Watch Over Me (23 page)

"So what happened? I know your dad kind of sucks. Or at least he used to. He seems
pretty cool to me, but I don't know him that well aside from working with him the
last few weeks," Meg says with a shrug.

I don't even hesitate to tell her my story. I owe her an explanation so she understands
that I used to be a better person and that I'm trying to get that back, little by
little.

I tell her about losing my mom, but I don't go into too many details. It doesn't seem
right to focus too much on my problems when she's the one in the hospital, but I still
want her to understand. She had an inkling about my dad from bits and pieces of conversations
she overheard in the last year, but she never wanted to pry so she never came right
out and asked.

After I unload on her, Meg and I talk more about her parents, and she promises me
that she will talk to me whenever she is feeling guilty or depressed. No more pills,
no more drowning in sorrow alone. We are
both
going to be better friends to each other and I feel hopeful that both of our futures
look brighter.

Meg asks about Zander, and I can't hide the blush from my cheeks or the smile from
my face. She knows just from the look on my face what happened last night and lets
out an ear-piercing scream that causes several nurses to come running. After we finish
convincing them that everything is fine and burst into a fit of giggles when they
leave, I hesitate to ask for advice. Even though I don't want to burden Meg with my
problems, she insists that I do. She needs something else to focus on aside from her
own problems, and I guess she's right. I realize that sitting here in the hospital,
talking to her for over an hour, that even though I'm dredging up old memories and
problems and talking about current ones, the feeling of dread that usually pools in
my stomach isn't there. I'm comfortable talking to Meg, and it feels very good to
have another girl to talk to. I love Zander and I know I can talk to him about anything,
but there's just something different about having a girlfriend to confide in.

"I told him I love him," I tell her sheepishly.

"Oh, holy shit, this is serious. More serious than giving up your V-card."

I smack her on the arm and tell her to keep her voice down when a nurse walks by and
looks in on us.

"Are we moving too fast? It's too fast, isn't it? I feel like everyone is looking
at us like we're crazy. And my dad isn't too fond of him. God knows why," I complain
with a roll of my eyes.

"I hate when people say that to someone else. 'Oh my, they got married too soon,'
or 'But they haven't even known each other that long.' What business is it of theirs
to judge
your
relationship? Only the two of you know what's right or what's wrong. I know for a
fact that you wouldn't have had sex with someone if you didn't trust them completely.
And I've seen the way he looks at you and the way he takes care of you; his eyes follow
you everywhere making sure you're okay. No one can tell you whether you're moving
too fast or too slow. You're moving at exactly the right speed for the two of you
and that's all that matters."

When Meg finishes up, I stare at her in shock, surprised by her insight.

"How the hell did you get so smart?"

She shrugs and gives me a cocky smile. "It's easy fixing other people's problems.
It's my own that can suck it."

We talk for a few more minutes, and when I'm confident that she's going to be okay,
I promise to call her later that evening and step out of the room so she can get some
rest before she meets with one of her shrinks.

Digging through my purse to try and locate my cell phone to text Zander, I don't pay
attention to where I'm going and run right into someone's chest.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I exclaim, looking up at a blond guy in hospital scrubs
with a stethoscope around his neck.

"It's okay. I'm good," he says with an easy smile.

"Addison? Excuse me, Addison Snow?"

I turn when one of Meg's nurses jogs up to me with my cell phone in her hand.

"You left this in Meg's room. She told me to try and catch you before you left," she
says, handing the phone over.

I thank her and she quickly walks away to go back to work.

"You're name is Addison Snow? I thought you looked familiar."

I look back at the guy I ran into, surprised that he's still standing next to me.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

He reaches up with both of his hands and fiddles with the stethoscope around his neck.
"You probably don't remember me. You were pretty out of it the last time I saw you.
You look good though. I'm glad you're doing so well. Zander said you were doing alright,
but it's nice to see it first-hand."

I stare at him in confusion, not really sure what he's talking about or when he would
have seen me last. But since he knows Zander, I'm assuming he must be a friend of
his or one of his co-workers. I can't help but smile knowing that he talks about me
to his friends.

"Do you work with Zander or something?"

He shakes his head at me, continuing to tug the ends of his stethoscope back and forth
around his neck. "No, he works down in Radiology, but we met in college. I'm an intern
in the Emergency Room, which is how I met you."

Bits and pieces of broken memories from my time in the emergency room flutter through
my mind and a chill crawls up my spine.

"I need a liter of O negative in here immediately. She's losing a lot of blood."

"Can you tell me your name? Keep your eyes open for me."

"Someone get me a pressure cuff and call the OR."

"Her name is Addison. Addison Snow and she's eighteen years old."

"Hey there, Sugar, open your eyes. Come on, open your eyes and look at me."

"BP is seventy over forty-five. I need that blood NOW!"

"Addison, hey, it's okay. Shhhh, you're okay. I'm right here, Addison."

"Man, Zander was out of control that day when you were brought in." The guy's voice
breaks through my memories, and I find it harder and harder to breathe while he continues
on. "I've known him for a lot of years, but I've never seen him that devastated or
freaked out as he was when he stopped by to talk to me and they wheeled you in. We
tried to get him to leave while we worked on you, but that guy was determined. Something
about making a promise to your mom…I don't know. He was the only one able to get you
talking, though, so we kind of had to let him stay."

I don't say one word to him in response to his story and his trip down memory lane.
I can't speak, I can't breathe, and everything around me looks blurry, and I realize
I turned away from him and began running down the halls of the hospital with tears
falling down my cheeks.

He shouts my name as I run towards the elevator, but I don't turn around or answer
him. The only thought going through my mind is that it was all a lie. Everything between
us, every moment, every touch, every word…it was all a lie.

"
People in your life will let you down sometimes. It's a fact of life, Addison. What
matters is how you handle it," Dr. Thompson explains.

The smell of hazelnut permeates the room as I watch Dr. Thompson lift her coffee cup
to her mouth and take a sip. I used to love the smell of hazelnut. My mom would buy
fresh hazelnut coffee beans and grind them herself every morning.

"Obviously, I don't know how to handle it. I'm so used to people letting me down that
I've become immune to it at this point. I expect it, it happens, and then I just move
on and never want anything more to do with them."

Dr. Thompson sets down her cup and folds her hands in her lap.

"No one is perfect. People make mistakes. Just because they hurt you doesn't mean
they don't still love you or care for you. There are lots of different reasons for
someone to make the choices they have in life. If you don't allow them to get close
to you again or try to make amends, you'll constantly find yourself alone. I don't
want you to be alone, Addison. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you
and have your best interests at heart. You used to always be able to see the good
in people. I want you to be able to get back to that point again. I want to see you
happy again. I don't feel like my work is done here until you can finally be happy
again."

Dr. Thompson didn't know me before—back when I was surrounded by people who loved
me and I didn't have a care in the world except for being young and having fun. She's
right though; I always saw the good in people first. Even if they disappointed me
in some way, I was still able to find redeeming qualities in them and still wanted
to be close to them. I forgave easily, I forgot quickly, and nothing left permanent
scars on my heart. I want to get that person back. I feel like she's just beyond my
reach. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of being stuck in sadness and depression
or moving forward with life and allowing myself to be happy. One good, strong gust
of wind could push me in either direction. Right now, it feels like my future happiness
all depends on which way the wind is blowing.

I don't knock on the door to Zander's house when I get there. He had showed me where
the spare key was a few weeks ago, so I lift up the welcome mat and pick it up off
of the porch floor, sliding it into the lock and opening the door.