Want You Back (10 page)

Maybe, if she could get past her overwhelming attraction to him, they could work on becoming friends.

Jenny nearly laughed out loud at the idea. Was she lying to herself again, this time in the opposite direction? Did she want to become friends with Jake so she would have an excuse to wind up in his arms one night?

The very possibility made her heart pound.

She would take it as it came. One moment at a time.

Jake tried to keep from looking at her as he drove towards Eighth and Main. In the closed confines of the Jeep he could smell the light floral scent she wore. He wanted to touch her so badly he ached with it

Her kiss had surprised and delighted him, before his arousal made him put an end to it If Jenny let him love her like that, it would be someplace private, someplace beautiful.

Damn.
What the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t let things go that far, no matter what his body wanted. Could he? Could he and Jenny be that kind of friend, without the commitment that he wanted with every fiber of his being, the commitment he could not, would not offer.

He wondered what she’d think if he told her his ugly
little
secret. No doubt she’d say it didn’t matter, that she loved him anyway. He knew she did, deep inside her, hidden in that place where such things reside. The way he loved her. A love like theirs didn’t just fade away and die. It lived on, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what obstacles fate placed in their path. He could admit that now. The love he felt for her was the entire reason he’d come back to Ater.

Beautiful Jenny, so warm and sweet and loving. She deserved to have her own children. What a wonderful mother she’d be. How he wished he could be the man who fathered them, raised them with her.

Once they’d talked about children. He’d wanted her to be the mother of his two boys and a girl that they’d planned to raise together. He almost wished she’d gotten pregnant then, while he’d still been able to father children.

Thinking of this cooled his ardor faster than any
thing else could have. It reminded him that he had no right to want to love Jenny or even share her life in any capacity but that of friend. She deserved it all—a loving husband, a big, comfortable house, a dog, and kids. Jake could give it all to her but the last. Because
shortly
after duty had pulled him away from her, a simple childhood illness that he’d never had until he was grown had changed his life forever. Jake Durham was now sterile. He would never father children of his own. Therefore, he could never have Jenny.

They reached the
corner
of Eighth and Main. Jake swung the Jeep into the small parking lot, grabbing one of the last remaining spaces. The club, a nonde
script, brick building, sat back among the deserted shops.

Touched that she remembered his fondness for jazz, Jake turned to look at her. A tear, gleaming sil
ver in the moonlight, ran down her cheek.

“Oh, Jen.” Not this, he could take anything but this. He didn’t want to make her cry—he wanted to bring her happiness, not tears.

His heart aching, he didn’t dare move to touch her. He was only human, after all, and could only resist the way she ignited him for so long.

“What’s wrong?”

She averted her head, as though she were ashamed that he had seen. “I wish things could have been different.”

Though she didn’t elaborate, she didn’t have to. Jake understood. He wished the same thing, wished he could have
stayed, that they had gotten married, had a child. He wished Malvoran House was not a restaurant, but their home. He was no stranger to these wishes; he’d lost track of how many times he’d railed against fate while locked away deep under
cover. His team had become his family, his lifeline to sanity. Jenny had always been his life.

But Jenny, on the other hand, had tried to forget him. How that admission must have cost her.

He couldn’t resist reaching for her and cradling her in his arms.

She cried against his chest. He cried too, in the silent way men do, eyes filling with tears until he rubbed them with his fist to keep them from spilling out. It wasn’t the first time Jake had cried over Jenny. He doubted it would be the last.

There was nothing sexual in the way he held her. He held her with love, with tenderness, with shared grief. Yet he couldn’t help but be aware of the tempt
ing softness of her curves, the fullness of her breasts, the sweet curve of her hip. As he did every time he thought of her, Jake felt himself grow hard.

Gradually, Jenny became aware enough to feel it, too.

“Oh, no.” She sniffed, smiling through her tears. “Not in a parked car.” Fumbling in her purse for some tissue, she swiped at her eyes, shaking her head.

Amused, aroused, intoxicated by her closeness, Jake kept his arm around her slender shoulders while she tidied herself.

Finally, she closed her purse and pushed away from him.

“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry about that, but I’m ready now. Let’s go.”

Though he no longer had any desire to go into the club—no, he wanted to turn the Jeep around and take Jenny back to Malvoran House—he hurried out and around to her side to open the door for her.

Inside, it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the smoky haze. Sultry, sensuous music filled the air, rising over the noisy chatter and clink of glasses. They found a seat near the wall, a small table for two, with a flickering candle and a great view of the musicians. Several couples moved on the dance floor, so close they might have been entwined, their eyes closed as they swayed to the provocative beat.

Instantly
, Jake realized he could think of no worse form of torture than dancing like that with Jenny, wanting her so badly he could barely walk.

“Please,” she pleaded, motioning towards the dance floor.
“Dance with me.”

He knew she wanted to dance so she wouldn’t have to think, so she could lose herself in the music and the mood and, hopefully, the man who held her. He found himself wondering if she meant to become his lover tonight, or if the awakening he’d sensed inside her would only allow this teasing taste, no more.

Jake told himself it didn’t matter. He told himself that it was reward enough that the real Jenny had returned. Then he told himself to stop lying. He wanted
J
enny. When he held her in his arms, nothing else mattered. He forgot the reasons why he shouldn’t, forgot that he could never be her husband, forgot everything but her.

Dancing with her might be a bad idea.

The cool touch of her hand on his arm drew him out of his thoughts.

“Please,” she whispered, licking her lips nervously. He was so far gone that it hit him like a sensual invitation, Jenny’s ripe mouth, his to claim in a kiss.

Not now. Shaking his head, Jake stood and took her hand. Cursing his stupidity, he led her onto the dance floor. The music flowed around them as she came into his arms. He clenched his teeth and tried not to let it bother him, but the sensation of her body molded to his, her breasts soft and full against his chest, brought to mind
carnal
images so vivid he groaned.

Then Jenny lifted her head and smiled at him, a woman’s smile full of satisfaction and sensual knowl
edge.

Jake couldn’t help it, he chuckled. She knew, knew full well how this affected him. Still grinning, she wiggled against him, letting him know that she not only knew, but enjoyed the heat they generated between them.

This was no place for them to be. He wanted— needed—to take her home.

“Jenny—” His voice hitched as she gave a sinuous shimmy to the music. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Jenny, let’s get out of here.”

If she heard him, she gave no sign. Instead, she tossed her head, arching her back and her throat in a way that brought to mind one thing and one thing only. On her face she wore a sultry expression, the expression he remembered she got when she was ready to make love.

Though he would have bet it was impossible, Jake felt himself grow harder. He didn’t know how he would be able to walk away from the dance floor when the song ended. Luckily,
the wail of the saxo
phone slowly faded and, amid scattered applause, the trio announced a break.

Glad of the dim lighting, Jake ushered Jenny back to their table. Once seated, he took deep breaths, trying to focus on anything but Jenny.

The waitress came and Jake ordered them both beer. It came in tall, frosty mugs. He took a deep draught, then another, finally daring to look at Jenny. She sat sipping her beer, watching him with heavy-lidded eyes. God help him, the way she watched him practically begged him to make love to her.

“Let’s get out of here.” He said it again.

This time, she smiled, a slow, sensuous smile that hit him like a fist to the gut. “Let’s,” she said, and took another sip of her beer.

He had his unruly libido somewhat under control, at least enough to walk to the Jeep. Once inside, Jenny lay back against the seat, her eyes closed.

“I’m exhausted,” she murmured. “So much has happened, so fast.”

He knew she referred to the drastic changes she’d made. Though in his opinion, they’d been coming for a long time, she’d let a lot go, all in one short day.

“I can’t go home with you.” Sitting up straight, she opened her eyes. “Not tonight. Maybe not ever, I don’t know.”

Once again, she’d read his mind. He didn’t want to push Jenny too fast.

    
“That’s all right,” he told her, knowing he was in for a long night and maybe a cold shower.

    
She leaned forward, touching him
lightly
on the arm. Even that light touch made him bum. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do. It’s just ... I’m not ready.”

    
Mouth dry, all
J
ake could do was nod in understand
ing. Part of him knew that if he leaned forward and kissed her again, she would go home willingly with him. Hell, part of him
wanted
to.

But he wouldn’t. Not this time. He’d waited two long years. What was a few more days?

    
Turning the key, he started the Jeep.

     Apparently
satisfied, Jenny sat up straight and fas
tened her seat belt.

    
Though he drove slowly, he made it to her house in what seemed like seconds. He pulled up in front, keeping the engine idling.

    
“Here we are.” He tried to sound casual.

    
“Thank you.” In the dim glow from the stree
tl
ight, Jenny looked even more beautiful. “For everything.”

    
Again he nodded, flashing her a smile that he knew looked tired. “Call me.”

    
She laughed, the old-Jenny-straight-from-the-belly laugh. “I will.” Opening her own door, she slid to the ground.

    
“Jake?” She leaned inside, looking impossibly sexy.

    
“Hmm?”

    
“I think I will take you up on your offer.”

    
His heart started to pound. “You will?” he man
aged.

    
Again she laughed, though quieter and more mel
low this time. “Not that offer, but the one you made
earlier. You know, about how you wanted to be my friend? I think I would like that.”

She gave him a suddenly shy, sweet smile. “I think we might be able to be friends.” Then she closed the door and walked up the sidewalk and vanished inside.

Jake watched, half hoping she’d reappear.
Friends.
As if that would ever be enough. He wanted to curse, to kick himself, to punch something. But he had only himself to blame.
He
had told her, several times, that he wanted to be her friend. So of course she believed him, despite the heat generated by their kisses.

Damn, he wished he’d kept his big mouth shut. Because Jake wanted to be so much more than mere friends with Jenny. He wanted to be her lover.

Chapter Eight

Malvoran House looked more lovely than she’d ever seen it The pale peach color complimented the dark green trim. Pausing at the front gate, Jenny studied the improvements Jake had made to the place. He’d obviously done his research; the house looked like it had just been built even though it was over a hundred years old.

He hadn’t put the restaurant signs up yet—out
wardly she couldn’t tell the house was anything but a private residence. A family home, made for love. She sighed. How easy it would be to imagine children playing in the huge yard, climbing the sturdy oak trees, laughing and running. She wondered what Jake felt, pulling up in this driveway and going inside to an empty house, when he could have had so much more.

Never mind. Jenny shook her head. She couldn’t undo the past. Hand trembling, she pushed the door
bell, wondering whatever had made her think she and Jake could be friends.

Friends.
The thought of it made her want to cry. All she could think about was the way he’d kissed her, how tenderly he’d held her, the ardent heat in his gaze. While she had to have a professional
relationship
with him and she truly wanted to be Jake’s friend, she wanted to be his lover more. Which made her three kinds of a fool.

The old saying ran through her mind. Once burned, shame on you. Twice burned, shame on me.

The door swung open as she began to turn, con
templating fleeing. She looked up and her mouth went dry.

Jake stood in the doorway, wearing only a faded pair of jean shorts. His dark hair was still wet and tousled. In one hand he held a plush towel. While Jenny stared, struck dumb, a rivulet of water ran down his tanned and muscular chest. She caught herself wanting to lick it off.

“Come on in.” Grinning, he swiped the towel across the front of him. “I just got out of the shower.”

Jenny snapped her mouth closed and nodded. “I see.”

He stepped aside and she moved past him, holding herself
rigid so that she wouldn’t accidentally touch him. Though she wanted to, God, how she wanted to.

“I’ll be ready in a minute.” Back to her, he contin
ued to towel dry his hair. “I must be running late.”

“No, I think I’m early.” She glanced at her watch, unable to tear her gaze away from him for too long. He had no right to be so beautiful, to look so sexy and masculine and like every fantasy she’d ever had.

Watching him made her tingle low inside her belly and ache for things she couldn’t begin to put a name to.

When he vanished into the bedroom, she let out a sigh of relief. Torture. This day would be sheer torture. At least they were only going antique shop
ping. The actual arrangement of furniture and pic
tures and knickknacks would happen another day. She refused to worry about that now. She had enough to worry about as it was.

Jenny paced the floor, pulling out her
little
note
book and writing down reminders. Maybe if she kept herself occupied ... The wainscoting was peach, the walls emerald in this room. In another he’d used a beautiful wallpaper with midnight blue and mauve flowers. She loved what he’d done with the hardwood floors, loved the gleam and polish of them. She could see the way it would look when it was finished, stately and elegant, yet warm and inviting too. More home than restaurant.

If the food was good, customers would flock to this place in droves. Jake would be a success and Malvoran House—ah, here lay the crux of her resentment— the house would never again be merely a home. The home she’d wanted to share with Jake.

Slowly, Jenny sank into the folding chair Jake had placed near his temporary desk. When Malvoran House had been decorated, when Jake hired his staff and hung out his shingle, it would symbolize the death of her dreams. Dreams she
apparently
still nur
tured after two whole years.

Chewing on the end of the pencil, she shook her head in disgust. Jake had made the place into a restau
rant. He had come back to town and this time at least, he hadn’t lied. He’d made no bones about letting her know where she stood with him.
Friends.
Nothing more.

And the kiss—she felt herself grow cold. The kiss must have been a temporary aberration, too much reminiscing, quickly regretted.

Jake might be gorgeous and kind and maybe, just maybe,
he’d changed. But though Jenny had changed even more, inside she was still the same old fool who wanted more than he was capable of giving.

Friends. If she could somehow manage to ignore the lure of his body, if she could make herself let go of the past, maybe then it would be possible for her to regard Jake as a friend.

She would try. She had to try.

Jake bounded down the stairs as she was finishing up an internal pep talk. He stopped on the bottom of the stairs, head cocked, studying her closely.

Looking up, Jenny felt her heart stutter. “The antique stores are waiting,” she said
brightly
, studying her hands.

“Yeah.” He sounded much less enthusiastic. “I guess they are.”

Quickly she raised her head, sensing a possible way out. “Hey, if today’s not good for you, we can always do this some other time.”

He came closer, his unsmiling face so ruggedly beautiful to her. “You look good.”

Catching her breath, Jenny kept her false smile in place. Her pulse beat double time as she tried to act as though the offhand compliment didn’t affect her. “Thanks.” This casual sundress, of a lightweight cot
ton in a batik pattern, had been another of those things she’d bought two years ago and never worn. It clung lovingly to her figure, making her feel feminine and giving her confidence a boost

Not that she needed one when Jake looked at her with so much heat in his gaze.

Instinctively she took a step back, towards the door. If he touched her, if he kissed her again, the planned shopping expedition would be forgotten and she knew she’d most likely end up in his bed, in his arms.

Which was where, she reflected with a sense of shock, she wanted to be more than anything.

Dangerous thoughts. Jenny felt the cold metal of the doorknob against her back and realized she’d somehow backed all the way to the front door. She glanced again at Jake, to gauge his reaction. One
corner
of his sensual mouth lifted in the beginnings of a smile as he waited for her to speak.

“Are you ready?” Her voice came out breathless as she flushed all over. The room seemed unbearably warm.

Jake nodded, moving past her to open the door. She jumped aside so quickly that she stumbled and had to put her hand out to
stop herself from falling. Damn. Her blush intensified. Now Jake would know how uncomfortable she felt around him, though she prayed he wouldn’t figure out why.

“Jenny? Are you all right?” Concern vibrated in his deep voice as he swung the front door open.

Jenny managed a garbled response before rushing past him to the front yard. Once there, she put her hands to her cheeks and forcibly tried to calm herself. She’d been the one who told him she wanted to be friends. And they would be, as soon as she could train herself to regard him in a non-sexual light.

“Jen.” Jake came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

She trembled. “Yes?”

He turned her around to face him, pulling her in close for a hug.

A
friendly
hug, she reminded herself. But her body reacted immediately to the delicious sensation of being held in his muscular arms.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to you, not again.” Cupping her chin in one hand, he tilted her face up to his. For one breathless moment she thought he might kiss her. But, his expression intense, he only gazed at her with that smoldering look that set her insides on fire.

“I can’t tell you why I left two years ago, not yet. But as soon as I can, I promise I will.” He took a deep breath and continued.

“But from now on, I don’t want there to be any more lies between us.”

“Okay,” she said
softly
, wetting her lips with her tongue. Gratified when his eyes hungrily followed the movement, she knew they were heading for trouble. If she didn’t want to make a complete fool of herself, she had to get away from him, fast.

But when she tried to pull away, he wouldn’t let her go. Chest to chest, she could feel his heart beating strong and fast and knew he was just as affected as she.

“Wait. Let me finish.” Jake swallowed, then flashed a rueful smile. “I know I have no right, and I can’t offer you anything more than the present. No guaran
tees, no forever, just today and tomorrow and the day after that. For as long”—his voice roughened, his expression became bleak—“as you’ll have me. One day at a time.”

Confused, Jenny could only stare at him. Her knees felt
weak and she was glad he held her or she might have fallen. “Have you—I thought you wanted to be friends.”

He made a sound, half-moan, half-groan. “I tried, pumpkin. I swear I did. But whenever I get within five feet of you, I want to do this.” He bent his head and captured her mouth with his.

Trembling, she gave in and let the heat consume her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned in to him, telling him without words how much she wanted him. Needed him.

“Wait.” Jake ripped his mouth away, breathing fast “I need to tell you that I—”

Jenny couldn’t take it Suddenly impatient, she grabbed his head and pulled his mouth back to hers. “We can talk later,” she whispered, again shocking herself but beyond caring. “Right now I want you to love me.”

With a shudder, he captured her lips. He kissed her desperately, with all the pent-up passion of a man who had denied his desire for far too long.

Their mouths mated until she could no longer think or even stand. Leaning on him, she molded her body to his, wanting to get closer, wanting to feel him inside of her.

“Are you sure?” he growled against her lips, his breath coming fast and hard. “You’ve got to be sure.”

If he only knew. Though he made no declaration of love, she loved him with every fiber of her being. He was the only man she had ever loved, would ever love, could ever love. She knew this now. And, having no choice, she finally accepted it. He might not be able to promise her all of his tomorrows, but she would take what he could offer her. The alternative, life without him, had become unthinkable.

So she gave him her answer, without words.
Gently
, very gently, she lifted herself on tiptoe and touched her lips to his. With one trembling hand she caressed his face, ou
tlin
ing his beloved jaw, his cheeks, his nose. She let all of the love, the joy, and the awe he brought to her show in her eyes, knowing he would recognize and respond to it.

And he did.

When he lifted her in his arms, she thrilled to the sheer masculine strength of him. Without breaking the kiss, Jake carried her to his bedroom, setting her down on his bed with infinite tenderness.

Looking at him, loving him, Jenny could see the turmoil in his rugged face, the tension in his beautiful eyes.

“Love me, Jake,” she murmured, holding out her arms to
him.

All hesitation vanished as he met her embrace, covering her body with his and kissing her the deep, drugging way that she had come to crave. While he kissed her, he unbuttoned her dress, slipping it from her shoulders so smoothly she barely noticed. When he freed her breasts from her bra, cupping them, caressing them, she moaned in pleasure.

Breaking the kiss, Jake yanked his own T-shirt over his head. Jenny saw no hesitation in him now, nothing but the same urgent passion that consumed her. Impatient, she helped him with his shorts, tugging them down over his hips to free his swollen erection.

He stayed her hand as she touched him, stroked him.

“No, Jen. Let me love you.”

Though to him the words no doubt meant nothing, to Jenny they meant the world. As he covered her with his body, she arched her back, crying out loud as he entered her, filled her.

She knew then, knew the wonderful and terrible truth, the last thing she’d tried to hide from herself. Only Jake could make her feel this way, only Jake.

    
“Love me,” she cried, moving with him, joined to him by more than mere flesh. “Love me.”

    
And, as stars exploded inside her, Jake did.

    
Later, in his bed, Jake held her in his arms and offered up a silent prayer of thankfulness. Jenny, his Jenny, back where she belonged. With him.

    
Somehow, despite what he’d done, she still loved him. And although he knew better, he was unable to keep from reaching out for the warmth of that love.