Undone (A Country Roads Novel) (39 page)

“Paige,” Brendan said, taking a step toward her.

But she took a step back, holding up her hands. “Don’t, Brendan. I just…I just can’t,” she said, shaking her head.

He stopped and nodded. “Alright. We should get ready.”

“I’ll be up in a little. I just need to clean up first.”

“Okay,” Brendan said, turning around and heading up to the house alone.

*  *  *

Brendan stayed close to Paige, waiting in the wings to help her when she needed it. Needed him. But that never happened. She stood next to her mother, talking to all of the people who had come to the funeral. The building was packed with family and friends who had traveled to be there, and quite a few people from the town whom Trevor had managed to make an impact on. A lot of people wanted to offer their condolences and say good-bye to a very good man.

During the burial, Brendan reached for Paige’s hand, and she let him hold it. He squeezed it and she lightly squeezed back before she laced her fingers through his. She didn’t turn to him though. She just continued to look straight ahead all through Pastor Phillips’s final words while they lowered the coffin into the ground.

Paige didn’t cry. Didn’t shed a tear. She just stared ahead blankly. Like it wasn’t real. Like it was all a bad dream that she would wake up from.

Brendan knew the look, because he’d worn it himself when his mother had died. But this wasn’t a bad dream; this was the reality, and sooner or later it was going to hit Paige like a bomb.

*  *  *

Paige sat in the empty viewing room, staring at the space in front of the pews. This was the last room her father was had been in. That he’d ever be in again.

Well, that his body had been in.

He’d been gone for a week now. He’d just
left
. Left everyone and everything behind. Left his wife. Left his daughter. Paige knew that Trevor hadn’t had a choice. That if he had, he’d still be there sitting across from her at dinner, he’d still be looking up at her through his glasses as he read the paper, sitting on the couch and watching a game with Brendan, holding her mother’s hand as they walked along together. He hadn’t wanted to leave, but that fact was of absolutely no comfort to Paige.

She just wanted her father back. But that was never going to happen.

He was gone. Forever.

Someone came and sat down next to Paige. She didn’t turn but she knew it was Brendan. Her hands were balled up in her lap, so he didn’t reach out for her, which was good because if he touched her right now she didn’t think she would survive it.

“Everyone’s gone,” he said softly. “Abby went with your mom and aunt. I told them we would meet them over at the house.”

The house, her parents’ house that would always feel empty without her father in it.

“Alright,” she said and nodded, still not looking at him. “Just give me a second. I need to get some stuff in my office.” She stood up and walked past him, heading for the stairs.

When she got to her closed office door, there was a piece of paper attached to the wood. Paige pulled it off and read.

THE GRIM TRUTH

THE TRUTH WILL OUT

Rogue Whoreson isn’t a stranger to the loss of a parent, or in his case, parents. His father, Dick Splits, abandoned him by choice, while his mother was forced to. Jeze Belle died of breast cancer almost thirteen years ago, so Mr. Whoreson is fully aware of the devastation that accompanies such a tragic death.

Brazen Interloper, Mr. Whoreson’s new bride, is experiencing her own tragedy this week with the passing of her father. According to his obituary, Brazen’s father was diagnosed with the fatal disease that killed him a little over two months ago…or was he?

A witness saw Brazen’s father making regular visits to the oncology wing of the hospital starting in mid-April, two and a half months before his supposed diagnosis. And in May, Rogue Whoreson was seen accompanying the father to weekly doctor’s appointments. It looks like somebody isn’t telling the truth here, and Mr. Whoreson is the only one still alive to ask.

Why would this secret be kept? What else is going on? What other secrets are there? It seems a little early in Rogue and Brazen’s marriage for lies, yet there appear to be many. It’s sad, really, for Brazen. How can the woman not feel betrayed? How will Brazen deal with Rogue’s deception?

*  *  *

Brendan stood on the front porch waiting for Paige. He leaned back against a wooden beam and closed his eyes. He was exhausted, but it wasn’t even comparable to what he was sure Paige was going through. She looked like every single word was costing her, like she was going to fall apart at any moment. Brendan couldn’t wait for the day to be over. It wasn’t going to be easy, but each day after that day was time spent learning to adjust, learning to live in a world without Trevor in it. They just had to get through today.

The door opened a couple of minutes later and Brendan opened his eyes to find Paige standing there. He knew immediately that something was wrong.

“Paige, what’s going on?” he asked, pushing off the beam and taking a step toward her.

“This,” she said, walking up to him and slapping a piece of paper to his chest before she took a step back.

Brendan grabbed the paper and looked down at it. The blood drained from his face and everything in him stilled as he read. This wasn’t happening. Could not be happening today.

Brendan had known he was going to have to tell Paige that he’d known about Trevor months beforehand, but the day of Trevor’s funeral hadn’t been the day he was going to drop that bomb. There really was no perfect time, but that day
definitely
hadn’t been the day. He looked up at her unsure of what to say, unsure of where to even start.

“You knew,” she said. “You knew my father was dying and you didn’t tell me?”

“Yes,” he said and nodded slowly. “I knew.”

“How the fuck do you not tell me that Brendan?” she yelled at him.

Shock rolled through his body and he took a step back from her. Paige had never talked to him that way before. He’d never heard her talk to anyone that way before.

“Paige, can we go somewhere and discuss this?” he asked.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“I can explain.”

“Really?” she asked skeptically. “You can explain why you lied to me?”

“I didn’t lie.”

“What the hell do you call it then?”

“I did what your dad asked me to do,” he said.

“That isn’t a good enough excuse,” she said, shaking her head. “I had every right to know. My mother and I should’ve known. When was it? When did you find out?”

“A month before the wedding.”

“Right,” she said and nodded. “So you didn’t tell me about my father because you were too selfish. Because you didn’t want it to ruin something that involved you.”

“You’re joking, right? You honestly think that?” he asked incredulously.

“I have no idea what to think. You
lied
to me. You knew all that time and acted like nothing was wrong. Like my father’s dying didn’t affect you. Like it didn’t matter. You’re not who I thought you were, Brendan. I don’t know you at all.”

Those words were a slap in his face. It took him a second to recover. “Paige, it killed me,” he said, taking a step forward, his voice getting louder. “Every single day killed me. I hated that I couldn’t tell you.”

“Then what was stopping you?” she shouted at him.

“Your father’s wishes,” he shouted back.

“Just get away from me, Brendan. I don’t even want to look at you.”

He couldn’t breathe. He actually thought he was going to start choking. “What are you saying?” he asked, barely getting the words out.

“I’m saying I need to think about things. Think about us,” she said, taking a step back from him.

“Paige, you can’t be serious,” he said as his eyes welled up with tears that a moment later began to fall down his face.

“I am,” she said as tears started to stream down her own cheeks.

“You promised you would never leave.”

“And you promised you would never hurt me. Looks like we’re both liars,” she said before she turned around and walked back through the door, leaving him alone on the porch.

Chapter Twenty-One

This Life Would Kill Me If I Didn’t Have You

P
aige was numb. Cold. It was September in Florida and she was frozen.

She’d been staying with her mother for over two weeks. She hadn’t seen Brendan at all. She’d stopped by the house to get some of her things, but she’d made sure to do so when he wasn’t at home. She’d also been avoiding his calls.

Brendan had called three times, once the day after the funeral, once the second day, and once the third day. He’d left a message on the third day, and though Paige hadn’t listened to it, she also hadn’t deleted it. She couldn’t bring herself to. Like if she did, she really was saying good-bye to everything they’d had, everything they could have.

She missed him so damn much it was physically painful. But she wasn’t sure where that pain ended and the pain of him lying to her began. Like it as all one big ball of string, snarled and knotted, tangled up beyond recognition.

Paige thought about Brendan and her father constantly but she tried not to break down during the day. No, she left that for the night, when she was alone. She lay in bed crying for hours. And when she finally fell asleep, she slept restlessly, tossing and turning and searching for someone who wasn’t there.

She’d started going back to work a week after the funeral, but it wasn’t much of a distraction. Brendan had gotten her that job. She couldn’t be there and not think of him. She couldn’t be anywhere and not think of him.

She skipped the Thursday lunches with the girls at the café. There was absolutely no way she’d be able to see Brendan’s sister, grandmother, and aunts. She couldn’t face them. Couldn’t handle seeing their disappointment. But she was disappointed too, and she had no idea what to do with that.

Thunderstorms had rolled into Mirabelle three days ago and they hadn’t let up at all. The skies were covered in inky gray clouds that had been dumping rain. The gloom and doom was doing nothing to help Paige’s mood, and she came home from work early one day to take a nap. Her lack of sleeping through the night had finally caught up to her and she was exhausted. She woke up around seven and when she walked in the kitchen she found her mother at the stove. The kettle was whistling and Denise pulled it off and poured hot water into a cup.

“You want some tea?” Denise asked.

“Please,” Paige said, taking a seat at the table.

“I was going to put one of those many casseroles in the oven for dinner in a little bit. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” she said and nodded.

Paige watched her mother as she moved around the kitchen getting everything ready. She added sugar and just a little bit of milk to both mugs before she came to the table. Paige grabbed her mug and took a tentative sip. It was just hot enough. She took another few sips before she put it down and stared into it.

“So,” Denise said after a moment. “What are you doing, Paige?”

“What?” she asked, looking up from her tea.

“What are you doing? You know I love you and that you will always be welcome in this house, always. But what are you doing with Brendan? With your husband? That boy loves you. Why are you running away from him?”

“He lied to me. He lied to you.”

“Sweetie,” Denise said, reaching over and putting her hand over Paige’s. “He didn’t lie. He did what your father asked. What else should he have done?”

“I don’t know,” Paige said, shaking her head. “But doesn’t it make you angry? That they hid it for so long? That we lost those months?”

“What did we lose, Paige? Tell me, because I lost nothing. I didn’t know your father was dying for those two months, but even if I had, there’s nothing I would have done differently. Not a moment of it. My knowing or not knowing he was dying didn’t change my love for him. So no, I’m not angry that I didn’t know. I’m angry that I lost your father. And you’re angry too, and you’re taking it out on the last person you should be. Brendan didn’t kill your father. Cancer did. Be angry at the cancer.”

“I’m angry at myself,” Paige whispered.

“Why?”

“Dad was dying while I was planning my wedding. I was worried about colors, and flowers, and appetizers while he was dying.”

“Oh, Paige,” Denise said, shaking her head. “You can’t look at it that way. Your father wanted your wedding day to be perfect. Not for him, but for you. He isn’t the one who has to live with the memories. You are. And you can look back at that day and remember your father walking you down the aisle and giving you away to the love of your life. All we have now are those memories. That was your father’s gift to you. Don’t throw it away.”

“What if I’m too late?” she asked desperately. “I was so upset when I saw that stupid article and I just lost it. I said horrible things to Brendan. And then I walked away from him, the one thing I promised I would never do, and I did it. I don’t know if he could forgive me for that,” Paige said, wiping at her face.