Until You (8 page)

Sam could tell that Trina was giving it some serious thought. That made him feel better. "I needed to get away while Morgan was still in school, I needed some time to myself. I wasn't dealing well with the fact that our season ended so soon. Amy suggested that I take a break as far as I could get from San Jose before school
let out for the summer."

He shoved the last little bit of burrito in his mouth. Holding her hand he flashed her a bright smile. "Trina, meeting you was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. Our 'friendship'
has helped me to forget how bad of a hockey season I had. Everything had taken its toll on me, all the losses, and especially the injuries. But after meeting you, none of it mattered anymore. We have fun and I look forward to seeing you each day. The quiet beach, the sound of the waves and you; it was a perfect escape for me. But I have responsibilities back home and I need to get back to it. The team doctor wants me to continue physical therapy during the summer. I need to be ready for training camp in September."

He was too far gone to stop now. He wanted her to go with him, and she looked like she was going to say
yes
. However, he kept going. "I know Morgan will adore you. She is a huge hockey fan, and she knows every player on every team. Once she hears you are Tyler Kidd's sister, she is going to freak. Do you like to boogie board? How about video games? I thought you guys could do girl stuff until I came home from my morning workouts then the three of us could spend the afternoons together. She really will love you." He didn't mean to ramble, but he needed her to say yes. He wanted her to come with him. It was going to be hard to only be friends, but it might just kill him to leave her here and never see her again.

****

Trina was sold on the idea until he started saying he imagined her spending all this time with his niece. Wait,
what
? She wasn't any good with kids. Terror took over her body. What does one even do with a kid all day?

"So, what do you say?" Sam leaned over to her, tugging at the sheet she held up to cover her breasts. He started to kiss her neck and down her shoulder. "I was thinking we could go take a shower, then go back to bed for a while?"

Trina sat motionless; she wasn't cut out to help with a little girl. Was she? Her body heated up and she broke out in a nervous sweat. Why did this scare her so much?

"Trina? What's wrong?" Sam stopped trying to seduce her once he realized she was staring into space.

Pulling away from Sam, she held the sheet tight against her breasts. "Um, you know what? I actually am going to go for a run myself. Toby needs to go out..." Trina abruptly jumped out of bed grabbing her shorts and bikini top. She threw on a t-shirt over top of that, and quickly tossed her hair up into a ponytail.

"Uh, Trina?" Sam shook his head. What did he say? "Trina?"

"What? Toby and I will be back soon. Please help yourself to anything in the kitchen," she said, sliding on her tennis shoes. "Make yourself at home, take your shower, whatever you want." She leaned over and softly kissed his lips, leaving him with a confused look on his face. "I promise, I will be back."

She hurried down the steps with Toby following her.

She ran as far as she could and then she ran some more. Poor Toby was panting like crazy once she finally stopped to look down at him. "Oh, sorry, boy," she said. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she forgot about poor Toby. "Okay, take a break," she cooed petting her tired dog. She was even a horrible mom to a dog! He was exhausted and she was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice.

Trina let out a long sigh. She stretched her leg muscles while Toby rested. Looking behind her, she realized she ran really far. No wonder Toby was panting. She couldn't even see her condo from here. Of course, her m
ind was on Sam the entire time.

He had no idea what she had been through; he was probably sitting there wondering what he had said to scare her off. She was acting like a crazy person. He didn't say
'Come home with me and be the Mother to my children,'
he just wanted her to come out to the west coast. But he did expect her to be good with Morgan. She just didn't think she could do that.

She stared out at the water. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at the blue sky. She replayed their conversation in her head. Sam was willing to take her back to San Jose just so she didn't have to go back home to Talia's. Even after she told him she didn't want to be in a relationship, he still was willing to help her. It wasn't such
a bad idea. Except for Morgan.

She was afraid she wasn't cut out to be around a child all of the time. What kind of role model was she? She was a failure. She couldn't even carry a baby; she even fucked that up. No matter how many times the doctors told her the miscarriage wasn't her fault, she still felt like it was. Sam offered up his home to her, and she hadn't even told him her whole story yet.
Coward
, she scolded herself.

She dropped down beside Toby. The wood of the boardwalk was cool under her legs. She petted Toby's head as her eyes filled with tears, until she was silently sobbing. All she could think of was Sam. His wonderful smile, his dirty blond hair that flopped in his face so often, and his friendly, blue eyes. She had been happier here with him the last few days, then she had been in the last year. She only knew him a short while,
but he wanted to be her friend.

Sure, the sex was insane. That was just a bonus. She liked being with him. He made her smile again. Maybe that was the answer; he helped her find her smile again. She had the chance to do what made her happy. She didn't have to go back to Banff with Talia; she could go anywhere she wanted. It was her move. If she hadn't ruined it already.

She needed to tell Sam that she was scared to be around Morgan. She hadn't planned on playing mommy. Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing. Wiping her eyes quickly, she grabbed the phone out of her pocket. It was Tyler.

"Hey bro," she answered as her and Toby sat admiring the water.

"Tri, you okay sis?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Then as if it was habit she said, "don't worry, I haven't missed any of my meds."

"Well, good to hear, but that's not why I was calling. Sam called me, he was worried about you."

Oh no, Sam called him? Well, time to put on her big girl pants and tell her brother that she was going to sleep with whoever
the hell she pleased. Even if it was a hockey player. Tyler didn't hover like Talia did, so this had to be why he was calling.

"Tri, are you listening to me? Sam is worried."

"I know. Ty, I'm good. I've finally found some peace with what happened. What I didn't expect to find was a friend." She started to cry. "It's just that he doesn't know what a hot mess I am. I didn't have the guts to tell him." She waited for him to bring up his 'rule' about not dating hockey players.

"Trina, don't cry, you need to go back and talk to him. Sam is a good guy. He'll understand. Trust me on this." He paused for a moment.

Sam was very understanding about her having MS. She didn't expect that. "What about your dumb rule, Ty?" she asked. "Isn't that why you're calling? To tell me I can't see him?"

"Trina, I didn't know you were even with Sam until a few minutes ago. That rule you are referring to was for when you were younger. At the time, it was for your own good. I was just trying to protect you. You're old enough to make your own decisions now. And I can honestly say that Sam is one of your smarter decisions." Tyler had made it no secret that he hated Marc. "I made that rule so you wouldn't go after players like Patrick Dubois. He is a friend of mine, but I would've kicked his ass if he tried to hook up with you."

Trina giggled. "Huh? I always did like him," she said, joking. "But really, isn't he the cousin of one of your teammates?"

"He is. Doesn't mean he isn't a prick. That is why I was doing my best to keep you away from guys like that. I'm your brother and I need to look out for you. Trina, you deserve to be happy. After everything you've been through, Sam just might be what you need. Maybe you running into him was meant to be?"

"He asked me to go back to San Jose with him. Tyler, I really need more than what Banff or Winnipeg has to offer." She took a big breath holding in any more tears. "I can't go back to Banff. I just can't! I know Talia doesn't get why I can't stay with her, but that isn't my home." She was tired of being taken care of. She wanted to live for herself, and she was ready to do that again.

"Does he want you to move in with him?" Tyler asked.

"He just wants me to see how I like it out there. But I had already been thinking about staying here." Her head was spinning. "So maybe instead, I could check out the west coast? I'm able to actually breathe here, I feel relaxed. I haven't had a panic attack since I left Talia's."

"He asked you to go back with him, because he wants to be with you. Trina, are you ready for that?" Tyler paused. "I do feel like I need to trust whatever decision you make about this. Sure, for selfish reasons, I wish you would stay on the east coast. But you need to follow your heart. You know that I will always be here if you need me, and you are welcome in Pittsburgh anytime. It's about time that you do what makes you happy."

Smiling to herself, she knew what she needed to do. She needed to take a chance. That is what being free was all about, taking chances and putting herself out there. "Okay." She stood up and Toby followed her. "I have to go talk to Sam." She was ready. "Tyler, what if I decide going to San Jose is what's best for me?" She knew Talia was not going to be okay with that. "How do I tell Talia?"

"Don't worry about Talia." If anyone could sweet talk Talia into this idea, it was Tyler.

"Thanks, Ty, love you." She needed to go do this before she changed her mind.

"I love you too, sis. Call me if you need me, okay?"

Trina walked into her condo, hoping Sam would be waiting for her. It seemed quiet and empty. Her heart sank. Toby ran into the living room and laid down. She really ran him a lot this morning. Her eyes filled with tears; she really hoped Sam would be here waiting for her. She fucked up again, didn't she?

Just then someone cleared their throat. Trina turned around to see Sam standing in the doorway of her kitchen. "Hey," he said. His hair was in his eyes and his smile was small and uneasy.

"Hey," she responded. He stood leaning in her doorway, his hands nervously shoved in his pockets. "Sam, I have a lot I want to tell you." A tear ran down her cheek.

"Don't cry, c'mere," he said as he wrapped his strong arms around her. Holding her tight, he caressed the back of her head. "Shhh..." He tried calming her.

"Sam—"

"How about you go take a nice shower and get changed after your long run? I'll go get some meatball subs, even though it isn't your cheat day." He smiled against her forehead, "We can talk over lunch, maybe we could picnic on my porch or on the beach? Your choice."

"Okay," Trina whispered.

****

Sam smiled at her as she walked into the kitchen. "Hey there, feel better?"

"I do, thanks." She felt refreshed and ready to face this. She made her decision, she wanted Sam. Running her hand down her silky running shorts, she was hoping that her tank top hugged her curves in all the right places.

She just wanted to be wrapped up in his arms. Poor guy still didn't know what he had said to upset her. She was still surprised that he had called her brother for help, but glad that he did.

"So, friend, what's our lunch plan?"

"Well, why don't we eat outside on your porch?" Biting her lip, her eyes wandered over his body.

"Alright, I'll meet you over there." Sam brushed up against her, his face rough with stubble sliding along her jaw line. He paused for a moment beside her mouth. She yearned to feel his lips on hers.

She wanted him to hike her up against the countertop and make love to her. But, instead, he simply placed a soft kiss on her cheek and backed away. Grabbing the meatball subs and flashing her a soft smile, Sam walked towards the door. "I'll meet you next door in a few?"

"Yep." She stood frozen. Her body ached for him. Forget the subs; she wanted him for lunch instead. Shaking her head a little, she needed to cool it. She had to tell him what a hot mess she was first. After that if he still wanted to have wild
sex all night, she was all in.

She watched as Sam looked back once before closing the door behind him and Belle. She let out the breath she had been holding since his hard body was barely pressed against hers. "Seriously, what the hell is a matter with me?" she mumbled to herself. "Get a fucking grip and talk to him." If he doesn't run
then
she could think about sex.

Trina made a beeline for the bathroom and brushed her long hair. It was completely dry now.
Makeup
, she needed makeup. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. Grabbing her black eye liner and eye shadow she applied just enough.

"Much better." She admired herself in the mirror. Her dark eyes stood out against her blonde hair. She grabbed her sunscreen off of the sink and made sure she applied it to all of her tattoos, a ritual that had now become habit.