Until There Was You (Coming Home, #2) (26 page)

Reza had been furious the last time she’d seen him, but she couldn’t leave Colorado without seeing him again. She didn’t know what to expect as she walked into the hospital room and she hesitated at the corner, afraid to take that last step closer. Reza sat in the hospital bed, watching TV. He started to offer a weak smile but it immediately turned into a frown. “Who kicked your puppy?”

Claire smiled as relief crawled over her skin. Just like that, they were back to normal. Something unlocked inside her, sliding back into place. “No one important,” she lied. “You look terrible. That black eye should be good with the ladies.”

Reza cleared his throat roughly and Claire laughed. “You already found someone here, didn’t you?”

“None of your business,” he said roughly. “Are you okay?”

She shrugged and looked down at her feet. “Everything about this sucks.”

“Tell me about it.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Claire.” She breathed deeply before she met his gaze. “I wasn’t drunk.”

She swallowed. “But you’d been drinking.”

This time, it was Reza who looked away, flipping the remote control over and over in one hand.

“It’s probably better if you don’t answer that,” she said softly. “Ah hell, Reza.” Her voice broke and she swiped angrily at her cheeks. “When are you going to stop?”

Silence stretched between them, awkward and full of pain-filled regrets. The only
sound was the steady beep from the heart monitor and Claire’s quiet sniffs as she tried to rein in her emotions.

“So are you finally going to admit to what’s been happening with you and Evan?” he said quietly. She looked up at him, waiting to see the accusation, the blame. He shook his head with a slow smile. “You’re so obvious.”

Claire sighed and looked around the room, avoiding his gaze. If it were anyone else asking, she’d tell him to pound sand. But this was Reza, which made the conversation all the more difficult. “We slept together a few times. No big deal.”

“Bullshit. That’s a very big deal in the world according to Claire.”

Claire shifted, not liking the third degree, even if it was from Reza. “No, it’s not.” But even she didn’t sound convinced.

Evan’s whispered words in the dark of her suite pressed in on her, squeezing her chest. She didn’t want to care about someone so much it hurt. She’d done that before and it had always turned out badly for her. It was hard enough losing friends in combat. Her throat tightened at the thought of standing in Evan’s memorial ceremony and she blinked suddenly.

“You’re an ass, you know that, right?” Reza said, tossing the remote with a rough exhale.

Claire smiled, jolted out of her melancholy. “Of course you mean that in the most loving way, right?”

“No. I mean it just how it sounds.” Reza glanced at the now black TV, then back at her, his expression hard and serious. “I’ve known you for years and you’re a great friend. You’ve never let anyone get close to you. Why are you so scared of a relationship?”

“I’m not hiding some deep psychic harm from my dad, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Bullshit.”

“Holy crap, Reza, I don’t really need this right now.” She turned to go but his words dove in front of her, stopping her retreat.

“I’m not actually finished.”

Claire narrowed her eyes and turned back, braced for Reza’s onslaught. Instead, he patted the bed. She looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “I’m not one of your groupies.”

“Shut up and come sit down,” he snapped. “Pretend I’m your grandfather and you’re going to read to me or something.”

She released a laugh, then approached the bed, leaning against it near his hip. She was shocked when he grabbed her hand and tugged her down until she couldn’t escape. His hand was big and warm on her wrist but she felt nothing. Nothing like when it was Evan holding her.

“You can’t keep pushing away everyone who cares about you, Claire. You don’t even have a dog or a cat.” His voice softened. “I get it. Your dad didn’t take care of you the way he should have. People you trusted let you down. But that’s not an excuse. You can’t avoid caring for people because you think they’re going to die or let you down or run off on you.”

“Thanks for the pep talk. It really helps.” She tried to stand but his grip was like iron. She looked at her longtime friend, noticing for the first time the lines that were etched into his smooth, dark skin. He’d done a good job of hiding the wear and tear of the war but at that moment, she saw all of it. All the strain, all the fatigue he’d tried to smother with drinking and good times.

She stopped pulling away and sat. “You scared the shit out of me last night,” she whispered.

She clenched her fingers into a fist beneath his hand. He squeezed gently.

“Look at me, Claire.” She met his gaze. “I won’t make you worry about me like that again. But you’ve got to promise me something.”

“I’m not going to give up the army, get married and live happily ever after.” Although, if her conversation with Colonel Richter went like she expected, she’d be doing the giving-up-the-army part a hell of a lot sooner than she’d ever planned.

His lopsided grin was pure Reza despite the fat lip. “Look, I’ve known you a hell of a lot longer than I’ve known Loehr. But if he’s willing to put up with your bullshit and still wants to be with you, then that’s a hell of a lot of points in his favor.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re a hard woman to care about, Claire.” He loosened his grip on her wrist. “If I go to rehab, you have to promise me you’ll give things a shot with Evan. You deserve someone to make you happy.”

“That’s a shitty bargain,” she grumbled.

“Take it or I head to the bar after I get out of the hospital and get hammered.”

“No, your happy ass is going to rehab if I have to fly back up here, handcuff you and drag you there in a police car.”

He laughed out loud and released her hand, rubbing his jaw. “Yeah, well, I had to try.”

“It’s not as simple as you make it sound.”

“Yeah, actually it is. You walk up to Evan and say, ‘I’d like to give whatever this is a shot. I promise not to be psychotic and stare at you while you’re sleeping or anything but I’ve got some stuff to work through.’ ”

She laughed out loud, mildly horrified. “Yeah. Wow, that’s so sexy.”

“Or how about this: ‘I’m kind of crazy but I’d like to keep having sex with you while I work through my crazy.’ ”

She was laughing so hard, she doubled over to keep from peeing her pants. She swiped her fingers beneath her eyes and looked at her longtime friend. “Thanks. I really needed that laugh. And none of those options are on the table. Evan’s not talking to me right now.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m me and I’m a champ at screwing things up,” she said dryly. She breathed deeply. “I don’t know how to do any of this,” she admitted finally.

“Then you tell him that. For once in your adult life, you start with honesty and go from there. One day or one step at a time. It doesn’t matter. Evan matters.”

Reza shrugged, but his lips were curled in an easy smile that hid nothing. She’d never hid anything from him either, and she wasn’t about to start now. “Yeah, he does.”

“That’s a start. I know where to get a set of handcuffs, too. You two figure this out or I’ll use them.” He glanced at the clock and gave her hand a tiny squeeze before he released her. “Don’t you have a flight to catch?”

* * *

Iaconelli had been moved out of intensive care at some point and Evan had a hell of a time finding out where he’d been moved. He was still furious with Ike. For drinking. For the screw-up with the stupid pyro. And most of all for hurting Claire.

After going to every other floor in the hospital, he finally found him on the second floor. Evan’s flight back to Fort Hood was later that day and he was short on time for the mission he needed to accomplish before he got on that plane. Claire had already left for the airport a few hours ago—he’d heard her door swing shut. He wanted to stop all of this, but Claire was determined to take one for the team.

Evan had never been angrier with her than he was as he stalked through the halls, looking for Reza. The TV blasted out into the hallway the moment Evan opened the door, not caring if he was welcome or not.

He stopped short and coughed loudly.

A dark-haired nurse jerked away from Reza, her mocha skin flaming deep red. She adjusted her top and ducked out of the room.

Reza fiddled with the remote, lowering the volume. Finally he cleared his throat. “Your timing sucks.”

Evan couldn’t find the energy to smile. “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”

“High as a kite and about as good. Nice to see you, too.”

“Is she part of your pain management plan?”

Reza grinned and idly scratched his chest near the edge of the cast that was holding his arm immobile. “Maybe.”

Evan shook his head and folded his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. Reza tossed the remote onto the bed. As furious as he was, Evan couldn’t find the words he needed. How did you tell a man that someone he cared about was about to ruin her life for him? “You scared the shit out of a lot of people.”

“I don’t need another lecture.”

“I’m not giving you a lecture. I’m merely commenting on the facts as they stand.” Reza sniffed and shifted, wincing as he moved, trying to get comfortable. It was the only outward sign that he was hurting as bad as he was. Evan approached the bed. “Need help?”

“Yeah. Can you grab that damn pillow?”

“It’s stuck under your ass.”

“Ha ha ha. That’s why I need your help.”

Evan fixed the pillow, then swore viciously. Iaconelli waited in heavy silence. Finally, Evan spoke. “Claire is taking the fall for your stupid stunt.”

“She didn’t even have anything to do with that change in the plan. Engle came to me and asked me for help. Claire didn’t know anything about it.”

“Yeah, well, she’s already signed a sworn statement telling Colonel Danvers—you remember, the guy who already told her not to screw it up—that she approved the change in the plan.” Evan pinned him with a hard gaze. “She’s going to ruin her life over her loyalty to you.”

Reza said nothing for a long time. His jaw tightened and he looked away. “She’s an idiot. Who told her to do that?”

“No one told her to. She’s got some screwed-up idea that taking the fall for this will somehow keep you from getting thrown out of the army.” Evan pinned him with a hard look. “She’s already on her way back to Fort Hood.”

Reza scrubbed his hand over his jaw, careful to avoid the bandage covering one cheek. “Why is she doing this?”

“Apparently she’s got some pretty strong notions about what good officers do.” He didn’t share the secrets he’d unearthed. He wouldn’t expose her weakness to her friend. But it killed him to think that she thought so little of herself that she would throw her career away for some stupid notion of loyalty or courage. It wasn’t courage when the cause wasn’t worth fighting for. And Iaconelli? He was a good soldier, a leader of men, a man who’d saved Evan’s ass. He could ask him to tell the truth, to stop Claire’s stupidity before it was too late. But that would end Reza’s career and as much as he hated what the man was doing to himself, he was a good soldier. He looked up to find Reza studying him thoughtfully. “What?”

“I’ve got a solution to your problem. You’re not going to like it and Claire may never speak to you again, but it solves your problem.”

Evan settled back against the sink, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m all ears.”

* * *

Later, Evan walked into his hotel room, a sinking feeling in his guts. He didn’t know if Reza’s solution was going to make a damn bit of difference, but it was a chance he had to take. He packed the last of his bags, acutely aware of the silence from the room next to his. There were still a couple of hours before his flight.

Claire’s words echoed against his soul. She’d called him a coward because he
didn’t call home. She didn’t know what it felt like, to have his parents look at him with blame in their eyes. He wasn’t a coward.

Was he?

He glanced down at the cell phone he’d tossed onto the bed when he came in. His hand trembled as he picked it up and scrolled through the contacts until he found his mother. His father. And the home phone number he rarely called.

He pressed a single button.

The ring filled his ears, blocking out all other sounds. He sank to the bed, his hand gripping the phone hard enough to shatter the glass. His breath stuck in his chest. A solid lump of fear. Of longing.

“Hello?”

His voice caught in his throat. Finally, he forced the words past the stone against his heart. “Hi, Mom.”

A day later, Claire flashed her ID card at the desk sergeant, then walked into the long corridor that led to the Reaper command group and Colonel Richter’s office.

She tried not to feel guilty about not calling Evan. But being home in her own space had made her crave silence, for once, instead of trying to drown it out with exercise or constant activity. She’d taken a hot bath. She’d had a couple glasses of wine. And when she’d finally crawled into her bed, she’d struggled not to feel like it was swallowing her up instead of welcoming her home. Her bed felt empty now that she’d spent a night curled in Evan’s embrace.

He said he loved her. She frowned, pushing away the disquieting thought that he had no idea what or who she was. He couldn’t love her. He loved the woman he thought she was. Shoving away her melancholy, she straightened her spine and prepared to face the judge, jury, and executioner that was Colonel Richter.

The Reaper headquarters was nothing like the Palehorse headquarters—the building was old and polished whereas Palehorse was new and shiny. Despite the circumstances, Claire felt welcome in the Reaper corridor. She was tied to the history here. She was a part of that history. A history that mattered.

She traced her fingers beneath the framed plaque that was inscribed with the names of the fallen from each of Reaper’s deployments. It choked her up each time she walked past it and she supposed that was the intention behind hanging it here. So that no one would ever forget.