Unscripted (22 page)

“
It was for me too. I loved watching your face. I thought you might pass out at one point.”

“
Fuck that, I was bound and determined to get my cock inside your sweet cunt.”

“
Ronan,” I wailed. “Don’t be crude.” I slapped his arm playfully.

“
Baby, I’m Irish. That’s a word used lightly and often in my culture. I won’t use it anymore if it offends you.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. He was right. I needed to be a bit worldlier and maybe even slightly less conservative in my thinking. It was just between the two of us anyway. It’s not like he was making videos of us.
Videos! Oh shit.

“
Ronan, do you trust me?”

“
Of course, why do you ask?”

I turned to face him, blinking my eyes, trying to hold back the tears.

“
Beauty, what’s wrong?” He pulled himself up on his forearms. “Why the tears, Holliday?”

I sobbed while tracing the length of his jaw with my finger. “Ronan, my ex is Derek Saunders,” I sighed as my shoulders slumped.

Ronan’s mouth pressed into a hard line. He stared at me blankly, “Derek Saunders?” He repeated his name. “Derek Saunders?”

“
Yes, and please stop saying his name.”

Ronan stood, pulling his pants over his hips. Blowing out a breath, he shoved his hands through his hair. Staring at me for a few moments, his eyes darkened. Feeling his anger build sent my heartbeat racing.

I eased up out of the bed and quickly pulled my camisole over my head. Finding my boy briefs and lounge pants, I slid them on at the same time over my hips.

“
Derek Saunders
, Holliday? The internet porn guy?” He inched closer, bringing heated confusion.

I felt empty and ashamed. How the fuck was Ronan Connolly ever going to be able to look at me the same way again?

“
Holliday? What are you trying to tell me? Are you… were you a porn star?”

I laughed, but quickly retreated my giggles, realizing he was serious. Ronan’s eyes burned into me.

“
No,” I replied calmly. Ronan arched an eyebrow at me. “Hell no! Does my vagina look like I’ve been fucked by everyone from here to Canada?” I screamed.

He crossed the room to the bar, contemplating a drink, but then he placed the bottle down. He turned back to me, gripping the bar with his hands. I was shaking, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest as a cold sweat came over my hands.

“
My beau… Holliday,” he began, his tone calm and even.

My God, this was bad. He couldn’t even call me the nickname he’d affixed to me nearly the second we met. My insides began to churn. I felt sick. Well, at least he could look me in the eye.

“
Yes, Ronan,” I said dryly.

“
Tell me about this relationship.”

“
Ronan, he’s not just a porn guy. He’s an entrepreneur of many businesses not
just
sex.”

“
He’s a pervert with loads of money, and he’s a fucking criminal,” he admonished.

“
I’m not defending him in the least. I’m just saying what the truth is.”

“
Why isn’t this guy behind bars for hurting you?” He threw his hands up. “I don’t understand this Holliday.”

Ronan ran his hand over the curve of his jaw and covered his mouth. I said nothing. I knew the other shoe was about to drop. Charlotte was right— this
was
going to be a fight.

“
Jesus Christ Holliday!” He yelled sharply. “What did you get yourself into in another life? What have you pulled me into?” His body stiffened as I noticed he was practically snarling.

“
Are you fucking kidding me, you dick?” I glared at him. My sadness had now turned to anger. “You selfish bastard, you’re only thinking of yourself right now and how this affects you.”

He decided it was time to take that drink.

“
Maybe Grady James was right about you after all,” I snapped.

“
Oh, fuck that, Holliday. Do not even think about turning this around on me,” Ronan warned.

“
Ronan, I went out with him for two years. If you’re worried about the tabloids linking you to Derek Saunders’ ex-girlfriend, they won’t be able to make the connection.”

“
I cannot deal with this right now. I cannot believe you would go out with a guy like that.” His accent thickened the angrier he became.

“
It’s unfair that you’re judging me like this,” I said flatly.

He looked at me, absorbing my words, leaning against the bar. The dazzle in his green eyes was gone, as if he was looking right through me. I felt like Ronan was ashamed of me, like I was dirty and soiled just because I went out with Derek Saunders, the President of Side Effects Media. I knew now that it was terrible to get involved with him, but at the time I just wanted to feel something exciting. Derek was charming, funny, and he treated me well, until the night that he didn’t. He’d found a way to make money in the industry with porn.
I’m making excuses for a capitalist who just happens to be a sadist criminal. There’s something wrong with that, right?

“
Look Ronan,” I pulled up photos of me with Derek at events and on the red carpet.

Ronan casually walked towards me and I pointed to the images on my laptop.

“
Whoa, that doesn’t even look like you.”

“
Right? I told you I was a natural blonde. Plus, I wore wigs a lot on the red carpet with Derek. Look at my name: Holli Grace. Every single photo on the internet with Derek and me, I’m labeled as Holli Grace. I don’t exist, well
Holli
doesn’t exist.” Ronan let out a chuckle looking at the pictures of me wearing a cotton candy pink bobbed wig. “No one will ever make the connection.”

“
Until they
do
,” he said snidely.

“
I don’t know what to say Ronan. I liked Derek. The guy was a good time, and he seduced me into this crazy fast party world in Hollywood. I was young and going through a phase. Ultimately I paid a high price for dating a shady guy.”

Ronan shot me an annoyed look. “Holliday, I hope you know that you did not get some kind of karmic justice served to you because you dated a smut mogul.”

“
I didn’t until I saw the look on your face, the look of shame and embarrassment. I’m sorry this has hurt you. You’re the last person on Earth I’d ever want to be disgusted by me.” I hung my head, biting my bottom lip and trying to choke back the sobs. “I’ll leave.”

I walked to the closet where all my stuff was hanging and I reached for my suitcase. Ronan gently grabbed my arm and said, “You’re not leaving. Don’t be absurd.”

My heart jumped. “Ronan, I feel like you can’t even look at me without thinking I’m dirty or something.”

“
My beauty, you’re not dirty,” he said softly.

Oh thank God, my nickname has returned.

“
Ronan, I… I know the kind of world Derek is involved in. It’s the deep seedy underbelly of Hollywood, and his connections are all over the world. He’s into shit that you can’t even imagine.”

“
Then
why
the fuck were you with him? Because he was fun?” His voice was filled with anger.

“
Ronan.” My voice became strangled as I sobbed through my words. “Isn’t that exactly why you were with Emma, because she was fun and hot?” I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.

He shot back a look of anger at me. Ronan knew I was right, and so I kept pushing. “Jesus Christ Ronan, you married her! Not to mention you had two kids with her.” I may have crossed the line by bringing Jade and Leah into this conversation. “So I don’t think you are in any kind of position to judge me,” I warned.

Ronan glanced at me and said nothing, but his face began to soften.

I hung my head. “When I was younger I had this need to push myself to the limits. I had a thing… I had a thing for danger and losing control. Nothing serious. What can I say except I liked fast cars, a good time and bad boys.” He rolled his eyes at me. “I still like having a good time… correction… a nice time and I do love fast cars, but my bad boy phase is over.”

“
So, what, you were just out of control or something and needed a rush?”

“
Something like that. I needed to see how far I could take a thrill. It was euphoric. About a year and a half into my relationship with Derek I was bored with it. I tried to leave him, but he said I was his good luck charm.”

“
His good luck charm?”

“
I was a pretty young girl with a rocking body. Men liked being in my company. I got them to trust me. It’s no secret that Derek throws a hell of a party. He knows how to entertain and charm people. When clients or businessmen would want to know where to find the hottest girls in Los Angeles who were down to fuck, Derek would send me to the clubs to make the introductions.”

“
So you were what, a fucking call girl liaison?” His words hit me like nails on a chalkboard. It was grating, and I still felt like he saw me as less of the person I was.

“
I was. How do you know that term?” I shot back.

“
There are rumors that these types of services are available. People say that the girls are insanely beautiful, like innocent girl next door types. They don’t act like whores,” he acknowledged. “Plus the services are rather inexpensive and you can opt for repeat business only at your choosing. Way less risky than having your name on the books with the Hollywood Madame.”

“
If there’s a black book of client names…”
There is.
“
Or money being traded…”
It was.
“
For the record I know
nothing
about that. I’m not naïve. Do you
understand
what I’m saying, Ronan?”

Please God tell me he gets what I am trying to say.
His eyes widened and he nodded at me. “Do you want me to continue telling you the details?” I asked.

Ronan nodded again. I could tell he was cautiously curious.

I continued disclosing the truth of everything I knew to Ronan as he stepped closer to me.

“
We’d go out and party, and I would just happen to introduce these men to a random person or an acquaintance, who just happened to be on Derek’s payroll. The rumors are true. These girls didn’t look or act like prostitutes. They were usually college girls trying to pay their way through school. Derek and his associates would use the same hotel for all of the liaisons –Derek’s hotel. It’s filled with cameras. The encounters were all taped. If Derek needed to he would use it as blackmail later, threatening to send a copy to their wives or girlfriends. If they were a celebrity…” I dropped my eyes to the floor. “He’d threaten to leak the tapes to the press. From what I know, Derek’s inner circle with this was tight as fuck. He never got caught, and the police were never on to him for it.”

“
Holliday, this sounds like a script to a movie. This is fucking bizarre.”

I approached Ronan slowly. He sat his drink down at the bar, turned and clutched my upper arms. Searching my face, he said, “I’m glad you told me this, and I’m sorry I yelled. But this guy should be in jail.”

I sighed. “Derek’s pockets are deeper than mine, and I couldn’t sit across from him and his buddies in a court room and endure it. Derek would fight me every day with everything he had. I couldn’t run the risk of him having something on me that might cause me to go to jail.”

He hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry I had no idea you were carrying around so much…”

“
Baggage?” I replied sharply. “I hope you can understand that I just don’t want one horrid tragedy to define me or my life.”