Until Lilly (23 page)

“Or not
,” I say low enough for only Lilly to hear.

“Cash
,” she replies, her head swinging my way and her eyes narrowing.

“Al
l right, well, we just wanted to stop by and see if you wanted to have dinner at home, or if you wanted to go out to dinner tonight,” Lilly’s mom says loudly, taking the attention away from what’s going on.

“I think we should eat at home
. I can grill up some of those elk steaks that I’ve got in the freezer,” Lil’s dad says, then looking at Austin, “You wanna come to dinner?”

“No
, not tonight. I have to finish getting the boat ready to head out tomorrow.” He looks around the boat. “Maybe when I get back we can set something up?” He looks at Lilly, who nods. We all turn around and head off the boat, the kids jumping onto the dock, followed by Lil’s parents, then me. I put my arm around her shoulders, and lean my head to the side so I can speak to her without anyone hearing.

“Austin?” I ask
, and her steps falter slightly.

“He’s a friend.”

“What kind of friend?”

“A good friend
,” she says, and I know I shouldn’t, but I see red.

“A good friend
,” I repeat.

“
Yess,” she hisses, “he was a good friend. He was there for me when I needed him.”

“How was he there?” I ask
, wanting to take the words back as soon as I say them.

“You know
, I can’t believe you’re going to act like a jealous ass when you were flipping married,” she growls, and her elbow connects with my ribs, then she slides out from under my arm, walking up to where the kids are. I want to kick my own ass. I cannot believe I just did that. I look over my shoulder when I get the feeling someone is watching me. Austin is standing on the deck of his boat, his arms crossed and his legs spread apart.
Fucking great.
I shake my head. Lilly’s dad looks back at me and I shrug, picking up my pace. By the time I get to the SUV, Lilly has both kids inside and is buckled in herself. She doesn’t look at me when I pass by her to get into the back, and she doesn’t say a word while we drive to her parents’ house. But she doesn’t have to say anything. I can feel the anger coming off her in waves. We drive for about twenty minutes and end up in front of a large, two-story log house with a large wraparound front porch. The kids both unbuckle themselves, and Lilly hops out before helping each of them down. I get out on the other side of the SUV and make my way around the back to get our bags. I watch as Lilly makes her way inside with Jax, Ashlyn, and her mom.

“You know
, I wasn’t happy about you two being back together.” I turn my head to look at Lilly’s dad when he speaks.  I’m really not in the mood for any bullshit, but out of respect for Lil, I will let her dad say his piece. “But I trust my daughter, and I know she has always made smart decisions. Plus, your little speech about not caring what I thought about you marrying her may have earned you a few points in my book. It’s hard not to respect a man who knows what he wants.” He pats my back then squeezes down on my shoulder. “But you need to remember, son, she wasn’t always yours. She had a life, just like you did, and the quicker you can learn to accept that, the better off you will both be.”

“You
’re right.” I take a breath. “I just never thought I would be seeing her life without me up close and personal.”

“Not everything is what it seems.” He smiles
. “It’s like that joke. A hound dog lays in the yard, and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. ‘Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?’ a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, ‘Nope.’ As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, ‘I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!’ The old man mutters, ‘Ain't my dog.’”

“What the hell does that even mean?” I question
, wondering if Lil’s dad has fallen off the deep end.

“Sometimes
, we see what we want to see, and not what’s really going on,” he says low, his eyes going to the house. “It’s not my place to talk about Austin’s past, but him and Lilly were both dealing with the loss of people they cared about at the same time and were able to understand what the other was going though. Now trust me when I tell you that if I were to get Austin for a son-in-law, I would be a happy man. But I don’t think that would have ever happened. I just think they each needed a friend during a difficult time, and that’s all it ever was, a friendship. As for you, I knew when my daughter came home from Alabama with my granddaughter that she would never be the same. Not only because she was a single mom, but because she felt like part of her soul had been ripped away from her.

“I know I fucked up.” I shake my head. “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time
. I mean, no, I didn’t know about Lil being pregnant, but I thought I was protecting her at the time. I didn’t want her to have to deal with what I was going through.”

“I get that. But now think of it this way
: Lilly says you have a big family, right?”

“I do.”

“She has me and her mom.” My gut tightens. I still hate myself for what I had unknowingly put her through. Okay, so I don’t want to kill Austin anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I want them alone together. “You’re smart,” Mr. Donovan says and smiles, reading the look on my face. “Now, go apologize; it works every time. It’s best you learn that real quick-like.” He pats my back again before reaching in to the SUV, grabbing two of our suitcases, and walking towards the house. I grab the other two bags out of the trunk before slamming the trunk, following behind him.

I find the kids and make sure they are okay before going in search of Lilly
. I find her upstairs in a bedroom at the end of a hall, her back facing me. She is putting away the stuff from the bags her dad brought in, into a long dresser. “You need help?” I ask, walking farther into the room. Her body goes ridged, and I can hear her sigh.

“No
. The kids are down the hall. Do you want to check on them?”

“The kids are fine
; I just checked on them. I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to talk to you
,” she says low, her head shaking back and forth in agitation.

“Lil.”

“Don’t ‘Lil’ me.” Her eyes finally meet mine, and she points at me. “I have accepted your past since the beginning of our relationship. I accepted who you were the first time we were together, and I more than accepted you this time around. What did you think, Cash, that you were the only person I would ever be with?” she asks, and I can hear the anger in her words. Each one cutting through me.

“That’s not what I was saying
,” I say, taking another step towards her.

“You know
, you’re right. You broke me. I couldn’t be with anyone else. Austin is a great guy—sweet, considerate, loving, and handsome—but I couldn’t be with him, no matter how many times I tried, no matter how much I liked him. He wasn’t you. No one was ever you.” As much as it kills to think of her trying to be with anyone, I understand. I see tears in her eyes, and I’m done with the space separating us. Walking towards her, I quickly pull her to me, not giving her a chance to argue.

“I’m sorry.” I breathe her in
, the smell of lavender comforting me. “It was a shit thing to ask you.” I rub her back. “I love you, Lil. I just…shit...I just hate the idea of you with anyone else.” I take a breath; I can still tell that she’s crying. “Please don’t cry because I’m an idiot,” I say gently.

“You are an idiot
,” she says. I can feel her cheek move against my chest and I know she’s smiling.

“As long as I’m your idiot
, I couldn’t care less.” Her head tilts back, her glassy eyes meeting mine.

“You know
, you make it really hard to be mad at you,” she says, studying my face.

“I’m not going to complain about that. It seems to be working in my favor.” She shakes her head before dropping her forehead to my chest.

“I hope you know that I will be meeting Austin when he comes back in from his fishing trip,” she tells me and I take a breath, not wanting to say the wrong thing, but not wanting her to meet up with a man that she obviously cares about.

“Can I come with you when you meet up with him?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “You have to trust me, Cash. Austin and I are friends, nothing more.” Her arms wrap around my waist. “But that doesn’t mean that feelings were not there, and Austin was hurt in the past and I want to make sure he’s doing okay.”

“I don’t like it
,” I whisper into her hair before kissing the top of her head.

“I know
, but it’s something I have to do.” She gives me a squeeze, trying to offer me comfort.

“I trust you
,” I say, and it’s the truth.

“Thank you
,” she replies quietly, but I can hear in those two words how much I just gave to her. My hand goes to the back of her neck before traveling to her jaw so I can tilt her head back.

“I know what’s in front of me
, Lil. I know exactly what I have, so when I feel like it’s being threatened, the first thing I want to do is lash out and kill anything that may come in and jeopardize it. I know what we had before, and I know what we have now. And I will always do everything within my power to protect it.

“Austin isn’t a threat
,” she says, her hand coming up and traveling along my jaw.

“Lilly
, your kind of sweet is hard to come by, so when you get even just a little taste of it, you want more. I’m saying that as a man who knows what bitter tastes like,” I tell her gently. I don’t know what happened with Austin and his past relationship, but I have a feeling he knows what bitter tastes like too. And he also knows the kind of woman Lilly is, and how hard that is to find.

“I think you’re reading t
oo much into this.”

“I’m not
, but that’s okay as long as you know that you’re mine. I will try to control the urge to throw you over my shoulder and carry you back to my lair,” I tell her, making her laugh. She rubs her face against my chest before lifting her eyes to meet mine.

“We should go check on the kids and get them something to eat
,” she tells me before taking a step back. I pull her back to me, bend her back and put my mouth on hers. Once I feel her relax, I nibble on her bottom then top lip.

“Now
, we can go get the kids,” I tell her, my mouth still against hers.

“You have to let me go.” She’s right
, but I don’t want to.

“Are we good?” I don’t like fighting with her.

“We’re good.”

“Good.” I kiss her once more before righting her
, turning her towards the door, and smacking her ass. She looks at me over her shoulder, and all I can do is shrug. “You have a nice ass.”

“We
’re in my parents’ house.”

“Just because were in the
ir house doesn’t mean I’m going to stop touching you when I want to.”

“My dad isn’t going to like you smacking my ass
,” she says. I smile, pushing her out the door of the bedroom. “Cash, seriously, he won’t like it.” I ignore her, leading her down the hall with a hand in the small of her back to where the kids are. “I would hate to see my dad put his old Seal skills to use by making you disappear.” I start laughing. “This isn’t funny,” she says loudly just as we walk around the corner into the rooms that the kids are playing in.

“What’s not funny
, Daddy?” Ashlyn asks, running up to us.

“Nothing
, love bug.” Lilly glares at me when I chuckle. “Are you guys hungry?” Lilly asks the kids.

“I’m starbing
,” Jax says, his head going back, his arms going straight out at his sides.

“Little dude
, when are you not hungry?” I ask, and he looks at me. I can tell he is really thinking about what his answer is going to be.

“When I eat
,” he replies, making both of us laugh.

*~*~*

“Baby, seriously, are you sure you don’t want me to take you?” I ask. I know I promised I would trust her with the whole Austin thing, but what the fuck? The idea of my woman going to meet another man for coffee seems ridiculous to me.

“Cash
, we talked about this. I will only be gone for about an hour, if that, then I will be home,” she repeats the same thing she told me five minutes ago.

“I know
,” I grumble. I’m sure I sound like Jax.

“An hour
,” she repeats, kissing me. She grabs her bag and a set of keys off the counter and heads out the door. I watch her go, wanting to drag her back inside, but I know she will kick my ass if I try. I look around the quiet house; Jax and Ashlyn are out with Lilly’s dad. Her mom is sleeping, so it just me and my imagination. I need to keep busy.

“What the hell are you doing?” I spin around, coming face-to-face with Lilly’s mom, who is looking at me like I’m crazy, and maybe I am. I got bored, so I started cleaning. I had just finished vacuuming the whole downstairs when she showed up.