Wasted (Dirty Boys of Chicago #1) (13 page)

A
fter we got back
to Xavier's apartment, I took a shower. I had to get all the disgusting feelings off of my skin. The hot water rinsed away my fear and pain. My uncle was dead. I hadn’t seen the body, but Xavier made a call on the way home for someone to clean up the mess. That meant that he had died. And I didn’t know who killed him. But I didn’t need to. Whoever had taken the shot was trying to protect me.

Somewhere deep down, I knew that Ramsey had just tried to do the same thing. But he got lost along the way. Xavier never would. He had promised me a thousand times on the ride home that nothing would ever happened to me again, and I believed him. As long as I was by Xavier’s side, I would be safe. I didn't know how I could have been so stupid to get myself into that situation.

I had almost died. And for what? The truth?

The truth wasn’t what I needed. Xavier was the only thing I needed now.

I could never walk away from the Santini family.

And I could never walk away from him.

My heart could hardly take being away from him. Xavier Santini was bad for me; he had killed my father, but I had made my choice.

Just as I was about to leave the bathroom, Xavier walked in. He was naked.

Chiseled muscles were just visible through the haze I had created with the steam from the shower. I reached out and touched them. My fingers chased a tattoo on his arm.

“You're so Goddamned beautiful. How did I ever let you go?”

“I don't know.”

I moved closer to him, and as I dropped the towel, he wrapped his arms around my naked body. “I will never make that mistake again. You are mine now.”

I nodded against his chest as he tightened his arms around me. He slowly lifted my face to his and gently placed his lips on my own. I felt my whole body melt into his. The kiss grew deeper and I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He playfully bit my bottom lip, causing a shiver to rush through my body. His arms tightened around me and he reached down and squeezed my ass in his hands. He gave it a light smack, then quickly picked me up and placed me on the bathroom countertop.

He pushed open my thighs and pulled my body close to his. He was so close to being inside me, and I wanted him there. I could feel his hard cock as I rolled my hips. His lips moved down to my neck, and I leaned my head back, loving the way that they felt on my skin. He trailed his kisses down my neck to my collarbone. I let out a slight moan and rolled my hips on his again. His lips moved down to my breasts and he captured my hard nipple in his mouth. Sparks of energy coursed through my body. His tongue flicked back and forth as his thumb and forefinger gently tugged on my other nipple.

“God, I love it when you do that.”

Xavier looked up and smiled at me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before he returned his mouth to where it was. I couldn’t get enough of Xavier’s touch. Every move of his mouth sent pulses through my body, and I couldn’t wait until he was pumping himself inside me. I tightened my legs around his waist and pressed him against my core. He stopped teasing me with his tongue and looked up at me.

“You’re already so wet. How badly do you want me inside you?”

“Oh God, so badly, Xavier.”

He grabbed himself and quickly thrust in. I let out a loud moan.

“Oh God, just like that!”

Xavier started to pump his hips back and forth as I tightened my legs around his waist. I held on to his strong shoulders as I let my back lean backwards and slightly touch the mirror behind me.

“Grab hold of me tighter,” he commanded. I tightened my legs and arms around him and he easily picked me up off the counter and turned around so that my back was hitting the opposite wall. Still holding my hips, he continued to thrust himself inside me. Most of the steam in the bathroom had cleared, and I was able to watch him over his shoulder through the mirror. It was so hot to see how easily he was able to hold me up against the wall and move his hips. I felt the pressure inside my core start to build as I closed my eyes and let Xavier consume all of my senses.

Xavier grabbed onto my legs and wrapped them around his waist tighter as he pulled my back off the wall and lay me down on the plush bathmat. Once on the ground, I spread my legs wider and pushed my hips up to meet his, making him go deeper. He held himself up on his hands just to the side, underneath my shoulders, and started to pump his hips faster. I arched my back up and let his thrusts move my entire body. He was controlling me and I loved every second of it.

My body started to shake as I reached my boiling point. I reached my arms up underneath his and grabbed on to his shoulders, slightly digging my nails into him. He leaned his head back and moved his hips faster, rocking my whole body back and forth. Using one of his hands, he removed my hands from his shoulders and pinned them above my head.

“Oh God, don’t stop, Xavier!” My whole body began to shake and I let out loud moans. I wrapped my legs around his waist and rolled my hips as I fell into my orgasm. Once I was finished, Xavier stood up, grabbed my arms, and pulled me up. His lips crashed back into mine and he bit down on my lip, making me gasp. He then quickly turned me around so I was facing the mirror again, and he placed my hands on the counter. He then grabbed my hips and guided me down on top of him. I let out a slight breath as he entered me, loving how he felt. He filled me completely and the feeling was intoxicating.

Xavier pulled my hips back and forth as I used the counter for leverage. I arched my back and stood slightly on my tip toes to feel more of him.

“Touch yourself,” he commanded. I licked my fingers and moved them down to my clit as he pushed himself into me. I moved my fingers in a slow circle as he slowly pulled my hips toward his. The grip of his hands on my hips grew tighter as he started to pull my hips back faster. I felt the pressure in my core build as I moved my fingers in a circle, moving in time with his hips. Xavier reached his hands up and grabbed both of my hard nipples with his thumb and forefinger and gave them a gentle tug. The combination of the slight pain and pleasure caused my body to shake as I moved my fingers.

“Fuck me harder, Xavier!” I cried out.

His hips pounded into me as he pushed me toward the edge. His fingers tugged on my nipples harder.

“Oh! Yes!”

The pressure inside me bubbled over as I heard Xavier moan. I felt his sweet release as I moaned with him. When we were finished, he turned me around to face him as he wrapped his arms around me.

“I love you, Farrah.”

“I love you too, Xavier.”

Xavier Santini had my heart, and he was never allowed to let it go.

F
arrah

S
ix months later
, I was standing in the Catholic Church. We were attending Sunday mass as we had every Sunday since my kidnapping. There had not been a single sign of the Irish since. Xavier’s father had received an official apology from the Irish clan, saying that Ian was out of line. They had never given him directions to take over that part of town. And they did not want to start a war between the families.

Xavier had seemed so much more relaxed since then. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of him. After seeing how he handled the situation, his father had been giving him more responsibility at the strip club, allowing him to bring in higher end clients, which was what Xavier had planned on doing with the company all along. I could tell it had given him a sense of purpose. We now spent every day together, planning out our lives. We were looking into places to build a house, get married, and start a family. His mother had welcomed me back into the Santini clan with open arms. She could not have been happier with his choice to be with me. It was like the past had been forgotten, but as we closed in on the yearly anniversary of my mother's death, some tension still hung in the air.

“Are you going to light a candle for her?”

I was kneeling next to Xavier and considering the exact thing myself. I had never done it before. Now seemed like as good a time as any. I was back with the people that she loved most. The people that had taken her in as their own. She didn't just leave the Salvatore family because of my father, as much as Ramsey wanted to believe that. She had left for a better life. And after living with Ramsey for the past few years, I realized that my mother went from one abuser to another. And although I was sure my uncle never hit her, he was mentally and verbally abusive. He had contrived this image of Xavier and his family in my mind and made them seem like they were the devil. The truth was, they weren’t the horrible people that he made them seem to be. The Santinis had taken my mother in when she didn't have anyone else, and treated her like family. Ramsey’s mindset of what had really happened was completely off. And he used that idea to poison my thoughts. But as I stood from my spot and walked up to the front of the cathedral to light a candle for my mother, I looked back and saw my real family.

I was a Santini through and through.

Xavier had made me that way.

S
o I call
this portion of my diary “Lawson” because it’s all about Lawson, that guy I met in the bar on Ladies’ Night. Yeah I met a guy on Ladies’ Night. Guys actually still come to those things. It’s not all just a bunch of women, that’s what I mostly thought it would be. Actually come to think of it, before meeting Lawson, I had a rather portly woman buying me drinks. I don’t think she honestly thought I was going home with her, but thinking back on it, maybe that brush on my butt was more of a love tap. Hmmm I wonder if I still have Joyce’s number around here somewhere.

But anyway, after Joyce had bought me drink number three and we were having a rather in depth conversation about the latest episode of The Bachelor I had to excuse myself to use the rest room.

“Be right back,” I said holding my drink up to her. She winked back and raised her Miller Lite at me. Geez how did I not see that love connection before?