Under the Lights (A Brothers of Rock - GONE BY AUTUMN - Novel) (22 page)

That drove Jules even more insane.
Her instinctive want and need was to touch him. She pulled at the bed, the
belts doing their job, restricting her from touching him. Growling, Jules made
it well known she was frustrated.

Tanner opened the wrapper and put
his protection on. He placed his thumb to her center, right against her swollen
bud, and then his thickness was inside her with one hard thrust. From there,
all it took was one pull back and thrust again, mixed with the feeling of
Tanner
’
s thumb making
circles against her, to bring Jules to an intense climax.

And as she came, Tanner pushed deep
and stayed there. His thumb continued to move in hard, fast circles. Jules felt
her body aching and throbbing, clutching and clinging to Tanner
’
s erection. He let out a groan
and a hiss when he finally started to pull back.

He held her hips and started to
love her. Jules never fully came down from the intense pleasure of her orgasm,
but she was able to look down and admire the sight before her. It was her own
naked body being cared for by the hottest man she
’
d
ever met.

Slowly, Tanner's hands crept up
Jules
’
body. He touched her
breasts again and continued up. When he cupped her face he came forward. He
slowed his thrusts, making them gentle and thorough. His mouth grazed her lips.

“
I
want you to stay,
”
he
whispered as he kissed her.
“
This
is real for me. As real as it gets, Jules.
”

“
I
believe you. I'm not going anywhere.
”

Tanner kissed her again and reached
for the belts. He slowly undid them, freeing Jules
’
wrists and giving her movement of her arms and
hands.

Jules quickly shook the belts away
and grabbed for Tanner
’
s
shoulders. She dug her nails in hard, letting out a cry of relief. Tanner
continued to love her, staying right on top of her, his forehead resting on
hers.

Jules couldn
’
t control her breathing. Tanner
’
s body moved against hers and he
moved inside her. It was unbelievable. The deepest connection Jules had ever
felt. She lifted her legs and locked her ankles around Tanner, pulling at him,
wanting it forever.

Tanner continued to kiss her,
breathing heavier and faster. She felt him thickening, knowing right when his
body was about to let go. And when Tanner started to climax, he did so with a
hard thrust and groan. Jules kissed Tanner deep, a hand slipping to the back of
his head. She lifted her lower half and rocked against him, loving everything
he had to offer.

“
Fuck,
”
Tanner growled as he slowly
kept moving.
“
I love you, Jules.
”

*

The words slipped from Tanner
’
s mouth. He quickly kissed
Jules, trying not to analyze the look on her face. He could see the way the
words hit her. He gently eased himself out of her body and fell next to her.
Pulling her close, he couldn
’
t
get enough of her warm, nude body. Their hearts were racing, and he couldn't
calm down.

“
Tanner
…”

He put a hand to her face and
trailed her lips with his thumb.
“
No,
Jules. You don
’
t have to
say a thing. I
’
m telling
you how I feel. Right now.
”

“
Is
it just right now?
”
Jules
asked.
“
Will you feel
different in the morning?
”

Tanner swallowed hard.
“
I live for the right now. It
’
s what I have and what I can
control. And right now I have you, in my arms, in my bed, in my heart. That won
’
t change.
”

Jules bit at his thumb, chasing it
away.
“
Well, then I love
you too, Tanner. Right now, right in this moment.
”

They kissed again and Tanner pulled
Jules even closer. She wrapped a leg around him. Her body offered a soft
thrust, Tanner feeling the intense heat between her legs still. He wanted her
again already.

“
Jules,
I
’
ve never had something
this real before,
”
Tanner
said.

“
I
don
’
t believe that.
”

“
You
should. I want to give you everything.
”

“
Like
what?
”

“
My
heart. The truth about my life.
”

“
Truth?
”

“
Yes.
Only the guys know my story. I
’
ve
never trusted anyone else. My rules were always simple with women. But I met
you and those rules went out the door. The second I saw you, it was all over. I
tracked you down after that show and you have no idea how happy I was when
those fans started chasing after me. So I could take you to the roof. Take you
to the top of the world and touch you. Hold you. Find a way to get to know you.
You made me nervous.
”

“
I
made
you
nervous?
”
Jules asked.

“
Yes.
So damn nervous. And those mornings I woke up and you were gone
…
that was an emptiness I felt
that I can't even explain. It was a heartache that I hope I never experience
again."

“
Christ,
”
Jules whispered.
“
You
’
re going to make me cry, Tanner."

“
This
is real, Jules. I
’
ll always
hold you, protect you, care for you, and love you.
”

“
Will
you keep tying me to your bed?
”
Jules asked with a wicked grin.

“
Only
if you want, darling,
”
Tanner replied.

Tanner kissed her again and pulled
her on top of him.

That was the rest of the night. And
if Tanner could have it his way, it would easily be the rest of his life.

(20)

Tanner had to get control of
himself. He was very close to climaxing and he needed to time this perfectly or
else he could end up in big trouble. There was nothing like waking up next to
the woman he loved. Reaching for her naked body and holding her tight. Nothing
like Jules pulling the covers off her body and telling Tanner she needed a
shower.

So he joined her.

And now they were together, Tanner
holding Jules. One hand cupping her ass, another hand at her waist. Her back
was against the shower tile, her voice crying out as Tanner groaned, wanting to
love her body right up to the last possible second. When that second came,
Tanner had to pull out of Jules
’
sweet body. He did so as he kissed her neck, growling as the pleasure ran
through his body. Jules reached for him, helping to release his orgasm.

They both looked at each other,
laughing. Tanner washed himself up and then left the shower. He stood in the
bathroom, drying himself, watching the Jules' silhouette move seductively as
she cleaned herself. He was completely absorbed in her.

Once dried, Tanner went to his
bedroom and got dressed. He had called for breakfast and it was delivered by
the time Jules got out of the shower. There was absolutely nothing sexier than
having Jules sitting at his table with her hair damp and wearing a long button
down shirt of his. And nothing else. Because she didn
’
t have other clothes to wear.

After coffee and breakfast, Tanner
feared looking at the clock. His version of breakfast was far different from
most people. His nights didn
’
t
end until morning and his mornings usually started in the afternoon. So when
most people were thinking about a late lunch Tanner was just finishing his
breakfast. The day still had time left and it was beautiful outside. The band
needed to get into the studio at some point in the next day or so and then they
were on the road for a four show long weekend in South Carolina and Georgia.

But right now, in the moment, there
was time to be with Jules.

“
Hey,
”
Tanner said as he snuck up
behind Jules and wrapped his arms around her. She was standing at the kitchen
window, holding a mug of coffee.
“
I
want to show you something.
”

Jules wiggled her ass against him.
“
Haven
’
t you had enough yet?
”

Tanner laughed.
“
Not that. It
’
s about me. My way of proving to
you that I now believe in forever. But only if I have you.
”

Jules looked back and up.
“
Okay. I kind of need clothes,
don
’
t I?
”

“
We
can swing by your place,
”
Tanner said.
“
It
’
s a little bit of a ride.
”

“
Where
are we going?
”

Tanner just grinned. He kissed
Jules and then walked away. He ran a hand through his hair. He was nervous,
again. Being on stage in front of tens of thousands of people wasn
’
t like this feeling. His darkest
truth was one that had been buried away with the old demo CD
’
s. And he owed it to Jules to be
honest.

An hour later, they were on the
road. Tanner was driving, Jules next to him. They had the windows down, the
warm air rushing through the car. Tanner loved how the wind tore at Jules
’
hair, sending it all
directions. He loved how she kept trying to move her hair but kept losing the
battle. Everything about her drove him wild and made him want her more and
more.

Ryan had called, but Tanner ignored
it. Sam called twice and at a red light, Tanner sent a text to Sam that he was
spending time with Jules and wanted to be alone. He then texted Ryan that he
was going up to the storage unit. He hoped Ryan would understand what that
meant. This was important and very private.

The open road was freeing, and
Tanner had the urge to just drive until they ran out of gas. It had been such a
long time since he was able to just cruise like this. Without security,
protection, the band, and fans and press chasing after him.

But a few minutes later they
arrived at the storage unit and when Tanner parked the car, he looked at Jules.
She looked confused.

“
What
is this?
”

“
Memories,
”
Tanner said.

“
A
storage unit?
”

“
When
the band got signed and we started traveling and playing shows, Sam suggested
we fill up a storage unit with our most important items. We all had dive
apartments and the practice loft. But we couldn
’
t
afford everything and once we hit the road, we knew our old places would get ransacked
and gutted. The funny thing about Sam is that he can almost see the future. He
just knows things. Having this storage unit was one of the smartest things he
ever did for us. All of our memories are in here. Books of lyrics and drawings.
Pictures. Stupid stuff that has meaning to each of us. We all have new
apartments now, but the old stuff is kept here. Treasures for us, I guess.
”
Tanner opened the car door.
“
But there
’
s a box I want you to see.
”

He got out of the car and walked to
Jules
’
side.

When he opened the door with its
rumbling sound, the old smell hit him just like the last time. Tanner knew
right where the box was because he had moved it to find the old demo CD
’
s. He picked it up. Turning, he
saw Jules looking around the storage unit.

“
It
’
s a mess,
”
she said.
“
But
I like it.
”

“
Yeah,
it has its purpose.
”
Tanner
dropped the box and then grabbed two old wooden chairs. He pointed to one and
sat in the other.
“
Sit with
me, darling.
”

“
Chairs?
What meaning could they have?
”

“
Our
first chairs,
”
Tanner said.
“
From our first table. We
lost the table because Asher got thrown through it.
”

“
What?
Seriously?
”

“
Yeah.
He had a woman in his bed and her boyfriend came to get her. Big bodybuilder
guy. He picked Asher up and body slammed him through the table like wrestling
on TV. It was pretty wild.
”

“
He
didn
’
t break his back?
”

“
No.
He was fine.
”

“
That
’
s crazy.
”

“
No,
crazy is that the rest of us jumped the bodybuilder and beat the hell out of
him.
”
Tanner smiled at the
memory.
“
But that
’
s not why we
’
re here. This is why.
”

He lifted the lid off the box and
then pushed the box with his foot.

Jules looked down.
“
Notes and pictures.
”

“
More
than that.
”

Jules lifted one of the pictures.
“
She
’
s pretty.
”

She sifted through the notes and
documents. She didn
’
t take
anything out of the box though. When she looked up at Tanner, she said,
“
I don
’
t get it. What are you showing me?
”

“
Those
pictures are of my mother. Those letters were ones she wrote to me but never
sent.
”

“
Your
mother?
”

Tanner leaned forward.
“
Jules, I am adopted. And that
woman in the pictures was my mother.
”

“
Adopted?
Are you serious?
”

“
Yeah.
She couldn
’
t handle it.
Whatever the story was, I
’
m
not sure. I
’
ll never know
it either. I was put up for adoption and went through the system my entire
life. House to house. Family to family. I felt like a damn commodity, you know?
Then one of my foster fathers had an old guitar and he taught me three chords
and gave me the guitar. Then I was shipped off to another house and family. But
I kept the guitar. And I practiced. Everyday. The second I was old enough to
get out on my own, I did. I met Ryan and the guys and the rest is sort of
history.
”

“
Tanner,
that
’
s heartbreaking. I
’
m so sorry.
”

“
It's
my life. I don't regret anything. I
’
m
showing you this because of the rest of the story.
”

“
What
’
s the rest?
”

“
I
started to dig around in my early twenties. I had questions and I wanted
answers. It took me a long year to finally get the truth.
”

“
Your
answers?
”

“
No,
”
Tanner said.
“
I got the truth. No answers
though. She died. My mother died. When I was seventeen. I had no idea. She was
sick and she knew she was going to die. That
’
s
why she gave me up. She didn
’
t
want me to suffer. Then I guess she was in remission for a while, but then she
got worse. It
’
s all there,
Jules. All in the letters.
”

Jules blinked fast.
“
How did you get these?
”

“
Her
family. I was able to get in touch with her sister, well, my aunt, I guess. And
they told me that she had kept a box for me. Jules, this is why I've been a
shell of a man for so long. There was an emptiness that wouldn
’
t go away. It was easier for
women to just come and go. You know? I didn
’
t
need to get to know anyone. Because they
’
d
leave anyway. Or get sick. Or die. Or just not give a shit about me.
”

Tanner stood up. He kicked the box
and left the storage unit. This was what talking about it did to him.

“
Fuck,
”
he whispered.

He did not have the ideal
childhood. Far from it. But the journey of his life brought music into his
life, and music took Tanner to the top of the world. That's what Jules helped
him realize.

And now Jules knew the depth of his
soul.

He felt Jules touch his back and
then slip her hands around him. He looked down at her hands and sighed.

“
I
’
m so sorry,
”
Jules said.
“
Thank you for telling me this.
”

“
You
mean the world to me,
”
Tanner said.
“
You're the
reason I can now let go of my past. I love you, and I've never been more
excited to see what the future holds. So when I say that I don't want you to
leave, I don't just mean my bed. I want you. Forever."

“
Tanner,
she would be so proud of you."

He turned and wrapped his arms around
Jules. "I hope so."

*

Jules wanted to cry. She had no
idea that he was covering up such a sad secret. He was a beautiful man with
such a good, strong heart. And now she understood his heart.

“
I
am so proud of you too,
”
Jules said.
“
You are just
getting started. The entire world is going to know just how incredible you are,
Tanner."

She looked up at him and he had a
tear running down his cheek. She wiped it with her finger and then kissed his
lips. It was such a beautiful moment. If Jules hadn
’
t already fallen in love with Tanner, this moment
would have done the trick.

Jules touched Tanner
’
s chest.
“
I
’
ll
take care of your heart. Always.
”

“
I
believe you. I trust you like I've never trusted anyone else."

“
Let
’
s talk about trust
…”

Jules turned her head and saw Ryan
walking toward them.

Ryan?

“
Hey
man,
”
Tanner said. He stepped
away from Jules.
“
What are
you doing up here?
”

“
What
am I doing up here?
”
Ryan
asked.
“
How about I ask you
that? Cleaning out your shit? Getting ready for the big move?
”

“
What?
”

Jules could see the anger in Ryan
’
s eyes. She went into the
storage unit and packed up the box Tanner had showed her. She grew nervous as
they stared at each other. The tension was heavy.

“
I
talked to Sam."

"Okay?"

"I talked to someone else,
too. A guy named Richie.
”

“
Shit,
”
Tanner said.
“
Brother, listen
…”