Valentine (27 page)

Dear V,

It's odd writing this and knowing that you'll be
reading it when I'm not around – I hope I had a
bloody good send off ! I just wanted to let you know
that I always thought of you as my own. Always. I
couldn't have loved you more even if you'd been
my own daughter. And I'm so proud of you: you're
such a beautiful, wonderful person and so talented.
I don't know much about your world, but I always
loved to see you act. It seemed like it was what you
were born to do. So I hope you don't judge me and
your mum too harshly for not telling you the truth
right from the beginning. We did it because we didn't
want you to get hurt and if we were wrong then I
hope you can forgive us.

Love always, Dad xxxx

Valentine was completely overcome when she read the letter.
She felt as if she'd been blind to so many things lately –
Piers, Finn, Jack . . . She didn't go back to the flat that
night, preferring to stay in her old home – her old, unconditioned,
cosy, slightly shabby home. She watched
Spooks
with her mum and Matt, had an Indian takeaway and then
had the best night's sleep she'd had for a long time.

'Are you sitting down, Valentine?' It was Sylvia, on the
phone three days after the audition. As Valentine had
heard nothing straight away she had convinced herself
that she hadn't got the part. 'It's OK, Sylvia, I know I
haven't got it,' she replied glumly. It really would have
been a lovely role for her, a career-changing moment.

'You got it!' Sylvia shrieked, almost deafening Valentine.

'I did!' she shrieked back. 'Oh my God! Oh my God,
Oh my God!'

Sylvia let her shriek some more before interjecting,
'Jamie, the director, is thrilled to have you. He just has
one little request.'

'Don't tell me,' Valentine said, her mind racing to
conclusions, 'nipple tassels and nudity. Can't I ask for a
body double? I just don't know how I feel going nude on
primetime TV.'

'No, no, it's nothing like that!' Sylvia replied. 'Jamie
has just asked if you wouldn't mind putting on a little
weight, taking you back to a size twelve.'

'But the TV puts on ten pounds as it is!' Valentine
wailed back. 'I thought I was supposed to be playing the
femme fatale, not the token fat girl! Do you know how
hard I've worked lately to get this slim? And losing weight
has been the only good thing to come from having a
broken heart!'

'Darling, I know.' Sylvia went into agent-pacifying-difficult-client
mode. 'It is a lot to ask. But think of the
bigger picture. This series has the potential to be a massive
success.'

'Just so long as I don't have to get massive!' Valentine
retorted.

'Darling, do calm down. We're not talking morbidly
obese, just more of your curves back. I always thought
you looked better like that anyway. And one day you'll
have to make the choice between your face and your body,
anyway. And let me tell you that the people who choose
their faces over their bodies always look better than the
ones who don't. Although it's a tough call, I admit,' Sylvia
said with real feeling. Valentine knew it was a dilemma
the fifty-year-old Sylvia battled with daily.

'So shall I tell Jamie that you are up for gaining a few
pounds? He's worried that all the female actresses look
the same.'

'Great, so I will stand out as the fat one,' Valentine
said bitterly.

'No, no! You'll be the curvy, sexy one! So is it a yes?'

'Yes,' Valentine mumbled. 'And by the way, who's my
co-star?'

Sylvia hesitated. 'I'm not sure, to be honest. I think
they've had tremendous difficulty casting it – so hard to
get manly actors these days. Too many pretty boys. I'll
let you know as soon as they do.' She went on to fill her
in on some of the details. They would start filming in a
month's time and her fee was fantastic compared to
anything she had ever had before. Valentine was almost
in a state of shock. This was what she had wanted for so
long. But even as she was thrilled a small worm-in-the-bud
voice said,
and how much better would this be if you had
Jack to share the news with?

'So darling,' Sylvia drew to a close, 'think of Renée
Zellweger and all that weight she put on for Bridget Jones.
Go and have a doughnut or three. Better still, a fried
peanut butter sandwich.' She put the phone down before
Valentine could think of a suitably caustic reply.

After she'd told her mum and Lottie and texted all her
other friends with her big news she called Piers. His phone
went straight to voicemail again. Valentine left another
message, telling him about the part. At last something for
him to be proud of her for. Her relationship with Piers
seemed to hang by such a fragile thread. A few times she
had glimpses that they might possibly be able to form
some kind of bond, but these were few. He was consumed
by his world and by Olivia. An hour later she received a
call from Greta. 'Piers has asked me to call to offer his
congratulations on your TV role.'

'Couldn't he have called me himself ?' Valentine asked,
thinking that this was the phone equivalent of a businessman
getting his secretary to buy his wife's Christmas
present.

'Piers was a little taken aback by your leaving the house.
I think he feels a period of reflection and distance is needed.
And,' Greta paused, 'For now the film role is on ice.'

'Can't I at least speak to him and tell him what
happened?' Valentine asked with feeling.

'He knows everything from Olivia. Do not put him in
the invidious position of having to take sides between his
wife and his daughter. He's under a lot of pressure,
Valentine. I'm sure he will get in touch when he feels
able.'

Valentine was almost tempted to tell him not to bother,
but something stopped her from closing the door entirely.
She was hurt, though. It felt worse than when he took so
long to contact her. Now he was rejecting her after he
knew her. Even with the lead role to buoy her up she
might have gone to the dark side, but thankfully Lauren
returned from the States. It was so wonderful to have her
best friend back, to have someone to confide in and laugh
with, someone who knew her so well. Inevitably Jack was
one of their main topics of conversation. Lauren could
not believe that he was happy with Tamara.

'It's a total rebound shag. He was hurt and upset and
there she was; it could have been anyone. I bet he'll dump
her really soon.'

'Even if he does, it doesn't mean that he'll want me.
You should have heard him, Lauren, he sounded as if he
hated me.'

'He tried to get in your pants first though, didn't he?'

'Not quite. And anyway I was wearing Spanx. They
would have repelled him, in both senses of the word.'

'I reckon he still wants you and that's why he was so
vile to you. What's that quote – we always hurt the one
we love?'

Nathan (who had practically moved into the flat – so
much for Lauren's commitment phobia) looked disconcerted.

'Oh, not you darling!' Lauren exclaimed.

'And now Tamara's ill, he'll never leave her.' Valentine
had recently read that Tamara was suffering from nervous
exhaustion. 'He's too decent.'

'She's just tired; nothing that a holiday on some exclusive
Caribbean island won't put right, no doubt.'

'Oh God, I expect they'll go together and do a photo
shoot for some magazine and I'll have to look at the
pictures of them being loved up on a yacht or strolling
hand in hand on a beach. Him with his lovely muscular
chest, her without an iota of cellulite.'

'She'll be wearing a sarong over her massive arse, you
can depend on that. And you didn't mention Jack's hairy
chest. Does that mean you're over your repulsion/attraction
thing?'

'I love his hairy chest!'

'Did you tell him "hirsutes" you sir!'

Valentine rolled her eyes. 'Lauren! Here I am pouring
out my heart, and you come up with a pun? Girlfriend,
I am discovering new depths to your shallowness!'

'I thought of it when we were in San Francisco and
I've been dying to use it. Anyway you look like you need
cheering up.'

Ignoring Lauren, Valentine turned to Nathan. 'I've a
question for you. Please answer it honestly; my life hangs
in the balance.'

Nathan put down his beer and sat up straighter.

'Just humour her, cheri,' said Lauren, 'I think she might
have PMT and there's no chocolate in the house. Be
afraid.'

'Don't worry V, I'm ignoring her.' Nathan put his hand
over Lauren's mouth and pulled her next to him so she
couldn't say anything else. It was definitely love, Valentine
thought as Lauren just kissed his hand and snuggled up
to him. The old un-loved-up Lauren would have bitten
any man who had done that for sure, and they would all
have ended up in A&E, with the man in question having
stitches and a tetanus shot in his bum.

Valentine went ahead with her question. 'So, if your
girlfriend was unfaithful to you just once and had a good
reason for it, would you ever be able to forgive her?' She
had asked every other man she knew, so she may as well
ask Nathan. So far her answers had come back as: a yes
from Rufus (though possibly only because Kitty was giving
him a Chinese burn at the time to make him come up
with the right answer; Toby, yes (only because he was
being nice to Valentine as he was such a gentleman, and
couldn't bear to upset anyone): Frank, yes (life was too
short – him she did believe). So she had three yeses against
the five 'no's she'd had from her other male friends. It
wasn't looking good.

Nathan sighed. 'I guess I wouldn't at first. I would find
it really really hard to forgive her – so don't even go there,
Lauren! But if there was a good reason maybe I would
be able to, after some time had gone by. If I could see
that she really was sorry.'

He looked hopefully at Valentine, who shook her head
and said, 'Jack said he couldn't forgive me. I don't think
time will make any difference.'

'Don't go on a decline now!' Lauren urged her. 'You've
got a fantastic part. You've finally got that gutless bastard
out of your life. And you can even fit into my size ten
skinny jeans.'

'Not for long,' Valentine replied, reaching for a
doughnut and then putting it down. The one time in her
life she was being encouraged to put on weight and she
had completely lost her appetite.

Valentine was not used to being treated like a star. She
had fully expected to make her own way to the BBC
studios in Elstree so it was a pleasant surprise when
Sylvia told her a car would pick her up. She spent the
hour-long journey reading through the script for the first
episode again, though she had already learned her part.
She had barely done any filming before and the excitement
she felt was mixed with apprehension. A vivacious
looking redhead who introduced herself as Lynsey, the
PA, met her at reception and whisked her through to
the large conference room where the read-through was
being held. Immediately Jamie shook her hand and introduced
her to the team. It was quite overwhelming being
surrounded by so many people – alongside the actors
were the assistant director, producer, assistant producers,
PAs – and that was excluding the technical team. The
sheer scale of the production was suddenly brought
home to Valentine. The six-part series was going to be
filmed over three months and then would go out the
following spring as one of the jewels in the TV schedule.
It was a very big deal.

Jamie called everyone together. For the read-through
the actors and production team were sitting round a vast
circular table. Valentine even had her own name card
and Lynsey kept offering her drinks. Valentine felt very
pampered. She was happily getting her script out of her
bag and checking her mobile was switched off when Jamie
said something that stopped her in her tracks.

'Jack Hart's agent has rung to say that he's going to
be a little late this morning, but as he's not in the first
scene I suggest we crack on anyway.'

'You know Jack, don't you?' Helen, the actor playing
Valentine's office manager whispered to her.

Valentine nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Her
mind was working on overtime – had her agent known
all along and not wanted to tell her? What the hell was
it going to be like acting opposite Jack? Would he even
speak to her off set? And what about the love scene in
the penultimate episode? The thought of it had been
worrying her even before she knew it was going to be
with Jack.
Core of steel
, she tried telling herself as her
core wibble-wobbled away and she thought she might
have to ask to lie down in a darkened room. Thankfully
Jamie put a stop to her wild thoughts by starting the
read-through.

The first scene involved Valentine's character, Frankie,
trying to recruit a partner for her private detective agency.
She had recently given up her job as a high-flying detective,
sick of all the bureaucracy and politics, and she
needed a change after the break-up of her marriage.
Frankie was going to be a great character to play – strong,
assertive, sometimes overly so, passionate and with plenty
of emotional baggage. Frankie doesn't want a relationship
and then Daniel, a sexy former SAS soldier with a
carousel of emotional baggage himself walks into her
office. The attraction between them is instant, though
neither will admit it.

As if on cue there was a knock at the door and Jack,
sexy former lover with plenty of baggage, walked in. He
was wearing his battered leather jacket and Valentine had
a sudden flashback to her wearing it and nothing else as
they lay in bed together. Did the fact he hadn't got rid
of it mean something? Surely if he hated her so much
he would have thrown it away? That persistent flicker of
hope was sparking up again. Valentine blew it out by
deciding that any memory Jack had of her wearing the
jacket would have been supplanted by too many other
ones of Tamara writhing around in it.

'This seems like a good moment to break,' Jamie said.
'But before we do, I'll quickly introduce you all to Jack.'
He whizzed round the circle calling out everyone's names,
Jack smiling at each person in turn. Quite how he would
react when it was Valentine's turn she couldn't imagine.
Would he freeze her out? Tell Jamie that he couldn't
possibly act with her as he loathed her? The reality was
a slightly smaller smile for her than anyone else, though
only she would have noticed. Then everyone was getting
up and heading for the coffee area. Valentine was about
to join them when Jack walked over to her.

'I suppose we should get the hello out of the way.' He
spoke with none of his trademark warmth.

Valentine smiled at him tentatively, but he did not
respond. 'I had absolutely no idea you were going to be
in this. Of all the TV dramas in all the world you end
up in mine.' It was a feeble attempt at echoing something
Jack had said to her at the start of their relationship. How
very long ago that seemed.

'Or you end up in mine,' Jack replied. 'It was too good
a part to turn down. So you're OK about all this?'

'Just peachy,' Valentine lied, and then because she felt
hurt by Jack's abrasive tone she added, 'Don't give it
another thought; this is the best part I've ever had, and
I'm not going to let my personal feelings fuck it up.' With
that she turned away.

'Great!' Jamie had overheard them. 'You two are getting
into character already! Loving the chemistry!'

It was nearly ten at night when the car finally dropped
her home. Valentine was exhausted. The read-through
had been exhilarating but it was also incredibly emotionally
demanding having to work with Jack. Every time she
looked at him, every time she heard him speak, she was
reminded of what she had lost. Apart from his coolness
with her he was his usual lovely, charming self to everyone
else. His stunning success in
Lear
and offers of film roles
hadn't changed him.

She walked in the kitchen to discover Lauren,
Nathan, Lily and Frank sitting round the kitchen table
planning Lily and Frank's thirtieth anniversary, or rather
it would have been their thirtieth anniversary if they'd
stayed together all those years ago. They were going to
hold it at Ronnie Scott's jazz club in the heart of Soho,
where Frank had spent so many nights playing in the past.
It promised to be an amazing night. 'A celebration of
love,' Lily declared.

'It sounds wonderful,' Valentine said, joining them.
Lauren poured her a glass of red wine.

'So we've been dying to know how today went,' Lily
continued. 'It's so exciting, V. You're on your way now, I
just know it! So when will the series be out?'

'Next March I think,' Valentine replied. There was a
flicker of sadness in Lily's eyes as she replied, 'I can't wait
to see it.'

'Who's your co-star? Some sexy motherfucker?' Lauren.
Some things never changed. Valentine exchanged eye-rolls
with Nathan; both of them had given up trying to
stop her. She had worn them down with her relentless
swearing.

'Actually yes.' She paused for maximum impact. 'Jack
Hart.'

'Destiny!' Lily exclaimed. 'I knew it! It can only be a
matter of time before you two get back together. Jack
won't be able to hide his true feelings for you any longer.'
Lily seemed so thrilled by the prospect that Valentine
didn't have the heart to reveal just how cool Jack had
been with her. 'And I'm asking him to our party – just
him, not Tamara.'

'Lily, she's his girlfriend; you'll have to ask her,'
Valentine replied.

'Rebound shag,' Lily corrected her. Lauren's swearing
had even rubbed off on her.

'So do you get to snog him on set?' Lauren put in.

'Actually we have a love scene in the penultimate
episode,' Valentine replied. 'I don't know if it will be
worse filming it with Jack because I know him or if it
would be worse with someone else.'

'It could be really hot because you do know him,'
Lauren replied, ever the sexual thrill-seeker, 'like in that
film
Don't Look Now
, where Julie Christie and Donald
Sutherland allegedly got very carried away – you could
really do
it
.' Everyone looked at Lauren, who shrugged
and replied, 'Doesn't everyone have that fantasy?'

'What? Being filmed having sex and then having it
broadcast to the world? Have you suddenly changed into
Paris Hilton?' Nathan demanded. 'Just let me tell you,
you won't be doing that on my watch.'

'Anyway, perhaps I could ask for a body double,'
Valentine mused.

'Either that or a merkin,' Lily put in.

'What's that?' Frank asked.

'Pubic wig,' Lily and Valentine chorused.

'To think I have lived most of my life without knowing
what it was.' Still, I'm the only one of you who has seen
the ping-pong show in Bangkok. Did I ever tell you
about it?'

'Yes!' everyone said in unison.

'Enough already with the ping-pong balls,' Lily told
him. 'Take me downstairs and I can show you my collection
of vintage merkins.' But even as she joked she looked
exhausted and very frail. Valentine, Lauren and Nathan
exchanged concerned looks as Frank helped her out of
her seat and downstairs.

The following day both Jack and Valentine's cars dropped
them off at reception at the same time. There was a
fleeting moment when Valentine thought he might ignore
her, then he seemed to change his mind and they walked
into the building together. It was the first time they'd been
alone together since the night of the premiere.

Valentine's heart did its usual scary racing. Jack just
muttered 'hello' and seemed to be prepared to leave it at
that. But Valentine spoke, longing to get some reaction
from him. 'I saw Lily and Frank last night – they're planning
their thirtieth anniversary party.' She was practically
having to jog to keep up with him as he strode along the
corridor.

He slowed down fractionally. 'How is Lily? I thought
she looked terrible when she came up to Manchester to
see
Lear
. Any idea what's wrong?'

Valentine sighed. 'She just says it's a virus, but I'm not
sure if I believe her. I'm really worried about her and
about Frank; he looks worn out as well.'

Jack slowed right down and looked at Valentine, his
brown eyes full of concern. 'I'm sorry to hear that. They're
such a great couple.'

'Yeah, they're not bad for old timers, are they?'

By now they'd reached the conference room.

'So keep me posted on Lily and let me know if there's
anything I can do,' Jack said just before they went in.
Valentine was about to reply when Lynsey presented Jack
with an enormous bouquet of autumn flowers, artfully
mixed in with berries and twigs.

'Somebody loves you!' Lynsey said cheerily.

Valentine gave Jack her arched-eyebrow look. He
seemed rather nonplussed as he opened the card.

'So who are they from?' Lynsey put in, asking the question
Valentine was dying to ask.

'From my girlfriend,' Jack mumbled.

'It's not your birthday,' Valentine said.

Jack looked embarrassed. 'Two-month anniversary,
apparently.'

'I hope you remembered to send her something.'
Valentine couldn't stop the sarcasm. 'Though maybe you
can make it up to her later.' She regretted that comment
instantly as Jack gave her a WTF look.

'Actually Tamara's not feeling too well at the moment.'

'Nervous exhaustion?' Valentine did her best to lose
the sarcastic edge from her voice.

Not that successfully, apparently, as Jack looked at her
coldly, the warm concern gone from his eyes. It felt like
standing in the shade after the sun had gone in. 'Actually
yes.
Lear
really took it out of her, and having to withstand
Clive's constant bullying. It's shattered her confidence.
She's not like you, Valentine, she doesn't have many friends
to confide in, who support her. She's going through a
really hard time at the moment.'

She's got you
, Valentine thought. 'Please tell me you don't
expect me to feel sorry for her!'

'Now you've got this great part, perhaps you can take
off that chip on your shoulder. Isn't it getting a bit heavy,
carrying it around all the time?'

'What do you mean? I haven't got a chip on my
shoulder!' She was getting angry now.

Jack held his hands up. 'Listen to yourself ! I rest my
case.'

'I'll leave you to your bouquet then,' Valentine replied
and tried to regain her composure by getting a coffee. How
dare Jack say that she had a chip on her shoulder about
Tamara? She just didn't like her and with good reasons.
Now she had more reason than ever, seeing as Tamara
had Jack. Just to add to the toxic mix swirling round in her
head she now wondered what else Tamara had got planned
for Jack that night for their bloody two-month anniversary
– how cringey was that? Possibly she would have booked
a penthouse suite somewhere. She would have ordered the
staff to strew the bed with rose petals – she'd never do it
herself. Then she would lie back on the petals and await
Jack's arrival in some sheer Agent Provocateur number. He
would enter the suite and make straight for the bed.

To puncture the very unwelcome image of the couple
embracing, Valentine added a twist where the disgruntled
hotel staff, sick of Tamara's incessant demands, had
left some rose stems in the bed. As Tamara writhed in
Jack's arms, she would be impaled by a thorn on the
backside, calling an immediate halt to the amorous
proceedings. Valentine imagined Tamara would have a
very low pain threshold and so instead of shagging the
night away Jack would have to apply antiseptic cream to
Tamara's massive backside – all right, it was only massive
in proportion to the rest of her slender body – while she
screeched like a banshee about suing the hotel. Hmm,
Valentine wasn't wild about the cream-rubbing bit; there
still might be some pleasure to be derived for the pair of
them as Jack was very good with his hands. Instead,
Tamara could develop a sudden allergy to rose petals and
come up with huge suppurating boils all over her body,
and Valentine meant
all over
. Pus would definitely be a
passion-killer; no one likes to get up close and personal
with pus. Valentine sighed, and took a reality check. Even
if Jack hadn't looked exactly overjoyed by the flowers, she
probably couldn't read anything into it and now on top
of whatever else he felt for Tamara, he clearly felt sorry
for her. NTM was in a win-win situation.