Uninvolved (30 page)

"Becka, Kyle is fucking in love with you."

"I know
.
I feel awful
.
It just happened."

"Wait
.
I
s it that guy from your work?"

Becka cringed, not able to respond.

"It is
.
It's that fucking guy we played cards with
.
Wow."

"What should I do?"

"You're joking
,
right? If Kyle has a brain in his gourd
,
he's going to dump you."

"You're not going to say anything to him are you?"

"Hell no
.
T
his is your mess."

"You don’t have to be such a dick about it
.
People
make mistakes."

"Look, you are like a fucking sister to me
,
Becks
.
I just thought you cared about Kyle."

"I do care about Kyle
.
Can't you see that's why I couldn’t break up with him?"

"If you really cared about him
,
I don’t think you would have strung him along is all I'm saying
.
Hey, he's looking at me through the door so I'm going to head inside."

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, Becks
.
I'm not mad at you."

"Thanks, Dave"

"Anytime."

Becka called Lilly after she hung up with Dave
.
Lilly was not surprised and agreed with Dave that she would be amazed if Kyle didn’t dump her.

Becka sat in her car for a couple of minutes before going inside to face the music
.
She had contemplated lying her way out of this
,
but sh
e was so relieved at
finally being caught to continue to lie
.
Kyle was pacing her living room while Dave sat on the sofa
.
When Kyle saw her
,
he sat down next to Dave
.
Dave took one look
at
the both of them and went out back to have a
nother
smoke.

"Were you with someone else?" Kyle asked quietly.

"I'm so sorry
,
" Becka began.

"Guess that answered my question
,
" Kyle said
,
standing.

"I didn’t have sex with him
.
" Becka continued.

"Is this the first time?" Kyle asked.

Becka shook her head.

Kyle sat back down, putting his head in his hands
.
Becka went to sit next to him and touch his arm
.
He flinched away from her and stood again.

"Why did you do this
,
Becka?"

"I
—
"

He cut her off
.
"I thought we were happy."

"I
—
"

"
I loved you."

"I
—
"

"I thought you loved me too."

Becka didn’t even attempt a response at this point
.
Everything he said was true
.
The fact that he wasn’t cursing her out right now further emph
asized what a nice guy he was.

"How long has this been going on?"

Becka just looked away
.
How could she tell him
she had really wanted someone else their entire relationship
?

"Do I know him?"

Technically yes, Becka thought to herself
.
B
ut meeting once at a party probably didn’t count
,
and Becka really did not want to drag
Nate
into all of this.

"No, you don’t'."

"And you never had sex?"

Uh
,
no
.
W
as he thinking about giving
her
another chance?
Becka did not want another chance.

"We never had actual
sex."

"
Actual sex?
So you did other things
.
What other things?"

Becka looked at him and shrugged
.
There
was no way she was going to go into detail as to what she and
Nate
had done
.
Kyle began pacing again and then stopped right in front of her and sat on the coffee table facing her.

"Will you never do it again if we stay together?"

Becka just looked down.
For Kyle
,
that was answer enough
.
The
look he gave her was so sad it
broke her heart
.
Becka cringed at the boom of the front door closing behind him
.
Dave heard the door and came back inside
.
He glanced at Becka
.
She
shrugged
,
pouting
.
Rolling his eyes
,
he came over to give her a hug.

"You okay
,
Becks?"

"I feel like such an asshole."

"You should
.
You
totally acted like one."

"Real nice
,
Dave."

"Come on
.
It’s
true
.
Besides
,
don’t you feel any better?"

"I guess
so, but
I feel guilty hurting Kyle."

"Don’t worry about him
.
He'll probably just end up a player
.
Never getting close to a woman again for fear she will break his heart and die alone."

"Dave!" Becka shrieked as she hit him on the head with a pillow.

"What? Did I say something to upset you?"

Becka got up and went to her room
.
It had been an emotionally draining day
.
She sent
Nate
a text letting him know what happened and then took a nap
.
She woke up around dinnertime and checked her phone
.
No response from
Nate
.
That's just awesome
,
she thought to herself.

Becka texted Lucy and Crystal to see if they were going out
.
There was no way she was going to sit at home a mope
.
Lucy had plans
,
but Crystal was free
.
With the hopes of accidently bumping into
Nate
,
Becka suggested they go downtown
.
Crystal, knowing what kind of day Becka had
,
agreed and offered to
be the designated driver
.
She would swing by to pick Becka up around
nine
.

Becka made herself some dinner and surfed the
Internet
.
She followed a couple of fashion blogs and clicked through them to get ideas of what to wear
.
October in Phoenix was still hot during the day and beautiful at night
.
It wasn’t cold enough for her to have to worry about a jacket
.
She settled on wearing the black and white chevron dress she had wore out to lunch with
Nate
, paired with a small red wristlet and red wedges.

Becka was on her second beer when Crystal arrived
.
She wore a short black tank dress cinched at the waist with a green and black striped belt.

"How are you doing sweetie?" Crystal
asked.

"We both knew this was coming
.
It
sucks that Kyle got hurt
,
but I do feel better that it is over
.
I just don’t want him to hate me, but I would hate me if I
were
him…
S
o yeah
.
That
part sucks."

They went to a couple of clubs that night
.
Becka had a
one-track
mind
,
just wondering where
Nate
might be and if he was out
.
He had never responded to her text from earlier
,
and it bugged her
.
She did her best to not let it ruin her evening, dancing, drinking
,
and being merry.

"Looking for someone?" Crystal asked her after she had scanned the club once again for
Nate
.

"Oh, you know…" Becka hedged, doing her best to look innocent.

"Why not take a break from boys all together?" Crystal encouraged.

"That's just crazy talk
.
" Becka laughed.

"No, I'm serious
.
As long as I have known you
,
everything has always been about some guy or another
.
What about Becka?"

"This is way to
o
philosophical of a discussion to have
,
considering how many beers I've had tonight."

"Fine but think about it
.
Ok?"

"Ah, sure
.
"

Chapter 13

The next morning as Becka lay in bed nursing her hangover
,
she could not stop thinking about what Crystal had said
.
Was she really that shallow?
What about me
,
Becka thought to herself
.
Did she really even need
—
want
—
Nate
or just want to catch him?
Groaning
,
she got up to get some water.

The whole concept bothered
her
all day
.
After taking some
T
ums and
Advil,
she started making a list of things that made her happy
.
She loved living with Dave
and
having Lucy and Crystal for friends
.
Becka thought about listing
Nate
as one of the things that made her happy but decided it was too complicated to
include it
.
When Dave woke up
,
she
asked him what made him happy.

"I'm not awake enough yet
,
Becks
,
" Dave said
,
waving her off.

Becka huffed and G
oogled
:
"What makes people happy?"

Family and friends were the number one answer
.
Other than that
,
it listed cities around the country that had high ratings on the Happiness Index
.
Becka felt like she had good friends and
,
sure
,
she didn’t live that close to family
,
but she seemed okay with that
.
Dave walked back into the house and sat next to her on the sofa
,
pulling her feet into his lap.

"Whatdya wanna ask me?" he mumbled
,
leaning his head back on to the sofa.

"What makes you happy?"

"Huh?'

"In life, what makes you happy?"

"Shit
.
I don’t know
.
Stuff
."

"What kinda stuff?"

He sat straighter and began counting off on his fingers
.
"Sex, video games, action movies, good food, good beer, money left over after payday, my car
.
Um
, yep
,
I think that's it."