Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century (26 page)

Water sports
. It’s safe to urinate on skin without open cuts or sores. Use the lemon/vinegar test. Urine that enters the mouth, vagina, or rectum is not safe. It could spread HIV or hepatitis B.

Blood sports
. Serious aficionados of piercings, cuttings, or any kind of blood sports know that the lighting has to be bright, the instruments sterile, and the protocol impeccable to keep everyone safe. Any of these more arcane pleasure techniques, done incorrectly, could result in permanent injury or transmission of serious disease. You’ll need to learn both the techniques and the hygienic protocol from an experienced person. Merely seeing it done once or twice at a play party is not enough! Ask an experienced player to teach you how to do things safely and with maximum pleasure.

Troubleshooting
. What happens when something goes wrong—if the condom breaks, or you realize you forgot to put on your gloves after your hand is inside your lover? Don’t freak, just fix it. Your first step in getting back on the safer-sex track is washing up. Wash your hands, your toys, your genitals, and whatever you can with antibacterial soap. If that’s not appropriate (for instance, if you got some cum in your eyes), just wash with lots of water.

What if a condom fails during vaginal or anal intercourse? If it is still inside the vagina or anus, immediately remove the condom. The receptive partner shouldn’t douche; that might increase the likelihood of infection. If any Nonoxynol-9 contraceptive foam is handy, it might help to insert it and leave it in for about fifteen minutes. Nonoxynol-9 can kill HIV, but several clinical studies show that it does not prevent HIV infection, and may actually increase the risk of infection in women, presumably by inflaming and damaging vaginal tissues. Nonoxynol-9 has been shown to provide some protection against gonorrhea and chlamydia. Men can give themselves a little extra protection after potential exposure to an STD by immediately visiting the restroom, urinating, and then washing their genitals with an antibacterial soap.

Remember: While practicing safer sex dramatically reduces
the risk of contracting or passing on the most serious
sexually transmitted ailments, it does not completely
eliminate the risk for every possible condition
.

Tantric sex can be completely safe sex. You can combine energy sex with masturbation and have a mind-, body-, and spirit-altering experience without the risk of exchanging a single bodily fluid. If you are practicing safer sex, plan it in advance. Make it part of your preparation. Then practice it as slowly and consciously as you would any other element of your ritual.

This chapter is intended to make you aware of all the possible elements in your environmet that can enhance (or detract from) your erotic pleasure. Use this chapter as a reference guide, not as a ritual setup bible. You do not have to do everything I have suggested in each section. You do, however, want to set up an attractive, safe, clean space that invites your senses to open up and take in more colors, smells, feelings, sounds, and tastes. Not only will the resulting environment enhance your pleasure, but the act of setting up your ritual stage will prepare your mind for the pleasure to come.

Now that you have prepared your space, it is time to prepare
you
for your Tantric ritual. This preparation need not take the better part of a day. You may not have hours to devote to cleaning and decorating your space prior to a long, luxurious process of bathing, meditating, and dressing ceremoniously. What’s important is that you make a tangible transition between your everyday life and your erotic life. You need to complete this transition before trying to connect with your partner. If time constraints force a choice between preparing your space and preparing yourself, put the emphasis on yourself. Quickly tidy up the ritual space. Light some candles and a stick of incense. Gather safer-sex supplies and any sensual delights you plan to use. Then spend your time on you.

Chill Out

First, empty yourself of physical, mental, and psychic gunk—the kind we all accumulate as we go through our daily lives. Relax your tensed body, calm your racing mind, and reconnect with your spirit. In other words, love yourself before making love. Here are some tips for how to do this:

Cleanse yourself
. Take a bath or a shower. Make sure the water is not too hot, and don’t stay too long—a long, hot bath will drain too much fire energy and leave you too relaxed. Burn some sage in a metal bowl and bathe yourself in the smoke to cleanse your psychic body and auric field.

Clear out emotional gunk
. Scream underwater or into a pillow. Throw a few karate chops, chopping away anything you’re angry about or preoccupied with. Do the Exhilaration Meditation or Cathartic Meditation (see
chapter 4
), or an abbreviated version of one of them. You could even do just one section of either. Shaking for just five or ten minutes will help clear out the cobwebs and help you to be more present.

Change your outfit
. Follow the advice of my enlightened drag queen sisters: “Change your clothes, change your consciousness.” Change into something—whether it’s a silk sarong or a rubber cat suit—that tells your body it’s time to feel sexy.

Warm Up

After you have prepared yourself to meet your partner (who has similarly prepared), it’s time to warm up together to ready each other for sex. Here are some exercises and techniques to help you wake up your body and ignite your erotic energy. One of the easiest and nicest ways to start is with a great hug.

Grounding Hug

First you will give the hug, then you will receive it.

1. Stand with your feet hip-distance apart and your knees slightly bent. Breathe using the Bottom Breath (see
   chapter 4
   ), bringing your awareness to your root chakra. Imagine that your legs are huge, strong tree roots anchoring you deep into the earth.
   
2. Now embrace your partner. Place one hand on their lower back, and the other on their upper/middle back. Breathe your belly into their belly. As you hug, imagine that you are grounding your partner in the earth, rooting them the way you are rooted.
   
3. Continue to breathe together, feeling your partner letting go and relaxing. You will actually feel your partner’s center of gravity move down into their pelvis and legs.
   
4. Switch positions; now it’s your turn to receive. Receive the grounding hug with as much consciousness as you gave it.
   

Partner Shake

If you and your partner don’t feel like doing the shaking portion of the Exhilaration Meditation by yourselves, you can always shake each other. It works out the kinks and it has just the right silliness quotient.

1. Vibrate your partner, starting at the top of their head and working your way down their body. The vibrations don’t have to be hard, but they should be fairly rapid. Go gently on the head; be more vigorous on the arms, hands, buttocks, and legs.
   
2. Switch places; it’s your turn to receive.
   

Elephant Massage

1. Your partner (the elephant) stands with feet hip-distance apart, bending forward from the waist, arms hanging down like an elephant’s trunk. Elephant masseur/masseuse, you can stand behind your elephant or in front—whichever is more comfortable for you.
   
2. Now give your partner an elephant massage. How do you massage an elephant? Any way the elephant wants, of course! But I’d suggest you concentrate on those tense elephant shoulders and tight elephant spine. Elephant, you can sway your trunk back and forth if you like and make appreciative elephant sounds when your masseur gets it just right.
   
3. As you complete your massage, step directly behind and very close to your elephant. Let them roll up, vertebra by vertebra, leaning against you, until their head is leaning back on your shoulder. After a few moments, help them to stand on their own.
   
4. Now, elephant masseur, it’s your turn to be the elephant.
   

Activate the Microcosmic Orbit

1. Your partner stands with feet hip-distance apart. Placing their awareness at their perineum, they breathe in, drawing energy around and up to their tailbone, up their spine and neck, over the top of their head, and finally down their forehead to the roof of their mouth. As they do this, trace this pathway (the back channel) with your hand, tapping all along the spine, up to the top of their head.
   
2. Your partner then places the tip of their tongue on the roof of their mouth and exhales, letting the energy trickle down the front of their body, down to their genitals and back to their perineum. As they exhale, brush down this pathway (the front channel) with your fingers.
   
3. Repeat until your partner feels the Microcosmic Orbit as an actual circuit of energy.
   
4. Now switch places with your partner.