Underneath (18 page)

‘Sorry doesn’t really get us anywhere right now though does it?’ I reply. ‘Like you said, I’ve broken your trust.’

‘I’ll get over the thing with Southwell.’

‘Yes, but you didn’t trust me in the first place.’ I walk over and pick up my laptop and put it on the side to take upstairs. ‘That’s going to be a lot more difficult to fix than the shed window.’

I go into the kitchen to start the evening meal.

I speak when I need to. Inside I feel wrecked, like I’ve just heard news of someone’s death. I put on smiles when Joe is talking. Niall is over exuberant. He thinks I’ll immediately put it behind me, like I do with our usual arguments, and move on. Life is short, but I don’t feel that way this time. When Joe goes to bed I run myself a bath and immerse myself, topping it up with warm water every so often. I stare at the white tiles on the bathroom wall as if I am drugged with anaesthetic, too numb to do anything but lie beneath the water. I let my skin wrinkle up until it’s too uncomfortable to stay in it any longer. I wrap myself in my towelling robe, looking at it as I do so. Its purple colour has faded, there are pulled threads hanging down from it all over. It has seen better days. It needs renewing. I feel at one with my robe. I place my feet in my slippers and pad into the bedroom where I dry my hair without being bothered to comb it through, knowing full well it will frizz and resemble tangled wool. I leave the hairdryer plugged in and on the floor, pull on my pyjamas and get in bed, pulling the duvet up to the top of my neck, seeking immediate sleep that will take me away from my problems. Luckily my body complies.

I wake in the night as Niall gets into bed. I wait to see if he gets on my back to cuddle in, but he turns the other way and I let myself drift back to sleep.

Thursday I ring Monique and ask how she is. She seems a lot brighter, but obviously picks up the tension in my voice.

‘Is everything alright, Lo?’

‘Yeah, just a bit fed up today. Nothing to bother you with, you’ve enough on your plate.’

‘Lauren Lawler, what is going on?’

‘I don’t want to put on you Mon, it’s not fair.’

‘I’m a big girl and can decide what’s fair, tell me what’s going on, I’m getting worried now.’

I fill her in on the note and Niall’s accusations.

‘Jeez, Lo,’ she says. ‘It’s got to be her hasn’t it? What a bitch.’

‘Well apparently I’m overreacting.’

‘It’s a bit suss that she just happened to mention Seb, and the next day, poof, here’s a letter stating you’re up to no good.’

‘Did you really just say poof?’

‘It’s an official magic term.’

‘Joe would call you lame, don’t you know it’s "booya" now,’ I scoff.

‘Is that a hint of a smile I can hear in your voice? See you need your Monique,’ she says.

‘I do,’ I agree.

‘Well get your ass over here then. I’m bored. Let’s talk this thing through.’

I mull it over but I don’t feel like going anywhere. ‘Thanks Mon, but I just feel like moping.’

‘You can mope just as well here as there.’

‘No. Thanks for the offer but I’m just going to lounge about at home til schooltime.’

‘Suit yourself, you know where I am if you change your mind.’

‘Thanks Mon, and sorry for putting on you.’

‘Will you leave it with the sodding guilt trip. Go forth and eat chocolate.’

‘You’ve read my mind,’ I state.

I take myself off up to my bedroom armed with a mug full of decaf and a share bag of Minstrels that I have no intention of sharing. I stick on my latest Private Practice box set to see what Addison and Co are up to, and lose myself in the drama of Oceanside Wellness for an hour or two. The phone disturbs me mid-afternoon. I look at the screen thinking that if it shows an unknown number, or anyone I don’t want to speak to, I’ll ignore it. ‘Niall mobile’ flashes on the screen. I hold the phone in my hand, hovering over the answer button. I decide to let it go to the machine.

‘Lauren, if you’re there please pick up, it’s an emergency.’

I press the green button, all annoyance temporarily forgotten. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’

‘I’m in the hospital car park. Someone’s just run into the back of the car. Then they’ve come round and played hell with me and said I reversed into them. I don’t know what the hell’s going on. They’ve someone with them who’s saying they’re a witness and that it was me. I was reversing, but I stopped when I saw them coming towards me. It was them. There’s no-one else around to witness it and they’re phoning the police.’

‘Calm down Niall, surely there’s CCTV?’

‘Oh, course, I didn’t think of that. I’ll mention it to the police when they get here.’

‘What are the people like, do they look rough? It’s only a car. If they look like they might stab you, don’t make a fuss.’

‘It’s a bloody doctor. I’ve seen his badge. Dr Matthias Bailey.’

‘Are you all right? You’re not injured?’

‘I feel shaky, my legs are wobbly, but I didn’t do anything Lauren, I swear.’

‘Is there much damage to the car?’

‘It needs the boot sorting, it’s crushed. It went with a right bang.’

‘Just wait for the police Niall, they’ll sort it out.’

‘Okay, obviously I don’t know how long I’ll be, I’ll see you as soon as I can get away.’

The line goes dead. I sit back on the bed. I’m not surprised at this doctor saying it’s Niall’s fault. No-one in this world seems to tell the truth anymore, or stands up and admits when they’ve made a mistake. I hope the CCTV’s working so justice can prevail. I feel my anger return. I wish I could turn up to the car park with a baseball bat and knock seven bells out of the git who’s blaming Niall. I bet he’s a cocky doctor who thinks the sun shines out of his arse. I notice it’s time to get Joe from school and think that now, if Niall’s car needs repair, he’ll take mine, and I’m the one who will end up inconvenienced. Annoyed I stomp to the car.

I say hello to Tanya in the schoolyard and let her twitter on about pointless rubbish whilst I wait for Joe. She’s looking at me weirdly and I realise she’s waiting for me to answer a question.

‘Oh, err, what did you say?’

‘I said, you don’t seem with it Lauren. Is everything alright?’

‘I’m sorry. Niall’s just had an accident in the car, my minds wandering. I didn’t mean to seem rude.’

‘Gosh, don’t worry about it. Is he okay?’

A hand clutches my arm and makes me turn, as if defending an attack.

‘Good God Bettina, you made me jump.’

‘Sorry, did I just hear Niall’s been in an accident?’

‘Yes, someone’s just reversed into him in the hospital car park.’

‘Is he okay?’

‘Just shaken up, thanks.’ I fidget from side to side and turn to the school Portakabin windows. ‘Is this bell ever going to ring? I just want to get home so we can get things sorted out.’

‘Do you need me to do anything, Lauren?’ says Bettina.

The tight wiring of the coil inside my body bursts free. ‘I think you’ve done quite enough lately, thank you.’

Bettina backs off, shocked, and her face sets like stone. ‘What the hell are you talking about? I’ve not banged into the car.’

‘I’m on about your little chat with Niall about Seb. He accused me of having an affair with him yesterday.’

‘I only said he was flirting with you. I felt he should know. Niall adores you and don’t think I haven’t seen you flirting right back. You want to stop having a go at me and look at your own behaviour.’

Tanya walks over to the other mothers, raising an eyebrow at them. It seems Bettina and I are now sparring in a ring with all the spectators looking to see who will win the next round.

‘How dare you judge me? You keep coming around to my house and having cosy little coffees with my husband. Go and get your own. Oh, I’m sorry, you can’t can you? He won’t have you cos you’re a bloody psycho.’

I feel the slap hard against my cheek; it jars my head and stings. I clutch my face.

‘You’ve no idea what I’ve had to put up with.’

‘Unfortunately I do, Bettina, cos you keep bringing it to my door. I had the pleasure of your lovely husband’s company after you
forgot
I was collecting your son’.’

She’s silent for a moment, her mouth open with the sharp breath she’s taken. Then her eyes narrow. ‘I made a mistake. Have you any idea what it was like for me, thinking he’d taken my child?’

‘But he takes him every other weekend you thick cow. Anyway thanks to you, Niall and I are hardly speaking. Did you post the note through the door and then decide to say it to his face instead, or was the note a back up to make him believe you?’

‘What note?’

‘Oh come off it, the cryptic note that you stuck through the letterbox saying to watch out for Seb.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, or what you’re accusing me of, and if anyone round here’s a psycho then you want to take a good look at yourself, Lauren, because from where I’m standing, the only loony is shouting at me right now.’

Brrrrrrrrrring. The school bell goes.

I jab a finger towards her face. ‘I’ve not finished with you, stay away from me and my family.’

‘With pleasure.’

I feel shaky and hot and guide Joe back to the car. As the mobile classes are away from the main classrooms, I am only gawped at by the parents from Joe’s class and the one next door.

Tanya comes running up. ‘Are you alright? What was that all about?’

She’s only interested in getting some gossip for the rest of the parents, so I point at Joe and mouth. ‘I’ll tell you later.’

I get behind the wheel of the car and burst into heavy, noisy sobs.

‘Mum, what’s the matter?’ I turn to see Joe’s face all scrunched up in concern and looking like he might cry himself. ‘I saw you and Tyler’s mum arguing. I can still play with Tyler can’t I?’

‘Course love,’ I stroke my thumb down his cheek. ‘Mum’s just being silly, take no notice. Dad’s had a little bang in the car.’ Joe tears up. ‘Oh he’s fine honey, but it upset me a bit and then Bettina said something to upset me too, and I lost my temper. I was silly, I’m a grown up and should act better. I’m sorry Joe, you shouldn’t have had to see that.’

He wipes away my tears. ‘We all make mistakes mum.’ I hear my own words reflected in his own. ‘Remember what you tell me and just walk away, okay?’

‘I will, I promise.’ I smooth his hair behind his ears, this wise boy who is right now looking after his mum when it should be the other way around.

‘You’ll need to say sorry to Tyler’s mum tomorrow.’

‘I don’t think it’s as simple as that son,’ I shrug.

‘Why not?’

‘It’s grown up stuff.’

‘Aaarrrgh, I hate it when you say that. Are you okay to drive now cos I’m starving? Can we stop for a sausage roll?’

Niall gets in at six. His face is grim. He has shadows under his eyes and his skin looks sallow.

‘What did the police say?’

‘They took both our statements, breathalysed us.’

‘They thought you’d been drinking?’

‘It’s standard procedure. They said they’d contact security to see about the CCTV and get back to me.’

‘What about the witness?’

‘Still adamant it was my fault.’

‘Are you sure you weren’t just tired and didn’t realise?’

‘Lauren, don’t go there okay? I didn’t reverse into that car.’

‘Okay, don’t bite my head off. I’m just thinking you probably didn’t get a lot of sleep.’

‘I was stationary.’

‘Don’t argue with mum again,’ chips in Joe. ‘I hate it when you argue and you did it for ages yesterday. Anyway Mum’ll be losing her voice if she does anymore. She’s already fallen out with Tyler’s mum today.’

‘What?’ Niall looks at me.

‘We had words in the school playground.’

‘They were arguing really loud, Dad, I couldn’t tell what they were saying, but I thought they were going to have a fight.’

‘What were you arguing about?’

‘The note.’

‘Oh Lauren, you don’t know she had anything to do with that note.’

‘Well I had a go at her for saying things to you about Seb.’

‘But I’m glad she did Lauren, because you weren’t going to.’

‘Are you talking about Mr Kingsley?’ says Joe.

We both look at him. ‘Erm. Yes. Yesterday we were arguing that we thought he should have worn his clothes to the school fair, not his pyjamas,’ Niall says.

As a spur of the moment excuse it’s the worst I’ve ever heard, but Joe takes it seriously.

‘He did look stupid, but he was probably trying to save his clothes for best.’

‘Gosh, we never thought of it like that, I guess you’re right,’ I say.

‘You grown-ups are so lame sometimes. All that arguing, and I could have told you that yesterday.’