Unstable (33 page)

Thank God he can read me like a book—I had no idea how I was going to mumble my way through that awkward conversation.

He strokes his hand up and down his dick, taking long, deep breaths as he watches me undress. The harder he grips himself and want thunders louder in his chest, the sexier I feel. So I give him my best show, teasingly stripping off each piece of clothing slowly, moving my body seductively until I’m as naked as him.

He moves onto the bed and lays me on my back, covering me with his hot, firm flesh. “Want so bad to
really
feel you, baby. Bare. Nothing between us. I promise, I’ll pull out in time,” he begs as he sucks the peaks of my breasts.

I’m not close to ovulating and I trust him…and if both of those fail—I’m just not that damn worried about it.

Of all the things
not
to be worried about, I pick that.
Go figure.

So I moan my yes, and the possessive, primitive sound he makes is one I’ll never forget, sending quivers throughout me.

He trails his hand between my legs and readies me with his fingers, loosening me up with soft strokes, toying with my clit until I come on a soul-deep sigh, releasing every concern and thought but us.

And then, with the finesse of a man who puts my needs before his own, he takes his time gently easing himself inside me.

“Always feels like the first time,” he husks on my neck. “Made for me. Absolutely perfect. I love you, Henny. So damn much.”

He makes love to me, desperately holding onto the reins of his self-control the entire time.

What he withholds in force, he replaces with sweet: words, caresses, and kisses everywhere. His thrusts in and out of me aren’t rough, but they’re deep and thorough. And his weight on top of me, the adoring gaze sharing mine…I fall over the edge and start to clench around him with the rhythmic pulses of my orgasm. He drives deep inside me once, twice more, then pulls out and comes on my stomach.

Out of breath and wearing a sexy smile, he lightly chuckles. “Not gonna lie, kinda hope at least one lil’ guy made his escape and is swimming his way home right now.”

“Don’t say that.” I playfully swat his arm. “Horrible timing. I can’t get pregnant right now. I want to enjoy
just us
for a while, and I have
no
idea what I’m gonna do about the farm if Gatlin leaves.”

“What?” He snaps out of any residual haze and climbs off me, sitting up beside me. “What are you talking about? Gatlin’s leaving?”

“Maybe,” I nod. “That was the other thing that had me worried all day.”

“What happened?”

I look pointedly at my stomach, then back to his wide eyes. “How about you clean your…
mess
off me, and I’ll tell you.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. “Be right back. Don’t move.”

As if I could.

He returns with a warm washcloth in hand and takes great care to clean me up, then goes to toss it in the hamper.

He then crawls in bed beside me and pulls the covers up over us, rolling on his side to face me.

“Alright, all settled. Now tell me about Gatlin.”

I blow out a labored, from stress and the great sex, breath. “I talked to him today. He’s got some crazy theory he should leave because there can’t be two roosters in one henhouse. Whatever that means.” I roll my eyes.

“Smart guy, he’s right,” he replies immediately, tone adamant.

“Keaton, that’s crazy. You have your own farm to tend. I need help with this one. You know Gatlin and I are
just
friends. Why would it bother you?”

“Because I have a dick, you’re
my
woman and I don’t want you depending on another man for a God damn thing. That’s my
job. Anything and everything you need? That’s all me, baby. And you can’t say this is one of
my
macho things, ‘cause he knew it too. Would you like it—”

“Spare me,” I stop him. “Gatlin already asked me if I’d like other women helping you. I wouldn’t. But how do I take care of my farm? Hire a bunch of women just dying to do heavy lifting and grueling physical labor?”

“Do you believe in coincidences?” he asks and an icy shiver chills through me…Gatlin had asked me the exact same thing. What are the odds on that? Slim to none I’m guessing, and yet, it just happened.

I give the same reply now as I did then. “No, I really don’t.”

“Me either.” Uh oh, he breaks out his smug smile. “Which is why, when I ran into the King family today, I knew it was fate.”

I roll my hand for him to go on…his story telling still having not improved a lick.

“You know them, Mike and Bri? Little girl named Brooke?”

“Um, I vaguely remember her from school I think. Why?”

“Sweet lil’ family, trying to build themselves a nice life. They asked me if I knew any place for them to rent or lease to own, start up their own farming business.”

“And?”

Not sure where this is going…not sure I’m gonna like it.

“Henny,” he pulls me against him, resting our foreheads together, “you
in
this with me, forever?”

It’s been somewhat of a whirlwind, our transformation, but not one I haven’t embraced and enjoyed. The winds didn’t knock me over, they blew through my hair and helped me to see through the trees.

“Yes,” I whisper whole-heartedly. “I am.”

“Like hearing that, baby girl,” he grunts, kissing me. “So I was thinking, if you and me fully intend to be a
we,
forever,
we
don’t need two huge farms.”

My skin goes clammy, a cold sweat breaking out on my forehead. “What are you saying, exactly?” My voice is a muted tremor.

“Just hear me out.” He holds me tighter, stroking my hair. “Either one of our farms are big enough to add the others’ livestock to it. We could even move some fencing and combine part of the two, and work one farm, together. Rent the other to the Kings. Less work, us living together, seems perfect to me.”

“Perfect?” I scoff, pulling away from him to make sure he sees the horror on my face. “So which one of us is giving up their childhood home? Their family’s legacy?”

“Whichever one of us you decide, baby. Totally up to you. I’d give up everything I have to start a real, combined life, and eventually, a family with you. House is a house. You’re my future and I can be happy and make new memories with you anywhere.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little soon to be talking about living together?”

“Not a damn bit. I’ll move tomorrow, say the word.”

“Wouldn’t your parents be upset?”

“Not if I’m happy. They moved, remember? My decision.”

I sit up, running my hands through my hair, fighting off my building headache. “I have to think. I’m gonna go take a hot shower then come back to bed. When I do, don’t bring it back up. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to even remotely discuss it again.”

“Whatever you say.” He leans over and kisses my shoulder. “Take all the time you need.”

HE WAS ASLEEP WHEN
I returned to bed last night, a pruned, confused, exhausted mess. And unable to come at a better time, more than needed, I had one of my dreams.

My mother visited me, with her soft, kind smile, helping me sort through all my plaguing questions, worries and thoughts.

I swear I could smell her body powder, feel her hug, and this morning I woke up with full, vivid memory of every word of her advice.

Keaton’s gone, the man rises before the sun, so I have the bed all to myself to lay, relax, and review.

‘Henley Gene, what’s got you worried? That man loves you, don’t hold back sweet girl. Put your arms out and fall. He’ll catch you.’

‘But fall where? Here or there? I can’t ask him to give up his farm, and I’m definitely not giving up ours. I just got back here.’

‘It’s time for a whole new life, Henley, a life that’s all your own. Nothing but good. But where you came from helps dictate where you’re going, so, take a piece with you sweetie. Re-divide the land. Start fresh there. You won’t walk in most of the rooms here anyway. Take what you want from here, the memories that make you happy, with you. And let this house try again, to give warmth and shelter to a new, whole family.’

I’ll never really be sure if it’s my subconscious transposing what I want, deep down, into my dreams…the point between consciousness, where one controls their mind, and sleep, where one gives up that control, when my mom comes and tells me it’s okay to act on my heart’s desires or if it’s
actually
her visiting me, guiding me.

I once heard a quote:
“No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.”

And there you have it. Either way, it’s necessary…and fine by me. If I think I’m getting long missed advice from my mama, no one has the right to tell me any different.

Time to get up and ready for the day…and tell Gatlin
my
decision.

I shower, dress and let a medicated Bourbon outside with me. Just as Keaton’s truck comes up the driveway.

“Good morning, gorgeous girl.” He hops out and greets me with a huge grin and bone- melting kiss. “Where you headed?”

“Bourbon and I are going to find Gatlin. Need to talk to him. Where’ve you been?”

He reaches back in his truck, producing a stack of papers and a pen. “I went and got everything you need to sign for Boles. That is, if you’re still sure?”

“Still sure.” I snatch the pen from his hand. “Point to the spots where I sign.”

“Don’t you want to read it?”

I give him a playfully exasperated look. “Did you read it?”

“Every word,” he nods.

“Am I good?”

“Never let you be anything but, baby.”

“I believe you. Now point.”

He shakes his head and laughs, kissing the top of my head. “I love you, Henny. And I love that you trust me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I tease.

As he flips through the pages and I apply my signature, I can feel the anxiousness rolling off him. Something’s got him itching in his beautifully tight jeans.

“What is it?” I ask, my eyes never leaving the papers.

“Nothing.” He’s as good at lying as he is storytelling and can’t pull off aloof to save his fine ass. “Just curious whatcha need to talk to Gatlin about. Help with the cows or something? I’m available.”

There it is.

“Oh sweetie, if you wanna go fishing, river’s right over there,” I point and laugh.

He steps up behind me, both hands on the hood of his truck caging me in and grinds up against my ass. “Bet I can make you tell me,” he speaks sexily in my ear.

“Keaton,” I don't really protest as strongly as I mean to, more so moaning and pushing back into him.

“Just a hint, come on, don’t make me fuck you in the driveway,” he hums, bringing a hand down to rub between my legs.

“T…take the papers back to town and, while you’re there,” I pant, choppy and about to lose control, “find the Kings and invite them to dinner.”

“No shit?” He quits seducing me—sneaky, sexy bastard got what he wanted—and spins me around to look at him. His face is lit up with a smile brighter than any star I’ve ever seen and his eyes dance with happiness. “Henny, God damn when you give…”

“I give good?”

“Fuck yeah you do,” he growls and takes my mouth prisoner, kissing me with a truly happy vigor, love infused in every smooth glide of his tongue. Too soon he pulls away, strokes my cheek, then grabs the papers.

“Gotta go.” He heads for his door.

I laugh. “Don’t you wanna know which farm I picked?”
Not that I’m gonna tell him yet.

“Nope, don’t care. You picked, that’s all that matters.”

I keep laughing the entire time I watch him speed back down the driveway.

Maybe I’m crazy, and most would probably say I’m moving way too fast, that I need more time to cope, heal, find myself.

But they’ve never been completely loved and adored by Keaton Fucking Cash…so they can kiss my ass.

I’m all in. And it feels fantastic.

So freeing and invigorating that I’m finally living…doing the opposite of what I always have, in hopes of holding onto what I never thought I’d have.

I’m standing on my tiptoes…reaching for more.

I’m running with scissors.

I’m high-jumping
over
the limbo stick.

It’s funny how it took forever for my heart to reawaken and take the chance of opening—even a little—but now that it has… I couldn’t make it close back up if I tried.

And I will
never
try again.

At the risk of sounding like a Disney Princess…the birds seem to chirp more melodically and louder. The sky is its most vibrant blue and the leaves in the trees rustle in rhythm.

Holy shit. This is what it feels like to be in love.

Happy.

For eight years, I thought such splendors weren’t meant for me, not within my right to hope for…but now I know, happiness and love were made as much for me as anyone else.

I drive the old farm truck to the hay barn, set on throwing out a few bales for the cows, when I run into Gatlin.

He’s just sitting inside, as though waiting on me.

“Hey,” I mutter, looking at the ground, searching in the dirt for a cure to my guilt…or perhaps the right thing to say.