Vicious (24 page)

“There will be a nurse who will come to visit you each day until they’re ready for the bandages to come off. Then maybe we can arrange for the best plastic surgeons to consult on your wounds. I know that
the one’s here have said that there’s not a lot they can do but—“

“I don’t care about that,” I told him.

He gave a nod. “Very well.”

Connie announced her engagement to Simon
the day I moved in. She was happy, and I tried to act happy as well.

After the bandages came off, I stood in front of a full length m
irror naked. True to his word, a flower was carved into my cheek, and a long thin line worked down the length of one side of my body. Occasionally a shoot or a leaf would sprout in a mess of scar tissue. I laughed at myself; one side was perfect, and one side was ghastly.

But I didn’t care. I found I liked to look at my body, I liked to touch it. It was like everything that had ever happened in my life was now on my skin.
I took to walking around naked; I also took to walking at night. Sometimes I would go to bars and watch life go on around me. That’s when I met Kevin, and he said, “What the fuck’s wrong with your face?” We became friends after that.

When I told him my story as we sat in the living room of my apartment, he gave a low whistle. “He’s got you perfectly positioned, hasn’t he?”

“What do you mean?”

“You see the
Langride Hotel?” He pointed to the building. “That’s owned by the Meros, and you see that building," he pointed to a high-rise. “That belongs to them as well.”

After that, I started to
walk around naked more.

Milo invited me to his exhibition once the portraits were complete. I made
Kevin come with me. He wasn’t that keen on art, but he loved free wine. I was interested to see people’s reactions. I wondered if they would think me a monster. Milo’s work was brilliant; even I had to admit that. In some, I looked beautiful, others monstrous, in some I looked lost and scared, and in most, I looked proud.

Kevin
let out a low whistle. “Not bad.” That was the extent of his appreciation for art. “Now where the hell is the waiter with the free wine?” He walked off, but I remained in front of one of the canvases. I liked this one the best; I looked happy.

“What do you think?” Milo asked as he stood at my shoulder
and passed me a glass of champagne.

“You did well
.” I took a sip. “Any interest?”

Milo smiled smugly. “Several of the smaller pieces have sold already. I’m hopeful.” Then he turned his attention from the painting to me. “Are you finally going to go out with me now to celebrate?” He had a somewhat teasing smile on his face as if he already knew the answer, and he didn’t look to
o disappointed when I shook my head. An older woman came to fawn over him then; her eyes raked over my cheek and, whether she realized it or not, her face twisted in disgust. I flashed a winning smile and moved away. It didn’t bother me because it was almost like a game now.

Kevin
found me. He was finishing a glass of champagne and had another waiting in hand which he started sipping from the second that the other was empty. “What’s with all the old cougars here?” he complained. “There’s not a good looking guy in sight. How much longer do we have to stay?”

“We can go.” I drained my own glass. “I’ve seen all that I need to.”

“Thank god.” He sculled back his drink. “Let’s go somewhere fun. I’ll grab our coats. Do you think we should invite Connie? She’s fun, but that Simon guy is just a dick.”

“He is a dick,” I agreed as I slipped on my coat and belted it around me. I was going to say something further but froze. Over the far side of the room was Brody. He sipped champagne casually as
if he wasn’t at an exhibition featuring his disfigured ex-girlfriend. Except, I had to remind myself, I wasn’t his ex-girlfriend, not really. I was his whore, and we were just playing pretend. A svelte, sophisticated blonde was resting her hand on his arm as she sought his attention. She looked like a younger version of Lisa. Maybe he would end up with the girl he had lusted after for so long after all.

“Ready to go?
” Kevin interrupted my thoughts.

I forced a smile. “Sure. Let’s get out of here and get drunk.” I linked arms with him
, and he grinned.

“I love drunk you. This is going to be a great night.”

We ended up hitting several bars and doing numerous shots at each one. Kevin managed to pick up a guy and ended up leaving me. He blew me kisses as he and the guy walked out the door together. I smiled at him, before ordering another drink at the bar.

This bar was quieter than
the other’s we had been at. There was a jazz band playing, and I sat at the bar and watched them as I sipped my drink. A man came over to hit on me. He approached from my good side and asked if I needed another drink. I turned to face him fully so that he could see Leon’s handiwork and smiled politely.

His eyes widened slightly
, and he struggled to say something. I saved him though. “Thank you, but I still have this one.” I lifted up my glass so he could see, and tried not to laugh at the relief on his face. Once his back was turned, and he hurried away, I let myself laugh out loud.

But then I caught sight of a couple. They were young and beautiful. Their adoration for each other was clear by the way they stared into each other’s eyes. They could have been the only ones in the room for all they cared. I felt a lump form in my throat, and for the first time my isolation felt wrong. The isolation didn’t feel like protection any longer. It felt lonely and cold. What was the point? All that effort spent conniving
, and surviving was for…what? That normality displayed by the beautiful couple would always be beyond my reach. I wouldn’t know how to be normal and transparent in love if I tried.

I drained my drink before placing it down on the bar. There was no sound as I did that
. Just as silently I slipped on my coat and out the door. I was like a ghost; invisible and irrelevant. The city swirled around me, taking no notice of my scarred form. It was like I did not exist. My life meant nothing to anyone else. If my crazy mother had chosen to make a sacrifice of me as an infant to her sacred moon, then it would not have mattered. The impact would only have been good. David would live, as would Leon…

A sob escaped me
, and I pressed my hand against my mouth in case any others struggled from me. Then I slowly took my hand from my mouth and moved it to my cheek. I fingered the macabre floral design as if I were touching it for the first time. The twisted scar tissue felt like the only alive thing about me. It felt like the only thing that mattered, that created me. Without it, I was nothing.

I walked home slowly. No one harassed me or even called out any crude
, drunken comments. Again, it was like I did not exist. I took the stairs up to my cold apartment. I needed to feel the sweat on my skin and the tension in my muscles in order to know that I was still alive.

I slowly inserted the key in the lock, almost with reluctance. I felt like I was about to enter an ice kingdom, where nothing was homely or welcoming. Once I
had welcomed that coldness and that sleekness; the fact that uncluttered surfaces would wipe clean and disinfect, as if that would undo everything. Now, I realized, nothing would ever be really clean.

The door, with its shiny white paint, swung open and instantly I felt the thickness in the air. There was something breathing there in the dark
, and I stepped forward almost to welcome whatever it was. The dark silhouette stood in front of the magnificent windows and surveyed the city below which had more life in it than I ever would.

The door closed behind me wit
h a bang; he didn’t jump though because he knew I was there.

“I always wondered,” said Brody, “what you saw from here all that time that you spend staring out these windows
.”

I stared at his back, not bothering to illuminate the room. “How did you get in here?” It was a stupid question, but I felt like
I needed to speak.

He turned to face me. “I bought this place. Why wouldn’t I have a key?”

I raised my chin and squared my shoulders. “This is
my
home.”

He made a slight sound that
may have been a laugh. “You’re quite right, of course.” He walked toward me, and I stayed still, waiting for him. My breath caught when he stood right in front of me and reached for my hand. He pulled it up to meet him, and a key was placed in my palm. He folded my fingers around it like it was some kind of treasure to be kept safe and guarded. The metal was warm from his hand; it was the warmest thing in this room.

“Good night, Violet.” A
kiss was planted on the smooth, unmarked skin of my forehead before he shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his coat and strolled out of the apartment. He casually pulled the door closed after him, and it shut with a gentle click. I was left staring at that door, wondering what had just happened.

I modelled again for Milo’s class. It was a different set of students; they were younger and less worldly. Some watched me with
ill-disguised horror at my skin, while others giggled uncomfortably. It didn’t bother me though; again I just plastered on a look of stone on my face and let my mind wander.

Why had Brody turned up after all this time? Had he only remembered about me after seeing the exhibition and had that sparked curiosity within him? Or, more likely, this was just a power play on his part. His sociopathic brain liked to exert his power by reminding me that it was his money that had given me my home and survival
, and that he could come and go as he wished.

“She’s a terrible model,” one of the students whined. “Her face is changing, she’s scowling. I need her to be still. She’s supposed to be
still
.”

I directed my gaze at the complaining woman, and what she saw in my face must have scared her because she promptly shut up and looked away. I resisted the urge to smile and made sure that my face remained still as stone again.

Milo approached me after the class. “The exhibition was a success. I sold every single piece.”

“That’s wonderful.” I slipped on the robe and pulled it tight about me as I stood from my stool. He lingered, looking down at his feet as if waiting for something. “What?” I asked.

He took a breath. “Come for a drink with me,” he pleaded. “You say no every time, but it doesn’t have to lead anywhere. Just let me buy you one drink?” His eyes were large and brown, and I could see why his students had crushes on him. He seemed so sweet.

“All right,” I said
finally. “Just one drink.”

“Great. You won’t regret it.”

Milo drove us to a bar which wasn’t far from my apartment. I’d been here before with Kevin, and normally it was busy, but tonight, being midweek it was quiet. I ordered a wine while Milo had a beer, and we sat at a table in the corner. I felt awkward, even though this man had seen me naked hundreds of times. Suddenly, I felt shy, and bad, because I knew that he liked me and wanted more than I could ever give.

When he tried to ask me questions about my past, I would deflect them and turn it around so we mostly discussed him. He
was from a perfectly normal two-parent household with a sibling of either sex. He was supposed to go to medical school but rebelled and became an artist instead. The parents got over their initial disappointment and enthusiastically attended every exhibition he ever held. After he had finished telling me about his pet dog that had died, he gave a laugh and took a sip of his beer.

“God, I sound so fucking boring and bourgeois. That’s eve
rything that I never wanted to be. As a kid, I loathed how normal and uneventful my family were, but now that I’m older, I’m grateful for it.”

In an uncharacteristic gesture, I reached over and touched his hand. “I think it’s nice. You should be grateful for it.”

He met my eyes and smiled, and for an instant, he reminded me of a puppy dog and my attention was like scraps of food for him. It was nice, how he was looking at me. It was nice to be adored. It was nice how normal he was. I didn’t think that I had ever had normal before.

For that reason, and my ever increasing loneliness, I took him home with me. It was a bad idea, I knew that, but it didn’t stop me. I took him to my a
partment and turned on all the lights, then I stripped him naked in front of the large windows so anyone could see. I kissed him hard on the mouth while I yanked on his hair. I was in control and felt powerful with every pant from him. I broke off from the kiss and left him panting and wanting more. I turned to face the window and removed my own clothes then I sunk down to my knees and took his cock in my mouth.

It was a show
, and I was the star performer. I wove a scene of erotica and seduction as I teased and tortured him with my tongue. Power infused me as his hand came up to stroke and grip my hair with urgency as his breathing became shallower. I milked him into my mouth expertly, licking up every single drop of cum. Afterward, I sat back on my knees and looked up at him, and he looked back down at me with a contented smile.