Visions (15 page)

24

Sunday was a miserable day. I knew I wouldn’t be speaking to Theo; firstly, he was working and secondly, the events of the previous evening had probably made him question whether being with me was the right choice anyway. That raised the question: did he actually have any choice or had it been already made for him? Baffled and wishing that I led a normal life, I put
Pretty Woman
on and tried to engross myself in the story. It didn’t work. By mid-morning, Vivian was leaving, ‘It Must Have Been Love’ was playing, and I was crying. The truth was, despite any visions, Theo made me feel happy and I liked him a lot. It hurt me to think that he was hurting because of me.

              When Edward pulled up with his bouquet and declaration of love, I was ready to swallow my pride and accept that just because Theo thought my vision was a sign didn’t mean that he wasn’t feeling all the other things, too. I sent him a short text asking him if we could talk and then waited. Of course I didn’t expect a reply straight away; he would be too busy to check his phone. When he hadn’t texted by late in the evening, I gave up checking my phone every five minutes and decided to do some ironing instead.

              When it got to ten o’ clock, despite the fact that I didn’t need to go to bed early so I would be rested for work, I felt exhausted and went, anyway. The action of the weekend had caught up with me and I was gone in seconds. When the phone rang at eleven, I almost didn’t bother getting up to answer it. I could ring whoever it was back in the morning when I was awake, but when it kept ringing, I realised it could be Theo. “Hello?” I croaked.

              “Gillian, have I woken you?” It was Theo.

              I was delighted to hear his voice. “Yes, but it doesn’t matter. Is everything ok?”

              “Sort off. It’s not been a very good day at work but anyway, you said you needed to talk. Should I ring you tomorrow instead? I’m working on a late shift until seven but I can ring you after that.”

              “No, I’m fine, really. What’s happened at work?” Before he started speaking, Theo took a deep breath and I realised he was trying not to cry. “Theo, is it too late for you to come over?”

              “No. I’m actually still in the hospital car park. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

              Giving in to vanity, I changed my nightdress for a newer one, brushed my hair, and pulled my dressing gown round me before going to put the kettle on. When Theo arrived I had two steaming mugs sat on the table.

              Theo looked down, in every possible way. His broad shoulders were slumped and he had bags under his eyes. I gave him a gentle hug, not sure how the land lay in terms of our relationship at that point. He pulled me close, gently caressing my hair.

              “Come on,” I said, pulling away and leading him into the kitchen where we could sit with our drinks.

              “I’m sorry about this, but I wanted to talk to you. I feel comfortable telling you things,” he said.

              “It’s fine. I’ve missed you, if that makes any sense after just one day.”

              “It does. I feel the same. It’s like you’re my friend as well as …well, you

know. Do you remember when we were talking on the park bench?”

              I nodded, thinking that he was going to bring the vision up again.

              “I told you about a woman called Thora who could be a bit of a flirt,” he continued. “One of our regulars on the ward?”

              “I remember. Have you decided to take her up on her offer?” I joked. The look in his eyes made me wish I could eat my words. “Oh, is she ok?”

              “No.” He swallowed hard and blinked his shining eyes before telling me. “She died today.”

              “I’m sorry, Theo.” We sat in silence for a while, sipping our tea. “Does every death upset you this much or is it that you knew her quite well?”

              “No. I’m used to death. It’s more the way it happened. I feel guilty, though I know it’s not my fault. She was brought in early this morning for a scheduled operation on her hip. Before she went in, she asked one of my colleagues if I was working. He told her I’d be in at ten, so she asked if I would go down to say hello before she was taken for surgery. I got the message and promptly forgot. During surgery, her heart rate dropped and she stopped breathing. They did all the usual resuscitation operations, but she just didn’t respond.”

              “Theo, that’s not your fault at all. How were you to know she was going to die? It might just have been her time.”

              “I know that. What bothers me is that I just forgot she was even there. She thought enough of me to ask whether I’d go and see her. She meant that little to me that I allowed it to just slip my mind.”

              “That’s clearly not the truth, Theo!” I wondered how he wasn’t aware of how amazing he actually was. I’d never met a man with such an unashamedly big heart. “You’re upset now. That shows that you cared about her. The affection she clearly had for you shows that you’re a good doctor who she respected. My job is admittedly hard, Theo, but I couldn’t do yours. What you do is amazing. It changes peoples’ lives. You know, I bet Thora went to sleep thinking that you would probably be in to see her when she came around. How many times had she been in? I bet you went to say hello every single time.”

              Theo nodded. “I know you’re right. I need to stop kicking myself and I will in a few days. It’s just the first time that I’ve ever felt that I’ve truly let someone down and when I combined that with last night, I felt like a failure,” he admitted. I covered his hand with mine.

              “Maybe I over-reacted a bit,” I admitted.

              “No, it had been an intense night and I came on too strong. I threw you in at the deep end. We should just take things slowly.” His words almost made me want to pinch myself. Here I was, an average looking girl as far as I was concerned, with a gorgeous, intelligent man sitting opposite who was in the process of apologising for being too interested in me.

              “It wasn’t that. It was more about the whole reliance on the vision thing.”

              “That just came out completely wrong. I didn’t mean to say that the vision had created my feelings for you; it just somehow validated them, and I don’t really care if what you saw is an insight into the future. I just want to be with you now because, right now, you make me feel…happy.”

              “That’s how I feel,” I said, beaming. Awkwardly, mid-smile, I had to try and stifle a yawn.

              “I’ll get going and leave you to get back to bed. Thanks though. I feel much better.”

              “You can stay if you want.”

              “Oh . . . I have nothing to sleep in.”

              “Shame,” I said, giggling. Then he leaned over and kissed me. We walked up the stairs managing somehow not to take our hands away from each other.

              Theo was gently respectful, running his hands up and down my back, allowing me to take the lead. When I started to unbutton my nightdress, Theo opened his mouth to say something. Before he could speak, I pushed him gently back onto the bed, climbed on top of him and covered his mouth with mine.

              We talked for hours after we’d finished exploring each other so that when Theo’s phone started beeping at eight o’ clock, I could barely open my eyes. Theo rolled out of bed and started pulling his clothes back on. I turned over to watch him. He was the first man I’d ever seen naked who actually reminded me of one of the Greek statues in museums. It was almost as if someone had chiselled his form into perfection just for me.

              He caught sight of me admiring him and I lifted the covers to hide my grin. “Surely you can’t be embarrassed after last night?” he teased, coming over to kiss me. He broke off to sit down and pull on his shoes. “What are you doing later?” I rose out from under the covers, sat behind him and wrapped myself around him, gently kissing his neck. “Oh, so that’s what you’re doing later?”

              “Mmmhmm.” I nuzzled his neck, hoping that he might be tempted to come back to bed, but instead he peeled me off and walked towards the door, fastening the buckle on his watch.

              “In that case, I’ll text you when I get out. Have a good day, sweetheart.”

              “You too,” I called after him, my heartstrings tugging as he left the room.

              I spent most of the rest of my week off with Theo or imagining being with

him. Even when I was marking or preparing lessons or even sitting talking with

my mum on the phone, he was there at the back of my mind. I realised that for the first time in my life, I actually was falling in love.

25

The start of the next half term came around much too quickly and rather than looking refreshed, the majority of teachers looked exhausted. I was no exception. Sleeping had become my second preferred activity within the bedroom over the last week. The only person who truly looked rested was Morgan.

              “I’ve done nothing but sleep over the past week. I haven’t had the energy for anything at all,” she was explaining as Carrie came over to join us.

              “Are you feeling better?” Carrie asked, patting Morgan’s shoulder.

              “So much better. Just a bit disappointed that I’ve lost my half term, that’s all. How are you?”

              “I’m fine but more importantly, so is Amelia. Ms Carr agreed that it was probably better for Amelia to go into care at least temporarily. She said she’s suffering from depression and this stops her from caring for Amelia as she should, but I’m dubious, really. I don’t like to judge, but I just think she’s a cold woman. Anyway, regardless of that, they’ve managed to find her a place with the family who care for Amanda Stone who’s just left and gone on to college.”

              “I didn’t know Amanda was in care!” Morgan exclaimed in surprise.

              “No? The family have looked after a couple of our students and always treat them like their own,” Carrie told us. “They’ve had a hugely positive impact on Amanda and many others. I’m confident they’ll do the same for Amelia.”

              “What does she think about it all?” I asked.

              “She hasn’t said a lot, but she seemed pleased. The wires are due to come off her jaw at the end of this week. It says a lot when the poor girl can’t eat properly, but has managed to put weight on regardless. She’ll be released from hospital next week and is to go straight into the Webster household. They’ve already been really good, going introducing themselves and taking Amanda with them, who Amelia recognised. She’s still going to need a lot of monitoring regarding her emotional development, but this removes the worry about whether she’s being fed or not.”

              Morgan and I walked to our classrooms together while I filled her in on what had gone on with Theo over the holiday. What I saw as we turned the corner brought a sour taste into my mouth. Darren Pierce was leaning against the wall next to my classroom door, playing with his iPod. “Had a nice holiday, Darren?” I asked, swallowing my intense discomfort.

              He didn’t answer, but I didn’t know whether he was being ignorant or couldn’t hear me for his music. Morgan, evidently sensing that I was uneasy, waited outside continuing our conversation, until I’d managed to unlock my classroom door.

              The second I stepped in, I heard his voice. “Good morning, Miss Garrett. Had a nice holiday?”

              I shut the door, leaving Morgan to speak with him. It annoyed me that he thought he could upset me. It annoyed me even more that he was right because he had upset me.

              This was to continue day after day for most of the half term. My initial relief at not having to deal with Darren within my lessons soon dissipated when I realised that he would find ways to create more tension at every opportunity. He continued to walk Scott and Phil to lesson when he could, always taking the time to say something rude about me just before he turned the corner of the corridor.

              My attempt at battling his aggression with politeness was a lost cause. Any response I gave him was met with an amused sneer that made my blood boil even more intensely. Ignoring him didn’t seem to be having any effect either. If anything, it was causing the other children in the class to lose respect for me as a teacher. In their eyes, here was a pupil deliberately behaving in an unacceptable way and being allowed to get away with it. How could they have faith in my ability to control a class if that was how I was going to respond to blatant bullying? The very acknowledgement that what Darren was doing was a form of bullying added fire to my fury. How dare he intimidate me? If he was behaving this way towards another pupil, it would be dealt with instantly and that would be bad enough, but to aim his anger at me was completely out of order. I decided that the next time he tried anything like it, I would confront him and make it clear that it had to stop.

              Seeing him outside the classroom was only part of the problem. Often, he would dawdle around after school, watching me struggle to open doors while carrying heavy bags of marking. Occasionally, he would hang around long enough to monitor which way I left. Not only was this unsettling, but it also made my journey home much longer, as I refused to stop at any bus stops until I was absolutely convinced that he had disappeared.

              On Thursdays, it was my day to do duty, meaning that I stood in a corner of the canteen ensuring that the pupils behaved respectfully in there. At first, this had been absolute hell, with many pupils seeing it as an opportunity to take advantage of there being a new member of staff on duty. Not knowing their names to shout when they threw food at each other or climbed over the tables put me in the position of not really being able to follow up all the bad behaviour. The pupils saw each other getting away with it and so it intensified. Now, after being at Logford for nearly a term it was starting to change. Not only was I able to prevent bad behaviour by calling out names and insisting that a suitable punishment was issued, but I’d started to build relationships with some of the pupils. Pupils like Ally, who I now genuinely liked, would not misbehave in my presence and her being popular meant that she had some sway over how the others behaved.

              Unfortunately, this did not extend to Darren, who would sit in the corner with Scott and Phil, rarely taking his eyes away from me whilst picking his toast to pieces, letting crumbs drop to the floor. Most of the other kids, and I suspected this included Scott and Phil to some extent, were clearly scared of Darren and so wouldn’t dare to question his strange behaviour.

              It was towards the end of term when I was on duty when Hazel came in to get herself a drink. She saw me, surrounded by over-excited year sevens and made her way over. “Miss Gordon,” she greeted me.

              “Good morning, Mrs Murray. How are you today?”

              “Very well, thank you ever so much for asking.” The year sevens chuckled at our formalities and moved away. “So, are you enjoying your dreaded duty?”

              “It’s not so bad, really, although I guess it could be better.” She followed my gaze, which led over to Darren Pierce. Despite both Hazel and I looking directly at him, he didn’t break his stare.

              “He’s in my Maths class and he can be the bane of my life when he wants to be. Other times, I don’t even know he’s there. Nobody could describe him as being pleasant though, could they?” I knew we were probably making it quite obvious that we were discussing him and that it was unprofessional but his expression, eyes lowered, mouth arranged in an amused grimace suggested that he didn’t care what we were saying.

              I sighed. “I’d love to not know he was there.”

              “Oh yes! I’d forgotten about that. He’s got a bit of a thing for you, hasn’t he? Morgan was telling me that he’s always hanging around, trailing after you, but hasn’t a clue how to behave normally around you. Don’t worry. He’ll find a way to move on. I’ve been the object of school boy crushes before and they don’t often last long.”

              “Is that what Morgan thinks it is? A school boy crush?” Inside I felt angry that Morgan must think I was exaggerating the issue, but my voice only conveyed despair. “It isn’t a school boy crush. He makes my life hell. I actually hate him some days and I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone. Every time I see him hanging around outside my classroom or watching me leave at the end of the day, I feel physically sick.”

              Hazel had gone silent. I looked across at her, embarrassed at having revealed such weakness as a teacher. “Oh, Gillian! We didn’t know, honestly! I can’t believe he’s affecting you that much. Have you told Corinne?”

              I shook my head, pausing to say hello to George and some of his friends. “Corinne’s already been really supportive. I mean, he doesn’t even come to my lessons anymore because she has him in with her set one class. She came to the head with me and he phoned home personally…” I trailed off. “I just don’t want her to think I’m over-reacting or worse, that I’m weak.”

              Hazel took my hand. “She won’t. Corinne is a little bit intimidating at times, but when it comes to things like this, she’s amazing. Really, you need to speak to her.” As the bell went to signal the end of break, I couldn’t help but jump, startled at how close Darren had got while we were speaking. Scott and Phil still sat in the corner looking bewildered at their friend. This time, Darren broke eye contact and walked away before I did. That made me determined to have a go at dealing with this myself before I got Corinne involved.