Unwritten Rules (29 page)

I sensed the attack only moments before he

began gasping. I got the driver to stop the cab, and rifled through Jonah’s backpack until I found his meds. I had packed a couple of paper bags, worried that this would happen, but they were in my suitcase. So I rushed around to the trunk, and fought with the zipper of the case. I could hear Jonah’s wheezing, and I fought to calm myself down, but I couldn’t. The man I loved was suffering. I was suffering as I took my time helping him. I cleared my head and went back to Jonah. I had him breathe in and out of the paper bag like we’d done the previous times he’d had an attack. I ran my fingers through his hair and down his neck to help soothe him. It was an hour before we could continue on our way, and much to my surprise, the cab driver had been real y caring. He’d stayed with us, even offering to take Jonah to the local hospital. After I’d explained the situation to him, that Jonah needed a few minutes then we’d be fine to travel, he simply nodded and waited. I was thankful we were in Phil y rather than New York. No cab drivers in New York would’ve been so kind.

I cal ed his mom, tel ing her our flight had been delayed. She didn’t question my explanation, but squealed in excitement when I told her we’d e there shortly.

“How are you doing?” I asked, stroking Jonah’s arm.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he croaked out. “I thought I had a hold on it al . Clearly, that’s not the case.”

“You expect too much of yourself. Did you real y think you could just walk into that house and everything would be fine? Jonah-”

He placed his finger across my lips, cutting me off. “I was being stupid. I thought I was dealing with it – I wasn’t. I hate that I scared you. I hate that you always end up looking after me.”

I wrapped my fingers around his wrist as his hand moved to hold the back of my neck. “You can’t do this alone. Please don’t push me aside.”

His fingers flexed on my skin in an attempt to show he was disturbed by my pleading. I wanted to continue but thought better of it. Jonah had a lot to deal with, and an argument with me would be futile. We embraced as he stared out the window, his face stoic, the muscle in his cheek pulsing every few seconds. I wondered if he was thinking back to his childhood.

Jonah’s fingers toyed absentmindedly with the

bracelet he’d bought me for Christmas. I watched; his nimble fingers toying with each platinum link as they looped around my wrist. He stopped when he reached the tiny envelope that dangled from it. I had laughed when I’d noticed it. I was amazed at the amount of thought he’d put into my gift, even having our mailbox numbers engraved on it.

“We’re here,” Jonah mumbled, sitting forward and letting go of my arm.

His face turned ashen, but when I tried to console him, he shrank away. “I just need a minute, Red.”

I let him exit the cab, studying his rigid movements as he stood staring at the house in front of us. I paid the driver and thanked him for his assistance then removed our suitcases from the trunk. The urgency to help him, to comfort the man I loved, coursed through my body. I walked closer, aware that the cab was driving away, and placed my hand at the base of his spine. “This is the house you grew up in?” I questioned softly. He cleared his throat but didn’t speak, just

nodded.

“You know they’re expecting us, so chances are they’re watching you right now. Waiting for you to knock on the door.”

He drew back, swal owing and shaking his head.

“I can’t do this. I shouldn’t be here...”

Jonah tried to walk away, determined to shake off my grip, but I held firm. It was obvious this wasn’t going to be easy. I thought he’d resolved and worked through this. Realization struck; it would always be this way with Jonah. For every two steps forward he took, there would always be one back. It wasn’t scared though, because I knew in my heart that someday he would be able to walk into that house and hug his family without being affected by his dark past.

“Jonah,” I snapped, trying to gain his attention before he had another anxiety attack. “You
can
do this. I know you. I love you, and I know this is something you can cope with.”

“Can’t.”

I crouched down, making sure I made eye contact.

“Do you trust me?”

“More than anyone in my life. Ever,” he replied vehemently.

“So listen to me, hold my hand and come on.” I was abrupt with him, but being gentle wouldn’t help this time.

He took my hand, his eyes ful of sorrow. I brought his knuckles to my lips and kissed them. At the same time I heard the front door open.

Jonah shuddered. “Oh God, El e.”

I gazed across the garden to see a short brunette step out onto the ramped porch. She was wiping her hands on a dish cloth and smiling in our direction. Her hair was poker straight, hanging down to her shoulders. I could see it was slightly darker than Jonah’s, however, her eyes were the exact shade of ice blue as his. They were piercing. I would have been frightened had I not already known the warmth those eyes could hold. Jonah’s eyes were just as intense.

“Red, you’ve got to help me,” he begged. “I can’t move.”

I stroked his arm, returning his mom’s smile. “You can do this. One step at a time, baby.”

His grip tightened on my hand as we walked up

the path. We left the suitcases at the edge of the garden; they could wait. I whispered words of encouragement and held my free hand out for Mrs. Samuels to shake. I was afraid she was going to fling herself at Jonah as she moved on to the tip of her toes, but she thought better of it and took my offered hand.

“You must be El e.” She wiped a tear, and

mouthed ‘thank you’.

“No thanks needed, Mrs. Samuels.”

I tried to hang back, wanting them to have a

moment alone, but Jonah was holding firm. Jonah stiffened as his mom raised her hand to cup his face.

“Oh, my boy!” She wept. “My sil y, sil y boy!”

My throat constricted as I watched them. He was staring at her, every thought playing across his features as he contemplated what action to take next. Tears were openly rol ing down his mom’s face; they were threatening to spil from mine, too. It was icy cold out in the garden, but neither mother nor son seemed to notice. Jonah was wearing his coat; his mom dressed in a thin lilac cardigan and black slacks. I opened my mouth, ready to interrupt, when someone else exited the house.

A tal man, with a thick, bushy beard, started toward us. The top of his head was a complete contrast to his beard, because his hair had been shaved off. His eyes were a warm brown, and as he came closer, I caught a whiff of tobacco.

“Tom, have you seen our boy? He’s so grown!”

She reached out for Tom’s support, much like

Jonah was doing with me.

Tom nodded in Jonah’s direction. He repeated

his wife’s action of edging forward but then holding himself back.

“Let’s go inside. Quinn is waiting,” Tom rumbled before turning to me. “Hel o, El e. Hear you’ve been looking after Ben. ”

“I-”

“It’s Jonah now, Tom,” Mrs. Samuels added.

A smal whimper slipped from Jonah’s lips. I was about to come to his rescue when his mom looped her arm around his waist and led him back to the house. His fingers slipped from mine. I let him go. Tom lingered behind and helped me with the suitcases.

“Dunno if I can get used to cal ing him Jonah.”

I snorted, “I’m always shocked when I hear the name Ben. I guess that makes us even.”

Tom grinned, pushing the door open for me.

“Thanks for bringing him home, El e.”

I was at a loss for words. So many years had

passed, so much pain left to fester, and therefore four lives had been placed on hold. This
had
to be a new start, because each one of them deserved it.

I abandoned the suitcases just inside of the door. Tom led me into the living room where Jonah was sitting on the edge of the couch. Quinn was in his wheelchair, pushed right up to the couch, bracketing Jonah’s legs. They were holding hands.

The ache in my heart was replaced with hope.

Hope and love.

Jonah gazed up at me, his eyes glittering with tears. I caught a hint of something else in them as wel . It was something I’d only seen on rare occasions. Jonah was happy.

He waved me over, patting the seat next to him and gesturing toward Quinn. “This is my brother. Quinn, this is El e.”

Quinn had the largest of smiles, and the biggest brown eyes – just like his father’s. His hair was dark and bounced around his face in wild curls. I chuckled to myself, wondering if Tom had chosen to shave his head thanks to a mass of curls.

“Hey,” he grinned wider, flashing a dimple in my direction.

I couldn’t help but smile back; he was infectious, and the dimple was an exact replica of Jonah’s. “We brought gifts. Jonah told me you were into video games, Quinn.”

Quinn laughed as his parents excused themselves to make some coffee. “You know his name’s Ben, right? I mean, he didn’t just decide on Jonah, that’s his middle name, but his real name is Ben.”

“Take a breath, buddy,” Jonah said, placing a

hand on Quinn’s knee.

Quinn reached out, scooping up Jonah’s pinkie in his and lifted them into the air. “I’m awesome. I’m final y awesome.”

I stood up, kissed Jonah on the forehead and left them alone. They needed space, and I was barely holding it together. Since I was unsure which bedroom we’d be staying in, I went back out to the garden.

That was where I broke down. I sobbed and then cal ed my mom, just to tel her I loved her.

“Hey, baby, what are you doing out here?”

Jonah’s voice startled me. I had nodded off, even in the cold. I stil held my cel in my hand from the cal to my mom. I felt disorientated, unaware of how long I’d been sitting out on the porch.

Jonah wrapped a blanket around my shoulders

and passed me a steaming mug of coffee. I hugged it close, sighing when he pressed his lips against mine. He tasted of coffee and chocolate. The only thing I wanted to do was sink into his warmth.

“You didn’t need to leave. I was doing alright,” he grumbled, sitting down next to me and resting his head on my shoulder.

“I known. That’s why I left you guys to it. You need some time alone, as a family.”

“But-”

“I don’t mind, Jonah. I don’t mind at al ; as long as it makes you happy.”

He exhaled loudly and tickled his fingers against mine where I held the mug of coffee. “I’m numb. It’s hard to believe I’m here. That they want me here.”

“Does it look the same? The house, I mean?” I

asked, changing the topic.

“Except for the ramp and the renovations for

Quinn’s chair. It was like walking back in time when I got out of the cab. I just remembered that day, the car and the huge argument. I couldn’t shift the memory of Quinn...” he gulped. I shifted away from him, placing the mug onto the floor, then turned back to face him. I sat cross-legged on the bench and brought my blanket around us both, surrounding us in a fleecy cocoon. Jonah rested his forehead against mine and kissed the tip of my nose.

“This is hard, Red. I don’t know what to say to them, except repeat that I’m sorry,” he uttered.

“I’m pretty sure they don’t want that,” I pointed out.

“You have to show them who you are now. Who Jonah is, not Ben. Your family deserves to know the
real
you.”

He gave a low moan and dragged me onto his

lap, tucking the blanket back around us. When he spoke, his lips caressed my ear, eliciting the shiver I was becoming accustomed to.

“How do I go back? Where do I start?”

“You take one step at a time. You can do this. They love you. After they see what you’ve done for yourself, they’l love you even more.” I grinned when he kissed my neck. “Your mom wil be so proud when she sees your novels. Quinn wil go crazy when he hears you play.”

“Damn, Red, it’s no wonder I fel so hard for you. I was powerless to your persistence.”

“There you are! We were beginning to think you’d both run away.”

Our heads spun toward the door as Jonah’s mom

walked closer to the bench.

“You two shouldn’t be out here. It’s far too cold,”

she pointed out. “Ben, Tom has taken your suitcases to your old room. Why don’t you go and help him? I’d like to get to know El e.”

Jonah nodded as I slipped off his lap. He kissed me tenderly, whispering his love before going inside. I smiled when he touched his mom’s hand as he walked by then reaching back down for my mug. I needed something to do, something to divert my attention from the force of Mrs. Samuels gaze.

“You don’t need to hide out here.” She patted my knee, sitting down next to me and smoothing her hair away from her face.

“You al needed the space. This situation is

difficult enough as it is, without me interfering, Mrs. Samuels.”

“It’s Emily, and without your interference, my boy wouldn’t have returned home.”

I tried to interject, but she held a finger up and continued. “For years we’ve tried to get Ben -sorry, Jonah, to come home. He steadfastly refused. It was Quinn’s idea to refuse the checks. He thought that would anger him enough to at least get a phone cal . It worked, but it was you that brought him home. For that I wil forever be thankful.”