the military communications installation and found it abandoned. And then I came across this laboratory.”

“Why have you put yourself in so much danger?”

“I couldn’t leave when I found out they were planning another wave. I couldn’t let them get away with it again. I need to upload all this data. It’s almost done. Then I will leave.”

“You can’t stop them on your own Saffron. I’ve met some people on the island, they’re just like you and they are also trying to end this. Why not come and meet them?” Saffron ignored his question. She was engrossed with the markings on a control panel. She said,

“Before he was taken, my father was working on a computer virus that can disable the prophylaxis trident satellites. The authorities have been trying to acquire the virus, but it’s been under their nose all this time.”

“Before you say anymore Saffron, there’s something I need to tell you. I need to explain some things, things that might come as a shock.” Saffron swallowed hard and then said,

“I know what you are going to say, let me make it easier for you. You are a MoDs Filter. Three years ago, you were sent to spy on me because of the Government project my father was working on.”  Bull’s eyebrows narrowed and then he buried his head in his hands. Eventually, he found the strength to look at Saffron. He said,

“It’s true, but I didn’t know about your father. I didn’t even know he existed. I don’t work for them anymore, you do know that don’t you? They threatened my family, they said they would destroy them if I didn't cooperate. They said that all I needed to do get to know you, nothing more. I think they believed you were involved with an eco-terrorist group, but the deeper I got the more I realised that it was all lies. You helped me see that. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or lead you on. How long have you known?”

“I’ve always known.”

“I don’t follow you.”

“The ELF hacked into the MoDs mainframe about three years ago and extracted a list of Filters. You were on that list. I was asked to make you an
object of desire
and feed you useless information.”

Bull put his head back in his hands and thought back to when he had met Saffron at Kelvingrove Park in Glasgow, and how the process had coalesced so swiftly. Initially, his intentions were to locate Saffron and join her environmental group, and over time, try to get to know her intimately. Paradoxically, it was he who had been cursively written into her plans, and not the other way round. Hadn't Deirdre even suspected something, he thought, that he and Saffron were a mismatch. Bull said,

“Why didn’t we have this conversation three years ago? We could have worked things out.” Saffron cast her mind back to the day she had volunteered for the job, thinking she could handle the pressure and keep up the charade, but she had got lost along the way. Finally, she said,

“You’re right, if only we had this conversation sooner, Faerrleah.”

“Even though you knew who I worked for?”

“It was hard at first. To be honest, at first I couldn't bear to touch you. Having sex with you made me wretch, but only because of who I thought you were. It became obvious that your heart wasn’t in it. Before our Filters inside the MoDs were exposed and arrested, they were telling us that no information was coming in from you. I did grow to love you once I fully understood.”

“I don’t think you do fully understand, I wasn’t supposed to send information to the MoDs. That’s not how it worked. You get
sieved
.”

“I know that now. They conduct a brain scan - a FMRI, a functioning magnetic resonance imager. It scans the hippocampus and produces neural-images that you have collected over the years.”

“I don’t think what’s left in my brain would be much use to them - it went to mush after you left me. I still can’t figure out why you left. I thought it was because of Maurice, but Aisha told me…”

“Aisha? When did you see Aisha?” Saffron refocused and her voice was cold and unemotional. Bull said,

“It was about a year after you left. She came round to the narrowboat for dinner.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened. Well, I think I might have tried to…”

“That’s not what I mean. Aisha is a Filter like you, she’s also on that list. If she was on the narrowboat then…”

“What?”

“How long did she stay and what did you do? I need to know everything.”

“We drank, well I drank and she sniffed vodka and some herb from a glass bowl and then she left after I tried to kiss her.”

“ “And then what happened?”

“Later, I tried to find the empty glass bowl which was rolling around on deck, but I ended up falling into the canal.”

“Were you ill?”

Not to my knowledge, but I banged my head and I might have lost a couple of days somewhere. That reminds me, I finally met your mother, the following day, I told her about it.” Saffron shook her head and said,

“You've never met my mother, Faerrleah.”

“I did, she came round to the narrowboat, the next day, or the following day. I can't remember exactly.” Saffron became reacquainted with their predicament. She was momentarily distracted when the control panel sparked into life. She started reading a digital file on the visual display. Eventually, she said,

“You’ve already been sieved Faerrleah, but I didn’t realise Aisha had anything to do with it. It changes things.” Bull shot her a quizzical look and then he rubbed his head with splayed fingers. He began to breathe heavily. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to handle any further mysteries. His heart began to race. Saffron continued reading and without looking up from the visual display, she said,

“Try to remain calm. Your heart rate and blood pressure is up.”

“How do you know that?” Saffron ignored Bull’s question and said,

“It must have been after you fell into the canal. That would account for Aisha being there and you thinking you had lost time and the subsequent hallucinations. We got wind of your type, but I never thought you were one until I took a blood and semen sample, we thought this technology was years down the line.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Saffron. What type?”

“The bastards didn’t tell you. They call you SELF’s.”

“What’s a SELF?”

“A Synthetically Engineered Life Form. I’m sorry, Faerrleah. I didn’t realise you were unaware, that they didn’t tell you before sending you out into the field. The others don’t know?” Bull moaned,

“What others. I don’t understand. You need to explain. I can’t read, my eyes can’t focus in this darkness.” Saffron explained,

“You were part of a nano-scale engineering and genome manipulation project. I think the best way to describe you is a
de novo
human – it started out way back at the beginning of the century. Scientists were creating synthetic viruses in laboratories but then the technology developed and soon they were manipulating human cells using nanotechnology. They were supposed to be using the technology to process protein-based drugs for the fight against hemorrhagic viruses and cancer, but the military took over the research and the bastards replicated the synthetic DNA of a human, but where human’s have a restricted genetic alphabet, the SELF subjects have genetically expanded alphabets making them superior…”

“What’s superior about me?” said Bull, his breathing getting heavier.

“I think you were a new prototype - not the finished article, so they used you for undercover surveillance, rather than military operations. According to your file, you have olfactory abilities to detect pheromones and your cells heal faster than normal... Sorry I didn't mean to say that.”

“Its alright, I understand.”

“You started to malfunction and rebel against your genetic programming, even before I even met you. I know this now.”

Bull looked at Saffron through glazed eyes. His mind was finding the revelations incomprehensible. Her words were indigestible to his brain. He wanted to embrace her. He had fantasised about this moment for a long time. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and bury his head in her hair. He moved towards her. Saffron said,

“I don’t think that is a good idea right now. You best stay back Faerrleah.” Bull proceeded to walk towards her, but a humming noise rattled the metal cabin.

“Another reconnaissance drone,” said Saffron. Bull stumbled around repeatedly saying,
I don’t understand
, over and over again. Saffron could see that he was becoming distressed and confused. She wanted to calm him down. Finally, the drone left and the noise abated. Saffron said,

“What are your first memories Faerrleah?” Bull’s head twitched erratically. He found it difficult for his eyes to focus on anything.

“Eh?”