Volition (42 page)

Now

IT’S RAINING. NO, it’s not just rain. It’s a deluge. It’s Tate’s wedding day, and I can’t see how she’ll be happy about that.

I wasn’t sent an invitation, but like everyone in the state of New York, I know every detail about her wedding. I’m sure it’ll cover the entirety of page six and maybe even page seven in the morning.

I didn’t come here to ruin this for her. I didn’t intend to at least. But when I saw her at the Met gala, I didn’t have a choice. I love her. I’ve loved her since I was in first grade. I won’t let anyone else have her because she’s always been mine, and I was stupid enough to give her up when I thought she’d never have me. I know I’m showing my cards too late, but I hope she’ll take my hand anyway.

St. Patrick’s Cathedral is crawling with paparazzi, and I’m happy it’s raining because it gives me cover to get in the side door without many people taking notice. I have no idea where Tate is, but I’m going to find her. As I walk inside, I understand how kids with guns feel when they walk into a high school ready to massacre their classmates. I’m completely unwanted because I’m the person that’s going to ruin everything today. They just don’t know it yet.

I look around the cathedral before I realize Tate’s probably not here. There aren’t any rooms here for her to get ready in, so she’s probably still at the Palace across the street. Her douche fiancé is here though, greeting guests.

I spot Tate’s grandmother and sister taking their seats, and I know I have to hurry. Lara’s money paid for all of my education, and I don’t want her to see me around Tate until I’ve spoken to her since she quite literally paid me to stay away from her granddaughter for half of our lives. I hate myself for taking it, but I needed it to launch myself out of the life I would have led otherwise.

My family had nothing. I had nothing before she offered me the world if I could only stay away from Tate. I couldn’t bring myself to avoid her completely, but I didn’t want to. I knew Lara would never check up on me, so long as she knew I wasn’t
with
Tate. She had already dealt with one poor boy marrying her daughter. She didn’t want me in the way like Denny was, but Tate’s engaged to Hayden Rockefeller now, so I’d say I earned every penny.

I burst through the doors and back out onto the crowded slick street, and I’m nearly hit by three different cars since I didn’t wait for the light to change. I slam my hands down on the hood of one of the taxis before I cross, and I am sheltered from the rain by the brown building that’s concealing Tate.

Now, I have to find her.

“Excuse me,” I say to the woman at the front desk. She looks gullible to me. “My best friend is getting married today, and I’m late. I can’t remember which room she’s in.”

“Name?”

“Tate McKenna.”

“No.” She looks at me like I’m completely dense. “Your name, sir.”

“Colin Conrad,” I lie.

“She’s in two-forty-six.”

“Thank you,” I say, swiping one of the mints out of a jar on the counter.

I shove it in my mouth, and I run up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I find the room, and then before I know it, I’m pounding on the door with all I have.

I can’t let her marry this asshole. It has to be me.

Catherine answers the door and falls to the floor, so I step over her to walk in. I don’t make it two steps before Colin has me up against a wall by the neck.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

He looks murderous, and unlike when people say that for added drama, I really do believe that Colin would kill me if it came down to it. He should. I’m going to die today if Tate walks down the aisle after all.

“Let me talk to her,” I say. My voice is strained because of the pressure.

Colin is huge, and I don’t really want to mess with him more than I have to.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t strangle you right now and solve all of her problems.”

“She won’t marry him unless she sees me. You know that. She’s going to freak out before you can even get her to that church—guaranteed.”

Colin narrows his eyes at me, and he doesn’t like the fact that I’m right.

“I’m going to give you two minutes. If you’re not out of that room by then, your heart is going to stop beating. That’s a promise.”

He releases me, and I can breathe again. I adjust my shirt, and Colin points to another door. I knock loudly, and Tate tells me I can come in, only she doesn’t know it’s me.

I walk in, and Haley and Malin see me first.

“Tate,” Haley breathes a warning because she knows all about me.

I know about them because of the Internet, but I’ve never met either in person.

Tate looks at me with more complacency than surprise, and she nods for Malin and Haley to get out. She’s fixing her hair, and she’s already wearing her dress.

Crazy, sexy, beautiful.

If I had to describe Tate McKenna in three words, that would do it—in that order.

She turns away from the mirror and faces me, like she’s waiting to hear what I have to say. I want to rip the black ring off her finger and throw it into Mount Doom.

“You left pieces of your soul inside me,” I tell her.

“You left the whole thing inside me.”

She catches me off guard, and I’m not sure what to say. I’ve never been sure what to say around her because we’re too much alike. She understands me too well.

“You’re getting married.”

“I’m getting married.”

“Marry me instead.”

Her eyes start to water, and I know I’ve struck something inside her.

“Stop pulling my puppet strings, Jesse. I’ve made a choice.”

“So, make a different one,” I plead with her.

“I can’t. It’s done. I love him.”

“You love me, too.”

“It’s not enough.”

I don’t want to hear that I’m not enough for her, but I don’t think I’m going to change her. I expected to come here and take her away, but she’s different than she used to be. She was always stubborn, but she’s immovable now. She’s her own person, and that’s not what I expected from her relationship with him.

“I love you so much, Tate.”

I’ve never told anyone that before, but if I’m going to say it to anyone, I might as well say it to her.

“I’ve loved you since I was in first grade,” I tell her.

She starts to cry, and I can’t stand it.

I know I’m not getting anywhere with this.

It breaks my heart to relent, but fighting is futile. I can see it in her eyes. She’s wholly his like she’ll never be mine.

“Okay,” I say as I step forward to kiss her forehead. “Go. Marry him. Be happy. Live like we would have in another life.”

They’re the hardest words I’ll ever have to say in my life, but she needs them right now. Then, she looks up at me and surprises me even more.

“Walk me down the aisle?”

It hits me like I’ve been punched in the gut.

“I can’t do that, Tate. The only way I could ever do that is if it was after we said, ‘I do,’ and you know it.”

“I can’t do this without you.”

“Then, don’t do it.”

“I have to,” she says. She’s sniffling now.

“Why?”

I wipe one of her tears with my too-big-for-her-face thumbs. I’m clumsy, and she’s the definition of grace.

“He’s the only thing that’s ever going to free me from you.”

She wants this from me, and I don’t think I have the heart to say no.

“This is going to hurt me.”

“I know.”

“It’s going to hurt you, too.”

“I know.”

I put my hand through my hair and then take a step back because she’s intoxicating.

“How did we get here? Were we doomed from the start?”

“I don’t know, but it is what it is.”

“I wish we could go back,” I tell her.

“I do, too.”

“We’ve come too far to go back now, haven’t we?”

“Yes.”

“When did it happen?”

“What?” She looks at me like she doesn’t understand what I’m asking her.

“The moment that split us apart. What was it?” I want to know, so in my next life, I won’t ruin this with her again.

“There wasn’t one moment,” she says. She’s seeing down into my soul. “It was all of them. Maybe it was meant to be this way.”

“So, we didn’t choose it?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “We made our decisions, and so did fate.”

“Fate chose wrong.”

“So did we.”

This is the best and worst conversation I’ve ever had in my life, and it’s cut short when Colin barges into the room.

Now

STEAK AND POTATOES. That’s what I want for my last meal when they put me in prison for manslaughter because I’m going to kill Jesse Elliott today. I probably contributed to killing my best friend for her, and I would do it again a thousand times. I’ve wanted to kill Jesse ever since he transferred to our high school to torture Tate, and today, I’m going to exact my revenge. Yeah, steak and potatoes sounds good. Add some gravy. Maybe some apple pie for dessert.

I let the idiot talk to Tate like she’s his last meal on death row because I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry that he’s such a stupid kid. My hands felt good around his neck, and I’m going to finish him off in two minutes.

“Colin!”

Catherine’s on the floor, and I think he might only have one minute now.

“Did he hurt you?”

I pull her to her feet.

“No,” she says, putting a hand on her head. “I just can’t deal with the stress. We were already going to have a hard time getting her down the aisle, and now, he’s here. I think we’d better call Hayden.”

My phone is already in my hand, and I’m dialing his number. He answers on the first ring.

“Hayden. Two-forty-six in the Palace. Now. Sorry about tradition, buddy, but you’re going to see your bride in her dress before the wedding.
He’s
here.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he hangs up the phone, so I know he’s on his way. Between the two of us, Elliott is definitely dead.

I hand Catherine a glass of water, and she sits down.

“I’m so over this! I can’t stand him!”

I sit down next to her to try to explain because I understand Tate better than she does.

“Imagine if you hated me, but you loved me with all your heart at the same time.”

“You just described our relationship.”

I can’t help but kiss her. I love this woman.

I look at my phone, and I’m not sure if I’ve given him the amount of time that I promised, but I’m going in anyway. I already gave him more than he deserves.

“All right.” I shove through the door. “Time’s up.”

Tate’s eyes are red, and I know this was a terrible idea. We should have had a Jesse-proof backup plan, but the bastard wormed his way here anyway.

“Say good-bye, Tate.”

I grab the back of his suit jacket, and I can almost taste that steak.

“No!”

Oh shit. We’ve lost her.

“He’s staying,” she tells me.

I don’t release him.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I think I just hallucinated.”

“He’s going to walk me down the aisle,” she explains.

She knows I’m going to be mad at her for more than one reason because that was supposed to be my job. I’ll have to break that to Hayden. On the bright side, now, I can walk with Catherine since Hayden doesn’t have a best man out of respect for John because it would have been him.