Until You (37 page)

“You haven't even begun to learn what hurt is,” he said, his voice low and menacing.

In the next instant, Nicholas shoved her away as if he couldn't stand to touch her for a moment longer.
 
He brushed past her and strode toward the door, and for a moment she thought he was leaving.  Then she heard the unmistakable click of the key turning in the lock.  When he turned back toward her, she knew the true meaning of horror.  As he approached she took an automatic step back, a plea welling in her throat.  But before she could utter a sound, Nicholas was in front of her.  He reached for her, his hand curling around the back of her neck as he pulled her forward.  She stared at his face in apprehension as his thumb brushed softly against the erratic pulse beating in her neck. 

“If you try to leave this room, I guarantee you will regret it.” 

Her eyes widened in shock and her breath caught in her throat, and then his hand simply fell away.  Frozen in place she watched him stride toward the bed and then recline almost casually against the numerous pillows propped against the headboard.

The chilling silence was finally broken by his brusque command.  “Come here.”

She was trembling now, unsure if she was even capable of speech, but she had to try to reason with him, to understand why he was behaving so irrationally.  “Nicholas please, you’re frightening me.”

“Good.”

Ashleigh understood then that she was in serious peril, and her eyes quickly darted around the room, searching for some means of escape despite his threat.  She glanced toward the French doors, wondering if she could make it outside, but his voice brought her up short.

“Don't even think about it.  You’ll never make it,” he threatened, half rising from his position on the bed.  “Now, do you walk over here on your own, or do I have to come and get you?”

Swallowing a choked sob, Ashleigh moved on trembling legs to stand beside the bed as tears filled her eyes. 

“Take off your clothes,” he demanded, his voice cold and hard.

She regarded him in astonishment.
 
“Nicholas please,” she pleaded.  “Why are you doing this?  You must know that I would never refuse you.”

“Believe me my dear; I know that you will not refuse me, because if you so much as flinch from my touch, I swear you will be sorry.” 

He said the words with such deliberate malevolence that Ashleigh knew he meant it.

“Now take off your clothes.”
 
He repeated, enunciating each word.

Shaking, Ashleigh began to remove her clothes as tears of fear and raw anguish rolled down her cheeks.
 
When she stood only in her lacy chemise and drawers, she hesitated, but his eyes held no sympathy, only impatience.  Choking back another sob, she reached for the thin straps and slowly pushed them from her shoulders, sliding her chemise down to the floor along with her cotton drawers.

When she stood before him, completely naked, Nicholas rose from the bed.  When he reached for her, she instinctively flinched away, despite his warning.  She saw his expression harden as she moved past him to the bed, but he didn’t reach for her again.

As Ashleigh lay naked and trembling, she watched in increasing horror as Nicholas slowly began to remove his clothing.  After he removed his shirt he moved his hands to the waistband of his trousers.  She closed her eyes then, turning her head away.  It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, not like this.
 
She kept them closed until she felt his weight pressing down upon the mattress.  When she opened her eyes, he was there, looming above her.  Gone was the man she had fallen in love with just months before, the man who had been so wonderful at Thorn Hill and in the days since their return.  In his place was a cold, cruel stranger whose eyes were filled with hate.

Nicholas looked into Ashleigh’s wide frightened eyes and for a moment he hesitated.  Then he allowed his gaze to slowly travel down her rigid body until it fell upon the barely discernible swell of her stomach.  Her claim, the night of the masquerade rang in his ears once again, “
you certainly weren’t the last
.”  The baby wasn’t his, he was sure of it now.  It was
his
, the man he’d seen in the garden.
 
His features once again tightening in fury, he reached out and dragged Ashleigh’s stiff body up against his own.

Ashleigh couldn't contain a small cry as Nicholas pulled her roughly into his arms.  Her cry was cut off however, when his lips slammed down upon hers, scraping the tender flesh of her mouth against her teeth.  She could taste the bitter tang of blood in her mouth and whimpered in both fear and pain. 
Why
, her inner voice screamed, as he continued the brutal kiss.  She struggled against him, trying to twist free from his punishing hold, unable to help herself. 

When he lifted his head, his eyes were cold and hard.  

“Nicholas please, not like this,” she pleaded as she looked into his eyes.  “I love you,” she said, her voice raw with emotion.  For a moment the hateful mask slipped, and in that one brief instant Ashleigh saw something in his eyes that could only be described as soul-searing anguish.  He was hurt, deeply hurt.  He tried to hide it, but she could see it nonetheless.  It was absolute heartache, a depth of pain like nothing she had ever seen before.  She raised her hand and pressed it to his cheek.  “Nicholas…”
 
He jerked away from her touch.  Whatever it was that she’d seen, whatever unfathomable torment she had observed, suddenly vanished and was replaced once again by bitterness and loathing.

“Damn you to hell,” he ground out between his teeth. 

Ashleigh tensed and brought her hands up to cover her face as tears began to slide unheeded down her cheeks. 

Nicholas froze.  Seeing her like that, lying there crying and scared, he suddenly felt sick.  No matter what she had done he knew that he couldn't continue.  He wasn’t a monster, although he certainly felt like one at that moment.  Appalled, he pulled away and rolled onto his back.

Ashleigh immediately turned onto her side, sobbing into her pillow. 

Disgusted by what he’d almost done, Nicholas slowly reached a hand toward her, but when his fingertips brushed softly against her shoulder she flinched, and he instantly pulled his hand back.  He didn’t know what to say, what he could say. 

Rising from the bed, he swiftly donned his discarded clothing.  Once he was dressed he turned back to the bed, his gaze taking in Ashleigh’s naked form as she lay curled on her side, her body shaking as she tried to muffle her sobs.  He felt dizzy, and for a moment he thought he might vomit.  Filled with self-loathing, he took a hesitant step forward, and then stopped.  He closed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists at his sides as he struggled to breathe.  When he finally opened his eyes, they revealed only the bleak emptiness he now felt.  Turning, he walked from the room, shutting the door behind him with a grim finality.

When Nicholas awoke to the glare of early morning sunlight streaming through the open drapes of his study, for a moment he was completely disoriented.  When he moved his head he winced at the stab of blinding pain that shot through his skull.  At once total recall hit him.  He was lying on the sofa in the corner of his study, having apparently passed out after his second bottle of Irish whiskey. 

He groaned as the memory of Ashleigh lying naked on her bed, her body wracked with anguished sobs, came flooding back with vivid clarity.  In an effort to erase the disturbing vision, he struggled to replace it with the image of her clasped in the arms of her lover.  
James
.  He tried to remind himself that she was nothing but an accomplished actress and a skilled liar, but those thoughts were quickly overshadowed by the gut-wrenching memory of her tears. 
Damn her black heart for making him care!

With agonizing slowness, he rose from his prone position on the sofa and then made his way across the room on unsteady legs.  Not wishing to encounter Ashleigh or his grandmother, he would go directly to the stables despite his rumpled and haggard appearance.  Entering the foyer, he missed the look of astonishment that crossed Hawthorne’s face as he passed him by without so much as a word.  

Walking into the stable he ignored the grooms, saddling his horse himself.  A short time later, he was on the road heading back to London.

When Ashleigh awoke she was groggy from the hours she’d spent crying, before finally falling into a restless sleep near dawn.  She lay very still for a moment, her limbs feeling like leaden weights as she tried to gather her wits about her, struggling to piece together the disjointed fragments of the previous evening’s events.  Oh God, please, please let it have been a horrible nightmare she prayed silently, as images of Nicholas’ dark and angry visage filled her mind.  Cautiously she rolled over onto her back and knew that her silent prayer hadn't been answered.  She was completely naked and the silken bed sheets were wrapped in a twisted coil around her body.  Fresh tears sprang to her already red-rimmed eyes as she struggled to free her legs from the tangled bed linens.

Sitting up, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, but then nearly doubled over as a sharp pain tore through her abdomen.  It lasted only a few seconds, but it was enough to leave her pale and breathless.  She’d felt similar pains yesterday afternoon, but after a while the mild cramping sensations had passed, so she hadn’t been terribly concerned.  But now the pain was back, and it was even stronger than it had been the day before.  When she was able to stand upright once again, she haltingly walked over to where her dressing gown lay draped across a chair. 

Grabbing it, she pushed her arms into the sleeves and then gasped as she was hit by another painful cramp.  Swallowing convulsively, she shut her eyes, fighting the tears stinging the backs of her eyelids.  Dear lord she had just lost Nicholas, and now this.  If she were to lose the baby she didn't think she could bear it.  Why was she being punished?  What had she ever done to deserve the fate that was descending upon her, she wondered helplessly as the cramp slowly waned. 

During the past weeks she had foolishly begun to believe that her dreams about her future with Nicholas might actually become reality.  He had been warm and attentive, spending more and more time with her as the days went on, and she had honestly believed that he had begun to lower the barricades he’d erected around his heart.  But now, all she could feel was a crushing, mind-numbing sadness and wonder what had gone wrong.

Stumbling toward the door, Ashleigh gripped the handle and pulled open the heavy wooden panel.  She needed to summon help.  She was three steps out into the hallway when her legs nearly buckled.  Leaning heavily against the wall for support she was relieved to see Madeline coming down the hall toward her.

“Ashleigh,” Madeline cried rushing toward her, her expression panic stricken.

“Something’s wrong,” Ashleigh panted when Madeline reached her.

Madeline’s eyes widened in fear.  Gripping Ashleigh’s arm, she turned and yelled down the hall.  “Edith, I need you at once!”

Within seconds Madeline’s maid was at her side.  “Oh good gracious,” she gasped when she saw Ashleigh’s painful grimace.

“Help me get her into bed,” Madeline directed.  “Then go and tell Hawthorne to send for Dr.
Ainsley
at once.”

 Hours later, Ashleigh lay still upon her bed, her body blessedly free of the painful, terrifying cramps that had assailed her. 

“I will return first thing tomorrow to check on you, Your Grace.”  Dr.
Ainsley
said, patting her hand reassuringly.   “Until then, I want you to try and get some rest.”

“Thank you, Dr.
Ainsley
, I will.”

Turning to Madeline, he handed her a small glass jar.  “Give her another dose in three hours, then see that she takes one every four hours after that.”

Madeline nodded.  “Of course, and thank you again, Dr.
Ainsley
,” she said, relief evident in her tone.

He nodded politely.  “I shall see myself out.”

Ashleigh watched as the kindly physician left the room, immensely grateful that he had been able to stop the contractions that had threated her pregnancy.  The medicine he had given her was the most vile-tasting liquid she had ever consumed, but she would gladly drink pint after pint if it kept her from losing her baby.  Hopefully however, she would only need to take it for a short time.  According to Dr.
Ainsley
, if the cramping didn’t return, she would be able to stop taking the medicine within the next week.  She was on strict bed rest though, for at least a fortnight.

Setting the medicine bottle on the nightstand, Madeline settled herself on the edge of the mattress.  “How are you feeling, dearest?”

“Much better,” she said truthfully.  She hadn’t felt any cramping since shortly after Dr.
Ainsley’s
arrival, nearly three hours earlier.  She was still worried however.  She wished the physician had been able to stay, but she understood that he had other patients who needed him as well.

Madeline smiled reassuringly, noting Ashleigh’s concern.  “We shall follow Dr.
Ainsley’s
instructions to the letter and all will be well, you’ll see.”