Walking on Sunshine: A Sweet Love Story (Seasons of Love Book 1) (7 page)

I
was the first to the bar, so I sat down in our normal booth and asked for a glass of wine. I ordered a moscato, hoping that the sweet treat would take my mind off of Cee. Even as the waiter set down my glass, I was still rubbing my wrist and thinking of how his touch felt.

I took a sip, hoping that the wine would blur my thoughts so I didn't have to concentrate on how my nanny's touch was making my heart race. The wine was sweet and rich. Just the right thing to take the edge off.

It wasn’t long until the all the girls arrived. Melissa, her dark hair pulled back into a slick ponytail and looking like she just stepped out of a magazine arrived first. I had been hoping Cindy would be first, but I still smiled and waved her over. She was always so perfect: perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect men. I always felt like I was falling behind around her, even though she swore up and down I wasn't.

“Margarita, a glass of red wine, and a Manhattan,” Melissa told the waiter with a smile as she slid into the booth across from me. I raised my eyebrows at the rather intense drink order. She fixed the collar on her shirt and grinned at me. “I saw Cindy and Tricia in the parking lot.”

“That's good,” I replied with a grin. “Otherwise I was going to ask if I had to drive you home.”

Melissa laughed as Cindy walked over and sat down.

“Do I have paint in my hair again?” Cindy asked, her hand going up and checking. I shook my head at her, feeling an intense kinship. I loved my three friends, but since Cindy was the only other one with kids, I felt the closest to her.

“Just a dab of purple,” Tricia teased, coming up behind her and taking her seat. “It looks great.”

Cindy rolled her eyes, knowing that we were just playing with her. The waiter carefully placed all the drinks in front of us before quickly scampering off.

“So, Jes, how is the new nanny working out?” Cindy asked, taking a sip of her red wine and relaxing back into her seat.

I sat up a little straighter, finally feeling like I was on top of the world. I’d been waiting all week to tell them just how good Cee was.

“He is
AMAZING
. I can’t believe how quickly Ben has taken to him. He cooks and cleans for me, as well as keeps Ben so active that each night he falls asleep almost instantly,” I gushed. I could feel my cheeks heating with a happy flush.

“Wait, your nanny is a man?” Melissa asked, choking slightly on her margarita.

“Yes, I guess I forgot to mention that.” I smiled and shrugged like it was nothing. Secretly though, I was loving it. Recently, all the discussion around me was about my divorce and struggle. This was the first time in months I was excited and happy. Cee was the cause of so much joy in my life.

“That is a pretty big detail to omit,” Melissa said. “And, follow up question: is he cute?”

I laughed and reddened slightly. “I mean, he's not bad looking, but he is younger than me, and you all know I've sworn off men. Especially after the way my last relationship ended.” I took a big gulp of wine. I needed to convince them as much as I needed to convince myself. “Besides, I have no idea what I would do with all those muscles.”

Every single one of us started to giggle.

“We may have to come over and take a look for ourselves.” Melissa said, raising her margarita up in a cheers. “You know I love a good looking man.”

“Tricia what about you, how is your job going?” I asked, quickly trying to get the attention directed off of me. The thought of Cee with Melissa made me distinctly uncomfortable. I didn't want to think about what the jealous thought meant, but I knew that I didn't want Melissa within ten feet of him.

“It's going okay...” Tricia trailed off. She smiled, but the lack of light in her eyes betrayed her. “Things have been super crazy, actually. I think I might need to hire an assistant.” She took a big gulp of her drink. We never understood how she did her job without one, but this was clearly a big deal to her.

“You should get one. Then, maybe you can finally take a vacation,” Cindy said encouragingly. She leaned forward, her eyes taking in Tricia's exhausted appearance as only a mother could. “You work too hard. You're going to stress yourself out and get sick.”

“Oh that would be nice, it’s just... it’s something I’ve always wanted to do on my own, you know? I built this company, and I just don't know if anyone can run it as well as I can.” Tricia took a big sip of her Manhattan and then turned to Cindy, changing the subject as quickly as I had. “What about you, Cindy? How is your daughter doing in school now?”

Cindy started beaming. “Fantastic, she got her grades up just in time for the beginning of her senior year. I couldn’t believe it. She even got her scholarship back. That tutor we hired, Dane was such a good influence on her. I don’t even mind that they’re dating now.”

We all chuckled at her final statement. She had flown off the handle when she first learned of it, not wanting her daughter to be with an older man. If you could count three years as older. To hear Cindy pretend like it was no big deal after hearing her angst over it for weeks, was worth a laugh.

“That is so great to hear!” I congratulated her. “I guess that just leaves you, Melissa. How's the last week treated you?”

“Well, you all remember that lawyer that I dated for a few weeks?” We all nodded our heads yes. How could we forget him? He was tall, dark handsome and seemed to of stepped out of the pages of a magazine. All of our jaws dropped when we first saw him. Melissa usually dated good looking, wealthy men, but this one blew them all out of the water.

“Well, it really didn’t work out. He was talking about the future, and kids. I mean we had only been together for a month.” She shook her head. “I just don’t know what it is about men these days. I can never find one to keep around.” She paused taking a sip of her margarita. “Speaking of not being able to keep something around, do you guys know of any good gardeners? Mine quit again on me.”

“Why don’t you try the people we used to get our nanny and tutor? They keep supplying great referrals.” Cindy said as she pulled out a card for Melissa.

“Sure, might as well,” Melissa said as she took the card. “What's the worst that could happen? Maybe the next one will even be cute.”

“Maybe even as cute as Jes's nanny,” Tricia teased, bringing the focus back to me. “I still want more details. You blush too much for you not to have something good.”

“I do not!” I said as my face heated and I played with the spot on my wrist where he touched me.

“The lady doth protest too much,” Cindy quoted. “Spill.”

I let out a dramatic sigh. “Nothing happened.” Three sets of disbelieving eyebrows raised. “Nothing!”

“Spill,” Cindy repeated. “Or we're just going to keep pestering you all night. It's only going to get worse.”

I glared at each of them before giving up. “I'm serious when I say nothing has happened. Cee's the ultimate gentleman. He opens doors and pulls out chairs.”

“Sounds nice,” Melissa said softly.

“It is,” I agreed, thinking of how just the little things- making dinner, having things ready, and being there for Ben- meant to me. “Anyway, he's very professional. There's nothing going on.”

“But do you want there to be?” Tricia asked, setting her empty martini glass on the table.

I played with my wineglass. “A little. But he's younger than me. He's so much better looking, and I've got a kid to think about. It just... it would never work.”

“You won't know until you try,” Cindy said quietly. “You never know.”

“No...” I shook my head, thinking of how screwed up my life was. “I couldn't do that to him. Right now, he's my son's nanny. He's a great addition to our house, but he's not family. Besides, I need to stay away from men. And the last person I should even think about naked is my employee.”

“Okay. If that's what you want,” Cindy said, sitting back in her chair, her mouth disappointed.

I looked around and watched all three of my friends shrug like I was making a mistake. But I knew I wasn't. Cee was young and wonderful, but I needed more than I could ever ask of him. He was my employee and I needed to remember that.

No matter how good he looked in his shorts.

***

I
made it back to home to find Ben asleep on the couch, and Cee sitting next to him reading a book. I paused for a moment, enjoying the domestic tranquility of the scene. It felt so right that my heart ached for something I knew I could never have. Cee was our nanny. He had to leave at the end of the night.

“Have fun?” I whispered to Cee, quietly placing my purse on the kitchen table.

“Yeah, we watched a movie and had some pizza. He crashed a little bit ago, and I've just been reading this book.” He held it up. It was a romance book I kept on the table. “Interesting reading material you keep around the house.” He was joking, and maybe a little sarcastic, but it was cute.

I blushed. I kept it there because I thought the cover was pretty and I almost never had anyone over.

“It's just a romance novel. And I like the cover,” I admitted shyly. I would never tell him that I actually enjoyed the racy story.

“It's quite steamy,” he joked, wiggling his eyebrows and making his violet eyes sparkle. “It's giving me all kinds of interesting ideas.”

I coughed, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Cee and steamy were the two words I was trying to keep separate in my head.

“Thank you so much for staying late tonight. It's nice to get out with the girls,” I replied quickly, trying to change the subject back to something more appropriate for a working relationship. I looked at Ben, still soundly asleep on the couch. “Let me get him in bed, and then I can write you a check.”

I walked over to Ben to lift him up and wondered how he had gotten so much bigger the past few days. He barely fit in my arms and I had to use all my strength to just lift him from the couch. A pang in my heart reminded me that Ben wouldn't always be little.

“I got him, Jes.” Cee stood up and took Ben from me with ease. The young boy cuddled into Cee's shoulder and gripped him tight. I walked behind as Cee carried Ben up the stairs.

I was very thankful to be behind him as I got to watch Cee’s ass in front of me. I wondered just how much I had been drinking to stare so openly, especially since he was holding my son in his arms.

We made it to Ben’s room and got him all tucked in. He smiled in his sleep, his lips curling up into what I imagined was the reaction of a good dream. I bent over to give him a kiss goodnight and tucked the sheets around his arms. He was getting so big. One day he wouldn’t let me do this anymore. No matter what, it would be too soon.

We tiptoed out of the room, turning off the light as Cee closed the door behind me. A stray shoe left in the hallway tripped me up and I almost took a tumble. Cee reached out his arms and caught me. He felt so warm against my body, his strong arms wrapped around me.

I flushed unexpectedly, unsure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I had enjoyed the moment of warmth from another person. It had been a long time since anyone had touched me.
Breathe,
I reminded myself.

As cliché as it sounded, he’d taken my breath away.

Before I could embarrass myself further, I hurried back down the stairs, hoping that he didn't see my red cheeks. Once I was in the living room, I busied myself with looking for the checkbook.

Play it cool
,
Jes. Remember what you said to the girls. You aren't ready for a relationship and even if you were, the nanny is not the appropriate person to have one with.

“Thanks again, Cee. I really do appreciate it. I'll see you tomorrow.” I smiled, finally looking up at him through my eyelashes as I handed him the check. I was scared that if I looked at him directly that I would start to blush again.

Cee took the check, carefully folding it into his back pocket as I looked for something else to keep my hands busy. I played with the bracelet, suddenly hoping he'd help me take it off.

Stop it. You can't have him.

“Sure thing. Ben is really a great kid.” He reached for the door his hand hesitated at the handle, his face turned towards me. His violet eyes were warm and held me captive. “It's really great to see you having a good time. I'm glad I got to see that beautiful smile of yours.”

I blinked. Did he really just say that?

Before I could ask him, he opened the door. With one hand on the doorknob, he reached over and touched my shoulder. I trembled slightly. “I'll see you in the morning,” he said. “Hope to see you smiling.”

I tried to respond back but my mouth couldn’t form the words of a simple goodbye. This wasn’t a dream. He actually said those words.

He thought my smile was beautiful. No one had ever told me they thought my smile was beautiful.

The door made a quiet click as I pushed it all the way closed and locked it. I couldn’t believe he made me so flustered. Yet, even though I wasn't really ready to admit it to myself, I had rather enjoyed it.

What was I thinking?
He was my nanny. He was younger than me.

But he thought my smile was beautiful.

C
ee held me against his smooth chest, those eyes blazing as he dipped down to kiss my jawbone, then on towards my neck. Each small kiss making me moan just a little louder...

––––––––

I
nstead of moaning, however, I heard the beeping of my alarm clock as it pulled me out of the dream. I groaned and wished I could ignore it for another few hours. I wanted to finish the dream, to let him take me all the way to the edge.

My dreams were the only place where I knew I could have Cee and not feel any guilt about who he was or what his age was. Dreams were where anything was possible. There was no judgment in dreams, just release. My muscles protested as I stretched and tried to get the motivation to put my feet on the floor.

I heard Cee’s car pull up just as I was putting the final touches on my wardrobe. My traitorous heart fluttered at the sound. I checked myself in the mirror and frowned when I saw the woman staring back at me. She looked tired. And frumpy.