Walk on the Wild Side (6 page)

‘Watch.' She flicked a switch and an image suddenly appeared in the frame.

He looked up—clamped to the ceiling was an old slide projector. He looked back to the frame and watched as she clicked through a series of slides—mostly modern paintings. Frankly weird ones.

‘You studied art,' he said.

‘Art history, yes.'

‘But you did some yourself?'

She frowned. ‘Not formally, no. But I like to play around.' She clicked through another couple of eyesore slides.

‘You don't have any landscapes?' he couldn't help asking.

‘What, like mountain scenes?'

‘Yeah.' He grinned.

‘No,' she said flatly and put the remote down.

He chuckled and wandered around the room. On the table was a single flower—some big, beautiful bloom that looked delicate, as if the petals would fall if you so much as brushed it. Yet she'd put it in an antique glass bottle that had a worn ‘poison' sticker on it. He grinned at the
juxtaposition. He looked again at the stairway to nowhere, the paintings, the vases, the collection of kitsch knickknacks overflowing on one shelf while the shelf beside that one was completely bare. ‘You have a lot of weird things.'

‘Things that don't readily make sense,' she agreed. ‘It's a way of freeing up my imagination. To encourage creativity.'

OK—by having a collection of plastic animals walking up the wall? He lifted his brow at the rhino that had a miniature bottle opener hanging from its horn.

‘Mystery is always present,' she said softly. ‘That's the point.'

He looked at her. Yeah, the mystery was right in front of him. Adrenaline rushed, the precursor to fight, to drive for success. In that instant he wanted her more than he wanted his next breath.

 

Jack was staring at her. Just staring. Making her feel so self-conscious and so hot it was a wonder her skin wasn't curling and crisping like bacon under a grill.

‘What are you doing here?' she asked before thinking.

‘I'm deciding whether you're real or whether this is jet lag causing a hallucination.'

Jet lag? Had he only just got back from Canada?

‘How are you going to find out?' She could barely breathe.

He smiled lazily and she blinked in the face of its brilliance. Oh, he was so smooth, wasn't he? She couldn't be felled again by just a look like that.

She leaned forward—dangerously close. ‘I'm an illusion,' she whispered. ‘Not real at all.' He chuckled.

‘How was your trip?' She stepped back and busied her hands by going into the kitchen and getting cups from the shelf. ‘Did the training go OK?'

‘Not as good as it could have.' He followed her, leaning against the door frame.

‘No?'

His grimace said it all. ‘My knee is going to take a little longer than we first thought. I'm back for more physio. No point getting frustrated by being surrounded by snow and doing something stupid.'

‘Oh.' She'd thought he'd handled the stairs no problem and was moving as lithe as a panther. But it must still bother him on those death-defying jumps.

‘What about you—you're OK?' He moved to where she was by the bench. Mind-blowingly, pheromone-dizzying close.

She stared at the seam of his shirt and reminded herself to breathe again. She had to keep it light. Didn't want him to know how much he affected her—that was just embarrassing. The guy was a pro—but in sport and sex. And she was just another in that long line. So she had to get them laughing again as if none of this had ever mattered.

‘Actually, no,' she said firmly. ‘Life's not been the same since I last saw you.'

He stilled. ‘It hasn't?'

‘No,' she said sombrely. ‘Thanks to you I'm scarred for life.' With a theatrical flourish, she pointed to her nose. ‘I got three new freckles.'

‘Freckles,' he said blankly. ‘You got freckles.'

‘Three.' She nodded. ‘From the sun.'

He snorted and leaned back on the bench, his smile crocodile wide.

She grinned back. ‘You obviously aren't aware of how serious this is.'

He laughed—too long, too infectiously. Then he suddenly sobered, half groaning and rubbing his chest with the heel of his hand. ‘Hell, for a moment there I thought you were going to tell me something far worse.'

‘What could be worse?' she asked mock-incredulously.

‘That there might have been some long-term consequences from that day.'

‘Freckles are long term,' she said. ‘You can't get rid of them. At
all
. Believe me, I've tried.'

‘But kids have much more of an impact.' He shook his head and laughed again. ‘I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant.'

Pregnant?

Kelsi laughed, too—giggled like a silly schoolgirl.

But as their amusement filled her ears her brain ticked over slowly. Her giggle went into cardiac arrest. ‘Kelsi?'

She shook her head and turned away from him slightly as she tried to think harder. Pregnant. No. She'd had a period—hadn't she?

‘It's been a month, Kelsi. Shouldn't you know by now?'

She should if she'd been paying attention to anything like that. But she'd been working even crazier hours than usual because of an account she'd won. Because she'd been trying to distract herself so much.

So she really hadn't been thinking about her cycle or anything. Hell, she hadn't even had the time to dye her hair again, which was why she was going for the assortment of hats at the moment.

‘Kelsi?'

Stupid, irrelevant thoughts tumbled over and over in her head. When had her last period been? But all she came up
with was an empty feeling. A blankness that just couldn't be good.

‘I used a condom.' Clearly he was thinking the same thing.

‘Yes.' Her voice cracked. ‘You checked it after, right?'

He stared at her but wasn't really seeing her. She knew he, too, was thinking back on those cataclysmic moments when they'd been in the water. Waist deep, they'd rolled and swapped positions again and again and pushed it every which way.

His face became more rigid as the seconds dragged. ‘I swam after. I just scrunched it up and put it in my pocket to get rid of later.'

So he hadn't checked—it could have shredded. Neither of them knew for sure. And, given the sustained action the thing had endured, it probably had.

Oh, no.

‘Come on,' He said suddenly, taking her hand in a tight grip and next thing he was walking her out of the flat, down the path, dragging her behind him like one of those wooden pull-along toys.

He went to the driver's side of her car. ‘Keys.'

‘I thought you believed in
walking
,' she said sarcastically, needing to get a bite in.

‘Right now I really feel like running.'

Ha ha.

She got in the car and gripped her hands tight together, pressing them to her chest. ‘Where are we going?'

‘The supermarket.'

She looked blankly at him.

‘To get a pregnancy test.'

Supermarkets stocked pregnancy tests? And he knew this how?

‘They have everything. If they don't we'll try the pharmacy.'

But the supermarket did have pregnancy tests—next to the lubricant and the ribbed condoms.

‘I can't do this.' She dropped her gaze down to the plasters—brightly coloured ones with cartoon characters on them. She looked to another shelf—kids' toothpaste, kids' shampoo, kids' talc. Everywhere she looked there were kid things. Only a little farther along were nappies—
nappies!

No, no, no and no again.

Jack didn't answer, just reached up and grabbed two boxes—different brands. Then he took her by the arm again and stalked to another aisle, picked up a bottle of juice.

‘I prefer apple,' she said, just to retain some element of control.

‘There must be a bathroom somewhere round here.' He looked around the building.

‘I am not doing this in a public loo.' She shook her head, appalled. ‘I'm going home.'

He frowned but nodded. ‘I'm coming with you.'

She saw the look in his eyes and decided not to argue. She went ahead so she wouldn't have to see the checkout operator's eyebrows lift when she scanned those few specific items.

He got in the car and handed her the bottle. She held it in a death grip but she couldn't drink. She didn't want to move—not even an inch, not ever again. The bottle was taken from her and he took a gulp from it. She'd laugh if she wasn't so scared. He was on her heels as she walked up the path to her building. She could feel his breath on her shoulder as she unlocked the door. But when he walked with her up to the bathroom door she drew the line.

‘I'm having privacy for this.'

‘Of course. I'll be right here.' He handed her the plastic shopping bag, then took up position leaning against the wall right outside.

This just couldn't be happening. Just couldn't.

She'd never done a pregnancy test in her life, but it wasn't as if it was hard. Hideous, yes, as her stomach swirled with sickened nerves. She held the little stick thing in front of her and watched as she waited to see if her life really was ruined. She'd opened the most expensive one first, hoping it meant greatest accuracy, but all it meant was that it was the one that flashed the result in a bright neon light—
pregnant!

As if it were the best news in all the world.

For some women it would be. For some women it would be the result they'd been praying for after months of trying or treatment. But for Kelsi?

She slumped. An unplanned pregnancy was bad enough. But from a one-night stand? Not even a relationship? They had no basis, nothing to try to make the best of, nothing between them but animal, sexual attraction—that was as everyday to him as breathing. And utterly overwhelming for her.

Wincing, she closed her eyes. But still she saw the light flashing with that single, life-changing word.

It had to be wrong. Had to be.

She ripped open the second box.

J
ACK
banged on the door
,
never so impatient in all his life. ‘Kelsi? Are you okay? Open up.'

Silence. Just as there'd been silence for the last ten interminable minutes.

‘If you don't open up now I'm breaking the door.'

It wouldn't take much. He seemed to have more adrenaline running in him than he'd had even on the most difficult jumps. He made himself uncurl his fingers from the fists they'd bunched into and tried to relax. Half a second later he banged again.

There was a muffled reply. Not good.

The door opened and he saw her face.

Definitely not good. Definitely really, really bad.

‘Don't worry.' He didn't know who he was trying to reassure more—her or him. ‘It's going to be OK.'

Oh, hell, it wasn't. She walked past him, handed him the thing that had ‘pregnant' flashing on the tip—two of them plus two that had the two blue lines. He'd seen enough movies to know what they all meant; he didn't need the damn flashing neon signs.

Was this why he hadn't been able to get her out of his head these past weeks? Was there such a thing as male intuition?

No. It was pure lust. All day, all night she was all he
could think about, until he could fight it no more and he'd had to come and deal with it. He'd actually blown off his training and come back to finish what they'd started. That was nightmare enough, now it had turned into a full-on horror film.

His brain fast-tracked down another nightmare route. Had she known? She'd been cool when she first saw him—had she known she was pregnant but was never going to tell him? Would she
ever
have told him?

He stared at her. Of course she hadn't known. No one could fake this kind of shocked reaction. But would she have told him once she found out? The question burned deep and he didn't like it.

‘We can deal with this,' he said into the silence, still trying to reassure someone—anyone.

She said nothing. Just looked stricken.

Problem solving. He could do that. He just had to figure out a plan. But he wasn't thinking much at all at the moment other than—
pregnant
.

And then came the panic. The sheer, freezing panic as he thought about a baby and its birth and then about his own awful arrival into the world.

‘It is mine, right?' his mouth blabbed before his brain could stop it.

She went rigid. ‘Right.'

Big mistake. But he had to be sure—because there were things she had to know. But not now—she was upset enough already. She didn't need more to terrify her. Oh, hell, no.

‘I take full responsibility,' he said urgently. ‘I was the one who—'

‘I said yes,' she interrupted fiercely. ‘I don't blame you.'

Silence. Long, long silence. But doubts whispered inside
and he, who usually had such formidable mental strength, now could not resist them. ‘Can I ask you something?'

She shrugged. ‘Sure.'

‘If I hadn't come here tonight, would you have contacted me when you found out? Would I ever have known I'm going to be a father?'

Kelsi didn't think the evening could have got worse. But it just had. ‘We don't know each other very well, do we?' she said bleakly. ‘Of course I would have.'

She turned away from him and walked to the window. What a mess. But this was one she had to get control of really quickly. And freeing Jack was right up there on her priority list. Because he was a Jack-the-lad all the way. He lived for adrenaline and extreme sports and travelling the globe year round and he needed it like that. He wasn't up for this, and she wasn't up for him being trapped and resentful. Or for her having her self-respect decimated as her mum's had been. Kelsi didn't want someone who played so fast and loose wandering in and out of her life. Or her child's. She didn't want her baby disappointed every time its daddy didn't turn up. And on top of that, his questioning if the baby was his hurt—he might play like that, she didn't.

She flung back her head. ‘You know what? I'm not ashamed about what we did on the beach. I'm not going to be ever. I enjoyed it—you already know that. But it's irrelevant. This is going to take some time to get used to.' She swallowed. ‘I just want to think and decide what to do.' She wanted him to go away and leave her free to do just that.

‘Do I get to have any say what that decision might be?'

She looked up at him again. ‘No.' His gaze sharpened
but she held her ground. ‘You don't know me. You don't know what decisions I might be contemplating.'

‘Then I suggest we get to know each other.' He walked towards her. ‘Fast.'

Kelsi stiffened at the aggression in his voice and body. He'd better not be going to get all he-man and decisive. He'd better not get all controlling and telling her what to do. And he'd sure as hell better not be planning on ruining what little of her life there was left to ruin by forcing them into some kind of relationship when he'd never intended one before.

‘I'm not leaving, Kelsi.' He spoke quickly, sounding all action man and making her think that was exactly what he was going to do. ‘I'm not ditching you in the face of disaster. I don't operate like that. But we can work it out. We can—'

‘We're not getting married.' She cut him off before he could get out the crazy proposal. ‘I'm not marrying you. It's not necessary. That sort of thing just doesn't happen now.'

His eyes were wide.

‘You don't need to worry,' she added furiously. ‘I don't have a father to come running after you with a shotgun. It's a stupid idea.'

He paused, seeming to take a minute to breathe. Kelsi needed to sit. She wished he'd leave so she could process this whole thing; his presence was too much to cope with. She really wanted to cry—alone.

‘Kelsi,' he said quietly. ‘I don't want to get married either. I've no intention of ever getting married.'

Kelsi went prickly hot all over. He didn't? Oh, could the floor open up and swallow her now—
please?

‘You're right.' His voice softened further still. ‘People don't marry because of unplanned pregnancies any more.'

While she totally agreed, somehow
him
saying it made her angry. His brutal honesty hurt. ‘Some people don't go through with unplanned pregnancies either.'

The sharp intake of breath and the leaping in his eyes almost made her take a step back. ‘I don't want this right now,' she said harshly. ‘I have a career to build, I need to work—'

‘You don't need to worry about money,' he said furiously. ‘I will support you and the child.'

‘No.' Her shoulders slumped. ‘You don't need to. You don't need to worry. Just forget about it.' She didn't want him thinking he had to do anything.

He was white around the lips. ‘You're going to get rid of it.'

She closed her eyes, holding back the tears. ‘No,' she said softly. ‘I'm sorry but that's not an option for me.'

She was the result of an unplanned pregnancy herself, the offspring of a shotgun wedding. So she knew all too well how those kinds of marriages failed. But she was grateful for her life. It wasn't this child's fault. She would love this child no matter that its conception was unintended. She'd made the mistake, but she wouldn't let her child suffer for it.

He turned away from her, lifting his arm and rubbing the side of his neck. ‘Don't be sorry,' he said eventually. ‘I'm glad.'

It was long moments before Kelsi could breathe again.

‘We'll work it out.' He faced her again.

She held up her hand. She just didn't want to hear the platitudes. ‘
We
don't have to do anything.
I
do.' She sighed. ‘Let's not have this conversation tonight.'

‘Kelsi,' he asked softly. ‘Where's your mum?'

She winced. How on earth was she going to tell her? She'd tried so hard to be the success her mother had wanted her to be. She didn't want to let her down and she just had. She'd never been able to meet her father's standard in looks, but for her mother she'd ensured she met the requirements—a good girl, with good grades and good attitude and good prospects. Not some hedonistic fool who'd throw it all away with a lust-filled romp with a stranger on a beach. How could she admit that folly? She couldn't bear to lose her mother's approval, too. Not when it had been so hard won.

When Kelsi answered it was a barely audible whisper. ‘I'm not talking to her about this yet.'

Jack felt really bad now. She looked so small, so vulnerable. So damned vulnerable. And he couldn't stop himself from reaching out. Just to comfort, just a little. But she flinched back from his touch and looked wildly angry with him.

‘Don't.'
She glared at him.

OK, fair enough. He wasn't feeling that Disney happy either right now. He was worried—about her—in more ways than he wanted to admit to her or to himself. ‘You haven't had dinner.'

‘I'm not hungry.'

Nor was he. But it gave him reason to stick around. ‘I'll go get something. Be back in twenty. We can talk some more then.'

A little cool-down time would be good for them both. His knee twinged as he strode to the row of shops down the end of the street but it wasn't as bad as the stabbing thoughts in his head. He'd never wanted to be responsible for anyone. He'd taken great care not to lead any lover on, or let anyone think themselves attached to him. He just
wasn't ready for family commitments and he didn't think he'd ever be. He liked the thrill of variety and challenge—professionally and personally. He also liked to keep his distance from anything messy. That meant short, hot flings that ended in a nice friendship.

He liked his freedom. He needed it so he could concentrate on his career.

But there was something so galling about being told outright, from the outset, that he wasn't required. That any responsibility he felt wasn't necessary and nor was anything else he might want to offer. It annoyed him. And it made him Mr Contrary. For one crazy half-moment he'd even felt like insisting she marry him. Just to let her know she wasn't as self-sufficient as she thought. Because she wasn't. Sure, she had a job and car and everything, but she was renting and it wasn't as if she was rich. And he wasn't going to be easily sidelined.

But the truth was marriage hadn't even occurred to him until she'd pre-emptively refused him. Besides, he couldn't exactly force her.

Sanity prevailed. She was right, they didn't need to get married. He'd support their child—financially—of course he would. Hell, that was the one thing he could really offer. He knew how hard it had been for his father in the early years, trying to start up a business while caring for a baby on his own. Financial security had become his priority. At least Kelsi didn't have to worry about that. In that way Jack could give her a lot.

But, no, he wasn't going to be around full-time. His life just didn't work that way, but that didn't mean he should be ousted completely—which Kelsi obviously wanted. She was slicing the ground from beneath him. He really hadn't expected her to turn mother tiger on him and try to evict the male. In those minutes when he'd been waiting for the
results he'd envisaged tearful scenes with her leaning on his shoulder, weak and helpless and needy. The reality of her rejection was far worse than the nightmare.

And then there was the brutal physical impact of pregnancy. He couldn't stop the worst-case scenario fears from spreading in his system like snake venom, threatening to shut down his vital organs, most especially his brain. Kelsi was petite—he remembered his hesitance on the beach when he worried he'd crush her—so the thought of her bearing the burden of his baby?

Terrifying.

His child could kill her. He knew. Because having him had killed his mother. Less than two hours after his birth, she'd gone.

He walked faster, trying to flee the fear and recover rational thought.

It wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't let it. Kelsi would have nothing but the best of medical care. His mother had had none. History would not repeat.

Twenty minutes later he was no less angry, no less determined, no less devastated as he walked back into Kelsi's flat with a couple of cartons of noodles. Neither of them touched them.

‘It's going to be fine.' She smiled but it wasn't a natural one. ‘It's all going to be OK.'

‘Oh?' He stopped. She still had her back pressed against the window, as far away from him as possible.

‘Sure.' She nodded. ‘I have a good job. I have no worries financially. It won't be easy, but it'll be doable.'

Somehow that didn't make him feel any better. Now she was suggesting she didn't even want his money? Ridiculous. Doing it alone wasn't easy—even with only one child. His instincts sharpened—body becoming even more battle ready. ‘What will you do with the baby?'

‘When it comes I can keep working from home. Later I can return to the office part-time and work my hours back up as it gets older.'

‘You've thought all this through,' he said, not keeping the sarcasm out.

She looked cool. ‘Funnily enough, I haven't been able to think of much else.'

OK, so he knew it was the twenty-first century and all and there were plenty of working mothers out there, plenty of solo mothers, too, but there was that basic instinct in him now rearing its head up from the cave it had been born in, saying the man ought to provide for his woman and child. And there was another instinct rising, too, threatening to override everything—his need for this woman, pushing him to do what he'd been dreaming of for ever. ‘And where did you see me fitting in with this?'

‘I don't.'

‘Pardon?' Jack couldn't control the snap of his muscles.