Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century (40 page)

Tiffany tells Grant to lie back on the floor. Rock and roll begins as she takes off his shorts and kisses his cock. She runs her tongue around his cock and sucks it until he is hard and breathing deeply. Then she lubes her hands, places them on either side of Grant’s cock, and gives him particularly hot fire strokes. She follows this with all the strokes he requested, plus a few extra, just for fun. Then she kisses him, removes his blindfold, unties his hands, and says, “My turn.”

Grant rolls her over onto her back and strokes her breasts, kissing her nipples. His hands move down her belly to her pussy. He begins pussy petting. Then he begins to rock around the clit clock, throwing in an occasional pinch and pull. He does some tap, tap tapping for divine drumming, and then, since Tiffany asked for harder strokes, he plays her like a big bass drum, one big beat at a time. As her squeals of laughter and pleasure subside, he gently and slowly slips a finger inside her vagina and holds it perfectly still. Tiffany begins to move against his hand, then she asks for another finger. He complies, giving her G-spot a yummy, intense massage, just the way she likes it.

Tiffany sits up and straddles Grant in Yab Yum. They fuck blissfully and deeply in this position, breathing and Kegeling. Grant begins to breathe faster, fuller breaths that let Tiffany know he wants to do a Clench and Hold with her. They take in a deep breath, clench, stare into each other’s eyes, and then let go. They gaze into each other’s eyes; it is as if they can see into each other’s soul. Finally, they gently fall backward into Heart-Foot-Hand position. In their afterglow, Grant feels his root chakra pressed against Tiffany’s, and her power and earthiness supporting him. Tiffany feels Grant’s foot on her heart and feels her heart and third eye alive, awake, and pulsing. They lie like this for many minutes. When they sit up, they wrap a blanket around themselves, sip some water, and feel closer, stronger, more open, and more trusting with each other and about their new life.

P.S., Your Cat Is Dead

Simon and Tony have been lovers for four years. This past year, Tony went through major surgery. Simon took time off from his job to nurse him back to health. Just as Tony was feeling better, Simon’s mother was diagnosed with cancer and died within three months. Two weeks ago, Simon’s only brother was killed in an automobile accident. Tony and Simon are trying to cope. They love each other and they believe in the power of sex to heal. Simon and Tony’s Erotic Playsheets are on the next two pages.

Tony sets up their massage table in the bedroom. He turns off all the lamps and lights just enough candles to be able to see. He turns on an electric heater. When the room is comfortably warm, he puts
Thunderdrums
into the CD player and invites Simon into the room.

Seeing how stiff Simon looks, Tony invites him to chill out with an elephant massage. It makes Simon feel looser, and he even laughs a little. When Simon stands up, he offers Tony an elephant massage, and Tony accepts. Tony suggests that Simon might like to warm up by doing a section of the Cathartic Meditation, which they both enjoy. Simon doesn’t feel up to it, but he wants to let out some of the anger he is feeling. So he yells as he throws karate chops into a pillow that Tony holds in front of him. Tony yells along with Simon, which lets Simon feel supported and also gets Tony’s energy rising.

To come together, Tony and Simon sit facing each other on their massage table. They gaze into each other’s eyes. Tony tells Simon how much he loves him, how grateful he is for all the love and support Simon has given him this past year, and that it is his intention to do the same for him now. Simon gratefully accepts and asks Tony if it will be okay if they call in the spirits of Simon’s mother and brother. Tony thinks it is a wonderful idea and suggests they also invite in the spirits of some of their friends who have passed away. Simon and Tony call out the names of their loved ones and invite their spirits to join them in their ritual.

Simon lies on his belly on the massage table. Tony begins by giving him a sensual massage. Although it feels nice, Simon tells Tony that he needs something harder. Tony chooses a medium-intensity flogger and begins striking Simon’s back and buttocks and thighs. Simon asks for harder strokes. Although he specifically asked for no pain, he experiences the flogging as delicious. Simon takes deeper and deeper breaths; they feel like the first deep breaths he has taken in weeks. Tony, watching Simon’s breathing and body, slows down, doing fewer, more intense strokes. The last strokes take most of Tony’s strength. Simon sighs deeply and moans. Finally, Tony puts down the flogger and picks up the massage oil.

Simon’s Erotic Playsheet

Describe your feelings and desires at this moment.

I am feeling:
Distraught, helpless, Lost, hypersensitive. It feels like every nerve in my body is numb and raw.

The chakras I am most aware of are:
Heart, chest.

The
feelings in those chakras are:
Heavy, congested.

I definitely want:
To stop hurting.

I definitely don’t want:
More pain.

By the end of this ritual, I would like to feel:
Peaceful.

My intention is: To
accept Tony’s Love and support.

Right now, I want to use the following techniques and props:

Breath:
Bottom Breath and Circular Breath.

Breath orgasm technique:
Clench and Hold.

Erotic activity:
Not sure, maybe erotic massage.

Cock massage strokes:
Any or all are good.

Position to fuck in:
Not sure if I want to fuck.

Pussy massage strokes:
N/A.

Ritual attire: Something
to keep warm; I’m having chills.

Ritual style:
Dark, quiet, wordless.

Sensation-producing devices:
Whatever works.

Sex toys:
None.

Sounds:
Drums.

Visualization:
I want to visualize a strong, eternal connection with my mother’s and my brother’s spirits.

Sensations I’d like to feel:
Strong, intense.

Tony’s Erotic Playsheet

Describe your feelings and desires at this moment.

I am feeling:
Helpless with regard to Simon’s pain. Anxious.

The chakras I am most aware of are:
Heart.

The feelings in those chakras are:
Love, compassion, sadness.

I definitely want:
To help Simon feel Lighter.

I definitely don’t want:
To make things any worse.

By the end of this ritual, I would like to feel:
Happy, helpful.

My intention is:
To give comfort and support to Simon.

Right now, I want to use the following techniques and props:

Breath:
I want to do the Circular Breath and the Bottom Breath.

Breath orgasm technique:
N/A.

Erotic activity: I’
d like to give an erotic massage to Simon.

Cock massage strokes:
I’ll give any/all that Simon would like.

Position to fuck in:
N/A.

Pussy massage strokes:
N/A.

Ritual
attire:
Nothing.

Ritual style: Dark, intense.

Sensation-producing devices:
Whatever Simon wants. I might try a thudder and a flogger.

Sex toys:
Whatever Simon wants.

Sounds:
New age, ethereal.

Visualization:
My love and support for Simon flowing from my cock, through my heart, and into my hands as I touch him.

Sensations I’d like to feel:
Open and present in my giving.

Simon feels his nerves begin to calm down. He is ready to rock and roll. As Tony starts to oil his cock, Simon realizes how little he has been feeling, not only in his cock but everywhere in his body. Tony concentrates on intense, energy-building cock strokes. Every time Simon gets close to ejaculating, Tony removes his hands from Simon’s cock and spreads the energy up into his heart. Tony visualizes all their combined sexual energy flowing into Simon’s body, replacing his grief and anger with peace and joy. He feels that he is channeling the love of all the spirits they have called in. Simon tells Tony he wants to do a Clench and Hold. They breathe fast, full breaths together, and then Simon clenches, holding the clench so long that Tony has to tell him to let go.

At first Simon is very still. Then he begins to smile. Tears run down his cheeks and onto the sheet covering the massage table. Tony stands by the table, just being present. After a few minutes, Tony asks Simon if he’d like to be covered. Simon says yes.

After Tony covers Simon, he changes the music, replacing
Thunderdrums
with soft, celestial music. Simon lies perfectly still. He is so still that Tony is not even sure he is breathing. Tony just sits with him. He feels the presence of the family and friends they have invited to join them as if they are alive and standing beside them in the room. It is profoundly peaceful and comforting. Tony weeps.

Meanwhile, Simon does indeed feel as if he is dead. He isn’t aware of any specific images or sounds, though he does remember thinking that he didn’t know it was possible to breathe so shallowly. He starts to giggle. His giggles become peals of laughter, which in turn become wracking sobs, as he recognizes the overwhelmingly strong presence of his mother and his brother. He realizes that he has not laughed so hard since he was with the two of them last year. Simon thanks them both and tells them how much he loves and misses them. For the first time since their deaths, he feels the comfort of knowing that they will always be with him.

Tony and Simon sit in their separate but shared afterglow for almost an hour. Finally, Simon offers Tony his hand. Holding hands, they do not speak. When Simon is ready to get off the massage table, Tony takes him into the bathroom and the two of them share a warm bubble bath by candlelight. Both Tony and Simon have received a healing.

No matter what your day, week, or month has brought you, you can create a Tantric ritual that will transport you from whatever you’re feeling now into someplace more ecstatic and peaceful. Make some copies of the Erotic Playsheet. Fill it out and start creating your own rituals. Be flexible. In the three examples given, the resulting rituals did not precisely follow what was written on the playsheets. The rituals morphed into what the participants wanted and needed in the present moment. Stay conscious. Honor your intentions. Remember to celebrate.

Sex in groups is vastly underrated and underexplored. The consensus in polite society has always been that sex is a private affair; only exhibitionists and sex workers are brazen enough to be sexual in public.

Wrong.

Many people harbor fantasies about having sex in public. Fantasies such as fucking in an elevator or in a dark corner of a museum turn us on because of the danger of being discovered. Public sex is such a powerfully “bad” thing to do. But there is another, more subtle, force at play. Public sex owes its power to the presence—real or imagined—of other people. Think about how sexual energy builds in your body when you are alone; then think about how it builds when you are with a partner. For most people, the presence of another being amplifies the energy, causing it to build more quickly and intensely. Adding more beings to the party can exponentially increase the intensity, the power, and the magic of an erotic encounter. Notice that I say adding partners
can
increase the intensity, not that it always will. Building erotic energy in groups is tricky. Actually, it’s not building the energy that is tricky, it’s building the group that takes consciousness, intention, and attention.