Until There Was You (Coming Home, #2) (22 page)

“Ike, none of us is ever really prepared,” Evan said quietly. Every time he deployed, he felt like there was more he could have done. “And now Engle may be out of the fight because you couldn’t play by the rules the one time it mattered.”

“Engle knew the risks. It wasn’t her first rodeo.” Reza drained the bottle. “And she knew what she was doing. She’s a hell of a lot smarter than you give her credit for.”

“Yeah well, using unauthorized pyro and deviating from the training plan isn’t
very smart when it gets you taken out of the fight. Now her team is probably going downrange untrained and without one of the few people who actually have combat experience.” Evan scraped his thumb over the label on his beer. “Her ass is going to fry because of the pyro.” He swallowed and met his longtime platoon sergeant’s eyes. “Were you drinking?”

“One time,” Reza snapped, sticking his finger up. “One time I screw up pyro in my entire career and you’re going to assume I was drunk?”

“You sent a lieutenant to the hospital. And that’s not even the worst of it. Claire has been covering for you for years and you’ve been letting her.” Reza’s dark skin blanched, but Evan drove on. “So asking if you were drinking is a fair question, given the circumstances.”

“This isn’t about me.”

Evan slammed his fist on the bar. “This is absolutely about you! Do you care how much you’re hurting Claire and everyone else who cares about you?”

“You know what pisses me off?” Reza shoved the stool away from the bar. “You and Claire and every single person I know thinks I’ve got PTSD or some bullshit. You all talk about me like I’m one step away from killing someone in a drunk driving accident when I’ve never, ever gotten behind the wheel of the car when I’ve been drinking and I don’t plan to start anytime soon.”

“No, but you’re not above drinking in a combat zone or during training exercises.”

“Fuck you, Sir.” He snarled the words an inch from Evan’s face. “I didn’t ask either one of you to try and save me. But you’re right about one thing.” Evan could not remember Reza ever being so furious. Not downrange. Not back at Hood. Never had he seen the depth of the anger flashing from Reza’s dark eyes. “This
is
about Claire. And it’s about you, too. The two of you are pretending that I’m the thing holding you together because you’re too scared to have a grown-up relationship based on, hell, being adults.”

Reza took a pull from the glass in front of him, then slammed it down, remembering it was already drained. “Claire has never trusted anyone for as long as I’ve known her. She’s always been one of the guys and that’s it.” He yanked his wallet out of his front pocket. “Until you came along, I’ve never seen her relax enough to just be with someone. And you’re wasting this chance because you’re using me as a third wheel when what you need to be doing is figuring out how to hold on to her all by yourself.”

Reza slammed a twenty onto the bar to pay for his beer. “This isn’t about me. This is about whether you’re man enough to love her without me or the war or anything else between you as a buffer. Just you. Just her.”

He left and Evan let him go, stunned at how a simple question had nearly turned into a barroom brawl. It was a long time before Evan left the bar.

* * *

“So the eval was a disaster and our deployment has been canceled,” Sarah said by way of greeting as she walked into Claire’s suite early Monday morning.

It usually took an act of God to cancel training, but one bad explosion and a broken arm had done the trick this time. Almost everyone else had been sent home after the incident. Claire had been going through the motions for most of the time since Evan had left her room. She hated the room she’d once thought of as opulent luxury. Now it felt like a prison while she waited for her appointment to see Colonel Danvers. The walls closed in on her. She wasn’t forbidden from leaving, but she felt locked in nonetheless.

Claire managed a smile. “Really?”

“No. And if you believed that, then I have this bridge in Arizona you might be interested in. I just came by to see how you’re doing.”

Claire sniffed and palmed her forehead, leaning against the table. “Surviving. Sorry your eval sucked.”

“Oh yeah, ’cause five more days practicing being miserable was high up on my to-do list. It’s fine.” Sarah pulled out a chair and sat next to her. “We’re still deploying, regardless of whether the evaluation sucked or not. No commander in the world would tell their boss they’re not ready to go to war.”

Claire stared longingly at the small fridge, wondering if she dared to have a drink. Maybe if she had a few drinks, she’d be over the worst of her anxiety. Probably wouldn’t help much with the saving-the-career part. She swallowed and realized her problems were nothing compared to what her friend was preparing for. “How are you holding up with the idea of leaving Anna?”

Sarah sank into the couch. She didn’t answer for a long moment as she pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her cheek on them. “It’ll be okay. My mother-in-law loves her. And Anna’s little. She won’t even remember this in the grand scheme of things.”

“Hon, you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself,” Claire said gently. She moved to sit next to her, resting her head against Sarah’s shoulder.

“Maybe I am.” Sarah’s voice was barely above a broken whisper. “But I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to start bawling. Anyway, what’s up with you?”

Her appointment with Colonel Danvers was in two short hours. She seriously contemplated taking a trip to the doc and asking for some anti-anxiety medication. She hadn’t eaten at all that morning and the coffee she’d attempted to drink had twisted and writhed in her guts like a live thing. It was not a good way to start off a meeting that was sure to end with an epic ass-chewing.

“You okay?”

“I should ask you the same thing,” Claire asked.

“I’m fine. Engle’s arm was broken in two places, but she should be healed up enough to still deploy with us.” Sarah sounded relieved. Tired, but relieved. “She may or may not still get fired.”

“That’s good. Listen—”

“Don’t you dare. I don’t want to hear a word about an apology or anything. It was fun having you up here, my folks learned a lot—no matter what Colonel Danvers says—and that’s the long and the short of it.” Sarah’s voice broke, and with it, her composure. “I’m more worried about you.”

Claire blinked rapidly. Sarah was one of her best friends in the world. Her only real girl friend, and at that moment, it struck her forcibly just how much she missed having her around. She tried to sound flip. She failed. “I’m really going to miss you.”

“You, too. You have no idea.”

Claire glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to go. I might need some help writing that résumé.”

“Not funny.”

“Not joking.” Claire smiled. “I’ll be fine. I’ve landed on my feet before.”

But as she drove onto the main post at Fort Carson alone, Claire was not so sure she was going to survive this one. Colonel Danvers was not her brigade commander, but Claire had no doubt that Colonel Richter had already been informed.

Before they’d left Fort Hood, Colonel Richter had told her not to screw anything up. He’d warned her. And despite the fact that she hadn’t put Engle up to changing the training plan and getting the unauthorized pyro, Claire felt responsible.

Because she’d told Evan the truth: she would have done exactly what Engle had done. So the question now was what she should tell Colonel Danvers. Should she deny everything and let LT Engle take the fall by herself? Or should she stand in front of the lieutenant and defend her to a commander who would not appreciate a captain telling him how to train his officers?

She parked the rental car and walked into the Palehorse headquarters. Lifting her hand to knock on Colonel Danvers’s door, she had no idea that the questions she was about to face would challenge every facet of her loyalty. Loyalty to a man she would die for and loyalty to a man who’d touched something sacred inside her.

Claire faced Colonel Danvers.

And that loyalty was tested.

Later that same morning, Evan knocked on the brigade commander’s door, hating the fact that his guts were clenched so tight. He should be better at taking an ass-chewing by this point in his career, but the simple fact was that he didn’t get lit into that often. He was a good soldier. Still, as the officer in charge of this now epic training disaster, he was the one on the chopping block to see Colonel Danvers.

The evaluation was a disaster. Training cancelled. Engle was still in the hospital. And worse? As he approached Colonel Danvers’s office, Evan wasn’t even remotely thinking about the brigade commander. Instead, he was focused on the much more personal disaster of his relationship with Claire. He hadn’t been able to get Reza’s words out of his mind. He should be able to be with Claire without Reza standing between them. Couldn’t he? He tried to think of a single regular conversation they’d had that hadn’t involved Reza or the army. There had been very few.

Evan knocked on the solid mahogany door.

“Come in, Captain.” Danvers’s use of his rank was not a good sign. “I won’t waste either of our time with small talk. Here.”

Evan reached forward and flipped open the cover of the manila folder Danvers had slid across the desk. The paperwork from range control expressly forbidding the use of pyro on the range.

Signed by Lieutenant Engle and Reza Iaconelli. He skimmed through the paperwork, realizing with aching clarity that he was looking at career-enders. Reza had not been legally certified to use the pyro on this range. Engle had not had the authority to sign for it, let alone authorize its use. Disobeying orders was one thing, but Reza’s carelessness had gotten someone hurt. And worse, he’d roped Lieutenant Engle into the
fiasco with him. The training plan had been ignored, the prohibition against pyrotechnics violated.

All because a lieutenant thought she knew more about training soldiers than one very irate colonel. Every life Reza had saved now seemed pointless. Every mission he’d ever run, a waste of time. All that experience was now useless against the rage of a furious colonel.

Evan closed his eyes, aching memories twisting through him. Reza stepping out of his truck as sand swirled around him. Dragging his boys out of a burning tank. Spending days on the range just to teach one kid how to shoot. Reza’s career was over. A tragic hero to the very end.

Evan breathed deeply as the brigade commander slid one last piece of paper in front of him. A sworn statement signed by Claire Montoya saying that she’d ordered the change in plan. Taking responsibility for the pyro.

The floor tilted beneath Evan as he read her words taking responsibility for everything.

“Did you know about this deviation from the training plan?” Danvers asked.

Evan looked up at Colonel Danvers and felt the last bit of control being yanked from his hands.

* * *

Claire stepped out of the workout room and felt the shadow fall across her back long before she saw it. She turned, and there he was—the cold and closed-off Evan that she knew so well. His eyes were dark and lined with anger, his shoulders tight and tense.

“You lied to Colonel Danvers.”

Claire swallowed and met his gaze. The raw fury radiating from his eyes killed any trace of kindness. Now the old Evan was back. Cold, calculating Captain America,
his voice low and dangerous.

At least she knew how to deal with this Evan. Shuttering the hurt at the betrayal in his voice, she swallowed and braced for his verbal assault. She’d expected him to be hurt. She hadn’t expected to see the hurt looking back at her now. She avoided his eyes, not wanting to acknowledge the intense disquiet she felt at his proximity.

He shifted and when he spoke, his voice was low. “Or did you know all along what Engle and Reza had planned?”

She shook her head and folded her arms over her chest, lifting her gaze briefly before settling on a spot over his shoulder. “I stand by my statement.”

“So you lied to me? You let Reza and Engle deviate from the training plan?” The cold disdain in his eyes sliced into her soul. “You think this is a joke? Claire, Colonel Danvers is looking to have people fired. That career you wanted to save? You can cancel Christmas, because he’s already called our brigade commander back at Fort Hood. And Colonel Richter is furious.”

She swallowed the news with a sinking heart. She took a step backwards, needing distance between them. No sound made it past the blockage in her throat.

“You’re lying to me, Claire. You had nothing to do with Engle and Reza’s harebrained scheme, did you?”

“I’m not answering that.” She stopped backing up, feeling the threat skittering up her spine from the close proximity of his anger.

“Why not? Why can’t you tell me the truth for once in your life?”

“What do you want me to tell you, Evan? That I thought Reza was drinking? That I’m pretty sure he’d do anything for that damn lieutenant and I can’t for the life of me figure out why? Or do you want me to admit that for once in her life, Engle tried to do something brave? It might have been stupid but it was brave. And I’m not willing to let her drag Reza down with her. Everyone already thinks I’m a screw-up. I might as well live up to my reputation.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever even heard. You don’t even like Lieutenant Engle.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But maybe I realized that she’s not as bad as I thought. And maybe she needed someone to kick her in the ass to make her better.”

“So you’re going to throw your career away over that?”

“You don’t get it, Evan. This is about keeping people in the fight who want to be there, who can make a difference.”

“
You
make a difference.”

“I made a difference. Right here. Right now. If my statement keeps Engle and Reza—”
and you
, she added silently—“out of trouble, then it’s worth it. Sarah doesn’t need this investigation hanging over her head. This ends it. Nice and easy.”

“I’m not going to let you do this.”

“No one will believe you, because everyone wants to see me as the screw-up.” She stepped close, resting her hand on the rough fabric of his uniform. Right over the carved black lines covering his heart. “You don’t get to set conditions here, Evan. It’s already done.”