Warning Track (32 page)

Jane’s eyes were closed and pressed against Brady’s chest, too afraid to open them, to really face the fact that she wasn’t living in some kind of polar vortex, that she really was in the hospital, giving birth.
 

“Would you like to hold her?” Dr. Cuevas asked.
 

Jane opened her eyes to see Dr. Cuevas holding a little nugget in a blanket. Jane’s throat constricted as tears continued to fall down her face. Her heart couldn’t be in any more pain than what it was now. Her chest tightened as her shaky arms reached for the baby. Brady gripped her tighter as he watched her take their baby from the doctor.
 

The weight of their baby girl was next to nothing as Jane pulled her into her chest. Gathering enough courage, Jane looked down at their baby girl and instantly let out a dark sob. She was so tiny, beyond tiny. Her skin had a purple hue to it, her eyes were closed and her body was completely lifeless.
 

“Oh God,” Jane wailed, as she pulled the baby close to her chest. Behind her, she heard Brady sniff as he tried to catch his breath.
 

“I’ll give you some time to yourselves,” Dr. Cuevas said, as she walked out the door, leaving the room along with her assistant.
 

Jane pulled her dressing gown down, undid their baby from its blanket and placed their daughter against her beating heart, hoping that maybe, just maybe, her beating heart would transfer over to her baby’s. She would give anything to breathe life into the lifeless body she held. She would easily take her own life if it meant her baby could live a long healthy life with her daddy.
 

The thought of Brady not being a dad ripped through Jane, sending another racking sob through her chest. All she could picture was his little-boy grin the day he brought home multiple bags of clothing after one of his shopping sprees. He was so excited and proud of his purchases. Now, he wasn’t going to be able to put those clothes on their baby girl; he would never get the chance.
 

She held their baby close to her heart, rubbing her cold skin, wishing for this all to be one horrible dream, for her to wake up with their baby still in her stomach with a strong heartbeat.
 

Her arm cradled their baby as Brady moved his arm to capture Jane’s. He cried into her ear as he touched their baby for the first time. Leaning over Jane’s shoulder, he looked down as tears fell from his eyes.
 

“She’s so beautiful,” Brady just about whispered, as he took in their girl.
 

Jane nodded in agreement, wondering what her eye color would have been, if she would have been big and strong like Brady or small and petite like Jane. Would she have been athletic like Brady or creative like Jane? What-ifs kept running through her head as she gripped onto her baby for dear life.
 

After what seemed like a couple of minutes, but in reality was much longer, Dr. Cuevas walked back into the room and said, “I’m so sorry to come in here, but Jane, I have to check up on you and make sure everything is okay. Do you mind?” The doctor gestured toward where Jane was completely exposed. Jane shook her head no and turned back to her baby.
 

Dr. Cuevas and a nurse cleaned Jane up and made some notes in the chart before leaving Brady and Jane alone together once again. They didn’t say much to each other; they just took in the feeling of being a family for what would only be a short amount of time.
 

“What’s her name?” Brady asked, as he kissed Jane’s bare shoulder, trying remind her that they were both in this together. Even though he was being the most amazing husband known to man, Jane felt herself slowly pulling away. She didn’t want to name their baby, their dead baby. She wanted to go back to yesterday when everything was okay.
 

“Not now,” Jane said, as she leaned forward, removing herself from Brady, while still holding their baby.
 

“I know you’re upset, Jane, but…”

“Don’t!” Jane shouted as she turned on the bed. “Don’t lecture me. Just give me one goddamn second.”
 

Pulling away, Jane sat at the edge of the bed and cradled her baby. She looked down at her and started rocking her back and forth, while singing a nursery rhyme that her mom had sung to her when she was a little girl.
 

“Sweet baby girl, now rest your eyes, the world around you is full of surprise. When you wake, I will be here waiting for you. To see those eyes smile at me, I love you, too.” Jane kept singing over and over again as she rocked back and forth. She noticed Brady moving around, but never paid any attention to him until his strong body was wrapped around her again.
 

The feel of him, wrapping his arms around her body, sending her love, brought Jane back to reality. Her head flew back to his shoulder as she cried out loud, wailing for probably everyone in the hospital to hear, but she didn’t care. Her heart was broken, completely broken.
 

The next few hours were torturous. Brady held their baby as she buried herself in the pillow of her bed. She listened to Brady tell the baby how much he loved her and how he would always love her and how, one day, they would be reunited. She listened to him cry and tell their baby she would always be his little girl, no matter what. It was gut-wrenching.

They both kissed their baby goodbye, as the nurse brought a little cart for the baby and placed her in a bassinet, politely covering her with a blanket. Jane fell to the ground as the nurse rolled their baby out of the room and out of her life forever. She sat on the floor, indecently exposed, with her head in her hands, crying until she didn’t think she could cry anymore. Brady was right next to her, gripping her tightly and matching his tears with hers.
 

Life stood still as her world turned to black, as her heart turned to an impossible weight to carry around. She felt just as lifeless as her baby. There was no point in moving on after her heart was carried away from her and she was directed to talk about caskets, floral arraignments and funeral plans for a little girl who didn’t have a chance to take one breath in the cruel, cruel world Jane lived in.

**Luke**

Three days, a pep talk from Nash, and a tragedy can change the perspective one person has on life. The minute Luke heard Molly cry out in the middle of the night after her phone rang, he realized something bad must have happened. He pushed back all the feelings he was trying to wrestle through and went to Molly’s side. He found her curled up in a ball, on her bed, shaking. Not sure what to do, but knowing Molly needed comfort, Luke pulled back her blankets, slid in behind her and pulled her to his chest. They didn’t speak, they didn’t even really acknowledge each other. They just laid in bed in silence as Molly cried and Luke held onto her for dear life.
 

The next morning, when Molly silently escaped her bed without Luke noticing, Luke found her hovering over the counter, making coffee. He didn’t know how to approach her, given his psychotic track record, but he put his best foot forward and asked if she was alright. She then proceeded to tell him in a scratchy voice that Jane had lost the baby and that Albert would be putting together all the funeral arrangements.
 

That was why Luke was sitting in Winnie’s room, wearing a black suit, white dress shirt and black tie, shaking his leg and wondering if he was ready enough to escort Molly to the funeral. She never asked him, she just said she would be leaving around ten in the morning, so she wouldn’t be around. It was now nine forty-five and Luke was battling with himself as to whether or not he should go.
 

He wanted to be there for Molly, hell, he wanted to be there for Brady, who he was once very close with, but he didn’t know if he had it in him. He felt like a funeral could be a big trigger for him, given the fact that he’d lost most of his buddies, his brothers, in the plane crash. But the look on Molly’s face when she told him Jane lost the baby was winning the battle. For the first time since Luke got back to Atlanta, he needed to stop being a selfish prick, strap his balls on, and put Molly first. He needed to push aside all the hurt, all the anger, all the fear, and be there for her.
 

Taking a deep breath, Luke stood up and adjusted his tie. He made sure everything was in order and then stepped out of Winnie’s room, just as Molly was grabbing her purse. She was wearing a black, tight-fitting dress that made her body look amazing, but it was her face that cut Luke in half. Her hair was in a low bun and her makeup was very minimal, which Luke loved. He loved it when she looked more natural; it made him fall in love with her all over again.
 

The look of shock on her face was almost cute as he walked up to her in his suit.
 

“What are you doing?” she asked, as she put her keys in her clutch.
 

“Would it be alright if I accompanied you?”
 

Tears started to form in her beautiful blue eyes as she nodded her head. A stray drop fell down her face and Luke quickly swiped it away.
 

“It’s okay, baby. I’ll be here with you today. I’ll be here,” he emphasized the word here, to let her know that he meant it in more ways than one. He not only wanted to be a crying shoulder for her, but he wanted to be mentally present for her. He had been working through his demons with his doctor and had been feeling more comfortable in everyday life, but when Molly confessed that she almost killed herself and killed their baby at the same time, Luke took two big mental steps backwards and retreated. The past two days, he’d had emergency sessions with his therapist, trying to work out the feelings he was experiencing at hearing about Molly’s almost-suicide, so he could prepare himself for today. Even though, at times, he felt nauseous and not ready, he knew he had to be there for Molly and the Matthews.
 

Molly looked up at Luke and hesitantly leaned into his touch. He could see it all over her face; she was nervous around him and she didn’t have to verbalize the fact that she questioned if he was real, if he was actually acting like the man he once was. He didn’t know if he was, but at the moment, the feel of Molly’s skin, the look in her eyes, made him want to be a better man than the one that had taken over his body the last couple of months. He wanted to be the man Molly needed, he wanted to be healthy again, he wanted to meet his daughter, he….he wanted to be a family.
 

Without thinking, Luke pulled Molly into his arms and held onto her for dear life as she cried into his chest. Life could be funny, something so tragic, so horrifying could change one’s perspective in a flash. The universe could be flipped upside down for one person, but for another, it could be a gigantic slap in the face that was needed.
 

As Luke held Molly, he knew right then and there that this was where he belonged; he needed this woman more than life itself. He needed her touch, her heart, her love, he needed it all to survive. When he returned from being captured, debriefed and examined, he thought he could go back to normal life where Molly was his fiancé and everything was fine as fuck, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. Instead, he had to fight for his life. He was tired of fighting and wanted to give up, but the woman he held in his arms wouldn’t let him. She wouldn’t give up on him and, because of that, he wouldn’t give up on her either.
 

He gripped Molly even tighter and realized it was never about fighting for his own damn life, it was about fighting for Molly’s life, for his baby girl’s life, for their life together as a family. He needed to fight for his girls, and after Jane’s horrible news, he couldn’t be more sure about anything. Life was too fucking short and to give up so easily would be a crime; he owed it to Molly and to Winnie to be present, to be there for them, and to be the man they both needed. It was going to be one hell of a fucking fight, but hell if he was going to give up, not after everything he’d been through. He hadn’t been captured and tortured just to escape and give up once he was back home. There was no fucking way.

With new energy and purpose in life, Luke placed a kiss on Molly’s head and said, “I love you so fucking much, Molly. So fucking much.”

His confession turned Molly into a blubbering mess, as she grabbed ahold of his suit jacket and cried into his shirt. He gripped her tighter and whispered soothing words into her ear.
 

“It’s okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay. I’m here. I promise to be here from now on.”

They stood in the entryway of their apartment for ten minutes as Molly cried into his chest, making some hideous noises from the combination of snot and tears running out of her, but it didn’t deter Luke; he still loved her, no matter what kind of snotty mess she was. When Luke looked down at his watch and noticed that, if they didn’t get moving, they were going to be late, he pulled away and looked down at Molly.
 

Not meaning to be rude, but not being able to help himself, Luke let out a little laugh and shook his head. “Babe, you need to go….freshen up.”

Molly looked at his chest and said, “You do too,” with a shy smile.

Luke looked down at his once-white shirt and saw black mascara streaks all over it. He then looked up at Molly and said, “Thank God I have more than one nice dress shirt. Go get freshened up while I change and then I’ll drive us over.”