Waking Up in Charleston (9 page)

“And then came Bobby,” Caleb guessed.

She nodded, her lips curving at the memory of the way he’d blasted into her life on a motorcycle and captured her heart. “And then came Bobby,” she confirmed.

“Did your father hate him from the beginning?”

Though the question threatened the tender skin covering an old wound, Amanda thought back, then shook her head. “No, at first I think he regarded him as nothing
more than a nuisance. He was convinced I’d tire of him and move on to someone more appropriate. Things didn’t get ugly till he realized that wasn’t going to happen.”

“You fought?”

“All the time.” She remembered the confrontations as if they’d been yesterday. Each one had carved another piece out of her heart. She’d been torn between two men she loved more than life itself. “Ironically, now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’m not sure it was even Bobby he hated so much, but rather the destruction of all his dreams for me. He couldn’t imagine me doing everything he’d planned for me with a man like Bobby by my side, rather than some doctor or lawyer he’d handpicked for his son-in-law.”

“Yet you defied him and married Bobby, anyway,” Caleb said.

“The power of love,” she said glibly, as if that explained it all. It didn’t even begin to describe the emotions that had driven her to choose Bobby over Big Max. It was a choice she never should have had to make.

“Was it love?” Caleb asked. “Or rebellion?”

“I loved my husband,” she said heatedly. “And I had no reason to rebel against my father. Until Bobby came into my life, he had been the most supportive father in the world. We weren’t like other parents and teenagers. It had always been just the two of us, so we were a team. I guess that was why I was so shocked when he refused to accept how good Bobby and I were together. I’d thought I could make him understand. Before Bobby came along, he’d always given me the courtesy of listening when we had disagreements. I couldn’t always change his mind, but at least he heard me out, and then we’d find a compromise.”

“But this time nothing you said made any difference,” Caleb said.

“Nothing. His mind was dead-set against the marriage, and that was that. Bobby and I went ahead and made our plans. Bobby paid for everything. All I asked of my father was that he give me away. Instead, he waited till the morning of the wedding to tell me he wouldn’t walk me down the aisle to ‘that man who’s going to ruin your life.’”

“That must have hurt,” Caleb said, his gaze filled with understanding.

“You have no idea,” Amanda said. The memory ached as if it had happened yesterday. “Even so, I think I could have gotten past that if he’d bent even a little as time went on. Bobby tried so hard to prove what a good husband he was. But when my father stood right in front of him and ripped up the picture of Jimmy, his first grandchild, I knew that he would never accept my choice or let me back into his life.”

“Surely he’s mellowed by now,” Caleb suggested.

“He hadn’t when I asked him for help after Bobby died,” she said, still bitter over the way he’d dismissed her then. It wasn’t just that he’d turned her down; it was the callous way he’d done it. “I went to him and groveled, not for myself, but for his grandchildren, and he turned me away. He couldn’t resist gloating, either. He told me I’d gotten what I deserved for not listening to him in the first place. My husband had died and my father thought I deserved it.”

She shuddered at the memory. “Why are we talking about my father, anyway? He’s part of my past. I simply have to accept that.”

Caleb gave her a chiding look. “Remember the Ten Commandments?”

“Of course. I have picked up a few things taking the kids to church on Sundays.”

“What about honoring your father and mother, then?”

“I did,” she countered. “I respected my father more than anyone on earth until the day he cut me out of his life.”

“I don’t think God put any qualifiers or time limits on those Commandments,” Caleb said. “I’m pretty sure He meant them to last for the parent’s lifetime, even when that parent is seriously flawed.”

Amanda clenched her fists at the thought that Caleb was judging her for doing what anyone else with an ounce of pride would have done in the same circumstances. Suddenly all the joy of the tranquil evening fled.

“Why dredge this up now? Haven’t I told you repeatedly that I don’t want to talk about my father?” she said tightly. “Not now, not ever again.”

Caleb’s lips curved slightly. “Maybe that’s exactly why you should, because it’s still so painful.”

Thoroughly agitated, Amanda shoved her chair back and began to pace. Eventually she stopped in front of Caleb and scowled at him. “I don’t understand you. You refuse to discuss your past because it’s painful. Why should I? You know how I feel. You’ve seen the damage he did to me and my family. Why are you pushing so hard to get me to open up about him? I hate him,” she said fervently. “I think I have good reason. If
you disagree, that’s not my problem. I’m just not as good a person as you are.”

“We both know that’s not true. I certainly have my flaws, but you’re not an unforgiving woman, Amanda,” Caleb said mildly. “And hate requires an awful lot of energy. Something tells me there’s a part of you that would like to see things made right with him again.”

“I’d like a million dollars and a BMW convertible, too,” she snapped. “It’s all out of reach. I’ve come to accept that.”

Caleb gave her a disbelieving look. “Have you really?”

“Yes, dammit! This subject is nonnegotiable, Caleb. I didn’t cut my father out of my life. He kicked me out of his, because he didn’t like my choice for a husband. It’s up to him to fix this, not me. Personally, I don’t see that ever happening. If you knew him, you’d get that. He’s too stubborn to ever change his mind.”

“Couldn’t you be the bigger person and try one more time?”

“No,” she said flatly. “It’s too late.”

“Only if you let it be.”

She stared at Caleb. “I still don’t get it. Why is this so important to you all of a sudden? You’ve never given two hoots about my relationship with my father before.”

He smiled at that. “Maybe I’ve been biding my time,” he suggested. “Or maybe I’ve just realized how important a reconciliation would be for you, whether you’re ready to admit it or not.”

“Which is it?”

“Does it really matter?”

She sighed heavily as she dropped back into the chair
next to him. “No, I suppose not, especially if you’ll just shut up about it.”

“I won’t.”

She gave him a plaintive look. “Please.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. It’s too important.”

Amanda thought back to a time when her father had meant the world to her. It seemed so long ago and there’d been so much water under the bridge since then. There’d been a thousand times she’d longed for things to be the way they once were, but she’d finally accepted they never would be. To try to fix things one more time, only to be rebuffed one more time, would kill her.

“Leave it alone, Caleb.” She met his gaze evenly. “Don’t let my father come between us, too.”

She saw understanding dawn in his eyes and knew she’d hit on the one warning he might take seriously, the one warning that might get him to back off.

Then he smiled. “Nice try, darlin’, but I’m not the one who scares easily.”

She frowned. “I’m not scared of my father.”

Caleb’s expression sobered at once. “What about me, Amanda? Aren’t you just a little bit afraid of me?”

“What?” she scoffed. “Are you threatening to take away your company, your respect, if I don’t mend fences with my father? I know you’d never do that. You’ll keep at me till you get your way or hell freezes over, whichever happens first.”

His lips twitched. “You’re right about that.”

She regarded him uneasily. “Then I don’t know what you mean,” she claimed, fairly certain she was compounding her sins with the blatant lie.

Caleb tucked a finger under her chin and kept his
gaze steady on her face. Amanda could feel the heat climbing into her cheeks, feel the sudden dip and sway of her pulse even before he leaned forward and touched his mouth to hers.

And then her head went spinning, her heart thumping wildly and she was lost—not
scared,
she told herself fiercely—just lost in a sea of sensation. Who would have thought quiet, steady-as-a-rock Caleb could take her on such a ride?

Especially when not five seconds ago she had wanted to wring his neck.

C
aleb hadn’t meant to kiss Amanda, but once he’d started, he couldn’t seem to stop. Months of pent-up yearnings went into that kiss. His blood was stirred in ways he’d almost forgotten.

And then he remembered that this was Amanda, a woman whose dreams didn’t mesh with his own, a woman whose children were already confused about how he fit into their lives. And here he was muddying the waters again. Clearly he needed to take a step back and reassess everything that was happening between them. That’s what the noble man she thought him to be would do.

And he would do it, too—but not until he savored just one more kiss, not until he tasted the faint hint of chocolate still on her tongue, not until he learned the shape of her mouth and felt the satiny texture of her cheeks against his palms. If that made him weak, so be it. He’d never pretended to be a saint, despite what some thought.

Finally, reluctantly, he released her, then sat back. He reached for his now-cold cup of coffee and clutched it to keep from reaching for Amanda again. He wanted
her with every fiber of his being, more than he’d even realized.

“We can’t… Caleb, this is…” Her dazed eyes locked on to his. “What’s going on here?”

He set the cup back on the table and raked a hand through his hair. “I wish I could explain it,” he murmured, wrestling with the same conflicted emotions that were evidently torturing her.

“Try,” she insisted.

He’d counseled honesty often enough that he couldn’t ignore it now when it was so important. “There’s an attraction here,” he began.

“No kidding,” she said, amusement lurking in her eyes.

“It’s a bad idea,” he said staunchly.

“No argument there,” she agreed. “So why does it keep happening? It’s not as if we’re a couple of kids who can’t control our hormones.”

“Speak for yourself,” he said ruefully. “Not about being kids, but the whole control thing. I seem to lose it when I’m with you, Amanda. All the sane, rational reasons why a relationship is impossible fly right out of my head.”

She grinned then. “I’ve noticed,” she said, then sobered. “I’m no better.”

He let himself relax slightly at the admission that he hadn’t been the only one losing control. “No kidding,” he said, echoing her words.

“What are we going to do about it?” she asked. “You’re a minister. You can’t go around having flings with members of your congregation.” She paused as if considering the possibilities, then looked into his eyes. “Can you?”

“Definitely a bad idea,” he admitted with reluctance. And who’d said anything about a fling? he wanted to demand. The part of him that yearned for love and family and happily-ever-after wanted a hell of a lot more than that. He just knew it was impossible.

“Bad idea. Right,” she said. “Okay, we’re agreed on that.” Her expression seemed a little sad, but she shook it off and added, “And then there are the kids to be considered. They’re confused enough as it is.”

He thought of the destruction of the tree house. “No question about that.”

“But they need you in their lives, Caleb,” she said urgently. “We have to figure out a way to make that happen without any more of this.”

Pure devilment made him ask, “This?”

She frowned at him. “You know perfectly well what I mean. The whole kissing thing. Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about?”

Caleb had never been more torn in his life. A part of him wanted to throw caution to the wind right now and tell Amanda that he was falling in love with her, that the kissing wasn’t going to stop. Another part knew that such a declaration would eventually blow up in both their faces, especially when she found out everything he’d been hiding from her—his friendship with her father, his own dark secrets. Not just Amanda, but her children, needed to be protected from that kind of fallout.

“How about this?” he asked eventually. “Since I can’t swear I won’t be tempted to keep right on stealing kisses from time to time or even that I won’t try to seduce you…”

Alarm, and perhaps just a hint of interest, flared in her eyes. He worked hard to ignore it.

“Let’s make a pact,” he continued.

“A pact?”

“Nothing complicated. We just agree that we’ll avoid being alone together. That way I can spend time with the kids, but there won’t be any risk of either one of us losing our heads. We ought to be safe enough if we’re always surrounded by other people. Neither of us is reckless enough to do something crazy in front of anyone else, right?”

“I used to think so,” she said, then added candidly, “You confuse me, Caleb.”

“I think I’ve been in a perpetual state of confusion since the day we met,” he told her. “The pact would clarify things, make sure we don’t do anything foolish.”

Amanda gazed into his eyes for a very long time, then finally nodded.

But even as she agreed to do as he’d suggested, there was no mistaking the faint disappointment in her eyes. Caleb wished he hadn’t noticed that. It pretty much shot to pieces his already wavering resolve to do the right thing.

Mary Louise looked up just before the end of her shift and saw Danny standing uncertainly on the opposite side of the counter.

“Is it okay that I’m here?” he asked, his gaze sliding down to her stomach, which wasn’t even rounded yet, then coming back up to meet her eyes.

“Sure,” she said a little too brightly. She wished just seeing him hadn’t made her heart lurch. She was re
minded of way too many dreams she’d had to force aside to give him his freedom.

His gaze narrowed. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do,” she insisted.

“You never could fib to me,” he told her. “Don’t start trying now. If me being here is a problem, just tell me. I don’t want to make this any harder on you than it is already.”

Mary Louise drew in a deep breath. “Okay, it is hard, but I want to see you. I’ve missed you. You’re not just the man I love, Danny. You’re my best friend.”

He looked relieved. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“What are you doing home in the middle of the week?”

“Thanksgiving’s Thursday, have you forgotten? And I don’t have any classes tomorrow, so I came home tonight.”

“Thanksgiving, of course. I guess I’ve been so busy I completely forgot.”

“I don’t suppose you’d like to have dinner with my folks and me,” he asked, regarding her uncertainly. “They said it would be okay.”

Mary Louise was torn between longing and anger. She went with the anger. It was safer. “Why would I want to do that?” she retorted. “Am I supposed to act like everything’s normal when we both know it’s not?”

He regarded her miserably. “Look, I know this is all my fault, but I do love you, Mary Louise. I can’t just forget about that. And we are having a baby together. I wish I felt differently about us getting married, but I’m trying to think about the future for all of us, not just about what I want right now.”

She relented. “I know. Me, too. But I still think Thanksgiving dinner with your folks would be awful. Could you bear having them stare at us through a whole meal, trying to think of something to say? Or worse, lecturing us on what we ought to be doing?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, they’re not that enlightened. How about later, then? We could see a movie or something.”

Before she could answer, Willie Ron walked in, took one look at Danny and grabbed his arm. “You and me outside,” he said curtly.

“Willie Ron, no!” Mary Louise protested.

“I’m not going to beat the living daylights out of him, though I think that’s exactly what he deserves,” Willie Ron said.

“It’s okay,” Danny said, his expression resigned. “He’s been a good friend to you. And to me, for that matter. Let him say his piece. It’s not going to be anything I haven’t thought about myself.”

“Then Willie Ron can say it right here in front of me,” Mary Louise declared. “I don’t want the two of you out there getting into some kind of fistfight in the parking lot.”

“I told you I wouldn’t hit him,” Willie Ron said indignantly.

“And I believe you mean it,” Mary Louise said. “For now. But what if he ticks you off?”

Willie Ron rolled his eyes. “The boy has already ticked me off.”

“You know what I mean,” she said. “Come on, you two. There’s no need for any of this. I love you to pieces for wanting to stand up for me, Willie Ron, but I’ve
made my choice. Berating Danny for it is a waste of time.”

“It’s
my
time,” Willie Ron said, heading for the door and dragging Danny behind him.

Mary Louise stared after them. Short of calling the police, what options did she have? Besides, Danny could stand up for himself. And she was
almost
certain that Willie Ron would keep his word and not hit him. A tiny, mean little voice in her head wished he would.

Still, her nerves were taut till the two of them came back inside. Willie Ron wore a satisfied expression and Danny looked chastened.

“Everything settled?” she asked.

“I think we understand each other,” Willie Ron said, his gaze leveled on Danny.

“We do,” Danny agreed.

“Then there was no bloodshed?”

“Do we look as if there’d been bloodshed?” Willie Ron scoffed. “We’re civilized human beings here.”

“Absolutely,” Danny confirmed. He hesitated, his gaze shifting to Willie Ron, then back to her. “I’m thinking, though, that maybe going to the movies on Thursday night is a bad idea.”

Mary Louise immediately scowled at Willie Ron. “What did you say to him?”

“Just some things he needed to hear,” he assured her.

“I’ll call you, Mary Louise,” Danny promised hurriedly. “And I will see you before I go back to school.”

She watched him leave, her emotions in turmoil. Then she whirled on Willie Ron. “You scared him off, didn’t you? You threatened him.”

“I most certainly did not,” Willie Ron said, looking hurt. “I told him the truth.”

“Whose truth?”

“There’s only one,” he said. “That he’s hurt you enough and that a man faces up to his responsibilities.”

“My choice!” she reminded him furiously. “If I want to see him, if I want to let my heart get broken a million more times, it’s my choice!”

“And it’s my choice not to stand by and let it happen, if there’s something I can do to stop it,” he responded with quiet dignity. “That’s what real friends do.”

Mary Louise burst into tears. “Real friends do not keep people apart, not when they’re in love.”

“If Danny loved you—”

“He does!” she shouted, needing to believe that now more than ever. “He does love me.”

“Okay, okay. Have it your way,” Willie Ron soothed, looking shaken by her tears. “He does love you.”

“Damn straight, he does,” she said with a sniff.

Willie Ron looked deep into her eyes, his expression sad. “But in my view, if he doesn’t love you enough to do what’s right for you and
his
child, it doesn’t much count.”

She’d thought the same thing too many times herself to pretend otherwise. “You make it sound like it’s easy,” she whispered eventually. “It’s not.”

“It should be,” Willie Ron said more gently. “With a baby on the way, it surely should be.”

Thanksgiving morning dawned with an orange sunrise that gave way to bright blue skies. Amanda took her
first cup of coffee for the day into the backyard and sat down to reflect on how many things she had to be thankful for. The new house topped the list, followed very quickly by all the people who’d become friends in the past year. Caleb, despite the confusion he filled her with, was on the list, as well. In fact, he deserved credit for all the rest.

Then, of course, there were the kids, who were finally beginning to lose those pinched, frightened expressions they’d worn in the first weeks and months after Bobby died. They were back to being healthy, normal, carefree kids again. Even those moments when they turned into holy terrors seemed blessedly normal compared to the times when they’d been too silent.

She heard the screen door slam and saw Susie crossing the yard, barefoot and still in her nightgown. She crawled up into Amanda’s lap and rested her head against Amanda’s chest.

“Mommy, are we gonna have turkey today?”

“You bet.”

“And pumpkin pie?”

“I imagine so.”

“We didn’t last year,” Susie said.

Last year the whole Thanksgiving extravaganza had been beyond Amanda’s means. Refusing to accept any of the invitations they’d been offered out of charity, they’d stayed at home in their cramped apartment. She’d baked a frozen pizza in their tiny kitchen and tried to make it seem as if they were the lucky ones, if only because the oven had actually worked for once. She hadn’t been willing to risk the expense of a tur
key, only to have the thing go to waste when it was still raw at the end of the day. The pizza had been a safer bet.

“This year we’re going to have turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing,” she assured Susie. “Nadine’s cooking, remember? She invited us to come over there with Caleb and Maggie and Josh and Mr. Winslow. It’ll be the first time she’s had people over since she moved into her new place.”

“Oh, yeah.” A worried frown settled on Susie’s face. “But if we go to her house, we won’t have any turkey for later like we used to have before Daddy went away.”

“Nadine says she bought a very big turkey for that very reason, so we could take lots of turkey home for sandwiches.”

Susie grinned. “That’s good.” Then her expression turned thoughtful. “Do you think Nadine’s gonna marry Mr. Winslow?”

“I have no idea,” Amanda said. It certainly seemed as if the two of them were getting closer, but Nadine hadn’t expressed any interest in making the relationship permanent. She said she’d already made enough marital mistakes.

“What about you and Mr. Caleb?” Susie asked.

“We talked about this the other day,” Amanda reminded her. “Caleb and I are friends.”

“But not like he’s friends with me and Larry and Jimmy,” Susie said.

Amanda studied her daughter curiously. “Why do you say that?”

“’Cause he kisses you, like moms and dads kiss,” Susie announced.

“How on earth do you know that?” Amanda asked, not trying to hide her shock.