Until Lilly (29 page)

“Baby
,” he says, his fingers tilting my face up. “It’s going to be okay. I called the lawyer on the way over here and he said he would meet you there.”

“Okay
,” I tell him, trying to be brave. Something in my gut tells me this isn’t going to be so easily fixed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” I reply, and I can hear Jax begin to shout from off in the distance.

“We need to go
,” Officer Mitchel says, standing behind Cash with his hand on the door. I can tell he is becoming impatient.

“Just give me a minute
,” Cash growls, standing to his full height. “Dad, let Jax come here for a second,” Cash yells, and I hear the pounding of Jax’s feet on the gravel, then he is there, wrapping his arms around my neck.

“
Hey, honey.” I try to smile, but I feel it wobble.

“Why are the police taking you away
?” he asks. I pull him away from me so I can see his face.

“Office Dan needs some help with something and has some questions for me.”

“When are you coming home? We were supposed to make pizza.”

“We can make pizza another night.”

“But…”

I run my hand over his head
, trying my best not to cry. “I have to go.” I see his eyes get wet and my heart breaks. “I want you to take care of your sister until I get back, okay?” He nods, biting the inside of his cheek. I pull him into me and kiss the top of his hair before helping him down from the car.

“Go wait with
Grandpa, little dude. I’ll be there in a second,” Cash tells Jax, who reluctantly walks back up to the front porch where Cash’s dad and Ashlyn are standing with Dan. He resumes his place, crouching down inside the door, his fingers running down the side of my face. I close my eyes. “I will see you in a couple hours, okay?” I nod, but the lump in my throat won’t let me talk. “I love you, baby.” I nod again.

“We need to go
,” Office Mitchel says. I take my eyes off  Cash to look at Officer Mitchel. When Cash’s hand slides to the back of my neck, his fingers tangling into my hair, my eyes return to his. “I love you.”

“Love you too
,” I finally speak.

“Don’t worry
, baby. Things will be okay.” He pulls my upper body forward, and as soon as I’m close enough, his mouth opens over mine, and he kisses me so thoroughly I forget where I am. “I’ll see you soon, baby,” he tells me one last time, pressing his forehead against mine.

“See you soon
,” I agree, untangling my hands from his hair. He kisses my forehead before standing. He hesitates before shutting the door. His hand goes to the glass, and mine does the same. He turns to say something to Officer Mitchel before his eyes come back to me. I hate the worried look on his face. He steps away from the squad car and goes over to where his dad is standing. Ashlyn puts her arms out in his direction, and the second he has her, she wraps herself around him, his face going near her ear. I can see his mouth moving, and I watch her nod. Jax has his head back listening to what his dad is saying to his sister. I know he’s upset when his eyes come to me and I see tears in them. I’m so lost in watching my family that I jump when I hear the car door slam closed.

“You know it
’s going to be your ass on the line if someone asks about what happened today,” Officer Mitchel says to Dan.

“You gonna say something?” Dan questions.

“N-nu…No,” Officer Mitchel stutters.

“So how the fuck is anyone going to know that we didn’t f
ollow procedure?” Dan growls, backing out of the driveway.

“I don’t know
, just…what if they wonder why it took so long, or why she’s not cuffed?” he asks, sounding contrite.

“So you wanted me to handcuff her in front of her daughter
, even though she was fully cooperating with us?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what the fuck are you saying?”

“That we shouldn’t show favoritism.”

“Look, I have known James for the last twenty years. He is a good man, and from what I know, his boys are good solid men too. Yes, Lilly has been accused of a crime, but until she is found guilty, she is innocent. No, I didn’t cuff her. She also has no history of violence and has cooperated since the beginning of this investigation.”  

“Al
l right, you made your point,” Officer Mitchel says, looking out the window. We drive the thirty minutes in silence, and once we pull up outside of the precinct, Officer Mitchel gets out, opening my door. His hand goes to his back, and I hear the distinct sound of metal and know what’s coming. My stomach rolls, and I swallow against the nausea.

“I’m sorry about this
,” Officer Mitchel says, and I can hear his sincerity. Once I’m cuffed, the weight of the metal on my wrist feels like a thousand pounds. I’m lead inside the police station by Dan with a hand wrapped around my elbow. He directs me to a small room that has a long metal table and a large mirror across from where I’m seated.

“We will be back in a few minutes
, darlin’,” Dan says, and I nod looking at myself. I wonder how the hell this kind of thing keeps happening to me. It takes about twenty minutes for Dan and Officer Mitchel to come back into the room. Dan un-cuffs my hands but places a cuff around my ankle so that I’m attached to the chair.

“Thanks
,” I say softly, rubbing my wrist. I can still feel the cold weight of the cuffs even now that they are gone.

“Al
l right, let’s get started,” Dan says, pulling out a large envelope. I watch as he opens it and starts pulling out papers. I can see my name and copies of checks; my breathing picks up and I start to feel lightheaded. Even knowing I didn’t do what I’m being accused of, I still feel guilty that my name is involved. “Now, as you know, the last time that we brought you in we didn’t have enough evidence against you to charge you with a crime,” Dan says and I watch him take a deep breath before his eyes come back to me. “Unfortunately, that has changed.”

“No
,” I whisper, looking at myself in the mirror. This all feels like I’m living a bad dream.

*~*~*

Cash

“
How much fucking longer are they going to keep her in there?” I roar; the rage inside of me is burning so brightly I could explode.

“Son
, you need to calm down.”

“Calm down?
Fuck that! Dad, she has been in jail for a week now!” I shout. It’s killing me having her away from me and the kids, and worse, knowing that she’s in jail, when she of all people should never even know what the inside of a jail cell looks like.

“Son
, you going off half-cocked isn’t going to help anyone, and it especially will not help Lilly right now.”

“Dad
, you and I both know that Lilly is not built to be in a place like that with real criminals,” I tell him, something he already knows. Yesterday when I went to see her, I could see it in her face that she was exhausted. I knew my dad was doing everything in his power to keep her away from the general population, but he could only do so much, and his friends could only do so much without making it look like favoritism, risking all of their jobs.

“Cash
, I promise you I’m doing everything in my power to get her out of there.”

“I know.” I sit down in one of my parents
’ lawn chairs. “Did they get the video from the check cashing place?” I ask him.

“It
’s being reviewed now,” he tells me, sitting down across from me.

“When will they know something
?” I ask, dropping my head forward. I hate this.

“I’m not sure
, son,” my dad says quietly. I lift my head to look at him.

“I need her
, Dad. I feel like I can’t breathe.” I scrub my hands over my face. “I feel like I’m dying inside.” I look at my wedding band, rubbing my thumb over the shiny piece of jewelry. “Her parents are going to be here today. I have to take the kids with me to go pick them up. Her mom and dad are going to have a lot of questions—questions I don’t have answers for.”

“I will come with you. The kids can stay with your mom.
You and I will go to the airport and pick them up.”

“Thanks
,” I say, not looking up at him. I have already failed Lilly as her husband.
What kind of man lets his woman go to jail? I don’t deserve her.
“I have never deserved her.”

“Hey
, none of that feeling sorry for yourself bullshit,” my dad says, and I realize I must have spoken out loud.

“It’s the truth
,” I tell him.

“
You’re probably right. You probably don’t deserve her, but she’s yours, and I raised you to be a good man, a strong man, and a man worthy of a good woman’s love.” He stands and pats my shoulder. “You need to be strong for her and those two little ones.” I know he’s right, and I won’t let my kids be touched by what’s going on, but it doesn’t make it any easier to look at myself in the mirror. The worst part is that Jules is claiming me to be an unfit parent, and at this point, the judge is considering joint custody due to her claims about my wife—though Jules has been
gracious
enough to tell me that if I left Lil, she would be willing to let things be. I let her know where to shove that idea. There were no forces on this Earth strong enough to tear me away from Lilly. Just because I wasn’t good enough for her doesn’t mean I would ever give her up.

“I got it
,” Nico says the second he steps through the sliding glass doors.

“Please tell me that it’s good
,” I say and stand up.

“We need to talk
,” he says.

“What the fuck are you talking about
? I want to see what’s on the tape,” I say, sliding open the door he just came through.

“Wait
, we need to talk for a second before I put this in,” Nico says, grabbing my elbow.

“What? You have a tape that proves that Lil is innocent and you want me to wait?”

“No, I want to make sure that you know that no matter what’s on this tape, we’ve got your back.”

“Jesus
, you still don’t trust her,” I whisper in disgust. I haven’t even thought once that she may not be innocent. I know that she didn’t do what she is being accused of.

“Did I say that I didn’t believe her?” Nico ask
s, shaking his head. “Dude, I know she didn’t fucking do it. The thing I want you to prepare yourself for is
what else
is on this tape.”

“What does that mean?”
             

“You will see
, but know that we’ve all got your back.” I lift my chin, wondering what the fuck is on the tape, feeling like I don’t even want to know at this point. We walk into my parents’ house where the kids and I have been staying since she got placed in jail. I don’t want to be home without her, and I know that with us staying at my parents’ they seem to have fewer questions about where she is. That doesn’t mean that when bedtime, bath time or any time that they normally spend with her during the day comes along they don’t cry for her or look around waiting for her. That’s the part that kills me. I hate seeing that lost look on my kids’ faces. It has been bad enough dealing with the look on Jax’s face over the past couple years when his mother doesn’t show up. But now it’s worse knowing that if Lil had it her way, she would be with them. This isn’t something that she is choosing to do. “You ready for this?”

“Put it in
,” I tell him. He sets up the video and my dad comes into the room, taking a seat in his old recliner. I sit on the couch and wait for the blank screen to light up.

“Al
l right, now, the first part of the tape is all garbage, just normal people cashing their checks. Then around two, something interesting happens,” Nico says, and I watch the screen go black.

“What the fuck did you do to the tape?” I stand up
.

“I didn’t do anything.” He shrugs like it’s all the same to him
, and then stands as well. “So I’m guessing that you didn’t catch it, huh?”

“Catch what?” I growl
. “I’m not in the mood for your fucking games.”

“I’m going to play it again
; calm your tits.” He smiles. “This time, pay close attention to what happens right before the screen goes black.  He presses play again, and this time I stare at the screen so hard that I feel like my eyes are going to dry out, but right before the screen goes black, I catch it.

“
You have got to be fucking with me.” I take a breath and then another, trying to squelch the urge to find a gun and put a bullet in someone’s brain.

“I guess you caught it that time
,” Nico says smiling.

“I’m going to fucking kill her
,” I say, my hands fisting at my sides.

“Now
, son,” Dad says, and I hear him, but I couldn’t fucking care less right now.

“I’m going to fucking kill the bitch
,” I repeat.