Untamed (A Moretti Novel) (8 page)

Steve was a mystery.  He had been so withdrawn from anything dealing with love. 
But lately, he had been more physical, more flirty, just more.  She had caught him looking at her several times.  He was smiling more.  He was becoming someone she couldn’t stay away from.  She wanted him.  More than anything ever before, she wanted him to be by her side and give them a try.  He was trying to open up and his effort was refreshing.

Smiling at herself in the mirror, she pulled her hair up into a knot on the top of her head.  The dress was gorgeous. 
Red with a black lace overlay and an open back.  She stepped from the dressing room and Damien groaned.  She giggled at his reaction.

“I could look at you all day.”  Damien stared.

“You haven’t seen the best part.”  Lily winked and turned her back to him. 

Her skin was tanned and his mouth watered.  The dress dipped dangerously low in back and he longed to touch her.  He knew she would be soft and perfect.  He stepped forward and ran his hand across her bare skin.  She shivered and he bit his lip.  “We don’t need to look any further.  This is it.  I’m one lucky son of a bitch.”

When Damien handed the dress to the saleswoman, she smiled and took his credit card.  Lily protested his paying for the dress but he wouldn’t budge.  “You are the most gorgeous woman in the world.  You should have a gorgeous dress.  If I could give you the world, I would.”

She blushed.  Damien had never seen that from her and it did crazy things to his heart. 
He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her close.  She put her head on his chest and could hear his heart pounding. 

“I’m sorry about your sister.  It was a stupid move.  I freaked when I realized how much you mean to me.”  He kissed the top of her head.  “
Is there a chance for us?”

Lily sighed.  “I like being with you.  It’s easy and you’re fun.”

“What’s holding you back?”  Damien rubbed her arms and smiled at her.  “Is there someone else?”

“The truth?
  I don’t know.  A part of my heart belongs to someone and I don’t know what to do about that.”  Lily’s eyes filled with tears.

Using his thumb, he brushed her tears away.  “There’s never been any pressure with us.  Take your time and figure it out.  I’m here when you’re ready.”

She held his hand as they left the store.  Her heart was so full but her head was torn.  The man she thought she could give the world to wasn’t ready for love.  The man that so desperately wanted to give her the world, wasn’t the man she was already falling for. 

Steve rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.  Jennifer’s tears echoed through his head.  Her hysterical voice had
awakened him from a dead sleep.  “Calm down, J.”  He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice.  “Take a deep breath.  I know you want to scream.  Calm down and tell me what happened.”

Jennifer sobbed on the other end of the phone. 
“Ben cheated on me.  He packed all his stuff tonight.  He says he loves her and wants to be with her.”

Steve’s voice shook.  “I’m so sorry.”  Tears filled his eyes.  His wounds were still fresh.  Amber had not only broken his heart, she had shattered the person he had been.  “Do you want me to come over?”

“I just want you to tell me what to do. How do I get over this? It hurts so much.” 

“Cry.
  That’s all you can do tonight.  It’s hard, J.  I know exactly what you’re feeling.  Just let yourself fall apart.  I’m here for you. I’ll cover your portion of the show tomorrow morning and I’ll swing by on my way home.”

“Ok.”  Jennifer’s voice was sleepy.  “
I’ll call you if I need you.”

Steve hung up his phone and headed to his dresser.  He had contemplated putting Amber’s ring away so many times in the last week.
Lily had opened his eyes and he had thought that there might be a piece of his heart that craved her love.  The phone call from Jennifer had reminded him about how cruel life could be.  Taking a risk on love wasn’t something he was willing to do.  Being alone was far better than ever being vulnerable again.

His hands shook as he remembered the look on Amber’s face when he walked into their bedroom that night.  Her body wrapped around one of his friends, her smirk had been the first thing he noticed.  She had made it such a performance; like she had rehearsed what she would say when she got caught.  And she probably had.  She had likely never been faithful to him.  The thought made his stomach churn as a wave of nausea hit him.

“I didn’t think you’d be awake.”  Lily leaned in the doorframe and watched him as he ran his hands over the ring box.  “Everything ok?”

His bloodshot eyes met her and Lily took a step into the room.  “I just got off the phone with Jen.  Her boyfriend cheated on her. 
Just opened up some old wounds.” 

Lily took his hands and led him to his bed.  “I’m so sorry to hear that.  Are you going over there?  I can drive you.”

Steve took a deep breath and smiled.  “You’re a good person, Lil.  You really are.”  He leaned into her as she rubbed his back.  “How was your shopping with the rock star?”

“It was fine.  I was hoping we could talk?” 
Steve focused his attention on her.  “I need to know how you feel about me.”

His forehead wrinkled in thought.  “I love you, Lil.  You know that.”

“Damien asked me out tonight.  Not just on a date. Like, asked me to date him.  Exclusively.”

“Fuck.” Steve
laid back on the bed and threw his arm over his eyes.  “I can’t do this right now.”

Lily crawled over his lap, straddling him and whispered.  “I need to do this right now.”

His eyes met hers and his breath caught.  Silent tears ran down her face.  Her hands ran over his chest, making his stomach tighten in anticipation.  When she looked away, he missed the connection.  His heart sped and his hands shook.

“It breaks my heart to see you so scared of anything that might make you feel something.  Would it be so terrible to love someone?
To love me?”

“Yes.”  Steve cleared his throat to force a voice stronger than the broken one that had answered the question.  “You could destroy me.  Look at you.  I take one look and I can’t breathe.  I can’t risk losing you.”

“But you could be gaining so much more.  Jesus, Steve.  Look around you. Sophie would never hurt Mark.  Layla would never cheat on Ryan.  Shit, Jena can’t even look at anyone but Caleb.  And Andi, no one else exists but Kevin.  None of them are like Amber.  She did you a favor when she couldn’t keep her legs closed.  She freed you to have a life.  She’s nothing but a bad choice in your past.  Does she get to ruin your future too?”

“She didn’t ruin my future.  She ruined
me
.  I spent years building my life around her.  I dedicated every single part of what I am to insure that we had a future that allowed us to travel and have kids and have a life together.  She slammed that door in my face like I was nothing more than an inconvenience.  That will never happen again.  I will never allow myself to be blinded by anyone again.”

“I’m not like her!”  Lily
yelled, her face full of emotion. 

“No.  You
’re not.  You’re more.  You already mean more to me than she ever did.  Feelings like that make it impossible to see anything.”

Lily wiped her face.  “When I met you, I knew you were going to be a part of my life for a long time.
I felt connected to you right away.  I didn’t know how or why but I was drawn to you.  When Kevin got sick, you were my rock.  You still are.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m so honored you chose me as your best friend.  We’ve been through so much.  And I’m risking everything right now.  I know I am.  But I want more.  I want a chance.”

Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes.  He took a deep breath in an attempt to push them away.  “Lil, please stop.”

She shook her head, tears flowing faster now.  “I have this amazing man that wants to give me everything.  He wants me despite all the odds against us.  He knows I have feelings I haven’t faced and he’s patient.  He’s willing to wait for me.  He wants a future with me.  He’s standing right in front of me and all I do is look through him trying to find you. You’re everything to me. He’s perfect in every way except one.  He isn’t you.”

“I can’t be that person, Lil.  I can’t offer you what he can.
  He has the world at his fingertips and you deserve that.  I can’t give you that.” Steve let his first tears fall.

“I don’t care about any of that.  You know that.  I want you to realize I mean something more to you than just your friend.”

“I already do.”  Steve sat up and pulled her flush against him.  The smell of her lotion and shampoo wrapped around him and he was momentarily lost. “You are so much more than my friend.  But I’m not the person that can give you what you want.”

Lily pulled away.  “I want you to try. I want you to realize not everyone will hurt you.  I want you to give me your heart.”

Steve looked away.  He couldn’t watch as he broke her heart. “I can’t give you that either.  Lil, be with Damien.  He’s the better choice.”

Lily stood up and wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks.  She nodded her head at him when his eyes finally met hers.  “Ok.” 

And as she walked away, Steve felt his soul being shattered into a million pieces.

Chapter 10

Lily sat at the end of the guest room bed in Kevin and
Andi’s new house.  The sound of the Grandfather Clock in the foyer echoed through her empty heart.  The ticking reminded her of all the seconds she was wasting feeling lonely.  The chimes alerted her to another half hour gone.  Or was it an hour?  She didn’t know.

It had been
three days since she had spoken to Steve.  She had packed an overnight bag the morning after their talk and had shown up at Kevin’s doorstep after an emotional day of teaching.  Andi had welcomed her with open arms, feeding her dinner and insisting on a girl’s night.  Kevin had been quiet, watching her every move and giving her time to open up about what happened.  She admitted her feelings about Steve and talked about how torn she was between letting her heart or her head win. 

The only time she had laughed was while she talked on the phone to Damien.  They had spent hours talking every night.  His band rehearsal was going well and her teaching assignment was coming to an end a
s summer quickly approached.  He told her stories about his band mates and they laughed about childhood memories with her sister.  She felt at peace during their calls and realized that he not only deserved a chance, but that he was willing to follow her to the ends of the earth to get it.

She pulled her white sundress from her bag and let her hair fall in waves to her mid-back.  She smiled in the mirror as the
first wave of excitement hit her.  This was their first official date and she was happy she had made the choice and said yes.  “It’s ok to feel something.”  She whispered to herself in the mirror.

A soft knock sounded at the door and Kevin stuck his head in.  He smiled at her and whistled. 
“Your date is here.  Make sure you’re home before midnight, young lady.”

“Watch who you’re calling a lady.”
  Kevin laughed as Lily smiled at him.  “Thanks, dad.  I’ll do my best.”

Lily walked down the hall and stopped short when she saw Damien.  “Hi.”

“Hi.”  Damien grinned.  His dark hair was spiked on top and his piercing blue eyes drew her in. Slight stubble lined his jaw.  She longed to touch it.  His smile made her heart flutter. 

She knew in that instant that moving forward with him had been the right choice.  Her distance from Steve had been good.  She knew she loved him more than she could ever explain.  But his choice to move forward, without giving her a chance, was one she would have to live with.  Damien was a good man and she knew he could make her happy. 

He had chosen a restaurant in a high rise in Santa Monica Beach.  Getting off the elevator at the eighteenth floor, Damien took Lily’s hand.  She gasped as she took in the view.  The floor to ceiling windows were framed in white cascading curtains that gave it a romantic feel.  The sunset in the background took her breath away.  He led her to the white couches surrounding their table.  Candles danced and the chandelier sparkled.  The waiter brought them a bottle of champagne and left them alone.