Valentine (30 page)

'Valentine,' she croaked, 'why did you rush off like
that? We were worried.'

Valentine quickly filled them in on Tamara's comments
about Piers.

'You must contact him; don't leave it. I'm sure there's
an explanation. Now tell me about Jack.'

'He said he could forgive me for what I did, but then
Tamara turned up.' She shrugged. 'Bad timing.'

Valentine had hoped to pour her heart out to Lily,
remembering how feisty she had been the night before,
but Lily seemed exhausted. 'I expect he's going to end
things with Tamara and then he'll be free to see you
again. He's very honourable like that.'

Valentine shook her head sadly. 'I doubt it; he didn't
give me any sign that he still has feelings for me.'

'Don't say that!' Lily said with feeling. 'I know he loves
you and you love him.'

'I'm not sure,' Valentine replied, but didn't want to
push it. Lily seemed so weak.

'Don't throw this chance of happiness away; life is just
too short.' Lily repeated what she had said the night before.
'My ten years with Frank weren't enough.' Valentine
frowned. Lily sounded so final.

'But you've got years ahead of you both,' she replied.

'No I haven't.' Her eyes flicked up to Frank as if seeking
reassurance. He nodded. 'I've got cancer; I'm dying.
There, I've told you – such a relief.'

Valentine's eyes swam with tears. 'What do you mean?
You can have treatment can't you?' She looked at Frank
and Lily, appealing to them to tell her there was hope.

Lily shook her head. 'It's beyond all that. Ovarian
cancer, so hard to detect and now it's too late. They
offered me chemo, but even with that there was little
chance. I'd rather leave this world as myself.' She reached
out her hand and Frank took it. 'I'm going into a hospice
today. Frank has been looking after me so beautifully but
it's time. So you see why I've longed for you and Jack to
get back together.'

'Oh Lily.' Valentine was crying so much that she
couldn't speak anymore.

'Think of the divers!' Lily urged her. 'Dive into life.'
And with that she closed her eyes and whispered, 'I'm
sorry, I need to rest now.'

Valentine left Lily and Frank feeling completely shell-shocked.
This couldn't be happening – not to Lily, vibrant,
wonderful Lily with her zest for life. She spent the day
with Lauren, who was equally devastated by the news.
She rang Jack, who was on his way to Paris to film one
of the episodes for the series, but only got his voicemail.
She left a message explaining that Lily was seriously ill;
it didn't seem the right moment to say 'and by the way
I love you,' even though Lily's words about diving into
life were a constant refrain in her head. She called Piers
and left a garbled message saying that they needed to
talk. Life suddenly seemed infinitely precious and even if
Piers wanted nothing more to do with her, she wanted to
give it one last go.

Frank returned from the hospice later that evening
looking absolutely shattered. He had wanted to stay, but
Lily had sent him home. Valentine and Lauren went
down to his flat to keep him company. They tried to
persuade him to eat something, but he resisted their efforts.
In typical tough trooper Frank fashion he managed to
joke that it was only because they were such bloody awful
cooks. He let them make him mugs of strong tea instead
and because his arthritis was especially painful Lauren
rolled him several joints to see him through the night.

'I wish Lily had told us how ill she was,' Valentine told
him, bringing him his third mug.

'She wanted things to be as normal as possible. She
wanted everyone to see her as Lily the person and not
Lily the cancer victim.' He rubbed a hand across his face.
Valentine wished she could say something, anything to
make him feel better, but what was there to say when the
love of his life was dying?

'It must have been a strain on you, Frank, having to
keep it to yourself,' Lauren put in.

'I just did what she wanted,' Frank said sadly. 'It was
the least I could do for my girl.'

Now Valentine realised why Frank had fallen off the
wagon that time. Her heart ached to think of the couple
soldiering on, never once letting on how tough things
were.

Neither Lauren nor Valentine could face going back up
to their flat after seeing Frank, so they headed off to a
pub round the corner. Jack still hadn't returned her calls
– clearly filming was over-running. Nathan joined them
and Valentine noticed that Lauren sat closer to him than
usual, held his hand and didn't tease him quite so mercilessly.
They all felt shaken up about Lily. By the time they
walked home it was nearly midnight. Valentine was
surprised to see that Frank's light was still on. She was
about to ring his bell and check that he was OK when
his door opened and Frank stood there in his elegant
black silk pyjamas and red velvet smoking jacket – both
presents from Lily, who believed that men should be just
as stylish as women in the bedroom.

'V, I'm glad you're back. You've got a visitor.' Valentine
followed Frank into his living room and to her great
surprise discovered Piers sitting on the brown leather
Chesterfield, smoking a massive joint.

'Oh God Frank, you haven't given him the strong stuff,
have you?' Valentine asked. She didn't think she could
cope with Piers being high on top of everything else.
Frank shook his head.

'Valentine!' Piers got up, strode over to her and enfolded
her in a tight hug. He must be high; he had never been
that demonstrative before. 'I need to talk to you.' He no
longer seemed the aloof, in-control movie director.

Valentine managed to prize the joint away from Piers
and took him up to her flat. She was expecting him to
be dismissive of the flat's bohemian and shabby appearance,
but instead he exclaimed how much he loved all
the different colours and didn't even complain when he
sat on the dodgy spring in the sofa. Powerful stuff, Frank's
weed.

'First of all, Valentine, I have to apologise for how you
were treated in my house. Olivia had no right to say those
things to you. She put a very different spin on what had
happened and for a while I believed her.'

Valentine shrugged; in view of what was going on in
the rest of her life Olivia seemed inconsequential. 'It
doesn't matter.'

'It does matter! It matters very much. You're my
daughter and Olivia had no right to sabotage our relationship
because of her own insecurities.'

Valentine had never before heard Piers criticise Olivia.
He stood up, reached inside his jacket and pulled out a
bundle of letters. Valentine instantly recognised her mum's
handwriting.

'When I got your message today I had a sudden thought
and went through Olivia's private papers. I found the
letters. She must have intercepted each one and hidden
it from me. To think I could have known about you, that
I could have seen you grow up! She kept me from you;
it was such a wicked thing to do, I don't think I can be
married to her anymore.' He seemed a broken man. 'And
I found the confidentiality agreement she drew up for you
to sign, believe me Valentine I would never have wanted
you to sign anything like that. I'm proud that you are my
daughter. I want the world to know. I was only cautious
about you telling too many people at first because I didn't
want the press to find out, but bugger that now! And of
course I want you in my next film – that is if you still
want to be.'

Valentine, grief-stricken about Lily, still longing for
Jack, found it surprisingly easy to forgive Olivia; she
didn't feel any anger towards her, just sadness for those
lost years and pity for the woman who must have been
desperate to do what she did. 'Piers – don't be too hard
on her; she did it because she loved you, because she
was devastated that she couldn't have a child. You have
to forgive her.'

Piers shook his head, 'I just don't know if I can; it's
too much.'

'You should try,' Valentine said gently. 'And it's not too
late for us to try and get along as father and daughter, is
it? And at least you missed out on all my bolshy teenage
years.'

Piers smiled faintly. 'You really think that's possible?'

Valentine sighed. 'My lovely friend Lily is dying. I think
life is too short not to forgive people.'

'She's drifting in and out of consciousness, but do talk to
her. I'm sure she'd love to hear your voices,' Sally, one of
the nurses at the hospice, told Valentine and Lauren as
she directed them to Lily's room. Valentine had been
dreading that Lily would be in some awful grey, depressing
ward; instead she was in a pleasant room with pale yellow
walls filled with sunshine flooding in from the large bay
window, with just one other patient in it.

Frank was sitting by Lily's bed, holding her hand. He
got up when he saw them. 'I'll leave you for a while, go
and stretch my legs in the garden. I'm sure Lily would
like to have a good gossip with you girls without me earwigging.
She'll love the flowers; they were always her
favourites.' He pointed at the bunch of pale pink peonies
Valentine was holding. 'Did Piers get home OK?'

'He passed out on the sofa after he insisted on smoking
that joint you gave him. But he left this morning to try
and sort things out with Olivia,' Valentine replied.

Frank nodded his approval and walked slowly out of
the room. He seemed to have lost the spring in his step
overnight. Valentine and Lauren sat down either side of
Lily, who seemed barely conscious. Her eyelids fluttered
and her breathing sounded laboured and rasping.
Valentine was no expert but it seemed as if she was
reaching the end. Dear Lily, still making the effort even
in her last hours, in a gorgeous peach silk nightdress
trimmed with delicate cream lace.

Valentine picked up her hand. 'Hi Lily, lovely to see
you. Your anniversary party was so magical. We all loved
it.' There was no response. Valentine's eyes filled with
tears and she suddenly couldn't go on. What did you say
to someone who was dying? She knew that Lily was a
fervent atheist so it wasn't even as if she could console
her with thoughts of an afterlife.

'What we wanted to say, Lily,' Lauren took over, 'is
that we both love you. You're our ultimate style icon. And
I thought you'd want to know, given that you're a hopeless
romantic, that I'm going to stay with Nathan as long
as he'll have me. Yes, I am finally in a committed relationship,
Lily. Bet you never thought you'd hear me say
that!' Lauren looked across at Valentine. 'In fact he's
moving in, V, if that's OK?'

Valentine smiled in spite of the situation. She had
never
thought the day would come when Lauren committed to
a relationship. 'So you're not going to end up in a bedsit
on your own, with just a poodle and a crate of wine for
company?'

'No way – I hate poodles!' She paused. 'Prepare to be
amazed, Lily, but I'm actually thinking of having children
with Nathan.' Now that really was too much to take
on board – Valentine felt as if she'd suddenly fallen down
a rabbit hole and entered a parallel universe, or maybe
the real Lauren had been abducted by aliens, leaving this
ideal, domesticated, sweet-talking Lauren as a replacement.
Lauren continued with her mind-boggling statements.
'He's agreed that he'll stay at home and be a house dad,
which I'm cool about so long as he doesn't go all sappy
and let himself go. I don't want some pot-bellied
motherfucker sloping around in tracksuit bottoms,
watching daytime TV and going for coffees with yummy
mummies. No, he's got to put the effort in.' Still the same
Lauren, thank God.

'Lily,' Valentine finally got a word in, 'can you believe
you're hearing this? Just promise me Lauren that you're
not going to make me be a bridesmaid.'

'If we get married you can be my best woman and you
can wear whatever you like. And Lily, you're not to worry
about V – I just know she's going to get it together with
Jack, even though she did snog the face off poor Robbie at
your party. You know how stubborn she is – she won't
believe it – but I saw the way Jack was looking at her
at Ronnie Scott's. He still loves her. And she loves him.'

Valentine nodded.

'Speak up!' Lauren demanded. 'Lily can't hear you.'

'Yes, I love him,' Valentine said loudly. 'Love him, love
him, love him!' She and Lauren paused to look at Lily.
Was it her imagination or was there a glimmer of a smile
on Lily's face?

Frank walked back into the room. 'Had a good chat
then?'

'We've filled her in on all the gossip. D'you want to
come back with us? You must be exhausted,' Valentine
said. Frank shook his head and gently smoothed back a
lock of silver hair from Lily's forehead. 'I'm staying right
here with my girl. Sally – lovely woman, but no understanding
of jazz – says she hasn't got long. I wouldn't like
her to go anywhere without me next to her. I promised
I wouldn't leave her.'

'Only Lily's funeral could be this cool,' Lauren whispered
as she, Valentine and Nathan walked into the church.
Frank's old jazz band were accompanying a beautiful young
woman singing 'Summertime' – Lily's all-time favourite
song. The church was packed with Lily's friends who were
dressed as if they were going to a party. Lily had left strict
instructions that no one should wear black. Frank himself
was dapper in his pinstriped suit. Instinctively Valentine
scanned the rows of guests – another edict from Lily, who
didn't want mourners – for Jack. He was due back from
Paris that morning and in the briefest of phone calls had
said he would come straight to the funeral. But there was
no sign of him. 'He'll come, V,' Lauren told her.

The glorious strains of 'Summertime' came to a close
and the minister began his address. Although Lily had
not been in any way religious, the minister knew her from
way back when he had been an actor and his speech was
warm, full of personal recollections from friends and
Frank, a fitting tribute to Lily. Valentine clenched her fists
and picked at her thumbnail anxiously; she had promised
Frank to read out the poem Lily had requested
because he didn't feel able to. The minister came to the
end of his address and introduced Valentine. She walked
slowly towards the altar, hating the sight of Lily's coffin,
even though it was beautifully decorated in peonies and
white roses. She turned to face the rows of people, and
took a deep breath.

'Lily was one of the most wonderful people I have ever
known, but I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you that.'
Her voice faltered and it was taking all her strength to
carry on. 'So I hope I can do her favourite poem justice.'

At that moment the door opened and Jack walked in.
For a moment he simply stood there, locking eyes with
Valentine; then she began reading the Shakespeare sonnet.

'Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
Love is not love which alters when it alteration
finds.'

Dear Lily. Even beyond the grave it seemed to
Valentine that she was sending back the message that
true love endured, that it could withstand anything, even
infidelity . . .

Valentine finished the sonnet, made her way back to
her place and saw Jack was sitting next to Lauren. Oh
Lily, is it wrong of me that my heart is racing at the sight
of him? She sat next to him and he put his arm round
her. For a second Valentine thought he was simply being
comforting, the gesture of a friend, but then he pulled
her to him and held her close, so she could feel the warmth
of his body against her and he whispered, 'We need to
talk.' The feel of him next to her again made her feel
giddy; she hoped Lily wouldn't mind that she was having
carnal thoughts at her funeral. At that moment the pallbearers
slowly made their way down the aisle with the
coffin on their shoulders, followed by Frank. He looked
over at the couple and smiled.

There was no chance to talk intimately in the taxi over
to the Chelsea Arts Club where Lily's party was being
held, as they were with Lauren and Nathan, but Jack held
Valentine's hand all the way. 'I was so sorry not to be
able to say goodbye to Lily,' Jack said.

'She wouldn't have known; she was completely out of
it by the time we saw her.' Valentine paused. 'I sent her
your love.'

'She adored you, Jack,' Lauren put in.

'I adored her; I just wish I could have had longer to
get to know her.'

'How do you think Frank feels?' Lauren replied with
feeling. 'God knows what he's going to do without her.
Imagine, you finally get to be with the love of your life
and they die and leave you all on your own. And it's not
as if you're young and can meet anyone else – you're old
and have got nothing to look forward to – nothing!'
Lauren, who never cried, was crying now, and so was
Valentine. They had tried to keep it together in the church
for Frank but now the full impact of Lily's death was
bearing down on them. The wonderful music, the beautiful
speeches, the guests dressed up in their finest clothes were
all a distraction – Lily was dead and she was never coming
back. The four of them were subdued for the rest of the
journey and still feeling low when they walked into the
bar of the Chelsea Arts Club.

Frank was the first person they saw there. 'Come on
you lot, stop looking like wet weekends! This is a party
for my girl and I want to see you smile. Lily would be
livid if she knew you were looking so dreary.'

Valentine hugged him. 'Frank, you're such a star. It's
just we can't help being sad.'

'I won't hear of it. I expect you've been wondering
what I'm going to do without her.' God, had Frank
somehow inherited Lily's ability to know what people were
thinking?

'In contrast to the life you think I might have – drinking
myself to death in a flat full of memories, with only my
vegetables and jazz collection for company – I'm moving
to Sydney to live with my daughter and help run the jazz
club she's just opened. You'll have to come out and see
me.' He paused and looked meaningfully at Valentine and
Jack. 'Yes, I've lost the love of my life and it will never
stop hurting, but I had her; short as it was, I had her.'
Jack reached out for Valentine's hand as Frank continued.
'So now you know I'm not going to be wallowing in a
pit of despair, go and dive into life and get some bubbly
down you!'

Lauren grabbed Nathan's arm and made a beeline for
the champagne. Valentine prepared to follow them but
Jack led her out of the bar and away from the other guests
into the deserted living room. Once there he shut the
door and pulled her into his arms. A lot of pulling had
been going on that day, it seemed to Valentine, but she
didn't mind one little bit. His fingers traced the contours
of the faded love bite on her neck. 'Sorry about that,
Fleming. I did get a bit carried away. Would it be inappropriate
of me to say how sexy you look in that dress?'

Valentine smiled. 'Lily wouldn't mind one little bit.'

It was all the encouragement Jack needed; he ducked
down and kissed her neck. Particles of pure lust rushed
round Valentine's body. She could have given the Large
Hadron Collider a run for its money right now. God knew
she needed a big bang . . . Jack moved from kissing her
neck to her lips. She closed her eyes, hardly daring to
believe that this was actually happening.

'So Fleming, what were you going to tell me when we
were interrupted at Ronnie Scott's?'

Valentine opened her eyes and looked straight into
Jack's. So this was really happening. 'What were
you
going
to tell me?' she countered; she didn't want to destroy the
moment. What if she told him she loved him and pushed
him away for ever?'

'I was going to tell you that I wasn't with Tamara
anymore – in spite of how it might have looked,' Jack
replied. 'We finished a month ago. I wanted time to know
what I really wanted.' He paused. 'I know what I want
now. Come back with me. Much as I want to ravish you
here, that probably would be crossing a line.'

There were all kinds of things Valentine wanted to do
with Jack in the taxi but they were both sober, it was still
light outside, and everyone knows that you only get to
behave outrageously in taxis under the influence and cover
of darkness, when at least you can pretend the driver
can't see you. Instead, sitting as close to him as she possibly
could, they talked. It turned out that Tamara had been
unable to accept that Jack had ended their relationship
and had been stalking him for the last month, Julia Turner-style,
hence her turning up unannounced at Ronnie
Scott's. The journey seemed to be going on for ever, and
wonderful as it was to be talking to Jack, Valentine thought
she might combust if they didn't get to his place soon.

'Why are we stopping here?' Valentine exclaimed as
the taxi pulled over at the top of Haymarket.

'Just a small detour,' Jack replied. 'Come on, it'll be
worth it.' He took her hand and jumped out of the taxi
and suddenly Valentine knew exactly where they were
going. Lily's divers. She and Jack looked up at the sculptures.
Then back at each other. It was six in the evening
and people were rushing past them. Jack put his arms
round Valentine's waist and pulled her close to him. 'I
love you, Valentine. I wanted to tell you that night but
you were so drunk and Tamara had turned up unexpectedly
and it seemed such a mess and I wanted everything
to be perfect. Now I know that there's never a right time.
And I have Lily to thank – when she and Frank came
round for dinner she talked at me all night about you,
how wonderful you were and how Finn had messed you
up so much that you found it hard to trust anyone, how
I shouldn't throw our relationship away because of one
mistake.'

Valentine sent up a silent prayer of thanks to her dear
friend. 'I love you, Jack. I always have, however it looked.'

'I know that now. It's not going to be easy and I know
there will be times when I'm going to hate you for what
you did, and it's going to take me a long time to trust
you again, but I would rather have that conflict and pain
than live without you.'

'How about we get some pleasure now?' Valentine said,
standing up on tiptoes to kiss Jack – a deep, you-belong-to-me,
get-a-room kind of kiss. High above them she could
see the sleek golden figures catching the last rays of the
sunset as they dived. It was time for her and Jack to dive
as well and take their chances.