Untitled (12 page)
Authors: Unknown Author
Experiences of BPM III are also accompanied by specific manifestations in the Freudian erogenous zones. These are related to a wide range of activities that bring sudden relief, pleasure, and relaxation after prolonged tension or stress. On the oral level, these activities include biting, chewing up, and swallowing food, as well as catharsis by vomiting. In the anal area, they involve the natural processes of defecation and passing gas; in the urethral region, the urination after a long retention. And finally, the corresponding genital phenomenon is the build-up toward sexual orgasm and, in women, the feelings encountered in the second clinical stage of labor.
The third matrix represents an enormous pool of problematic emotions and difficult sensations that can, in combination with later events in infancy and childhood, contribute to the development of a variety of disorders. Among them are certain forms of depression and conditions that involve aggression and violent self-destructive behaviors. Also sexual disorders and aberrations, obsessive-compulsive neuroses, phobias, and hysterical manifestations seem to have important roots in this matrix. Which of the many possible forms of emotional disorders would actually manifest seems to be co-determined by the nature of later biographical experiences that can selectively reinforce the aggressive, self-destructive, sexual, or scatological aspects of BPM III.
The Struggle Ends
As the agonizing struggle to escape from the birth canal nears the end, tension and suffering reach an apex. This is followed by an explosive release as the infant suddenly breaks free from the pelvic opening and takes its first breath. In general, this moment holds the promise of tremendous relaxation, but the degree to which this actually happens depends on specific circumstances surrounding the birth, such as the opportunity for loving contact with the mother, bonding through eye contact, and other factors. The experiential aspects of this transition are the focus of the next chapter.
5.
T
HE
D
EATH AND
R
EBIRTH
E
XPERIENCE
—BPM IV
"The soul sees and tastes abundance, inestimable riches, finds all the rest
and recreation that it desires, and understands strange kinds of secrets of
God…. It feels likewise in God an awful power and strength which tran
scends all other power and strength: it tastes a marvelous sweetness and
spiritual delight, finds true rest and Divine light and has lofty experiences
of the knowledge of God…"
and recreation that it desires, and understands strange kinds of secrets of
God…. It feels likewise in God an awful power and strength which tran
scends all other power and strength: it tastes a marvelous sweetness and
spiritual delight, finds true rest and Divine light and has lofty experiences
of the knowledge of God…"
—St. John of the Cross,
Canticle
Canticle
He started to experience considerable confusion; waves of heat passed over him and he began to perspire. He started trembling and began to feel nauseated. Quite suddenly he was at the top of a roller coaster, gradually being drawn to the precipice, then losing control and plunging downward. An analogy came to his mind; it was like swallowing a keg of dynamite with the fuse already lit. The keg would soon explode and there was nothing he could do about it. It was completely out of his control.
The last thing he could remember hearing as his roller coaster slid over the precipice was the roar of music that sounded as if it came from a million earphones. His head was enormous and he felt as if he had a thousand ears, each one bringing in different music. This was the greatest confusion he had ever known in his life. He was dying right there, and there was nothing he could do about it. The only thing to do was to go toward it. The words
trust and obey
came through to him, and in what seemed like a flash he was no longer lying on the couch and did not have his usual identity. Several scenes began to take place all at once.
trust and obey
came through to him, and in what seemed like a flash he was no longer lying on the couch and did not have his usual identity. Several scenes began to take place all at once.
In the first scene he was plunging down into a swamp filled with hideous creatures. These creatures were moving toward him, but they were unable to reach him. The best way he could describe this roller coaster ride, plunging into a complete loss of control, was to compare it to walking on an extremely slippery surface. There would be some firm surfaces at first, then nothing was firm, everything slippery, nothing to hold on to, and then he was falling, spinning farther and farther into oblivion. He was dying.
But suddenly he was standing in the middle of the square in a medieval town. The square was surrounded by the façades of Gothic cathedrals. He saw all the gargoyles, eaves animals, people, animal-human creatures, devils, and spirits—all of them, he thought, like figures in a Hieronymus Bosch painting—coming down from their niches in the cathedrals. They were marching toward him!
As all these creatures pressed in upon him he began to experience intense agony and pain, panic, terror, and horror. There was a line of pressure between his temples, and he was dying. He was absolutely certain he was dying. And then he died. His death was completed when the pressures in his head finally overwhelmed him and he was expelled in a great rush into another world.
The new world he encountered was nothing like the previous ones. Now the panic and the terror were gone. There was a new anguish, but he was not alone in this anguish. He was somehow participating in the deaths of all people. He began experiencing the passion of Jesus. He was Jesus but he was also Everyone and they were all making their way in a dirge-like procession toward Golgotha. At this time in his experience there was no longer any confusion. His visions were perfectly clear.
The sorrow he felt was just agonizing. Then he became aware of a tear of blood forming in God's eye. He did not actually see God's eye, but he saw the tear and it began to flow out over the whole world as God himself participated in the death and suffering of all people who had ever lived. The procession moved toward Golgotha, and there he was crucified with Christ, and with all people, on the cross. He was Christ; he was all people. He was crucified and he died.
Immediately after everyone died he heard the most heavenly music he had ever heard in his entire life. He heard the voices of angels singing, and all the people who had died began to slowly rise. This was like birth; the death on the Cross happened, and then there was a swishing sound as the wind rushed from the Cross into another world. Everyone around him began rising and the crowds of people became great processions in enormous cathedrals, surrounded by candles and light and gold and incense. He had no sense of a separate identity at this time. He was in all the processions, and all of the processions were in him. He was every man and every woman.
Along with everyone around him he began rising toward a light, higher and higher, past majestic white marble pillars. The crowds left behind the blues, the greens, the reds, the purples, and the gold of the cathedrals and all the colors in the garb of the people. They rose into whiteness, moving between great pure white columns. The music soared, everyone was singing, and then there occurred a vision. This vision was unlike anything that had happened so far; it had a special quality that convinced him that he had been given a vision. The resurrection garment of Christ touched him. Yet, it did not touch just him; rather, it touched all people and yet in touching all it touched him.
When the garment touched him, several things happened all at once. He became very small, as small as a cell, as tiny as an atom. All the people became very humble and they bowed down. He was filled with peace and feelings of joy and love. He loved God completely. While this was happening the touch of the garment was like a high voltage wire. Everything exploded, and it exploded the people into the highest place there is—the place of absolute light. Suddenly there was silence. The music ceased. All sound ceased. It was like being at the absolute center of the energy source. It was like being in God—not just in God's presence but
in God,
participating in God.
in God,
participating in God.
This did not last for a long time—though he became aware that time meant nothing at all during this experience—and they began the descent. The world into which they were now descending was like no other he had ever known before, a world of great beauty. Majestic choirs were singing and during the Sanctus, the Glorias, and the Hosannas an Oracle's voice could be heard: "Want nothing, want nothing," and "Seek nothing, seek nothing."
During this period many other visions occurred. One major vision involved looking down through the earth to the foundations of the universe. He went down into the depths and discovered the secret that God is praised from the depths as well as from the heights. Also, in the depths of the universe the light can be seen. In the depths of the universe are many prison cells. As he went through these cells their doors opened and the prisoners came forth praising God.
Another powerful vision in this session was that of a figure walking in a wide, beautiful river, in a deep, broad valley. Easter lilies grew up through the river's surface and the river flowed gently and quietly. The valley was surrounded by very high mountains with many, many watersheds coming down into the valley floor. Into this scene came a voice: "The river of life flows toward the mouth of God." He wanted very much to be in the river and could not tell whether he was walking in the river or if he was the river. The river moved and as it moved toward the mouth of God, hoards of people and animals—all of creation—came down the watersheds and poured into the main stream of the river of life.
As this session came to an end, and he once again felt himself oriented in the therapy room where he had started, he continued to feel filled with awe, humility, peace, blessedness, and joy. He had the distinct conviction that he had been with God in the energy center of the universe. He still had the strong feeling that all life is one and the river of life does in fact flow into God and that there are no distinctions between people—friends or enemies, black or white, male or female: all are one.
The above is the narrative of a clergyman describing a deep experiential session in which he confronted the fourth perinatal matrix. While his imagery and symbolism are decidedly Christian, the same essential themes of these experiences occur again and again with people of all religious and ethnic backgrounds while reliving BPM IV. The theme of death and rebirth is prominent here, as are the confrontations with wrathful demons and divine beings, the identification with all human suffering, and revelations concerning the nature of the universe itself. Like the other matrices, BPM IV is a combination of memories of the most basic biological events associated with birth and their spiritual and mythological parallels.
Biological Realities
The biological basis for BPM IV is the culmination of the struggle in the birth canal, the moment of birth itself, and the situation immediately following delivery. As the journey through the birth canal approaches its end, head and shoulders emerge, and then the body is born. (In a breech birth, of course, the feet emerge first.) All that remains from the original union with the mother is the connection through the umbilical cord. Finally, the umbilical cord is cut, which severs forever the biological link—unity with the maternal organism.
When we take our first breath, our lungs and respiratory pathways open and unfold; the blood that had been oxygenated, supplied with nourishment, and cleansed from toxic products by the mother's body is now redirected to our own lungs, gastrointestinal system, and kidneys. With these major physical acts of separation completed, we begin our existence as anatomically separate individuals.
Once physiological balance is reestablished, this new situation is a significant improvement over the previous two stages, BPM II and BPM III. However, compared to how things were before the birth process began (BPM I), some conditions are worse. Biological needs that were automatically satisfied while we were still in complete union with our mother's body are no longer taken care of on a continuous basis. During the prenatal period, the womb provided security all the time; after we are born the protective figure of the mother is not always present. No longer are we always shielded from temperature extremes, disturbing noises, changes in light intensity, or unpleasant tactile sensations. Our well-being is critically dependent on the quality of mothering, but even the best mother cannot reproduce the conditions of a good womb.
Death, Rebirth, and the Ego
As with the other three matrices, people reliving this last one often get in touch with very accurate details about their original birth experiences. Without previous intellectual knowledge of the circumstances of their delivery, people can discover that they were born with a forceps, or in the breech position, or with the umbilical cord wrapped around their neck. They can often recognize the type of anesthesia that was used during the delivery. And not infrequently, they can relive in detail specific events that happened after they were born. In many instances, we have had the opportunity to verify the accuracy of such reports.
BPM IV also has a distinct symbolic and spiritual dimension. Psychologically, the reliving of the moment of birth takes the form of the death-rebirth experience. The suffering and agony faced in BPM II and BPM III now culminate with "ego death," an experience of total annihilation on all levels—physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.
According to Freudian psychology, the ego is that part of us that allows us to correctly perceive external reality and function well in everyday life. People who have this concept of the ego frequently look upon the ego death as a frightening and tremendously negative event—as the loss of ability to operate in the world. However, what really dies in this process is that part of us that holds a basically paranoid view of ourselves and of the world around us. Alan Watts called this aspect, which involves a sense of absolute separateness from everything else, the "skin-encapsulated ego." It is made up of the internal perceptions of our lives that we learned during the struggle in the birth canal and during various painful encounters after birth.
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