Underestimated Too (3 page)

“What does that mean?”

We both found out what it meant when we were showed
to Deidra Wellington’s office. She was a pretty girl, my height, close to my
weight with shorter hair. I knew what Drew was thinking when he saw her butch
haircut.

“Have a seat.” She gestured towards a gray sofa. She
didn’t look like a professional at all. She wore a pink golf shirt and jeans.
The other four counselors we’d seen dressed to impress, kind of like Drew did. Deidra
wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Her persona made that clear right off the bat.

“I’m Deidra,” she said, offering us her hand. She
sat across from us and crossed her legs.

“Don’t you need your laptop or pad and paper for
notes?” Drew asked.

“Not on this visit. I thought we’d spend a little
time getting acquainted today.”

“What do you want to know? You know our names, you
know from the questionnaire that we’ve been married for ten years. We have a
son. Aren’t you supposed to ask the questions?”

“Let’s get something straight right immediately,
Drew.”

“Mr. Kelley.”

“Drew. Stop it,” I chastised.

Deidra stood and opened her door. “I’m afraid this
is not the best idea,
Drew
. Maybe you should find someone that can suck
up to you. I won’t be doing that in this office.”

“Let’s go, Morgan.” Drew ordered, taking my arm and
standing.

“No. Drew. We’re not leaving. You do this every time
just so you don’t have to talk to anyone. What do you want?”

“Morgan, I am not talking to someone like this.
Either we work with a professional, or we don’t do this at all.”

Crossing my arms, I plopped back to the sofa. I
wasn’t moving. He wasn’t doing this again. Besides, I liked her.

Drew looked at me and then back to Deidra. She
smiled and closed the door when Drew sat, crossed his ankle over his leg, and
breathed an exasperated breath.

“Okay, shall we begin?”

The first meeting with Deidra lasted an hour. We
mostly discussed our routine. What we did on a daily basis; Drew’s job—what he
did for a living—and what we did for fun.

“I liked her,” I admitted as Drew backed out of the
cramped parking lot.

“I didn’t. Find someone else.”

“No, we’re seeing Deidra Wellington. You’re just mad
because she didn’t bow down and kiss your shoes.”

“I’m paying her.”

“I’ll pay her. We’re not finding another therapist, Drew.”

“Morgan, why do we need to do this anyway? We’re
fine.”

“Are we?”

“What does that mean?”

“Fine, let’s quit. Let’s just keep on going in the
direction that we’re heading and see where it takes us.”

I knew I’d won. Drew audibly took a deep breath
through his nose and reached for my hand. Kissing the back of my hand, he gave
me that look of defeat, handing over my victory.

***

“What did you think? Isn’t she great?” Celeste
asked, taking a break from numbers and my husband. She took Nicky from my arms
and kissed his chubby little cheeks.

“I loved her. Drew, not so much. She put him in his
place the first five minutes we were there. He wanted to leave right that
second.”

“Yeah, she did the same thing with me. She actually
stood up and told us we could leave.”

I laughed. “She did that to us too. I should be
surprised, but I’m not. You’re a lot like my husband.”

“If you ever say that again, I’ll hire a hit man and
have you knocked off.”

“She’s right,” Alicia agreed, taking my baby from
Celeste. “You’re a female version of Drew Kelley.”

“I am not. We’re nothing alike,” Celeste argued.

“Okay, whatever,” I teased, placing my hand over
Alicia’s very pregnant belly. “I can’t wait for this little girl to get here. I
am going to spoil her rotten. Isn’t that right, Nicky boy?”

“Stop calling my son Nicky,” Drew ordered, taking
him from Alicia. “I can’t wait for this little girl either, maybe you’ll stop
treating my boy like a girl.”

“Are we going to eat or what? I’m starving,” Alicia
whined.

“You’re always starving,” Celeste joked.

“And horny.” Alicia laughed. I freaking loved that
girl.

“Oh, my god, Alicia. Shut the hell up,” Celeste
spouted.

I laughed again. “She’s pregnant. That’s the best
sex ever. Your hormones are on crazy overload.”

“Are you taking Nicky or can I take him for his
bath?” Marta interrupted.

“Stop calling him Nicky.” Drew demanded, sending the
rest of us into a laughing frenzy.

***

The following Thursday I had to drag Drew to our
appointment with Deidra. He whined all morning about having too much work to
do. Thank god for Celeste backing me up. She made sure he knew she was
perfectly capable of handling the conference call with the investors up north.
He knew that fact. He was trying to evade the meeting that I wasn’t about to
let him out of.

Deidra started with me. I was a little surprised at
where she wanted to go. None of the other therapist had done this.

“Where you always wealthy?” she asked me first.

I looked over to Drew.

“Is this really necessary?” he asked.

Deidra sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.
“That’s up to you guys. I guess if you just want to work on the symptoms rather
than the cause we can do that. What did you have for dinner last night?” she
sarcastically asked, brushing nothing from her knee.

“Let’s go, Morgan,” Drew tried again.

“I was not raised with any money,” I began.

“Where you born around here?” Deidra continued.

“No. I was born in a welfare town in West Virginia.”

We spent the entire hour talking about me. Deidra
had me start with my first memory.

“I guess I was around three. I remember being with
my Grandma Joyce. She kept me a lot when I was little.”

“What did your parents do?”

“Well, my mother worked at a truck stop, waiting
tables, and my dad, he was the town drunk.” There was no other way to describe
my dad. That’s what he did. I didn’t remember him ever working.

“He’s not her father,” Drew interrupted.

“We’ll get to that later. Continue,” Deidra coaxed.

I told her about the cold winters in the trailer,
the neglect from both my parents, and the arrival of a new baby when I was
twelve. I grew up fast when Justin was born. I was Justin’s mother. I was the
one that took care of him. I don’t know what the logic behind all this was.
Talking about Justin, and the way we lived put me in a place I hadn’t let
myself go for a long time. Five short years, that’s it. Five years before he
was ripped from my arms and my life. It wasn’t fair. I couldn’t hear his laugh anymore.

“You had no right. He didn’t belong to you to give
away. He was mine,” I screamed at Drew. I cried, really cried, pushing Drew
away. I didn’t know where this was coming from. I didn’t let myself think about
Justin. I couldn’t, it hurt too much. Why would she think this would help
anything? I didn’t want her to be our therapist anymore either.

“Are you even serious right now?” Drew angrily asked
Deidra. “You think this is helping? You think opening up old wounds is going to
help anything?”

Deidra removed her dark framed glasses from her face
and sat up. Resting her elbows on her knees she spoke to Drew and not me.

“I think this is a small piece to a very big puzzle.
Morgan is displaying the symptom, right here in front of your eyes. What’s the
cause, Drew? Tell me what’s going on here.”

Drew looked to me and then back to her with a look
of realization. “I’m the cause. You resent me for taking Justin from you.
You’ve never let that go, have you, Morgan?” he asked.

I didn’t reply. He was right. Deidra was right. I
hated him and still carried a lot of animosity over my little brother.

“How do I fix it, Morgan? I don’t know what to do.”

“There may be nothing that you can do, Drew. The
only thing that may need to be done is acknowledging that you were the cause of
Morgan never seeing her brother again. Maybe she just needs you to admit that
you were wrong, that you’re sorry, and you’d do anything in your power to take
it back,” Deidra explained.

“I would, Morgan. I’d change it in a heartbeat if I
could. You know that, right?” Drew desperately confessed, taking my hand.

I let him and wiped falling tears with the back of
my other hand.

“I think that’s enough for one day. Let’s continue
here next week,” Deidra suggested, sensing I’d had enough.

I had. I didn’t want to do this anymore either. She
wasn’t like the rest of them. She wasn’t going to let us talk about our
marriage in the now, covering up the past. She was going to pull out every
painful event we’d been through. I was sure of it.

 “I don’t want to leave you,” Drew confessed,
sitting on the toilet while Nicky kicked his little legs, splashing in the bath
water. He loved bath time and was so darn cute, balling his little fist
excitedly while his feet and legs danced in the warm water.

“I’m fine, Drew. You can go. You’re only going for
two days.”

“I’m afraid, Morgan. What if you’re not okay?”

I wanted to walk to him, fall into his arms, let him
know that I loved him, and we’d make it through this. I didn’t dare leave Nicky
though, not for a second. He was rolling all over the place now.

Laying on the bed, playing with Nicholas, Drew
stared at me. I knew he needed something. I just didn’t know what it was he
needed or how to give it to him. I forgave him for taking Justin from me. I
didn’t know what else to say.

“Take me to bed, Daddy,” I said, talking for Nicky
who was rubbing his sleepy eyes.

Drew picked him up and carried him to his room. I
soaked in a tub of erotic smelling bubbles, contemplating our session with
Deidra that day. Afraid of where we were going to end up, I knew things were
going to get deeper. Had I known how much deeper, I may have let Drew fire her
that day.

Drew was barely rocking, patting Nicky on his
diapered butt when he rocked back. I stood quietly at the door, watching him
with his son. There was nothing Drew could do that was any sexier. I loved
seeing him rock Nicky. It warmed my blood and melted my heart.

 “He’s asleep,” I announced quietly.

“I know. I just never want to lose him. I love him
so much, Morgan.”

I tussled his hair and smiled a weak smile down at
him. Taking the baby, I knew where he was going with this, what he was
thinking. I was right and as soon as Drew showered and crawled in beside me he
started.

“Morgan?”

“Hmm?” I mumbled in his chest.

“I never thought about how that made you feel. I
never thought about it until today. I can’t imagine someone taking Nicholas
from me now. I can’t conceive of never seeing him again.”

I looked up to him, deciding not to let it blow
over, tell him it was fine, let him off the hook. I needed to stop enabling
him. “You can’t imagine that, Drew. Did you know that I was the one to take
care of him from the day he came home from the hospital? I woke with him at two
o’clock in the morning to feed him, I changed him using the cloth diapers that
I washed by hand myself.”

“Where were your parents?”

I shrugged and rolled to my back, staring up at the
ceiling. “Probably at the bar. I don’t know. They never told me where they were
going. They just left me to tend to him.”

“Where was your grandmother? You said she took care
of you.”

“She lived up the lane, but she wasn’t well. She
couldn’t take care of a baby, and my dad forbade me to take him there.”

“He’s not your dad. Stop calling him that. Why
didn’t you tell a teacher, a principle, anyone? Why didn’t you stand up for
yourself and get yourself and Justin out of that environment?”

“I was twelve, Drew. Where do you think I would have
gone? I was a statistic, just like everyone else that lived there.”

“Would you change it, Morgan? Would you give all
this up and go back to that day if you could?”

“It’s not always about money, Drew. Yes. I would
give it up in heartbeat to have Justin in my life, to have never watched him
scream for me while he was being ripped out of my arms.”

“I can’t imagine that, Morgan. I’m so sorry.”

I had told Drew I’d forgiven him for the choice of
taking Justin from me, but I hadn’t, not until that night anyway. Drew and I
talked about my childhood, my mother, the lack of food, heat, and clothing, all
of it. For the first time ever, Drew wanted to know these things. He asked many
questions, apologized a million times for the life I was forced to be born in,
and held me close while I cried for my little brother. I didn’t want to stop
thinking about Justin. I loved him and never wanted to lose that.