Unholy Matrimony (21 page)

The parrot, meanwhile, had abandoned Maria’s head and was perched on the hood of the hearse.

Lucille poked Flo, whose color was slowly coming back, although she was still breathing heavily.

“We’ve got to catch that bird.”

“The bird? I almost get shot and all you can think about is that stupid bird?”

“We can’t just leave it. It probably don’t know how to take care of itself, seeing as how it’s spent its whole life in a cage with somebody giving it food and water.”

“Maybe it will like being free. Maybe it was sick of being in a cage. I’d hate it, wouldn’t you?”

Lucille thought for a moment. Some people thought being married and tied down to a family was like being in a cage, but she couldn’t imagine her life without Frankie, Bernadette and the rest of them. And now a little granddaughter, too. She didn’t find it stifling at all.

“Come on. Help me get it back into the car at least.”

“Oh, all right. You’ve got a soft heart, Lu. Too soft.”

Freedom seemed to have confused the parrot because it went quite docilely back into its cage. Lucille fastened the door and made sure it was secure.

“See? It’s happy in there.”

Flo shrugged. “I guess you’re right. What are you going to do with it now?”

Lucille was thinking about that when Flo’s cell phone rang, although Lucille supposed you couldn’t really call it a ring in that it actually played some kind of music. Nothing she recognized—it sounded like one of them rap songs.

Flo pressed the talk button with the nail of her index finger. How come she didn’t ever break a nail? Lucille wondered. They were always so perfect.

“Lucille!” Flo suddenly squealed.

“What?” Lucille turned around. The officers were leading Maria to one of the waiting police cars.

“It’s Bernadette. She says she’s in labor.”

Chapter 19

“Ask her if she’s sure,” Lucille said.

“She said her water broke.”

“Holy shit. This is it then. I gotta get home. Did she call Frankie?”

Flo spoke into her cell phone then turned back to Lucille. “She said he’s out on a job and she can’t get hold of him.”

“We’ve got to get her to the hospital then. What are we going to do about your car?”

“I’m going to drive it, what do you think?”

“But we can’t leave the hearse here.”

“You’ll have to drive it then.”

Lucille glanced at the car. How did you even see out the back window of that thing? Well, if Flo could manage it, so could she.

Lucille was headed toward the hearse, when one of the cops came up to her.

“Not so fast. I need to ask you a few questions.”

“Yeah? Well my daughter is in labor, and I got to get her to the hospital.”

“Her water has already broke,” Flo added helpfully.

The cop looked at his watch and then at Lucille and Flo. He looked like he was trying to make up his mind about something. “Okay,” he said finally. “I’ll give you an escort.”

“Now you’re talking,” Flo said as she started to move toward the Mustang.

The cop did a U-turn and put on his flashers. Flo pulled in behind him. They sat idling, waiting for Lucille.

The dashboard of the hearse looked like the control panel on an airplane, but Lucille figured as long as she could find the ignition and the turn signal, she’d be okay. She started her up and slowly pointed her in the right direction.

With the cop in front of them, they tore down the road and back onto the highway. Traffic parted ahead of them like the Red Sea was supposed to have done in that Bible story Lucille remembered reading in Catechism class.

It was kind of fun, and Lucille was almost disappointed when they pulled up in front of her house. The cop quickly took down their names and phone numbers, and with a brief salute hopped back into his car and took off.

Bernadette was on the sofa when Lucille and Flo walked in. She was moaning and clutching her belly.

Lucille put the parrot down in the corner of the room and went to Bernadette.

“Have you been timing them contractions?”

“Every five minutes.”

“Geez, we’d better get you to the hospital.”

“We can take my car,” Flo said, digging the keys back out of her purse.

“You got a bag packed?” Lucille asked.

Bernadette shook her head.

“Never mind. Your father and I can bring you some stuff later.”

That’s what a husband ought to be doing, Lucille thought. But Bernadette didn’t have no husband, and it looked like she wasn’t going to.

Lucille and Flo each put a hand under one of Bernadette’s arms, supporting her as they headed toward the door.

They had to stop halfway down the walk and wait until a contraction had passed. Bernadette leaned her head on Lucille’s shoulder and Lucille rubbed her back gently.

“You okay now?”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

Flo had the door to the backseat of the Mustang open.

“We ain’t going to be able to get her in there, Flo. There’s not enough room.”

“You have any other ideas?”

Lucille jerked her head in the direction of the hearse, which was parked in front of the house. “We can take her in there. That way she can lie down in the back. You drive, and I’ll ride with Bernadette.” Lucille tossed the keys to Flo.

Flo drove at a more sedate pace this time, although when she heard Bernadette groan, she nudged the speedometer up over the speed limit. Lucille prayed they wouldn’t get pulled over. Judging by the way Bernadette was acting, they didn’t have much time.

They pulled up in front of Overlook hospital, and Flo and Lucille jumped out. An older woman with dyed red hair came running out from the lobby gesturing wildly at them.

What on earth had gotten her so wound up? Lucille wondered. Sure it was a no parking zone, but Flo was going to move the hearse as soon as they got Bernadette out of the back.

The woman ran up to them. She was panting and out of breath.

“You can’t bring a hearse to the front door,” she said, still gasping slightly. “It will upset the patients. Didn’t they tell you? You need to go around back to the morgue.” Her double chin quivered with indignation.

The woman peered into the back of the hearse. Bernadette groaned, and the woman screamed.

She pointed a finger at Bernadette. “She’s not dead.”

“Of course not,” Lucille said, a little huffily. “She’s in labor. We need to get her to the maternity ward.”

The woman looked utterly baffled. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before saying, “I’ll get a wheelchair,” and taking off at a trot.

Between them, Lucille and Flo managed to get Bernadette out of the back of the hearse.

“I forgot to tell you,” Bernadette said. “Tony just landed at Newark Airport. A buddy is going to drive him home.”

Flo clapped her hands. “My baby is coming home!” She turned to Lucille. “Can you believe it? He’s coming home.”

“You got to get him to come to the hospital right away if he wants to be here when his baby is born.”

Lucille and the woman from reception helped Bernadette into the wheelchair. Flo trotted behind them, talking excitedly on her cell phone as they headed toward the elevators.

She hung up, scrounged in her bag for a tissue and wiped her eyes. “Tony’s friend will drop him here. It’ll be about an hour or so.”

“That’s great,” Lucille said as the elevator doors whisked shut and they headed to the maternity floor.

Within fifteen minutes, Bernadette was settled in bed in a labor and delivery room. Lucille plopped into one of the chairs and wiggled around, trying to get comfortable. Sheesh, she was tired. She hoped this baby was going to come fast.

“Yo, Flo. Can I borrow your cell phone? I want to call Frankie and tell him to get here as soon as he can.”

Frankie didn’t pick up, but Lucille left a message and handed the phone back to Flo. A nurse in pink and blue scrubs bustled into the room to check on Bernadette.

“Almost there,” she announced as she peeled off her rubber glove. “It’ll be time to push soon.”

“Can you believe it, Flo? We’re about to become grandmothers.”

“You don’t have to say it so loud, Lucille,” Flo said as she pulled out an emery board and began to file her nails.

“You can’t escape the fact, Flo.”

“Does Bernadette have a name picked out yet?”

“I don’t know.”

Lucille glanced at Bernadette, but she wasn’t paying no attention. She had her cell phone in her hand and was texting someone. Suddenly Bernadette dropped the phone and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Good job,” Lucille said as she watched the contraction peak on the monitor. “You’re doing a great job.”

In truth Lucille was quite surprised. Bernadette practically needed an anesthetic to have her hair cut.

Bernadette groaned and let her breath out in a whoosh. “Tony and I are going to get married,” she said suddenly.

Lucille froze. “What did you say?”

“I said Tony and I are going to get married. He just texted me and asked.”

“And you said yes?”

“Of course I did.”

Lucille felt a warm rush of relief. Although maybe it was just a hot flash. But she didn’t care. Her baby was going to be a married woman after all.

“Flo! Give me your cell phone. I’ve got to call Father Brennan.”

“What on earth for, Lucille?”

“So he can marry the two of them before the baby is born.”

“You always said you wanted Bernadette to be married in the church.”

“That don’t matter. Father Brennan can perform the ceremony, and they’ll be married in the eyes of God.”

“But not in the eyes of the state of New Jersey, Lucille. They’d need a license for that.”

“We can have another wedding. After the baby gets here. All legal and proper like.”

Flo pulled out her cell phone and handed it to Lucille. “You really need to get one of your own.”

Lucille rang the church, praying that Father Brennan would be in his office. He usually was on Saturday, working on his sermon. She said a small prayer of thanksgiving when the phone was picked up.

She explained the situation to Father Brennan.

“What’s the matter?” Flo whispered when she saw the expression on Lucille’s face.

Lucille put her hand over the phone. “He don’t have no way to get here. His car’s in the shop again.”

Flo sighed. “I’ll go get him. I just hope he doesn’t mind riding in a hearse.”

• • •

Father Brennan looked even more befuddled than usual when he arrived at the hospital half an hour later. Flo must have really floored it, Lucille thought, to make such good time. Tony Jr. was already there and his and Bernadette’s reunion had brought a tear to Lucille’s eye.

“What is it you want me to do?” Father Brennan asked as he fingered his cross.

Lucille jumped up from her chair. “I want you to marry these two.” She pointed to Bernadette and Tony Jr., who was sitting on the edge of the bed holding Bernadette’s hand.

Father Brennan looked confused. “It won’t be a true Catholic wedding since it’s not in a church.” He looked around the hospital room. “And it won’t be legal, Lucille, without a license and all that the state requires.”

“That don’t matter, Father. We can do all that later. Right now I just want for them to be married in the eyes of God. Before the baby gets here,” she added pointedly, as she could hear Bernadette starting to push.

Father Brennan gave a kindly smile. “I understand.” He opened his missal and began to thumb through the pages. He cleared his throat.

“Grant, we pray, almighty God, that these your servants, now to be joined by the Sacrament of Matrimony, may grow in the faith they profess and enrich your Church with faithful offspring.”

The church was going to be enriched with offspring pretty soon, Lucille thought as Bernadette groaned in the background. She just wished Father Brennan would speed it up.

Bernadette’s groan seemed to have spurred Father Brennan on, because he began to read faster and faster until finally they were nearly to the vows.

“Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?” Father Brennan intoned sonorously. “Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

Lucille thought he could have left out that last part, seeing as how Bernadette was clearly about to give birth. The doctor was already in position, ready to catch the baby.

Father Brennan licked his finger and turned the page in his missal. “Do you, Tony, take Bernadette, to be your wife. Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?”

“I do.”

Lucille and Flo looked at each other, and they both brushed away a tear.

“Do you, Bernadette, take Tony, to be your husband. Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?”

“Yeeessssss,” Bernadette said on an exhaled breath as she bore down.

Father Brennan looked confused. “Was that a yes, you do?”

“Yes. She said yes,” Lucille assured him.

“I do,” Bernadette screamed as the baby’s head emerged.

Chapter 20

Flo was already back at the hospital when Lucille got there. Lucille had taken the hearse back to Ippolito’s. They were a little miffed that she’d borrowed it, and Lucille had had to remind them that her family had been doing business with them for generations. Besides, the car wasn’t damaged in any way. Finally, they decided to let it go.

Frankie was waiting for her when she came out of the funeral parlor.

“I can’t wait to see my little granddaughter,” he said as Lucille got in the car. “The kids come up with a name yet?”

“Nah. They haven’t had much time to talk about it. Tony Jr. only just got home.”

Frankie dropped Lucille off in front of the hospital and drove off to put the car in the parking garage. Lucille couldn’t wait to see that little sweetie again.

Flo was holding her when Lucille got up to Bernadette’s room. Bernadette was finishing up her dinner. For once she had a smile on her face.