Volition (43 page)

“Are you still going to marry Hayden?”

“Am I still alive? Then, yes, I’m marrying Hayden.”

“Okay, Artemisia, go for it.”

Might as well let them have their fun if it gets her from point A to point B. I let go of Jesse, and he falls into the wall. I laugh smugly, and the suite door shuts with a bang.

Good. Tate’s fiancé is here to see her cavorting with someone who inhabits her soul less than thirty minutes before their wedding. This should go well.

Now

TATE.

Evaline.

McKenna.

Rockefeller.

That’s all I want.

She’s all I’ve ever wanted and so much more.

And now, this kid is here, trying to ruin everything. I can hardly remember a time that hasn’t been ruined by him or by Tate thinking about him.

I don’t remember walking across the street to the Palace because rage blinded me to everything else.

I didn’t want to see Tate before the wedding because we’d already broken one taboo by having her stay at my house last night. Part of me wanted her close enough that she wouldn’t run away and because I knew he was near.

He needs to leave.

“You,” I say when I see him standing next to her. I don’t have time to look at my beautiful maelstrom of a bride because he’s here. “Get the fuck out.”

He doesn’t move, and I look at Colin.

Each of us grabs a shoulder, and we hoist him out of the room.

“No!”

Tate’s screaming now.

“Don’t hurt him! Just talk to him. Hear him out.”

I don’t think there’s anything he could say to me right now that would help his case, but because she’s asked and because she’s still in her wedding dress and wearing the ring that I put on her finger, I don’t throw him out.

Colin nods at me and leaves the room while Catherine rushes into the dressing room with Tate.

Then, I’m left alone with the person who is single-handedly responsible for destroying her.

“Did you really think you could come here and take her?”

“Yes,” he answers more honestly than I expected.

“Why?”

“Because she’s always been mine.”

“Now, she’s mine.”

“No one will ever know her like I know her,” he says.

I want to crush his face in. Then, I want to pick up all the broken pieces of his bones and grind them into dust.

“Really? You know the way that she won’t eat half of the okra because it looks awful or how she climbs on the kitchen countertops instead of getting a stool or how she doesn’t shut the cabinets when she’s done and leaves them all open?”

He doesn’t reply.

“Do you know what side of the bed she sleeps on or what she looks like when she tells you she loves you?”

Silence, because he doesn’t.

“Do you know what it feels like when she kisses you at night or first thing when she wakes up in the morning? Do you know what it’s like to look at her, and every time you see her, you notice something new that you didn’t notice before? Was it always there? Were you just not looking hard enough? Or could you not see it before that very moment because she’s brilliant enough to only reveal so much at a time, and she doesn’t even know she’s doing it?”

I’m rubbing salt and lemon juice into every wound he’s ever had. He wants to kill me, but he couldn’t even if he tried. He might look different, but he’s still that kid who ruined Tate all those years ago. I won’t let him ruin her again.

“You may have her bones, but I’ll always have her soul.”

Oh, he’s a poet now.

“I can live with that, but it’s not true.”

The door to the dressing room opens, and Tate bursts out.

“Stop it! I’m mine before I am anyone else’s!”

She’s incandescently beautiful.

I smile because I know that’s another line she’s been waiting to use her whole life, and we’ve just given her the perfect opportunity.

Now

“TATE, BREATHE. YOU have to breathe, or else you’re going to pass out. I just passed out, so when I tell you to breathe, you need to breathe.”

“You just fainted? Are you okay?”

“I saw Jesse. Seriously, breathe!”

“Okay, okay!”

She’s doing better now, but I know this is seriously shaking her. I have to give her the pep talk I planned out with Colin last night with a few improvisations.

“You’re going to go out there, and you’re going to marry Hayden,” I tell her. “You’re going to promise him forever. He’s the love of your life, Tate. I’ve never seen a man look at a woman the way Hayden looks at you. I am not going to let you throw that away.

“Jesse just gave you permission, if you can even call it that, to release you from this thing you have with him whether you like it or not. He’s willing to let go or let go of it as much as he can, so you can both live a normal life, and you have to hold up your end. I’m not going to let you flounder on and ruin this beautiful life you can have with this beautiful man. When I see your future, I see you and Hayden and adorable little children running around. That’s the potential you have even though you hate children because you’re scared you’ll die or turn into Lara. You won’t.”

I pause because she’s crying now.

“Your other potential is to throw yourself in the Hudson—and don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. I know you. That’s about it. I love you. Hayden loves you. Jesse loves you so much that he’s willing to let you go because it’s what’s best for you. You’ve spent enough time chained to this satanic bond you have with him. We’re only given so much time on this earth, and you need to start living it differently than you have been, or you’re going to be your own destruction.”

I hand her another tissue.

“I desire the things that destroy me in the end,” Tate says, staring at the wall.

Colin would know what that quote is from, but I don’t, so I do my best.

“Be with someone who is going to ruin your lipstick, not your mascara. So, suck it up, dry your tears, and say yes to the rest of your life.”

I’m really proud of my speech, and I think I’ve done it, but then Tate’s running from the room before I can stop her. I follow her as she shouts at Hayden and Jesse to move out of the way. She runs past Colin, Malin, and Haley outside the suite, then glides down the steps and out the back door of the Palace.

Then, she’s spinning around in the rain, looking up into the sky, ruining her hair, her makeup, and her wedding dress.

I don’t know what else I expected from my best friend.

Now

TATE IS OUTSIDE in the rain, spinning around like she’s insane because she is. She’s beautifully insane.

I’m proud of her that she can be in the rain instead of breaking down, but now, we’re definitely going to be late, and I have to go tell my mother and the rest of the wedding guests that we’re going to be delayed.

I look to Catherine, who is now pulling at Tate to try to get her back inside.

“We’ve got her. Go wait for her at the end of that aisle,” Colin says as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

I nod my thanks to him and button my suit jacket, and then I’m running across the street to the cathedral. Several cameras flash in my face, and I text my PR rep, Amanda, to make sure she’s on it.

Tate doesn’t need any more humiliation than what she’s already endured.

I have no idea where Jesse is, but I hope he’s gone. I hope I never see his face again after today, and now, I understand how Tate feels about Jasmine. To see all your pain wrapped up in one person is not an easy task.

To have that person walk the love of your life to you before you’re tied forever seems impossible, and I’m not sure I’m strong enough.

I look at my left hand, and I see Tate’s name scrawled on my finger. She put that there. She wants to be there.

I have to be strong enough.

I smile because I know that after today, she’ll be free of him.

This is the last thing she needs to be free, and I need to give that to her.

I’m strong enough because she loves me.

She loves
me
.

Now

“TATE, IF YOU don’t come inside with me right now, I’m going to pick you up against your will. Do you understand me?”

She looks at me with a face I’ve never seen before.

“Tate,” I ask, “do you want to get married today?”

She nods her head and looks up at the sky one more time.

“Okay,” she says finally. “I need to dry off.”

“That would be the understatement of the year.”

Catherine helps me herd her upstairs, and we’re all dripping wet. We pass Jesse, who is standing on the landing, overlooking the first floor.

“You stay here,” I tell him, pointing a finger sharply in his face. I don’t want him anywhere near Tate while we clean her up.

“What do you need, Cath?” I ask.

Malin and Haley let us into the suite.

“Hairdryers,” she says, pulling Tate into the dressing room. “So many hairdryers.”

I can do that.

I’m out of the room and down the stairs, taking them three at a time, while the girls clean Tate up.

Now