Vision of Destiny (Infinity Book 2) (5 page)

I think a lot of time has passed because I’m in a room. The smell of vanilla is there.

“Karly? Karly, are you there.” I memorized her. Every smile, every expression. I know she loves wearing her vanilla scent perfume.

When she moved in, she filled the house with vanilla candles. I hated it at first, but got used to it. As soon as we became official, and she started sleeping in my bedroom, everything was vanilla. Candles, lotions, and sprays.

“He’s awake!” I turn my head and see Lexi running out the door. I blink a few more times and, in a few moments, Larry and Stephen are in front of me.

“Nicholas, can you hear me?” I rub my eyes and look at Larry, my best friend.

Did he save me?

He’s been picking up the pieces since she left. Actually, all three of them have been. I lift my hand in the air and see it’s been cleaned and a few band-aids are protecting the cuts.

“Hey, man, can you hear me?”

“Yeah.” My mouth is dry. “Water, please,” I croak. Stephen hands me a bottle of water and I start chugging. My insides feel like they’re on fire. My throat is tight and I feel like I’m about to choke. Fuck. I release a few coughs from my lips and put the bottle back on the nightstand. “What happened?” I feel the water slowly coming back up. “Garbage now!” Lexi hands me the garbage can and all the water I drank now sits in a plastic bag. The pain is back. It never leaves.

“Found you in an alley by the bar last night. They kicked you out and then called me. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Do you wanna die? Are you thinking about Emma!? You know, the daughter that you barely spend fucking time with because you’re so fucked with your damn emotions?”

“Don’t fucking question my love for Emma!” I scream, sitting up in the bed. “She’s my world!”

“Then act like it! I’m tired of seeing you walk around her, lost and scared. I get it, okay? I do. I know you miss Karly and you want her back, but I told you this from the start.
You
made the decision to take back Jamie. Don’t let Emma feel the pain of your choices. She’s already sad because she lost Karly. Be there for her, man. Be the fucking man I know you can be.”

Lexi sits on the bed next to me, taking my hand. “Nicky, please snap out of this. You’ve been drinking every day since Karly left. I know you’re both hurting, but you need to stop doing this to yourself, please! You’re my big brother and I don’t wanna lose you.” Her arms wrap around my neck, “I almost lost you before. I don’t wanna feel like that ever again. I need my big brother.”

“I know,” is all I’m able to say back. Repeating, in my mind, what Lexi said. Karly’s hurting? My Angel’s in pain? “Where’s Karly?”

“She’s away, but she’s safe. You both need some time alone. Don’t shut us out, Nicky. Please.”
My baby sister puts her head in my hands and cries. Fuck, I start crying like a God damn bitch. My mind goes to the one place where it belongs. All day, every day, my mind and heart are with her.

“I miss her.” I suck in a breath. “Does she talk about me?”

“She misses you too.”

“Lexi! Stop; that’s not helping,” Larry hisses.

“He needs to know! Nicholas, look; she loves you, okay? But this is what you chose and she’s respecting that.”

“I fucking can’t do this.”

“We know, man. But you gotta pick yourself up. Jamie’s been blowing up my phone, asking for you.” Stephen kneels down next to the bed and looks at me. “You’re my best friend. I hate seeing you like this. Do you have to do this? Do you have to be with Jamie?”

No.
I nod my head and look away from my friends. I can’t have this shit happening again. Fuck, I have to be careful or else everything’s going to fall apart.

Standing on the shoreline, I think of Karly and wonder if she’s doing the same. I’ve been walking around with a damn smile on my face, but it’s for Emma. Until Karly’s back in Wilmington there’s no reason to smile or think everything’s going to work out. At this point, after trying to talk to her, I don’t think she’d forgive me. If I were her I wouldn’t forgive me neither. I’d run far away from me and live a life I know I deserve.

But standing here on the beach calms me down. When I’m here I feel Karly near me. Her obsession with the beach and water I never understood, until now.  It seems like being here on the sand in front of the crashing waves is the only thing that makes me see reality and puts things in perspective. I can’t look at anyone or be around anyone. It reminds me of what I lost. What I barely had and what I never thought would come in my life – love. I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s rest. I’m on autopilot, just going through the motions.

Part of me wishes I never said I would help Jamie. Part of me wishes we never met, but then I wouldn’t have Emma. No matter what happened in the past, I can’t change it. I’m focusing on the present and future, but damn, I wish things had been different. There’s always going to be a good and bad when it comes to the choices we make in life.

This is what I deserve. Everything I touch, I destroy. Emma’s the only thing I got right in my life and I’m trying to make sure I’m being a good father and giving her everything she needs. I rub my face and stare off to the ocean.

The days and nights are pushing together. Sometimes I forget what day it is and spend too many hours in my office at work. Unshaven, barely able to function without coffee, and keeping to myself is how I’m getting by. It all stands as a reflection of a lost man, needing to find his direction again.

“We need to talk.” I turn around and see Bradley walking towards me. What the fuck does he want?

“What do you want, Bradley?”

“I want you to know that you’re not ever going to hurt or see Karly again.”

Who the fuck does this asshole think he is? All I see is red. I ball my fists at my sides and I’m ready to deck him in the face. No one will tell me that I’ll never see the love of my life again. The hate that I have for him grows and all I want to do is grab him by his shirt and shake the information out of him. I know he knows where Karly is.

“Care to elaborate?” I growl. Shit if he knows where Karly is then there’s a chance she’s already moved on. Fuck! Would she move on that quickly? Has he been inside her? Fuck, no. My cock is the only one she’ll feel inside her. My cock owns her. No other cock will come fucking close.

“You know what I mean. She’s going through a lot and doesn’t need your drama or bullshit. Every night, she’s fucking crying and I’m the one who’s there for her while you’re here back with your fucked-up ex. I’ve never seen her this depressed. You fucking ruined her. ”

The way he’s describing my once happy girl is fucking destroying me. Shit, knowing that she’s in pain and there’s nothing I can do. Everyone’s telling me to stay away from her and no one’s telling me where she is. “Where the hell is she, Bradley? Are you fucking her? Huh?”

“You’re so fucked up. No, we’re not fucking! I’m her best friend and the only damn person who cares about her right now, aside from her friends. I’m the one picking up the pieces of her broken self, not you. You
need
to let her go and leave her alone. No more text messages, Nicholas. If you love her, then be fair and let her go.”

“I can’t.” I kick the sand and look away from him. “You don’t know what it’s like. She’s all I fucking think about.”

“I know what you mean. We were together for years before I fucked up. I wasn’t there to pick up the pieces, but now I am and, man, if you saw her…” His voice trails off. I fucking knew it.

“Where is she, Bradley? Fucking tell me!”

He stands his ground as I walk closer to him. “I’m not telling you shit. If she wants you to know where she is, she’ll let you know.”

My heart stops. Red. It’s all I see. I knock him on the ground and pull on his shirt, bringing his body up to my face. “Where. Is. She?”

“Get the fuck off me!”

“I’m serious. Tell me where the fuck Karly is!”

Arms grab me off Bradley, but I pull forward. I’m not letting him go until I get the answers I need. My fists hold his shirt tighter. I need to know where she is and if she’s okay. I need to put her heart back together and let her know that this marriage isn’t real. She’s the one I want to be with, not Jamie.

“Settle down!” Larry punches me in my side forcing me to let Bradley go. He  pushes me to the ground and tells Bradley to leave. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

I get up from the sand and look at him. “He knows where Karly is!”

“Yeah, well, so do I. Are you gonna punch me until I tell you?”

What the hell is going on? How does everyone know what’s going on with Karly except me? “Why’s everyone hiding this information from me?”

“Because I’m the one who’s been saving your drunk ass. You need to stop walking around like the walking dead and forget about Karly. I can tell you right now, as long as you’re with Jamie, she’s not coming back. No matter what you do.”

“I want her back.”

“Can’t have both women, brother. I don’t know what shit Jamie has on you, but I know this isn’t you. Listen, I don’t care why you did it, but you did. So keep that to yourself because I’m in enough drama when it comes to Lexi and Karly. I don’t need to know anything else.”

Feeling defeated, I let down my guards and walk back to the shoreline. Larry calls my name, but I keep walking. I need a moment to regain my thoughts and take in everything that happened. How did I let it get so bad?

Back at home I grab a bottle of beer from the fridge and settle on the couch. It’s quiet, but this is how it normally is. There’s no one laughing or playing. Emma’s at my parents house and Jamie, well, I don’t know where the hell she is, nor do I care.

My phone rings and it’s Lexi. I ignore it. As much as I love my sister I can’t deal with her lecturing me. For now I need the somber quiet to escape.

The door rings, but I don’t answer it. It keeps ringing and then there’s banging. What the fuck do people want? Finishing my beer I head to the door and open it.

“What do you want?”

“Alright if that’s how you want it.”

I let him in and head to the kitchen for another beer. “Stephen if you’re here to lecture me and tell me to leave Karly alone you can get the fuck out.”

He takes the beer from me and tosses it in the sink. “How long have we been friends?” I shrug, not caring to answer. “Seriously how long?”

“A while.”

“Exactly you’re my friend and like Larry, I’m tired of seeing you like this. Talk to me man.”

Telling him about the night at Larry and Lexi’s house means reopening that image of watching her walk away. I can’t tell him. It’s a memory I need to keep buried.

“I’ve seen you going down man and I’m not gonna stand here watching you do that anymore. What happened when she left? I mean look at you. I’ve never seen you like this, not even when Jamie left. You’re different.”

“I’m fine. I miss her like fucking crazy, but I made the decision and now I have to live with it.”

“Don’t forget about your friends. We’re here for you man.”

We sit in the living room in silence for a while. I’m not sure how much time passes before Jamie comes in.

“You okay?” I shrug. “Hey Stephen. Wanna stay for dinner?” She takes my hand, squeezing it, but I don’t respond. My eyes don’t meet hers. I feel her looking at me, but I can’t return the look.

“Na, but thank you. Nicholas I’ll talk to you later.”

Standing up I walk Stephen out. “Thanks for coming by. I appreciate it,” I let him know.

He slaps my back, and smiles. “Bro code. When a bro is down you do what you want to lift his ass up.” I laugh, for the first time in a while I laugh.

“Thanks again.”

Closing the door I walk to the kitchen and find Jamie waiting for me. “I need to be by myself. This whole thing is fucking messing with me.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I wish things could be different. Where’s Emma?”

“At my parents’.”

“Can we get her?”

“I’ve had a few drinks. Are you up for driving?”

“I can drive, Nicky. Come on. Let’s get our daughter.”

When she says ‘our daughter’ I cringe. Sure she’s her birth mother, but Karly’s her mom.

Pulling into my parents’ driveway, Jamie and I head inside and hear the laughter of Emma and my dad. She’s running around the hall while he’s chasing her. A part of me feels guilty because this should me and my daughter running around the house. I should be the one making her laugh and smile. I’m her dad, but lately that title doesn’t belong to me. She’s happy here. There’s no drama or death looming over her head. My four-year-old daughter can be free and not worry about the things we’re all dealing with.