Wander and Roam (Wander #1) (22 page)

Sage doesn’t want to be found.

A
NURSE’S
aide rolls her cart into the room. She begins methodically stripping the bedding before she notices me still resting in the chair.

“Honey, what are you doing here?” she asks, holding his pillow in mid-air.

“I was looking for Sage.” I’m not even sure how much time has passed since I found the postcard.

“The boy from this room?” She throws the sheets in her cart.

I nod. Words just seem too hard right now.

“His mama booked him an immediate flight home. She kept rambling on about how she needed to get him to a state-of-the-art facility in the States.” The aide grins at me. “Like Australia’s a third-world country.”

“He’s gone?” I had so much I wanted to say.

“They left not even an hour ago. I assume they’re gone already.” She places the last of the bedding in the cart then rolls it back to the doorway. “I’ve got to prep for another patient coming in. Best that you get moving.”

“How is he? Will he keep having seizures? Did he recover from the one he had on the farm?”

“Honey, I gave you more information than I was even supposed to.” She pushes the cart out of the room then turns back to me. “I hope you find the answers you’re seeking.”

I sit for another five minutes, staring at the picture of us. I love that there’s proof of
us
. Sage couldn’t have left me a better gift. I will cherish this memory we created together.

“Abby?” a familiar voice calls from the doorway.
His
familiar voice.

I turn toward Sage. He stands in the doorway, wearing a snug T-shirt and jeans. Without the hospital gown, Sage looks as healthy as can be. It’s hard to imagine that only yesterday he lay on the ground convulsing. It’s even harder to picture something so fatal growing in his brain.

“You came back,” he whispers.

I stand up and throw my arms around him. I squeeze far tighter than I should, but my hug is more powerful than any words I could say. He wraps his arms around me, gently rubbing my back until my embrace softens.

I lower his cheek to my hair while I nuzzle in that comfortable space between his chin and shoulder. My hands run down his back, circle each arm, and pull his belt loops just a bit closer. I need to press myself against every inch of him, just to convince myself his return isn’t a dream.

I lean back just enough to look at him. “I thought you left Australia.”

His sigh ruffles my hair. “My mom’s a panicker. She wanted to rush me onto the very next flight and spend hundreds of dollars shipping my things home, but we came to an unhappy compromise.”

“Compromise?”

“I agreed to head home with her, after gathering my things and saying my goodbyes. Neither of us is very happy with the compromise.”

“Is it safe? Are you allowed to be walking around like this?” I don’t want him to harm himself because of me.

“Don’t worry, the doctor cleared me.” Sage gently squeezes my shoulder. “Listen, Abby. We need to talk.”

Finally, I will have a chance to share everything with Sage. “I saw a little garden atrium when I was roaming the hospital yesterday. Can we go there?”

“Show me the way.” He takes my hand.

I never want to let go.

I lead Sage to two full-glass doors that open into an indoor atrium. Tall, green plants grow under skylights. Flowers bloom from all manners of pots. A cobblestone path winds through the vegetation and leads to cast-iron benches, strategically placed for privacy.

We are the only ones in the atrium. Perfect.

“What a find, Abby.” Sage twirls around. “Who would have imagined this could be hiding within the sterile walls of the hospital.”

“It’s like a refuge of life in a cesspool of d—” I clasp my hand to my mouth. I cannot believe that I came so close to saying the D-word to him. “I’m
so
sorry.”

He guides me to the nearest bench, sits, and pulls me on his lap. He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear, “It’s okay. You can talk about death with me.”

“But you don’t talk about your future.”

“I didn’t, until I traveled around the world. I met this brave girl who slew the dragons in her past. She showed me the secret to slaying my own dragons.”

I shake my head. “I’m not brave. I run away from—”

“You
ran
away.” Sage cups my chin with his calloused fingers. “Look how you’re here, right now.”

We gaze in each other’s eyes. “Sage, how did you know I would come back?”

“I didn’t, but I figured I better retrieve my most cherished object if you were gone forever. It would have been awful if that moment—the climax of our fairytale—was tossed in the garbage.”

“I’m never going to be part of a fairytale.” I turn away from him.
I’m destined to star in tragedies.

“I haven’t finished telling you my story.” Sage traces patterns up and down my arms. It’s hard to concentrate on words when his hands are so distracting. “So the brave girl conquered the dragon of her past and discovered the magical land of life. She went on to love often, live life heartily, and embrace every new experience. She found her happily ever after.” He kisses me softly and tenderly on the cheek.

“What happened to the boy?” I force out.

“He returned to his own kingdom after having completed his quest. He climbed the highest mountain.” Sage points to the postcard. “Kissed the prettiest girl in the far-away kingdom and lived life to the fullest.”

“What if my happily ever after involves you?” I blink back the tears that threaten to fall. I promised myself I would stay strong for him.

His face falls. “I screwed up, Abby. I should have never done any of the ‘now’ nonsense.”

“I’ve grown to love the ‘now.’”

“Me too.” He gently brings his lips to mine. “If only we were in a fairytale. I would find the magic amulet that could freeze time, stop the future from coming, and wipe away all memories of the past.”

“That sounds lovely.” I kiss him back.

He pulls away. “I feel like I deceived you.”

“We both had secrets. We agreed it was okay to keep certain things private.” I reach for his hand. “That’s not deceit.”

“But you still ended up hurt.” His voice cracks.

Funny how hours ago, I was so angry with Sage for not telling me he was sick, but I can’t bear to listen to his self-reprimands.

“We’re dancing around the real issue.” Sage stands up. “This is how I should have introduced myself. Hello, Abby. My name’s Sage, and I have brain cancer.”

Even after hearing his mother say the words and Susan confirming them, those two ugly words come to life when Sage utters them.
Brain cancer.

I sit perfectly still and keep my face as expressionless as possible. “Tell me about it.”

“My official diagnosis is low-grade astrocytoma. Astrocytoma. Doesn’t that sound like a cool new star?”

Trust Sage to always put a positive twist on everything, even the name of his potential killer. “What does it really mean?”

He sighs. “I have a large tumor growing in my brain. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

How can he talk of good news?
“Tell me the positive stuff.” I can do this. I can have a conversation with Sage about his tumor without running away or sobbing or breaking down.

“So far, it’s been a very slow-growing kind of cancer.” Sage lifts me from his lap then stands. “That’s why I was able to put off treatment for six months. My oncologist felt it wouldn’t make a difference whether she operated that week or six months in the future.”

I take Sage’s hand and wander along the path. “Tell me about the bad stuff,” I finally say.

He increases his pace. “According to my oncologist, the tumor’s in an extremely risky spot to operate on.”

“What could happen?” I don’t want to know, but I need to ask.

“The bulk of the tumor is in my temporal lobe. That’s the part of your body that controls hearing, language, and memory.”

“So if they cut it out?” I can handle this. I
will
handle it, for Sage’s sake.

He doesn’t meet my eyes. “It’s infiltrated actual brain tissue. When they remove the tumor, there’s a chance I won’t be the same afterward. Some people forget how to speak or lose their memories, but others might lose even more. I could end up with permanent brain damage, and that’s if I’m lucky.”

“If you’re lucky?”

“Abby, many people don’t even make it through the surgery.” Sage studies me carefully. His eyes convey his concern. He’s entirely focused on my reaction.

I try to swallow, but my throat’s completely dry. Even though brain tumors can be fatal, hearing Sage list out all the potential outcomes makes it even harder to bear.

I
must
be strong. But I don’t know if I can anymore.

“How can you stand here and calmly talk about your life ending?” I wipe away a stray tear. “Why aren’t you screaming or crying? It’s not fair!” I want to scream. I want to yell my frustration to whoever will hear it.
Why Sage? Why kind, sweet Sage?

“I was having these reoccurring headaches—that’s how I first was diagnosed—and when the doctor gave me the news, I realized I had two options.” He sits cross-legged under a sunny window and pats the ground in front of him. “I could waste my time being angry, or I could spend it really living.”

I sink down in front of him, cross my legs so our knees touch, and take his hands.

“My doctor scheduled my surgery for six months out. She gave me six short months. There was no way I was going to waste those months being angry at the world.” Sage squeezes my hands. “I had six months to fulfill all my dreams.”

“How are you doing on your list?”

Sage’s face clouds. “Well, this seizure sort of messed things up. Mom already had the surgery moved up to next month, and I have to leave way earlier than I wanted to.”

I release his hand so I can cup his face. “I’m going to be there for you, Sage. I am going to be with you every step of the way.”

He brushes my hand away. “I’m sorry, Abby, but that’s not what I want. I just wanted to say my goodbyes and head home…
alone
.”