Unremarried Widow (25 page)

I still keep in touch with those women. I recently saw them after several years, and it was a festive reunion. We all wore this look of relief, as if we had survived the same storm. I picture the time we spent in the grief group together as a journey on a lifeboat, a journey we never thought we'd survive. One of the women said to me after the reunion, “I always said to myself that if I could make it to six years, then I would be okay.” We were six years out and she
was
okay—remarried to a good man, living in a place she loved. But even as she told me this she was crying, and I cried, too, because after six years it still hurt.

In the book, you wrestle with the question of how much our own desires matter and how much to give them up for love. Have you come any closer to answering the question? How have your personal experiences shaped your thoughts? Did the stories you worked on in your relationship column at
Florida Weekly
affect your thinking in any way?

This is something I wrestle with every day, both in my mind and on the page. One thing I know for sure: sacrificing our own desires for someone else never works. Never. Peace comes from a delicate balance of personal goals and romantic compromises, but where that line lies I'm still not sure.

In this story, you consult a psychic a few times, and on one occasion she tells you that you will see your name in print. How does it feel to hold a copy of your book in your hands? Do you think her words helped you go after your dream?

Holding this book feels like magic. I cried at every step in the process, I was so overwhelmed by the wonder of it. The psychic confirmed that writing was possible for me in a way I had never before believed. If I was fearless enough, she seemed to say, if I was tenacious enough, then it would happen. And here it is, a long-held dream come true.

The same psychic tells you that you will have a daughter and a son, and that you will remarry. And toward the end of the book, you hint that love might be on the horizon. Do you see this part of the psychic's vision coming true anytime soon?

Yes, absolutely. In the first days after Miles died, I felt like I had this great surplus of love, a golden light that I carried around with me, that I had nowhere to direct now that he was gone. That light is still there, tucked away, but just as bright as it had been. I can't imagine going through the rest of my life without sharing it.

At the end of the book, you moved to New York to attend journalism school. You've since graduated and written for all kinds of publications. Do you have any other projects in the works?

When the writing of this book came to a close, I experienced a deep sadness. The book had been a way of keeping Miles present, and when it ended I felt as if I was letting go both of the story and him. But then I had lunch with a friend and he said to me, “Now it's time for you to find a new dream.” That's what I'm working on now—my new dreams. I'd love to restore an old farmhouse in France, visit outlying Caribbean islands by sailboat, and hike the mountains of north Georgia. I'd also love to write another book.

You'd always wanted to travel. Since this story occurred, you've spent time in France and Africa, and now live in New York City. How have these experiences enriched your life? Do you have any plans to travel more?

When I'm figuring out the answer to a dilemma—usually some version of “What now?”—I try to take the long approach. I imagine myself as an old woman (always in a rocking chair, always on my porch) and I think about the stories I will tell of my life. My goal is to collect a rich assortment of adventures for that old woman, and for me the richest tales come while traveling. I have a trip to Ireland in the works, I'm always coming and going from France, and I've recently drummed up a new obsession—travel by freighter boat. Talk about an adventure.

COURTESY OF THE AUTHOR

Artis Henderson is an award-winning journalist and essayist whose work has appeared in the
New York Times, Reader's Digest, Florida Weekly,
and the online literary journal
Common Ties.
She has an undergraduate degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a graduate degree from Columbia University's School of Journalism. She lives in New York.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Henderson, Artis.

Unremarried widow : a memoir / Artis Henderson.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

1. Iraq War, 2003–2011—Women—United States—Biography. 2. War widows—United States—Biography. 3. Military spouses—United States—Biography. 4. Husband and wife—United States. 5. Bereavement. 6. Helicopter pilots—Iraq. 7. Iraq War, 2003–2011—Personal narratives, American. I. Title.

DS79.76.H458 2013

956.7044'38—dc23   2013008799

[B]

ISBN 978-1-4516-4928-4

ISBN 978-1-4516-4930-7 (ebook)