Vivienne's Guilt (16 page)

I reach the wharf and begin loading our things into the boat. When I’m almost through tying the tube to the back, I glance up and see the girls making their way over. When Tillie spots me, she comes running.

“Heya, Dimples. You ready to go have some fun?” I ask as I finish up the knot. It’s crazy how quickly I’ve become attached to this kid.

She climbs onto my back, hugging my neck. “Uh huh,” she says, cupping her hand over my ear and whispering, “Auntie Cass telled Momma that you are acting weird, Prince Reid. Don’t tell her I telled you that, okay?”

Shit. So they have noticed...“Never. Your secrets are safe with me,” I say, crossing my hand over my heart.

“Okay, cuz...I don’t want to get in trouble,” Tillie says, her eyes getting big.

Just then, Vivienne, Cassie, and Sierra arrive with their arms filled with enough shit for a weekend long camping trip.
Women.
Where the hell do they think we are going? I can’t help but shake my head and laugh.

“Hey, Reid, you rushed outta there real quick...Somethin’ wrong?” Cassie asks as they approach the boat. Her face looks innocent enough, but I know that she’s trying to stir shit up.

“Nope, just ready to get this show on the road,” I say as I begin loading their things into the cubbies beneath the boat seats.

“Hmmm...okay. I was just askin’ because it seemed...
Ow
!” she shouts when Vivienne not so discretely kicks her in the shin.

Vivienne shoots her a death glare that only a mother could properly deliver. Cassie storms off and takes a seat on the other end of the boat, grumbling a string of curses the whole way.

When Viv turns to follow, I reach out and grab her hand. That little touch alone sends my heart racing. It’s further confirmation that I need to do something about this insane attraction. I can’t trust myself around her.

Vivienne looks at me, clearly waiting for me to speak.
Why did I just do that?
“Hey...” I say like an idiot. “You okay?”

Her brow furrows in confusion. “Yeah, Reid. Why wouldn’t I be?”

I shrug my shoulders in answer. “You just seemed upset with Cassie. I don’t want you two at odds because of me. She just enjoys getting a rise out of me...” I say with a little smirk...because I just can’t help myself. “I’m a big boy, Viv,” I add, widening my eyes. “I can handle it.”

Why am I still playing with this woman?

She rolls her eyes, but I see the slightest hint of a smile before she replies, “Yeah, well, she shouldn’t be messing with you like that. She needs to learn that sometimes she needs to keep her big mouth shut. You’re my nephew and my guest. She shouldn’t be taunting you.”

If I wasn’t certain before where Viv’s feelings lie, her mentioning my nephew status is a dead giveaway. “It’s all good,” I say curtly. “Hey, umm, you said it would be all right for me to invite my girlfriend over. Does that offer still stand?”

Vivienne swallows hard. “Of course, Reid. You’re an adult,” she says before turning and walking off to meet her friend.

Vivienne

The wind cutting my breath and whipping my hair is just what I need to make me feel
alive
. I can see Tillie and Cass cheering me on from the back of the boat as I attempt to rise up from my knees to stand. I wobble, and just when I think I’m going to fall, I manage to steady the board and...and I
nail it
!

Gliding across the water, I feel free and happy. I can almost picture Abbott’s beautiful face smiling down at me. He’s practiced with me for years, and I’ve never been able to do it.

That was for you, baby...

Closing my eyes and turning my face up to the sky, an incredible sense of peace washes over me. I feel him near. I can just picture him here shouting his praise, and I imagine the way it would feel when he would lift me into his arms and spin me around, celebrating my victory. He was always my biggest cheerleader and my greatest teacher.

I take over driving the boat and allow Reid a chance to show off. Much like Abbott, he’s a natural. Tillie and Sierra are hypnotized by his spins and tricks.

For a moment, it’s like having him back. My guy...my handsome, sexy, sandy-haired boy playing on the water...the warmth of the sun beating down on my damp skin...the smells of sunscreen and beer. The motor rumbling and our baby girl’s high pitched squeals. It’s almost as if he never left at all and a part of me wants to pretend just for today that my heart hasn’t been shattered into a million tiny pieces.

Reid, Cassie, and I take turns riding with the girls on the tube. It’s a wonderful day and the most fun I’ve had since the accident. Seeing the smiles on Tillie and Sierra’s faces is fulfilling in a way that I can’t even describe. These girls have both lost so much. They are such an inspiration to me. If these children can overcome loss and come out happy and smiling...maybe there’s hope for me, too.

When the sun begins to set, we head back to the house, and I am overcome with a feeling of dread. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go back to my house that no longer feels like home. It’s a mausoleum of memories—a million reminders of what I’ve lost.

My heart rate begins to speed up, and the anxiety is creeping in. Our home used to be my safe haven. I hate that the place we built out of love now makes me so uneasy.

Cassie had to leave right away when we returned home from tubing to take Sierra back, and we haven’t seen Reid since unloading the boat at the wharf. So, it’s just my girl and me tonight.

Tillie and I are curled up on her bed watching a movie. This right here is my home now. She keeps me grounded and gives me purpose. Tillie holds all of my broken pieces together.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, baby?” I say, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “What’s up?”

She rolls onto her back, staring up at me. “One day when I am bigguh, you’ll be a grandmaw?”

Smiling, I answer, “I certainly hope so.”

Her little eyes fill with tears. “But, when you get old, you die...” she cries. “I don’t want you to be dead, too, Mommy.”

Oh, no.

“Baby, that’s such a long time from now. Let’s try not to worry about that, okay? Mommy plans on being here a very long time.” The words feel like shit coming out of my mouth because how can I promise her that? How can I tell her I will be here when I have no more control over that than I did over Abbott’s death? But how can I not do something to ease her little mind?

I want to throw something—break something. I am so fucking angry at life. Why? Why has my baby girl had to lose her innocence? Why must her pretty little head be filled with fears of death and loss?

Why did it have to be him?

Vivienne

Just as I’m finishing up the breakfast dishes, there’s a knock at the front door. I dry my hands on my apron as I cross the living room to answer it. Peering through the sheer curtain, I see a beautiful, young girl with long blonde hair and caramel colored skin. Her eyes are emerald green, and she’s dressed like a model straight out of a magazine. She’s stunning, and my first thought is that she must be lost.

I fumble with the messy bun on top of my head as I pull the door open. There’s an awkward moment where she just stands there appraising me. Immediately, I feel inferior. She makes me feel homely in my worn jean shorts and threadbare tee. “Ummm...hi, can I help you with something?” I ask.

The girl flashes me a smile, holding out her perfectly manicured hand. “Hi. My name’s Kylie...I’m here to see Reid?”

“Reid?” I ask with surprise.
Who does he know around here?

“Oh no! Do I have the wrong house? I told him to come and pick me up, but he said he would send a cab for me.” The poor girl’s face turns bright red with embarrassment.

“No, no. He’s here. You have the right place,” I assure her, ushering her in. “I just didn’t realize he knew anyone around here, is all.”

Another dazzling smile. “Oh, I’m not from here. I came all the way from Georgia. I’m his girlfriend, Kylie.”

Aha! Now I remember Reid asking about her. Damn, he didn’t mess around, did he? “Now that you mention it...he did say that you might be coming to spend a few days. Come on in, Kylie.”

We walk inside to the living room where I introduce her to Matilda, who of course immediately adores her. Tillie has never met a stranger. She’s so much like Abbott that way.

“Kylie, if you want to help Tillie with that princess puzzle, I’ll go and see if I can find Reid for you,” I offer.

I walk over to the pool house and knock a few times. When there is no answer, I assume that he is asleep and use the key to let myself in. Shutting the door quietly, I walk into the open bedroom to wake him.

Reid is lying on top of the blankets. At first, I think that he’s asleep, but then I hear his heavy breathing and deep throaty moans.
Oh my God...
I can feel my pulse in my throat as I stand there in the doorway, rooted in place. I can’t seem to move or to find my voice. Warmth spreads throughout my body, and my heart begins to thrum loudly in my chest.

Say something, Vivienne...

But, I don’t. Like a creeper, I stand there until he’s finished, and when he sits up in bed and notices me staring, I want to run away, but I’ve lost all bodily control.

“Shiiit!” Reid groans as he pulls the blanket over his waist in a hurry. “Vivienne?”