Valor on the Move (12 page)

But Rafa didn’t push the subject, instead simply saying, “Thanks for understanding. Okay, that’s totally next on my list. Have you seen
Riding Giants
? Laird Hamilton was a beast. I wonder if he still surfs. He’s gotta be sixty-five by now.”

Shane breathed easily again. “Probably. He’ll still be out there when he needs a walker.”

“Hey, did you ever surf Rincon in Santa Barbara? I saw a thing on TV about the point break there. Looks so cool.”

“No, but I did the Trestles when I could catch a ride. About half an hour south of Laguna, and it was a trek to get to the beach. Some gnarly breaks, though. It was worth it.”

Rafa burst out laughing and raised his hand. “I’m sorry.”

Shane found himself smiling. “What’s so funny?”

“Hearing the word ‘gnarly’ come out of your mouth.”

“Fair enough,” Shane laughed. “But hodads don’t get to make fun.”

“Wait, what’s a hodad?” Rafa popped a piece of tomato in his mouth.

Shane watched as he swallowed. “Uh, it’s…a hodad is a non-surfer, but one who hangs at the beach. A poser.”

“Hey, I’m not a poser!” Rafa puffed up with mock anger. “Trust me, I’ll be surfing my ass off in the new year. I’ll be a, what do they call it? A grommet?”

“You’re a little old for a grommet, but just don’t be a kook.”

“What’s a kook? I definitely don’t want to be that.” Rafa was serious again, looking like he was ready to take mental notes.

“A newbie who causes trouble. Gets in the way and doesn’t follow the rules. Wherever you end up surfing, make sure you find out how the locals operate. Don’t get in anyone’s way.”

Rafa nodded. “I won’t.” He ate a bite of tomato and bread. “I think I prefer the goat cheese.”

“Me too. Boursin is nice, but I think the goat cheese was more… It didn’t compete with the basil.”

“More neutral, but in a good way.” Nodding, Rafa flipped open his notebook and jotted down a line. He toyed with his soup spoon, swirling it through his bowl. “Did you have a favorite spot at Laguna?”

The old ache was still there, but Shane smiled. “Brooks Street. Swells were usually just right. Not ankle busters, but not too big. Plus, Maddie’s is there. Not much more than a shack, but she’s got the best slushees. I’d have a watermelon-pistachio every day.” His smile faded. “Long time ago now.”

“It sounds awesome. So, you didn’t do the big waves? No riding giants for you?”

“Nah. I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t want to end up with a sand facial.” He grimaced. “I went over the falls once at the Trestles—wiped out over the front of my board as the wave broke. Got dragged along the bottom.”

“Ouch. Were you hurt?”

“A little. Got a cool scar I showed off to all my friends. It wasn’t so bad.” He remembered how Jimmy Clarkson had blown him afterward behind the Carl’s Jr. The day had ended pretty well, all things considered.

Rafa’s eyes lit up. “Can I see it?” His cheeks flushed. “Um, I mean if you can show me. Like, if it’s on your hand or something. Forget it. That was stupid to ask.”

“It’s okay.” Tugging at his tie, Shane undid the top button on his shirt and pulled down his collar to show the pale, jagged scar at the juncture of his neck and right shoulder. “Coral did a number on me.”

“Whoa.” Rafa stepped close, leaning in. The puff of his exhalation was warm on Shane’s skin. “That must have hurt.”

They were standing only a whisper apart, and Shane’s breath caught in his throat as Rafa traced the three-inch mark with his fingertip, running it up and then down. A shiver raced down Shane’s spine, and he stepped back, quickly buttoning up and straightening his tie.
What the fuck am I doing?

“Hey, I was thinking…if I went to visit my sister in LA or my brother up at Berkeley, maybe I could try surfing. You’d have to go with me out on the waves, right? Just in case a shark tried to kidnap me.” He smiled tentatively.

Before his brain could kick in, happy anticipation swelled through Shane, warm and tingly, and for once, the guilty grief only flared for a moment before fading away. He imagined Rafa beside him, all eager smiles, his freckles standing out across his cheeks and his hair curling over his forehead. He could almost smell the salty air and feel the warmth of the sun as they paddled out past the break…

No.

This was not how he was supposed to feel about his job. He wasn’t supposed to look forward to spending time with his protectee. It was one thing not to hate it, or to find it pleasant. But it was another thing all together to daydream about it like he was a kid with a crush. There was a reason they didn’t want agents getting attached. It clouded judgment. Put the protectee at risk. Put other agents at risk.

I should never have come up here. This is it. I’m done.

He kept his tone even and non-committal. “We’ll see.”
Finish your plate and get back downstairs.
A bit of oil spilled as Shane popped the last tomato into his mouth, and he swiped at his lower lip with his finger. He looked up to find Rafa watching him with wide eyes, and the air was suddenly charged and heavy, like a storm was close by. Shane wiped his hands on a paper towel, his heart kicking up despite himself and his skin prickling all over. “I’d better get back. Have a good night.”

Rafa only stared, and then the few feet between them were gone, and their lips were pressed together. His fingers dug into Shane’s arms, and he crushed their mouths together desperately. He was warm and sweet, and smelled like bacon and lemons, and Shane wanted to bend him over the counter and dive into him like the ocean at high tide. But even more than that he wanted to push his tongue between Rafa’s lips and really taste him.
Fuck
, he wanted to make Rafa feel good. Show him how it could be. He wanted to lose himself.

Shane opened his mouth to suck in a breath and break away, but Rafa’s lips parted against his so tantalizingly. He swept his tongue into Rafa’s mouth while his mind screamed for him to stop. Rafa moaned into the kiss, his tongue tentatively meeting Shane’s, and all the blood in Shane’s body rushed to his cock. Rafa pressed closer against him, and Shane swept his hands down Rafa’s back, heading for his ass—

Jerking away, Shane broke the kiss and yanked his hands back to his sides. Rafa followed, his eyes dark, lips red and parted as he sucked in a little gasping breath that sent even more blood rushing straight to Shane’s dick. But Shane pushed firmly against Rafa’s chest with his palms and gritted the words out.

“No. This can’t happen.” He shook his head.

But God, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like this. If he ever
had
felt like this. He’d been with dozens of men over the years, but he’d never wanted them in the way he wanted Rafa. He’d never
cared
. What the hell was wrong with him?

The flush in Rafa’s face deepened, and he backed away, his hands and head dropping. “I’m so sorry,” he croaked. “I don’t know what…I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.”

Shane concentrated on keeping his voice and expression calm. He let the mask slide into place. “It’s all right. I’m going now.”

“Shane…” Breathing hard, Rafa raised his head, pain and longing shining in his big eyes.

“This was my fault. It won’t happen again.”

He turned on his heel, because the urge to take Rafa into his arms and tell him everything would be okay was over-fucking-whelming and
unacceptable.
Shane managed to walk calmly out of the kitchen, although his heart was thumping painfully. He should have known this was coming. If it cost him his job, he damn well deserved it.
 

“Three more burgers. Got it!” Darnell called as he closed the screen door behind him. He peered up at the clouds as he joined Shane by the barbecue. “Think it’ll hold off long enough?”

Shane shrugged and put on three more patties. “Probably not. Guess we’ll find out.”

“Well, I guess we will, Mr. Philosophical.” He nudged Shane’s shoulder. “What’s up with you today? Why so dour?”

Keeping his gaze on the meat, Shane shrugged again. “No more so than usual.”

“Mmm-hmm. If you say so. I’ve been inviting you over all summer and you’ve never showed. I was shocked you actually read my text, let alone answered it and graced us with your presence.”

“Ha, ha.”

Darnell scoffed. “You think I’m kidding. Sometimes it’s weeks.” He held up his finger and thumb a fraction apart. “I’ll be
thisclose
to breaking into your apartment for a welfare check to make sure you aren’t being eaten by starving cats.”

“When have I ever had cats?”

“Right, because
that
was the point of my diatribe. Why don’t you go in and watch the game? I’m supposed to be doing the cooking. It’s my barbecue, after all.”

“I don’t mind. You’re the Orioles fan, D.”

“Uh-huh. And…?” Darnell’s eyebrows disappeared beneath his baseball cap.

Shane sighed. “Guess I’m not feeling particularly social. Should have stayed in bed.” But he hadn’t been able to, because God damn if he hadn’t woken up hard as a rock, thinking of Rafael Castillo and that kiss. God damn if he hadn’t thought about the kid all day, wondering what he was doing and if he was okay.

God damn if he wasn’t
missing
him.

“Well, I could have canceled and joined you.” Darnell winked.

That was exactly what Shane should have needed, but the thought left him shrugging again.

“I’ll try not to take your lack of enthusiasm personally. Okay, cough it up. Did something happen at work?”

Rubbing his face, Shane nodded. After a few moments of hesitation, he confessed, “He kissed me.”

Darnell’s brows drew together. “Who? Your partner on the detail? With the sick kid?”

“No. I wish. Well, I don’t. Fuck.” Shane took a chug from his beer bottle, gripping the foam cooler. “Rafael Castillo.”

Eyes wide, Darnell whistled softly. “The other one kissed you?”

An insane surge of protectiveness filled him. “Rafa’s not that gangly little kid anymore.”

“Whoa.” Darnell held up his hands. “It’s Rafa now?”

“Everyone calls him that.” Shane waved dismissively.

“But everyone doesn’t kiss him.”

“
He
kissed me.”

Darnell regarded him silently for a few moments. “You didn’t kiss him back? Not even a little?”

“Well…” Shane sighed, remembering the hot slide of Rafa’s tentative tongue, the feel of his body, and his little gasp. “Just for a few seconds. It was like my brain temporarily shut down and my dick took over. But I put a stop to it fast.”

“Okay. Good save. But the question is, did you want to keep kissing him? And then some?”

Shane was silent for too long.

Darnell sighed heavily. “This is dangerous territory, my friend.”

“I know. Fuck, I know. I just met him a few weeks ago, but there’s something… I can’t explain it. I mean, he’s not even my type. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. This is beyond inappropriate. I’m practically twice his age.” Sure, Rafa was twenty-one and an adult, but he was still a kid. A smart and thoughtful one that Shane liked to talk to, but that was irrelevant. Entirely fucking irrelevant.

“But this is not a typical situation. Be careful, Shane. You may be older, but that kid’s the one with the real power. He could tell his father anything, and who would they believe? Your career would be over.”

“I know. Fuck, man. I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I’ve protected way hotter guys. Hell, I once drove Bradley Cooper around DC with the California senator. I barely even looked at him. I’ve never let it distract me. But Rafa makes me…”

“Horny?”

Shane glared. “No. Well, yes.” He groaned. “This is not how I do things. Jesus, he’s probably a virgin. At least as far as men go, or his other details would have known. I’m almost forty. I have no business messing around with a virgin. But…” He realized he smelled smoke, and quickly flipped the charred burgers. “But he’s been so isolated. So held back. He’s a really good cook, but his parents don’t want him anywhere near a kitchen. He wants to move to Australia and learn to surf. And for some bizarre reason…I want to teach him.”

Darnell whistled softly. “As I live and breathe. Mr. Independent is taking the fall.”

“Shut up.” Shane rolled his eyes. “I’m not in love, for fuck’s sake.”

“Not yet. But you could be down the road, couldn’t you? You always said you’d never found someone you wanted to wake up to every day. That’s how you’d know he was the one. Are you wondering how Rafael Castillo looks with bed head?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I barely know him.”
His curls would be all over the place, falling over his forehead…

“Well, you’re certainly in lust, and you’d better reel that in quick.”

He sighed. “I know.”

“Could you ask for a transfer?”

Gripping the spatula, Shane shrugged. “I could. They usually say no. They’d rather transfer us at their whims, not ours. Moved me to three different field offices in seven years, and then the PD in Montana.”

“Right. Protective detail on our illustrious ex-president. I still want details of just how batshit that guy really is.”

Shane tried to smile. “Maybe one day if you get me drunk enough. Anyway, I finally worked my way to DC last year for the first time since training. Gotta be honest—I really don’t want to go to another field office. DC’s the big time. I could get on PPD in the next couple years. Guarding the president.”