Wanted (17 page)

“You’re
kidding?!  Oh my God, thank you Landon.”  I throw my arms around
him. 

“You’re
welcome.”  He says chuckling.

Several
hours go by and we still haven’t heard anything about Ryan’s release.  Kim
told the female officer about having sex with Ryan before the attack and the
officer assured her that if Jacob did attack her, the proof would be in the DNA
whether or not she was with anyone else that day. 

One
of the officers’ brings in some sandwiches and water as we wait for them to
investigate our claims and trace Jacob Matheson’s whereabouts.

I
think about Ryan and how scared he must be sitting in some cell wondering if
anyone can help him.  I wish I could go to him and hug him but I look over
and Kim and I know what I have to do.

Finally,
an officer comes into the conference room.  “We have Jacob Matheson. 
We believe he was on his way to Mexico.  His prints match the prints on
the knife.  They are collecting a DNA sample from him right now.  The
results can take several weeks.  We have enough evidence to charge with
him with assault. In the meantime, officers will be re-investigating the cases
of Sophie Carsen, Mia Knoll and Kim Sawyer. Ryan Jenson is being
released.  All charges have been dropped.”

“When
can we see him?”  Kim asks.

 “He
is just finishing a statement and then he’ll be free to go.  You can wait
for him in the lobby.”

Kim,
Landon and I walk to the lobby.  We’re all pacing nervously. Kim looks
scared as she fiddles with her hands. 

About
20 minutes go by and we hear the click of the door.  We all look up as
Ryan slowly enters the lobby.

I
walk through the door and my eyes immediately lock on Kim’s.  She’s
thinner now.  Her face is gaunt with yellowing bruises and scars.  I
almost have to look away from her.  She walks towards me as we hold each
other’s gaze and then she smiles through her tears and throws herself in my
arms.

“Ryan. 
I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry.”  She cries.

“Shhhh. 
It’s okay.  It’s not your fault.”  I hug her to me and rub her back
as she sobs into my chest holding a fistful of my shirt.  I lay my cheek
on the top of her head and close my eyes and just hold her.  I’ve waited
for over a month for this moment.  I am so relieved that she knows I’m not
a monster.  That she knows I didn’t hurt her.  I would never hurt
her.

“I
love you, Ryan.”

“I
love you too, Kim.”  I say softly as I push her hair behind her ears. I
glance over her shoulder when I see movement towards the door.  Landon
holds the door open as Ness steps out of the building.  She turns to me
just outside the door and she looks completely broken.  Her eyes say so
much.  “I understand. Take care of her.  I have to go. I love
you.”  Then, she’s gone.

I
swallow hard and watch her as she walks out of my life.  I almost run
after her but I know why she’s leaving.  She thinks I’m in love with
Kim.  I’m not but I know Kim loves me and she needs me.  I need to
take care of her.

“Let’s
go home.”  I whisper in Kim’s ear.

Kim
hasn’t talked to her parents since she left for college.  She attends on
scholarships and lives off a small inheritance from her grandmother and the
small amount she makes from working at Perky’s.  Her friend Kayla’s
parents help her out as well.  Instead of contacting anyone or going
anywhere in public, we drive to my apartment.  I don’t want to be seen
until my name is cleared on the news.

I
feel like I’m in a fog.  I can’t think clearly.  This all just seems
like a dream.  A nightmare.  I can’t stop thinking about Ness but I
need time to work things out with Kim.  She needs me and I owe her. 
We’ve had each other’s backs for 6 years.  I can’t leave her now. 
She’s alone and she needs me and I need her. 

We
walk into my apartment and stop just inside the door.  I haven’t been here
in over a month.  Thankfully my rent is paid three months ahead.  My
mailbox is probably overflowing.  There is still half of a diet coke on
the kitchen counter.  It’s cold in here.  I immediately adjust the
thermostat and hand Kim a jacket to put on.  My apartment is wide
open.  My king bed covered in gun-metal colored sheets sits in the far
right hand corner.  The entire back wall is glass.  I’m on the third
floor and can see a bit of mountain views through the evergreens outside the
window.  The kitchen area is to the left. Not much to it. In the middle of
the room is one big brown leather couch facing a small TV sitting on a coffee
table with a mess of controllers and video games scattered on top.

I
open the small refrigerator and offer Kim a water.  We both plop down on
the couch and lift our feet to the coffee table.  There is an
uncomfortable silence so I turn to face her.

“Kim? 
You okay?”

“I’m
okay.  Just really tired.  It’s all been a bit overwhelming. 
I’m sure you’re exhausted too.”

“Yeah,
I am. Why don’t you go lay down and rest for a while and we’ll talk
later?”  I point to my bed with the water bottle in my hand.

“Will
you lay with me?”  She asks shyly.

“Of
course.”  I put my water bottle down and take her hands to help her to her
feet.  We walk over to the bed and lay side by side facing each
other.  I push the hair off her face as she stares into my eyes. 
“Thank you Kim.  Thank you for clearing my name.  I owe you.”

“You
don’t owe me Ryan.  You were innocent.  I’m sorry I didn’t give you a
chance to talk to me.  I was hysterical and I was just so confused.”

“Now
that I know about my brother, I can’t even imagine what you were
thinking.  I would never hurt you Kim.  I hope you know that now.”

“I
do.  I know.”  She moves forward and hesitantly places her warm lips
on mine. I immediately pull back without even thinking.

“Ryan? 
That night.  Did you regret having sex with me?”

“Don’t.” 
I whisper.  I can’t answer that.  I love her but not like that. 
I had confusing feelings for her that night.  We’d been sleeping in my bed
together most nights for the last year but never touching.  She’s a
beautiful girl and I’m a guy.  That night, it just happened.  It felt
right at the time.  Like it was a natural progression in our relationship,
but afterwards, it didn’t feel right to me.  She definitely wasn’t a quick
lay like I was used to.  It was different.  There were definitely
feelings involved, but it wasn’t anything like I felt with Ness either. 
Kim is my best friend.  I need her as my best friend but I don’t regret that
night we shared.

“I
need to know.  It’s a fair question.”  She urges me to answer her
question.

“I
don’t regret it.”

 “Ryan,
I need you.  Please.”

I
can’t feel what she needs me to feel for her.  I don’t love her like
that.  I love Ness.  I back away and close my eyes.  I can’t
even look at her.  I don’t want to hurt her. I hear her breathe out a
frustrated sigh.

“Ryan. 
What happened with Vanessa?”

I
open my eyes and just hold her gaze.  I don’t know how to answer that
either.  What happened with Vanessa?  She crashed into my life and
stole my heart.  I’m not whole without her.  It hurts.

“You
love her?”

I
don’t even answer her.  I can’t find the words.

“Ryan,
it’s okay.  She loves you too.”

“What
do you mean?  Did she tell you that?”

“No. 
She said you were just friends.  She was lying.  I could see it in
her eyes and the way she begged me to help her save you, I could tell you meant
something more to her.”

“I
want to be here for you Kim.  I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I
know.  I’m glad you’re here.  I don’t want to lose you Ryan. 
I’ll take you anyway I can have you.  Even if it’s just friends.” She hugs
me to her and we both squeeze each other tight.  “You need to go after
her.”  She says pulling away.

“I
can’t.  She’s going home.  She needs to be with her family.  I’m
not even sure what we had was real.  She needs time.  I do to. 
I have to take care of things here. She needs to figure out her future.”

“What
if you’re her future?”

Just
then, there is a knock at the door.  We look at each other and my heart rate
begins to beat faster and faster as I walk to the door.  I swing it open
before it beats right out of my chest and then disappointment fills me as I see
Landon standing there.

“Hey
man.”  He grabs my hand and gives it a quick shake and then pats my back
as he walks past me.  Landon is a good guy.  He was crazy like me for
a while but he’s a trustworthy guy with a heart of stone.

He
sees Kim laying in my bed and I can’t even describe the expression on his
face.  Disappointment?  He looks uncomfortable, like he thinks he
interrupted us being intimate.

“Landon,
did you need something?”  I say, breaking him away from his thoughts.

“I….um…can
I talk to you?  In private?”

I
look over at Kim and back to Landon.  “What’s it about?”

“Vanessa.” 
He says quietly, glancing over at Kim.

“Go
ahead, shoot.  Kim knows about us.”

He
looks surprised and takes a minute to gather his thoughts, smoothing his goatee
with his thumb. “Um, I think I fucked up, man.”  He looks nervously
between me and Kim.

“Spit
it out Landon!”

“Listen
man, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Kim or what happened between
you and Vanessa but she loves you man.  Vanessa.  Vanessa loves
you.  I told her to stay out of your shit with Kim.  I didn’t want
Kim hurt but fuck, Vanessa is torn up man and I thought you should know.”

Kim
walks over to me with her arms across her chest. “Ryan!  I know you don’t
want to hurt me and you think you owe me but you can’t let her go.  You’re
still my best friend and you deserve to be happy.  I want you to be happy.”

I
scrub my face up and down with my hands.  Shit.  I fucked up. 
Ness needed me just as much as Kim and I let her down. 

“Landon,
do you know how I can reach her?  Did she say where she’s going?”

“It
just so happens, I drove her to the Holiday Inn where her parents were
staying.  They’re not leaving until tomorrow.  That’s why I came
man!  Come on, I’ll take you.”

My
fucking car is still with the police.  “Kim?”

“Go! 
Go Ryan!”

I
grab my jacket and we head out to the Holiday Inn.  Unfortunately, I’m too
fucking late.  They checked out an hour ago.  I beg the front desk
lady to give me a phone number but she was a bitch.  I have no phone
number, no address and she is now going to be two and half hours too far away
from me.

“Is
she on Facebook?”  Landon asks as we walk back to his car.

“I
don’t know.”

“It’s
time to Facebook stalk!” We sit in his car and I pull out my phone that I
finally can use again.  I do a search on Vanessa Cartright.  About 53
of them come up.  A lot without photos.  Some have photos of
dogs.  Some accounts are private and some aren’t.  It takes me about
an hour to narrow down the possible Vanessa’s.  I send three Vanessa
Cartwrights’ friend requests and I send them each a message to please contact
me if they still love me and I leave my cell number.  Pretty bold but I’m
desperate.  I don’t know how often she checks her Facebook or if she’s
even one of the three. 

***

It’s
been six days since Vanessa left and I am now friends with three Vanessa
Cartwrights, but none of them love me.  I have no idea how to find
her.  In the meantime, Kim and I are doing the friend thing and she’s been
great.  We had a long talk about our feelings for each other and she
admitted she doesn’t know if the feelings she has for me is actually love. She
told me that what she sees between Vanessa and me is so much more than she
could ever offer me and that I can’t give up looking for her.  She wants
me to be happy. She doesn’t sleep over any more.  In fact, last night she
stayed with Landon.  He had confessed to me that he’s had feelings for her
for years and he explained his intentions the night of the party when I met her
and pulled her away from him.  I encouraged him to talk to her so he
did.  She accepted his apology and they’ve been taking things very
slow.  He is taking care of her and she is letting him.  The three of
us hang together like old times.  There doesn’t seem to be any
awkwardness.

The
news stations finally cleared my name and I am no longer being hounded and
harassed by reporters so I’m able to leave the house now.  I caught up on
all my bills.  I got my FJ back from the police and I called the
Lieutenant in charge of my brother’s case.  I left a message stating I
wanted to see him.  I also called Western.  I re-enrolled for the
fall.  I decided to take some time off instead of going back immediately.

Kim’s
working at Perky’s today so Landon and I are having some guy time.  Modern
Warfare and beer.

“Landon,
I haven’t been able to talk to you about Kim.  What’s going on with her?”

“I
told her how I’ve felt for her over the years.  She confessed that she had
a crush on me the night of the party as well.  Of course, you cock blocked
us.  I think it was for the best though.  I didn’t want to be one of
those guys in the line waiting for my turn.  I wanted more than that from
her.  I don’t think she could have given more at the time.  She was
going through too much.  I don’t think I would have been able to commit to
a friendship with her like you did either.  I was going through my own
shit and I was selfish.  You were good for her at that time.  I think
we’re good for each other now.  I care for her.  I want to be there
for her.  She’s letting me.  I talked her into going to counseling.”

“I’m
glad.  I think she needs it.”

“She
does.  She has night terrors.  They gave her meds to help.”

“Take
your time with her Landon.”

“I’m
not stupid man.  I’m not that kid anymore. I know what she needs.”

“I’m
glad she has you.  You’re a good guy Landon.”

“Shit.” 
He says shaking his head.  Any luck finding Vanessa?”

“No. 
I’m going to find her.  I’ll think of something.  I’m not giving up.”

Just
as we’re really getting into our video game, my cell rings.  The call is
blocked and my heart rate immediately spikes.  I quickly answer but
instead of a sexy feminine voice I was hoping to hear, I hear a gruff manly
voice. 

“Ryan
Jenson?”

“That’s
me.”

“This
is Lieutenant Marcus returning your call.  I have received your message
and yes, family does have visiting rights. Jacob is being held at a correctional
facility in Canon City.   You will have to complete an application
before you can visit.  The form will have the information and everything
you need to schedule it.  I can email you one.”