Use Somebody (36 page)

No. This couldn’t be happening.

I tried to run, but my feet were cemented to the floor.

My hands now tied behind me.

Helpless.

Gabriel moved towards me, slowly, cautiously, as my fate rested in the hands of the masked man.

And as he did, something strange happened.

Right before my eyes, those blue eyes that I missed so much changed to olive green.

Dark hair became thick brown, rugged physique turned to warm golden skin.

“Don’t do it, love,” my friend said to me.

“No Vance,”
I tried to say. I knew what was about to happen, and I was prepared to do anything for a different outcome. Anything. My life wasn’t worth a fraction of his.
“Shoot now,”
I shouted at the masked man. Begging, pleading for him to fire it. To end this. To take me. But my lips moved without making a sound.

“Stop,” Vance said. “He’s coming back.
He’s going to see you.”

This could not be happening! Why wasn’t he hearing me?

I shouted and struggled and thrashed about in vain.

I fought so hard against the invisible hold, but it was all for not.

“Now!”
I yelled. I yelled it over and over until my throat grew sore.

But the words never even reached my own ears.

The masked man kept his cold—but somehow familiar—eyes on me as his finger hovered over the trigger.

Every second he delayed felt like death all over again.

“I don’t take this lightly, Scarlett Rossi,” my friend gallantly vowed, looking right into my eyes. And at the very last second, he moved between me and the gun.

“I swear on my life you will be safe.”

Noooo!—

BANG.

I gasped awake, sucking all the air that could fit into my lungs, before I started to heave violently in and out. My throat was on fire. Had I been crying? Screaming? Both? I clutched my chest, trying to control my breathing and slow my pounding heart.

My eyes scanned wildly as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. I was in my bedroom. The sun was shining through my shutters. I remembered spending the night in the park with Vance and that he had walked me home just after sunrise. I snuck into bed and had fallen asleep.

It was just a dream
, I told myself.
It wasn’t real.

But it felt so real.

I could so clearly remember the sound of the gun, the metallic scent of blood, the moment his green eyes went empty…

Tears blurred everything around me.

I had to see him. I had to be sure.

I threw off my covers and ran down the stairs, not stopping for shoes or proper clothes. The Eclipse’s engine revved to life. I was rolling down my driveway before I even slipped it into gear. Those few blocks had never seemed so far.

My car couldn’t bring me there fast enough. Everybody appeared to be out walking their dog or jogging across the street. Doing
something
to get in my way. My fist pounded on the dashboard when I got stuck at a red light. If I had to wait one effing minute longer I would have run over anything and everything standing between us. I needed to see him. Now. I couldn’t handle another delay.

Finally I reached his condo, but I didn’t pull over. I didn’t need to. He was in the front yard mowing the lawn with a damned skip in his step. A noise erupted from my throat. It might have been a laugh or a sob or some combination of both. It was the sound of relief. His brown hair was sticking up on the sides just like it had when I saw him last. Even his clothes were the same. And I could practically hear him whistling.

He was okay.

Seeing him was enough. He didn’t need to witness me in pieces like this. My speed had hardly slowed in passing before I stepped on the gas again. I kept going until the main street, then cut around through the back way to the park… where we had spent the previous night together under the stars.

The car barely rolled to a stop before I lost it. Unable to get the picture of Vance’s lifeless eyes out of my head, I buried my face in my hands, and I cried.

How quickly the euphoria from last night had disappeared. Only a few short hours of bliss before the nightmares came back, reminding me why I couldn’t get involved. It wasn’t like I’d convinced myself I was ready to move on from what happened with Gabriel. But if there was any glimmer of hope, any tiny shred of possibility, that dream extinguished it completely.

I was practical enough to know it was nothing more than my own subconscious haunting me for kissing another man so soon. But that did nothing to resolve the remorse I felt, or to alleviate the weight of my own grief-stricken sorrow.

The things I had experienced were dark, to say the least. I wouldn’t drag Vance down with me. That boy was like the sun, he didn’t belong anywhere near the darkness. I would do whatever it took to keep from hurting him, including protecting him from myself.

We needed to recreate some distance. I had to rebuild the wall between myself and my feelings. And another between myself and Vance. Whatever had happened last night, whatever was going on between us, I’d have to block it all out. Again.

* * *

As luck would have it, Vance and I weren’t scheduled to work together tonight. Still, his shift ended when mine began so I knew I’d see him in passing. He was working the afternoon shift with Kiki while I was closing with Gwen.

I had a few hours since my meltdown this morning to pull myself together. Although even a week wouldn’t have been long enough to figure out what the hell I could possibly say when I saw him.

The very second I walked through the back door, his eyes found me. It was as if he’d been counting down the seconds until my arrival. His face lit up with a smile that I had never seen before, even when he was with Evelyn. Not a smirk, not a grin, not even that dreamy-eyed look I’d seen a couple times. He
beamed
. His entire essence radiated a warmth that I could feel on every inch of my skin, even from across the room. My breath caught just being on the receiving end of it.

Whispering my name, he pushed himself off the wall and made his way towards me. I finally noticed that he had been standing between Kiki and Gwen. By the looks on their faces, I couldn’t tell what they knew. Had Vance told them about last night? Did he even have to? It would be an easy guess if they could see the smile he was aiming at me right now.

With every step in my direction, I grew more panicked. My body froze in the door frame, not knowing what he was about to do… Hug me? Kiss me? Every other guy I’d been with played it cool after. And even though Vance was nothing like those guys, I hadn’t anticipated things getting messy so quickly, and I hadn’t expected an audience. It would only take seconds for him to cross the room, and I still didn’t know what my opening line would be.

All too soon, my time ran out.

When his hand reached out for me, I couldn’t help but recoil. “Don’t,” I whispered sharply, averting my gaze. In that one word, the wall he had broken down last night was once again standing tall and palpable between us. I couldn’t bear to look at him.

I felt his eyes scan my face, curious but not yet upset. “You okay?” he whispered back.

My lips pressed together. I’d hoped this moment would go smoother. A part of me even thought that maybe he’d be indifferent today; mystery solved, curiosity sated. But suddenly that felt like a foolish assumption.

My gaze flickered to Kiki and Gwen who were shooting us inquisitive glances. I couldn’t tell what they knew, but it probably wouldn’t take much to figure out. It might have only been a few seconds, but each one feels like a tiny eternity when silence is that awkward.

Vance saved us by giving a friendly tug on one of my loose ringlets. “It’s been pretty slow. Hope you brought your book.” It was normal enough that the girls wouldn’t get suspicious, and I was grateful to Vance for his discretion.

I finally peeked up at him. He gave me a tepid smile before freeing my hair and walking past me into the front of the store.

I released the breath I must’ve been holding. The girls and I exchanged quick hello’s but I followed Vance swiftly before they could ask any questions.

Our eyes locked as I walked through the swinging door. His earlier beaming smile faded into something more subdued. Guilt rolled through me but I forced myself to move forward.

When I reached the register and entered my code to clock in, he touched my hip. “Everything alright?”

“You didn’t tell them, did you?” I spoke hastily, keeping my voice low so I wouldn’t be overheard. My eyes flickered to the swinging door to make sure they hadn’t followed us.

“Not yet,” his hand found mine, fingers sliding in between. “I wanted to wait for you.”

Um… Seriously?
We spent
one
night making out. Since when was that everybody’s business? If Gwen or Kiki found out, they would spin it into their own warped romance and I’d never hear the end of it.

“Vance…” I looked down at our entwined hands, taken aback. I could’ve guessed he might be stubborn about my brush off, but he had no right to have expectations. I thought we had been clear last night. Maybe he just needed a reminder. “Last night… it doesn’t change anything…”

Shocked, Vance’s hand dropped from mine like it had burned him, and his eyes scrunched with hurt and confusion. It crushed me to see his expression morph so quickly from happiness to this, knowing it was all because of me.

Oh snap. We had a major misunderstanding on our hands.

“I don’t mean it like that…” I backpedaled, my mind racing. I reminded myself the importance of this conversation. I needed to spit this out, and for goodness sake, to get it right! “I mean, I still can’t do… a relationship… that includes holding hands, telling our friends—”

“You want this to be a secret?” he whispered, wounded. “Or pretend it didn’t happen?”

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. So much for him accepting this last night. He wasn’t getting it. He was used to having a girlfriend. It was all he understood.

“Last night…” I elaborated, “I had a weak moment, and we kissed, but if you think that means everything has changed, it hasn’t.”

“A weak moment,” he scoffed.

Damn, I sucked at this!
My frustration grew, but I struggled to keep my voice hushed. “I don’t want to argue with you, Vance! I’ve told you that I won’t date, over and over again. And you just kept pushing me! Last night I cracked and let you kiss me, but I’m still not ready for anything else. I
told
you I wouldn’t do it again. I
told
you that you can’t fix me. I’m sorry you didn’t understand!”

As I turned to stomp away, he grabbed me by the wrist, bringing me to a halt. I stopped, my arm extended behind me, but didn’t turn around. “No, you’re right,” he said apologetically. “I know you’re scared of commitment. I didn’t mean to push you, Rosie. I just thought… I thought you meant… it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.”

As if he had anything to apologize for.

I exhaled, my ire evaporating away at the sound of his remorse. He shouldn’t have to apologize. This wasn’t his fault. I was the one being inconsistent. I was the one who wasn’t good enough.

I turned to peer at him over my shoulder. All my strength dwindled when I saw his distress. “I don’t have much to give, and it would never be enough.”

He shook his head emphatically, an argument forming on his lips. “That’s not—”

“Yes, it is true. You want a girlfriend and I can’t do that, Vance, I’m sorry.”

There. I said it.

A few silent seconds ticked by as we stared at one another. Just as predicted, we were at an impasse. We were completely different people and we wanted different things.

All this time, Vance had been the one person that I never wanted to be careless with. I never wanted to hurt him. But last night, I lived in the moment—one glorious moment—and destroyed any good intentions I ever had. I hurt him anyway. And potentially ruined our friendship. Because I wasn’t thinking about anyone but myself.

Why did I always do that?

Why did I have to kiss him?

“What do you want then?” he finally asked, his eyes searching mine for a solution.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at how ass-backwards this situation was. Only Vance Holloway could ask me a question like that at a time like this. Typical Vance, thinking of
me
—of what
I
wanted—when I just murdered the glorious sunshine right off his face.

What did I want? I wanted him to show some backbone and realize I wasn’t worth the trouble. I wanted to scream at him that whatever the hell
I
wanted was irrelevant. No way would I ask Vance to settle for it when I couldn’t even figure it out myself, much less explain it to him.

“Give this up,” I said quietly, working to keep my face blank. “The chase is over.”

His brows pulled together. Disappointment was written plainly all over his expression as he stood there, scrutinizing mine. I forced myself not to look away from the emotions on his face. It was painful, but that was my punishment.

“This was never about the chase, Rosie,” he said. He leaned in so close to me I thought he might kiss me again. Breathing became impossible. “We’re not done here.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked towards the back. I flinched when he barged through the swinging door, and again when the backdoor closed. It wasn’t that he slammed the doors, per se, but the disappearance of his normal warmth and sunshine was deafeningly loud.

After he was gone, Kiki poked her head in with a wide grin.

“That boy has it
bad!”
she tsked.

I shook my head at her.
That’s the problem!

* * *

I was looking forward to working a shift with Gwen, just so I’d have something else to occupy my mind besides Vance. I should have known that was a lost cause.

“So what’s going on between you and Vance?” she asked the second we were alone.

I rolled my eyes. “We’re still just friends, Gwen. Sorry to disappoint you.”

She smirked. “You and I are just friends, and I’ve never looked at you like Vance did ten minutes ago.”

“Thank goodness for that,” I grumbled.
Of course
they hadn’t missed that smile.

“So you’re admitting he looks at you?”

Ugh.
I didn’t want to play lawyer games with her. Not about this. I took a loud sip of my nearly-empty milkshake to blatantly ignore the question.

“Well, at least that’s something,” she said victoriously.