Waiting for Grace (31 page)

“What did he do?” I asked softly.

She shook her head, “He raped me.” She sobbed. “Max is his.”

“Oh my God, Maria,” I jumped up to hug her. “Then why did you write to him? I just don’t understand.”

She swallowed hard. “I wrote a long letter forgiving him, and it was for me, just for me, so I could move on. Then I sent it. There was no address for him to write back. Hell, I have never seen a letter from him. I only wrote a few a year. Just to him, so he knew that he hadn’t ruined me and …” she sighed, “I missed having some family you know?”

I nodded solemnly. “Despite everything we had together we still missed being loved.”

“We did.” She smiled.
        

“Oh my God poor Max …”

“Look, Max will never know, I love that boy more than life and what Joe did had no bearing on how I feel about him.”

“So what now?” I sighed. “Can we go back home?”

“Well, I think maybe I need to face facts, the police need to find Joe ‘cause I ain't gonna be safe until he’s locked up again, and I need to make sure he can never find me again.”

“What on Earth can you do? We tried to be safe and look what happened, he snuck up on you.”

“I think my only option is to really get away and never come back to London.”

“Leave us?”

“It’s the only way we’ll all be safe, the police have mentioned witness protection for me, but it’s expensive; they need to get it approved.”

“Maria, I couldn’t lose you,” I squeaked.

“You’ve got Robert.”

“But for how long? How long can he put up with my crazy life?”

“I’ve seen him from the moment you two got back in touch. He looks at you like water in a bloody barren desert. He’s going nowhere and the sooner you realise that and stop pushing him away the better.”

“You think?”

“What has he done these past few months to make you think otherwise?”

“Nothing.” I smiled tightly.

“Then stop worrying about me and start listening to the love of your life. I’m a big girl and this is my mess. You need to think about what’s best for you and Devon, and I think that’s Robert.”

Maria did have a foresight for these things. I hadn’t told her about Diane or Irene or anything that happened back home, as at that moment we had to focus on her getting well, and my problems seemed inconsequential. I still had Diane’s number, the weeks were ticking by, and it was almost February, but it hadn’t burned a hole in my pocket. I would call, I would make contact, but right now I couldn’t face it and Diane had waited twenty-five years, so what was another few months?

Twenty-Nine

Maria was released on Valentines Day but she didn’t ever go home. Max was over the moon to finally be reunited with her and no longer have to snuggle her in her hospital bed. Joe was caught because he quickly ran out of friends with his hot temper and drug addiction. He was finally found after some intelligence led them to a flat in the East End. If things went well for Maria it would be the last time I ever saw her. She and Max were getting new identities because she was willing to testify against Joe and send him to prison for a long time.

“I love you,” I wept as she hugged me in the hospital room that had been her home for nearly two months.

“I love you, too. You’ve been the best friend anyone could ever want. I never knew girls could be like you.”

“What, soft?” I laughed.

“No, just nice, not bitchy, or catty, or jealous, or any of that shit, just decent. You’re a special girl, Grace.” She hugged me tight, “I’ll never have a friend like you again.”

“You made me realise that I was decent Maria, you helped me grow up and made me street wise.”

“This is street wise?” she motioned to me. “Shit, you really were innocent before.” I laughed again.

“I hope he never finds you,” I whispered again.

“He won’t, not this time.” She squeezed me. “He may never get out.”

I watched with my arms around Devon as the winter sun filtered through the clouds and Maria climbed into the police car with Max under her arm. They drove away to their new life. I never did find the time to tell her about Diane, since that Boxing Day I hadn’t found the energy to utter the words to anyone. Robert had hired cleaners for our flat weeks ago, but we still hadn’t been back. I desperately wanted to say thank you, show him I appreciated him, but the words were stuck in my throat. I wanted to give him my all, I wanted to make him see how much I loved him, but I couldn’t do it as despite everything I was still so scared. He had let me down all those years ago and pushed me away, so I was still struggling to accept that he was here to stay. I had lost him once and could lose him again.     

Devon and I got the bus back from the hospital to Robert’s flat, and I wondered if perhaps it was time for us to go home. We couldn’t stay with Robert forever and our arrangement was only ever supposed to be temporary. We didn’t wan to outstay our welcome. We arrived home at dinner time to find bunches of flowers and balloons in the living area.

“What’s this?” I smiled as we entered.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to my two girls,” he sang as we entered. “Now Devon I hope you don’t mind, but we have a special guest,” and with that Barbara appeared from behind the kitchen door. Devon ran towards her.

“Nana!” she shouted and clung to her.

“Nana is here to babysit and I’m whisking Mummy out for a night of romance.” Robert said, I looked to him and rolled my eyes, smiling. Barbara walked to me.

“Great to see you.” she kissed my cheek.

“You too,” I said genuinely, pulling her into a hug, one that I desperately needed. She held me for a few moments and then I released her. In that moment I realised that despite it all I needed this family, they were good for me and wanted me around. So I let them take over.

“Bubble bath for you.” Robert pointed to me. “Take away pizza for you two.” He pointed to Devon and Barbara. “And a beer for me.”

***

Robert and I walked out of the apartment block an hour later, hand in hand and into a waiting cab. The night was helping take my mind off the enormity of losing Maria. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had time to get used to it, but the day had been bitter sweet none the less. She would be safe, but I would never see her again. The last few weeks had been about saying goodbye and reminiscing about the years we had spent together. I hoped that she would finally be free of Joe and she desperately wanted me to find happiness. Tonight I needed to concentrate on my future and I hoped, despite the months of stress, that I had that with Robert.

“So where are we going?” I asked as we slipped into a waiting cab.

“Somewhere, shit,” he said with a smile.

“Well, you know I prefer the shitty joints.”

“Of course.” He laughed.

The taxi took off into the evening and we drove ten minutes to a nearby bustling street that housed a few up and coming restaurants. We stopped outside the local Italian restaurant that was decorated in pink and red.

“Ambrosinis?” I said with a smiled.

“Well, you love it here and I wanted to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy.” I smiled as we walked in holding hands. We were seated, ordered wine, and began to relax. I watched Robert peruse the menu and was struck again by his beauty; his rough chiselled features had only improved with age. He rubbed his face with his hand as he made his decision and his floppy blonde hair rustled as he moved his head in thought.

“What?” he said looking up, catching me watching him.

I smiled to him, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” He reached across the table and grabbed my hand.

“I’m sorry that since you came back into my life yours has been nothing but complicated.”

“Ah, I hate the boring life, you know that Grace.” He laughed and my heart fluttered, he had always had my heart, and I had no idea why I spent any time fighting it.

“I love you, you know,” I whispered.

He leaned forward and grinned at me, “I love you too,” he whispered back, mocking my quiet voice.

“I just hope things can get back to normal now and we can … look forward,” I said.

“I’ve been looking forward since the day I saw you in that diner, it’s you who’s been pulling back.”

“Well, not anymore,” I grinned.

“Does that mean you’re going to stay with me and give up your other flat?”

“Erm …” I hesitated, “I …”

At that moment the waiter came over and took our order, but Robert didn’t once take his eyes off me.

“It makes sense,” he said after the waiter left, “all your stuff is at mine, the flat is perfect for us three, your other flat is too dangerous and has bad memories and … I want my girls with me every day. I want to see you first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I’ve already missed out on too much.”

“You make a convincing argument,” I said shyly.

“That’s because I’m passionate about it and it’s my job.”

“To be passionate?”

“No to make a convincing argument.” He gave me a wry smile and sipped his wine. “Please don’t leave.”

“Devon would love to stay.”

“I hope you would love to stay.”

“I do love living with you even if I get no time to myself, any space in bed, or my choice of TV channels.”

“Be fair, Devon chooses the TV,” he said. I sipped my wine and he leaned forward, “So does that mean you’ll stay? I mean I can’t promise sex on tap, I do have a full time job, but hey I can do my best.” He winked. I knew what I wanted, but I had been worried that it could all disappear. However, I needed to go with my heart and let my head catch up at a later date.

“Okay,” I sighed.

“Okay?” He grabbed my hand again and squeezed it. “You’ll see Grace, this is the start of a long and happy life together.”

“You think?”

“Sure do, but we do need to talk about something else tonight so take a gulp of that wine.”

“What?” I asked a smile still on my face.

“Diane,” he said bluntly. I sighed and the smile faded. “She’s been to my Mum’s a few times these past few weeks. Mum wouldn’t betray your trust, but Diane is desperate to see you.”

“Was that all the hushed talking on the phone with Barbara then?”

“That, and I’ve been telling her what a slob you are to live with.”

I laughed, “I suppose it is time.”

“Look, let’s arrange to meet her, somewhere neutral. I’ll come. Or not, it’s up to you, but let’s just start afresh and finally bury all those bloody secrets.”

“You’re right, I owe her a hearing and I am curious.”

“You owe her nothing, Grace, but she owes you an explanation and you deserve to know how much you are loved. I have no doubt she loves you, Mum says she’s been pretty persistent.”

“Right, well let’s get Barbara to arrange a meeting and then we can finally move on.”

“Let’s make a toast to new beginnings, shacking up together, and finally being able to get on with our lives. No more mishaps.”

“No more mishaps,” I toasted as we chinked glasses.

“Grace, no amount of secrets and lies will change my mind about you. I love you, have loved you since the day we met, and I will always love you and our beautiful daughter. Now can we finally stop deliberating about how it isn’t going to work out and get on with the rest of our lives?”

“If you insist,” I said with an overwhelming sense of warmth that only Robert could give me. He took my mess and made sense of it. He made me feel complete and gave me the family I had always craved.

It just took me a while to figure out that he was my happy ending all along.

6 Weeks Later – Diane

“Is this the bench?” I asked Carl for the fortieth time.

“This is the bench,” he sighed, “we checked it out four times last week and have circled it for the past hour, it’s the bench.” We were sitting at Hyde Park on a bench that had been designated as our meeting point with our daughter. The baby that I had craved for the past twenty-five years was coming back.

“Is she late? Has she changed her mind?” I chattered. Carl checked his watch as I jumped up wringing my hands.

“No, we are extremely early and she has five minutes. I doubt she’s changed her mind.”

It was then that I saw her and my heart suddenly began to beat out of my chest. I knew her walk although I had never seen it before. I recognised the way she held herself and yet it was all new to me. I saw her head held low and knew that she must feel embarrassed and exposed. I saw across the green a person who was instantly familiar, and yet she didn’t know me at all. She walked towards me in loose fitted blue jeans, a black jacket, holding hands with a blonde man in similar attire. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, she was a vision to me and the breath just wouldn’t enter my lungs. I was awestruck. Then she looked up, and I immediately began to cry. She was my image. The baby who had resembled Carl so well was me all over now. Her dark eyes, dark hair, slender nose and the face that she held so stoic was the one I saw in the mirror twenty years ago.

“Oh God,” Carl gasped. “She looks just like you.” I was choked with emotion so raw that I couldn’t speak. Carl noticed and grabbed me to his side. She got closer and looked up to where we stood shyly. At that point I strode towards her quickly.

I was so close that we were brown eye to brown eye.

“Hello,” I croaked.

“Hello,” she said.

“I’ve missed you every day for twenty-five years,” I cried, pulling her into my arms. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I’m here now, I love you.” She hugged me back as I clung to her and tears rolled down my cheeks. In that moment I finally felt whole.