Way Out of Control (8 page)

After working late into the evening in another lab in the hospital on her own, Celise finally decided that depriving herself of both food and sleep was unproductive. At a minimum, she needed to allow herself one or the other. She thought about the cafeteria food and decided that sleep would be far more satisfying.

She couldn’t wait to get to her room and take off those heels and her uncomfortable clothes. Why did she bother to continue to dress so nicely for work anyways, when no one was there to see her but three people? Was she really such a silly female as to want to dress up for Jaxon? The man’s wardrobe these days consisted of mostly sweats pants and t-shirts anyway.

When she got to the room she’d claimed, she found Jaxon already inside. He was on the floor doing pushups at about two reps a second, his face like chiseled stone in concentration. She stood there in the doorway and watched him until his eyes seemed to refocus, and he finally stopped and stood up.

“You don’t look very cheerful,” she said. “I take it your swim didn’t help much?”

“That was hours ago.”

“Understood. What are you feeling right now?”

“Anger.”

“Ah. Listen, what Victor said earlier –”

“Fuck what Victor said.” A vein on the side of Jaxon’s neck pulsated. “More than what either of those sorry assed doctors have to say, more than Victor’s slimly assed hands on your ass, I’m pissed at me.
Me
.”

Celise blinked. “Yourself?”

“Yeah, myself. I’ve ruined my life by being too impatient to wait for my body to heal on its own, by not accepting my limitations and just getting on with my life. I had to go and volunteer for this bullshit, not fully understanding the potential to screw myself in the process.”

“Screw yourself, how exactly?”

“You know how!” He bellowed. “I can’t go to work looking like this! Everyone will think I’m on steroids or something. And I can barely keep myself from strangling the throat of a wimpy scientist. How will I ever restrain myself from killing a cold criminal? Then there are relationships.” He laughed, but it was more in frustration than amusement. “I can forget ever having a normal relationship with anybody again. No job, no girl, no life. I fucked myself.”

“Well. If I’m not mistaken, haven’t you been paid quite healthily for your participation? I don’t think you even still need to work, if you invest it properly.”

“I’m a cop, Celise. Do you know what we do and what we get paid? I don’t work this job for the
money
. I do it to keep asshats off the streets. To protect people who need protection, to save lives. Now I’ve ruined mine.”

Celise swallowed the small lump of pride that had swelled in her throat. “There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a better man, Jaxon. To be your old self again so you can do a job that means so much to you.”

“But my method of improvement was wrong.”

“Part of science is getting it wrong so you can learn how to get it right.”

“Then I should have left it to nature instead of science.”

Celise put her hands on her hips and twisted her mouth. “Right. Because nature
always
gets it right.”

He snorted, but didn’t reply.

“I have an idea about helping you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Just you?”

She cleared her throat. “Yeah, about an hour after you walked out, I left them to continue with their thing while I began working on a little hypothesis of my own.”

“Which is?”

“I think I can numb you.”

“Like with the tranquilizer?”

“Not physically, emotionally. With an emotion suppressor I made using a mixture of serotonin inhibitors.”

He stared at her blankly. “You mean like Paxil?”

“Something like that.”

“You want to counter the drugs that affected my emotions with more drugs that will affect them.”

“More like try to tone them down a bit.”

Jaxon shoved his hands through his hair. “I don’t have a problem with what I feel. They are mine, I can accept that now. It’s how I react to it that’s the problem.”

“I understand that. I’ve already concluded as much. Your emotions are real; they are your genuine feelings. The problem is their intensity. That’s why you’re having a hard time handling them—they’re yours, but they’re out of control.”

“Way out of control.”

“So I was thinking taking something to suppress them a bit might help you.”

“Might?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly have anyone to test it on. But I believe the odds are high that it will work.”

Jaxon exhaled deeply and looked away for a moment, silent. When he spoke again, he sounded sad, tired. “I’m not sure I want to be another test subject for yet another drug. Not even a drug created and administered by you, Celise. I just want a cure, an antidote to the Titan Formula. Don’t they need an antidote? Why would they create something like this without one?”

“It’s not a disease, Jaxon. It was meant to act as an enhancement.”

“It’s not an enhancement, it’s a mutation. Like a virus. Like a cancer.”

“Not at all like a cancer. If this worked right it’d be a scientific achievement.”

“The science is faulty and dangerous, and it should have a way to be ejected in the event of an emergency. Some way to take it all back if things go wrong.”

“No. Science should never be abandoned, only studied and improved.”

“Sometimes getting rid of it
is
an improvement,” Jaxon insisted.

Celise rolled her eyes and shook her head, feeling her face grow hot. “It’s never the science that’s bad. It’s the people behind it that can ruin it all, with their hidden agendas and secret objectives. With their dishonesty and secrecy.”

“What are you mumbling on about?”

“And you,” she continued, finding it uneasy to stop ranting once she started. “You’re a grown man. Have any of you men stopped to think—during your hunt for the ultimate form of masculinity—that it would be a good idea to thoroughly analyze what the consequences might be of trying to be a physical model of macho intimidation before you got involved with it?”

Jaxon raised an eyebrow and blinked at her. “Okay, you’re obviously ticked. I’m not sure if it’s directed solely at me or not, but you seem to be looking for a fight. And I don’t think it’s a good idea to pick one with me.”

“Why not?”

“Because –”

“Because you’re so big and scary?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Well you don’t scare me, Jaxon.”

“I don’t?”

“No, you don’t.”

He laughed. “I wonder if this is what arguing with you would have been like if I’d been able to convince you to date me.”

With her frustration fading a bit, Celise smirked and looked around the room. “You’re in my bedroom, and you’re the first man to do so in almost a year. We might as well be dating.”

He shook his head. “No. If we were dating
and
arguing in your bedroom, we’d be having makeup sex.”

“Or making out, at least,” she found herself saying. She approached him, put her hands on his chest and looked all the way up into his golden eyes. “Too bad we aren’t dating, huh?”

“It’s a good thing we’re not dating, right now at least, while I’m like this.”

“Why not? What difference does it make?”

“Look at me.”

“I am.” She slid her hands further down his bare chest, touching the big, rippling muscles there, finding herself moving them down his waist. “You’re still the same man I first met three and a half months ago. Just bigger and a little more in-tune with his emotions.”

“And now I’m a monster.”

“You’re still a man. I can prove it.” She kicked off the uncomfortable shoes she’d been wearing all day, pushed off her lab coat, then stripped off her blouse and pants. With her purple satin underwear on and nothing else, she walked over to where he stood, watching her with a dark and dangerous look in his eyes. She turned around and pressed her back against him, rubbing her bottom against his crotch.

He let out a soft growl in warning. “Please, don’t do that.”

Celise knew full well what she was starting, knew full well the potential consequences, but she had a theory to prove, a point to make.

“It's good practice for your self-control. Or whatever semblance of self-control a
man
would have, anyways.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You keep calling yourself a monster, saying you’re not a normal man. But I don’t know many guys that deny themselves sexual pleasure when it’s freely offered by someone they want. You’ve exhibited more self-control than most men, yet you claim the very opposite.”

She heard him sigh deeply, felt him grow stiff and thick against her bottom. “You have no idea how hard it is to keep myself in check.”

“Then don’t,” she said. “I’m here in your arms, nearly naked, tempting you. A normal, available man wouldn’t
try to resist. He’d let himself give in to his desires.”

At that point Jaxon seized her from behind, his big hands clutching her breasts, and Celise held her breath, anxiously awaiting his next move. He continued to cup her breasts and held them firmly, but didn’t fondle her. The hairs on the nape of her neck stood as she felt him lean forward and lower his face to her, his breath hot and expanding upon her skin. She felt him shudder against her, but he mostly stayed still.

“It’s not unnatural to want this,” she said softly. “Just let yourself go.”

A short, deep sound came from him, but then he pushed down the fabric of her bra and pulled out her double Ds, baring them to the air. First he just caressed them, filled his hands with them and squeezed gently. Then the intensity of his groping and the roughness of his hands increased until he was manipulating her breasts, squishing them, pulling them, his fingers tweaking her nipples until they were so stiff and large that they stung.

His teeth came down on the back of her neck, just above her shoulder, and she exhaled in a long, high-shrill of a sigh as he nibbled her along her neck, each bite harder than the previous. The sensation took Celise somewhere between pleasure and pain and she trembled in his hold. His thick, firm lips went over the path he’d created with his teeth, now soothing with kisses. Then he repeated, alternating between nearly hurting her and then soothing her until she whimpered and buckled underneath him.

He guided her to the bed and pushed her forward with his weight, trapping her face first upon the bed underneath his body. Even through his pants she could clearly feel how hard, thick and long he was as he rubbed himself against her bottom, his breath and mouth still on the back of her neck and his thick fingers unhooking her bra.

Celise arched into him, giving him access to grind against her lace-covered sex more fully, and the sensation was so intense she felt herself immediately soak her panties. Jaxon yanked off the damp fabric from between her legs and flipped her around so fast her loose bra flew off. She barely had time to comprehend the fact she was now completely naked in front him, when he grabbed her by a leg and pulled it up against his shoulder and held it there with one hand. This position left her body tilted away from him at an angle, her ass hovering in the air, her sex opened and exposed to him, her breasts nearly blocking the view of his determined face.

She gasped out loud and then squeezed her eyes shut, biting her bottom lip to try to keep herself from yelping as he slid one of his large fingers into her. It was just a finger,
one finger
he had in her, and yet it provided so much needed heat and friction, so much fulfillment. He fingered her fast, hard and deep, pumping his middle-finger in and out, his knuckle bumping into her clitoris each time he re-entered, sending her into a melting mess of madness. She opened her eyes briefly to examine him—saw the look of near animalistic possessiveness that he wore as he watched her while he fucked her with this hand—and wished she hadn’t looked.

She didn’t want it to end, it felt so damn good. She wasn’t ready to orgasm yet. But it was too late. She was dissolving into a trillion molecules.

Jaxon tried to be as gentle as he could, but he knew he was fingering Celise something fierce. He made his eyes focus on her face, to try to gauge if he was being too rough or too fast for her. She opened her eyes then, and the look behind them confused him—it was as if she was looking into him, reading his soul. And then she came so hard on his finger, clenching at him, gushing so hot and wet and tight upon him that he almost came himself. She was still convulsing when he shoved down his pants and freed his dick, feeling the pre-cum on the tip.

He was so damn hard, so damn turned on, it hurt like hell. A vision kept replaying itself in his mind, of him inside of Celise, stretching her and pounding her hard. Now that he was intimately familiar with her body, he now knew it would take some extra effort to get himself inside her. She was so tight, and he was still not exactly experienced with working his new size, which was damn near pushing abnormal. No wonder she’d asked him to slow down the other night.

He was afraid he really
could
hurt her. And as horny as he was right now, he wasn’t so sure he could make himself move at the pace he knew he needed to without fucking her until she broke in half. He froze, keeping his body entirely still, closed his eyes and tried to count to ten.

“Jaxon?” she sat up and looked at him with those intoxicating green eyes. “What’s wrong, why did you stop?”

“That’s enough.”

“You didn’t get to come.” She reached for him, wrapped her soft hand around his throbbing dick, and he very,
very
nearly lost it. A frustrated groan escaped from his throat, but he forced himself to resist, and pried her fingers from his torture and got out of the bed.

“I think I should sleep in another room tonight.”

“Why? It’s okay, I want this, too.”

“Because I’m not myself, Celise. This isn’t me.”

“But it is, isn’t it? Just a you that’s uncensored.”

With trembling hands, he pulled up his pants. “You said you made something that might be able to suppress all of this, right?

“Well, yes, but it would suppress
every
thing. Excitement, pleasure, fear, sadness, anger, passion, joy—everything.”

“Sounds fine, I’ll try it. Just—just stay away from me until then.” Before he could change his mind, he hurried to the door and down the hall. Any room would do, but his mind was exploding with the command that he needed to keep going further; every room was too close to hers. Which contradicted with the thought that he didn’t want to be
too
far, in the case he needed her to tranquilize him.

But no matter how much distance he put between himself and her room, it did nothing to ease the distance between himself and her. He could still feel her, smell her, hear her breath as if she were right beside him. It wasn’t until he stopped at a room at the end of the hall near the stairwell to gather himself and felt her hand on his arm, did he realize his inability to escape her closeness hadn’t all been in his head. She’d been following him.

“I’m not so sure I can.” She looked up at him with serious, sensual eyes. Still completely naked.

He stared at her for a moment, then blinked . “Not sure you can what?”

“Suppress your emotions. Or leave you alone.”

He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right, agitated. He wanted to squander off somewhere, where he could kick some doors in, wreck some tables, knock around a couple of scientists for making him this way, then finally wack himself off to his wild content in peace. “Celise –”

“I have an idea for another experiment, and I believe this room has just the right equipment needed.” She gripped him by the arm and tugged him, gesturing with her head into the room he’d stopped near.

The muscles of his arm twitched where she touched, and he felt his vision go blurry with his increasing sexual frustration. She wasn’t allowing him the peace he needed to try to find release. He blew a heavy, exasperated gust of air through his nostrils. “The emotional suppressant?”

“No,” she guided him into the room, turned on the light, then closed and shut the door behind them. “I’d like you to try an emotional release.”

Those words confused him, but what he saw when he looked around the room confused him even more. The room was sparsely furnished, with just a tall cabinet with metal doors, an empty cart and a medical bed with leather straps on it. He wondered what “equipment” she thought was in this room that would help with an “emotional release”.

Jaxon glanced back at her with his head tilted in impatient confusion and barely contained restraint. “I don’t understand.”

“You’ll see. Come over here and lie upon the bed.” Her hand slid down his arm and gripped his hand as she tried to lead him. The intertwining of their fingers sent another bolt of lust through his veins that made him jerk backwards, yanking his hand from hers.

“Jaxon, if you would just lie –”

He spoke through gritted teeth. “No, you’re not getting it. I can’t lie down right now.”

“You’re not even trying.”

“I said I
can’t
!” Fury coursed through him, he balled a fist and slammed it into a wall. The drywall cracked and crumbled away under the force of his punch, leaving a hole more than twice the size of his fist. Shock at what he’d done stilled him for a moment.

Celise put a hand on his back and pushed at him until he found his feet moving. Her voice was a soothing, whispered command. “Come to the bed, Jaxon. I can help you.”

He complied, but tensed up as he was making himself horizontal. “You don’t understand how far gone I am. I’m unable to lie still right now.”

“See these straps on the side of the bed? They will help keep you still.”

He eyed the straps, then her with doubt. “They’re not going to hold me.”

“They’re reinforced leather, they should offer a bit of resistance. So long as you don’t try to fight them too hard.”

He nodded his agreement to cooperate. “Then hurry.”

He tried to stare up at the ceiling as Celise pulled the straps crisscrossed over his bare chest and secured them. The feeling of being restrained instantly created a rebellious impulse within, but he fought hard the urge to try to push himself up against them. He looked over at Celise, waiting to see what she was going to do next. When he felt her fingers undo his pants and then began tugging them down his thighs, he protested.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Just trust me.”

The issue wasn’t the lack of trust, it was the raging hard-on he still possessed, and he felt over-exposed. It took everything in him not to tear through those straps and get up from the table and cover himself. Then he laughed at himself. Seriously, after what he’d just done to her, after what she’d already seen, he was feeling
embarrassed
? Damn these emotions.

She tossed his pants upon the floor and smiled at him. The smile of a seductress.
That sexy ass doctor
. What the hell was she about to do to him with his hard dick out? He watched as she moved to the foot of the bed and climbed onto it. His heart started racing as she sat her naked ass on his legs, wrapped her hands around his dick and leaned forward.

“What the –”

The curse that came out of his mouth turned into a groan as Celise flicked her tongue around the head of his dick. She lapped at him, moving her hands around so she could lick him fully, up and down and all around until he was slippery slick.

Then her mouth was covering the head, or at least trying to. He watched as she struggled a bit, but then managed to stretch her mouth wide enough to take his girth into her mouth. She began to swallow him further, slowly at first, and he watched as most of his dick disappeared into her mouth. When she began to pull her head back up again, sucking him as she slid up to the tip, he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the bed with a growl.

She repeated this. Taking him deep into her throat, she slid her soft lips all the way down on him, caressing him, then she sucked him as she ascended, her tongue dragging along his veins, coating him with saliva and fire, then flickering around his tip.

With every nestling of his dick deep in her throat, every suckle of her mouth, every lap of her warm, wet, soft tongue made contact with his hard flesh, something inside of him grew, stretched and expanded.

Throat, suckle, lick,
expand,
throat, suckle, lick,
expand.

Jaxon feared that whatever it was, it was expanding too much and too fast, and he would soon burst apart from the inside out. Closing his eyes didn’t help, because he could so clearly hear every suck, every slurp, every gag, every gulp.

He lifted his head and looked down at Celise. Her red hair spilled all over, but he could see her lovely face over his pelvis, her pretty lips wrapped around his dick. Her large breasts were hanging over his thighs and pressing into him whenever she took him into her throat. When she looked up at him with those grey eyes and smiled with him still in her mouth, and then continued to suck him silly, the expansion within him dangerously doubled.

“Celise –” the raspy, strained sound of his voice surprised him.

She paused to reply. “Relax, and just let me. Let yourself go.” When she continued, she added her hand to the base of his dick and stroked him up and down along with the sucking motion of her mouth.

He was glad then for the restraints, because he so
wanted to grab her head and grind his pelvis against her face. Just the thought of it increased the size of the expansion enough that he knew it was coming.

The detonation was coming.

Rough, ragged, heavy sounds filled his ears. It took him a moment to realize it was his own breath that was so loud, so hard. There was tension in his toes and fingers, and he curled all twenty of them as tight as he could, bracing himself for the impact. The clenching began in his testicles, then exploded up and out of his dick with a bang, rippling up his gut and splintering through his torso and out to his limbs. The cry that escaped his throat was deep, hoarse and sounded more like pain than the pleasured relief he felt. He convulsed as he spilled into Celise’s mouth, which didn’t release him until he cried, “Enough, stop.”

The impact of the blow lingered within and around him for minutes, but when the clouds finally cleared he felt a wave of peaceful calm blanket him.

Calm. Like he was himself again.

At some point Celise got up and returned to the bed with a blanket, and snuggled up against him, practically on top of him in the narrow bed.

“Feel better?”

“Hell yes.”

“Good. See, I told you it would work. Now, let’s go to sleep.”

“Um, aren’t you going to untie me?”

She grinned wickedly at him. “No. I rather like the way you look all tied down and naked, unable to resist anything I do to you.”

“Dr. Belderon!”

Celise laughed. “Besides, I have a feeling that those restraints wouldn’t really hold you if you didn’t want them to.” She pulled the blanket up over them both and nestled her head against his shoulder, her hands playing with the tuffs of hair on his chest that poked around the straps.

Damn, I love this woman
, he sleepily thought to himself, smiling.

And that’s when he knew just how far gone he really was.