Uncle John’s True Crime (8 page)

32 Ignorant Enough
to Serve on North Jury

Hostage Taker Kills Self;
Police Shoot Each Other

Potential Witness to Murder Drunk

Prosecutor Releases Probe
Into Undersheriff

BOMB HIT BY LIBRARY

R
OBBER
H
OLDS UP
A
LBERT
’
S
H
OSIERY

Multiple Personality Rapist
Sentenced to Two Life Terms

Stolen Painting Found By Tree

M
AN
S
TRUCK
B
Y
L
IGHTNING
F
ACES
B
ATTERY
C
HARGES

Man Found Dead
in Cemetery

B
AR
T
RYING TO
H
ELP
A
LCOHOLIC
L
AWYERS

Defendant’s Speech
Ends In Long Sentence

42 Percent of All Murdered Women
Are Killed by the Same Man

Silent Teamster Gets Cruel
Punishment: Lawyer

CRACK FOUND IN
MAN’S BUTTOCKS

Two Convicts Evade Noose,
Jury Hung

What is CODIS? The “Combined DNA Index System”—the world’s largest DNA data bank
.

Over the years, we’ve written about all kinds of criminals: dumb ones, nice ones, even clever ones. But some law breakers can make it difficult for us to classify them. That’s why we created a “Kooky Crooks” page
.

W
HEN ART REALLY BOMBS

In 2002 Luke Helder, a University of Wisconsin art student, was arrested for planting 18 pipe bombs in mailboxes in half a dozen states. It was all part of a bizarre “art” project: When plotted on a map, the bomb sites formed a “smiley face,” with the “eyes” in Nebraska and Iowa and the left side of the “mouth” in Colorado and Texas. The right side remained unfinished because police caught Helder after his father turned him in. (Nobody died.)

SLEEPY CRIME

Two women approached a man in a park in Sibu, Romania, and struck up a friendly conversation with him. In the course of conversation they asked him to let them hypnotize him. The man agreed, thinking it might be fun. A half hour later the man woke up from his trance. The women were gone, and so was his wallet.

STRESSLING

Simon Andrews of Osbaldwick, England, was sentenced to six months house arrest in 2003. The crime: Andrews had attacked four random men on the street, wrestling them to the ground and taking off—but not stealing—their shoes and socks. Why’d he do it? Andrews, an accountant, says he was “stressed out.”

LIFE ON MARS

Dusco Stuppar, 32, of France was able to con an old childhood friend, known only as “Christophe H.” into giving him 650,000 francs (about $62,000) to help fund the construction of a city to be built under a secret river on the planet Mars. Stuppar informed Christophe that he was part of a secret society of ultra-intelligent people who had the
technology possible to make the underwater space city possible. Even more bizarre: Stuppar claimed his evil clone (also part of the Mars project) had injected him with explosives. If Christophe didn’t hand over the money, he said, the clone would blow up Stuppar. Christophe later told the story to a psychiatrist, leading to Stuppar’s arrest and an 18-month jail term.

In Hong Kong, a wife may legally kill her adulterous husband (but only with her bare hands)
.

HE JUST WANTED TO WATCH TV

A couple living in Dorset, England, called the police in 2001 when they realized their home had been broken into while they were out. An investigation revealed that the thief hadn’t actually stolen anything, but had left behind a new television and an unopened bottle of Zima.

CRIME PLAGUE

A biological terror alert went out in January 2003 when Dr. Thomas Butler, an infectious disease researcher at Texas Tech University, informed police that 30 vials of bubonic plague were missing from his lab. Police feared the vials were stolen by terrorists who could convert the samples into a chemical weapon. Even President George W. Bush was briefed about the incident. A day later, Dr. Butler was arrested when it was discovered he’d accidentally destroyed the plague vials himself, and had lied to cover up the error.

IT’S ELECTRIC

In fall 2005, a strange crime wave hit Baltimore, Maryland: Over the course of six weeks, 130 light poles were stolen. Each pole measured 30 feet tall, weighed 250 pounds, and cost $1,200. There were no witnesses and police were baffled. More baffling is why the thieves were so neat—when they stole the poles, they left all the high voltage wiring cleanly wrapped in black electric tape.

OH,
THAT’S
WHERE I LEFT THEM

In 2003 a 23-year-old woman from Tyrol, Austria, went to a police station to report that her expensive pair of ski pants had been stolen. Officers quickly solved the case—they pointed out to the woman that she was
wearing
the pants. “I was so nervous that I forgot to take them off,” she said.

Of the 14 escape attempts from Alcatraz, none were known to be successful
.

How one small act of thievery turned a picture into a worldwide sensation
.

N
OW YOU SEE HER
...

August 21, 1911. Louis Beroud, a painter, was setting up his easel in the Salon Carré, one of the Louvre’s more than 200 rooms, directly facing the spot where the
Mona Lisa
smiled out at her admirers. Beroud was going to paint her as he had done many times before, but there was an empty space where the painting should have been.

When he asked a guard about it, he was told that it was in the photography room, where copies were made. Beroud waited three hours for the painting’s return, but eventually, his patience gave out. He asked the guard what was taking so long. The guard checked again. When he came back, he sheepishly admitted that the
Mona Lisa
was...gone.

A STAR IS BORN

The most famous painting in the world today wasn’t quite
that
famous at the turn of the 20th century—she was certainly revered among art aficionados. But news of the mysterious theft of the mysterious woman caught the public’s collective imagination, transforming Da Vinci’s masterpiece from mere painting to cultural icon. All of a sudden, the
Mona Lisa
was a cottage industry: Her likeness showed up on posters, postcards, mugs...in nightclubs, silent movies, magazines...she was
everywhere
. Perhaps strangest of all: Record crowds showed up at the Louvre just to view the empty space where the painting had been hanging.

But where was the actual
Mona Lisa
? Theories abounded in France. Some thought it was an elaborate practical joke; others, a political ploy by the Germans to humiliate the French. Rumors even flew that it was the work of local Paris artists—Pablo Picasso among them. They were rounded up and brought in for questioning.

It took a week for the entire museum to be searched thoroughly. All that turned up was the painting’s empty frame, found at the top of a staircase that must have been the thief’s escape route. Months passed. Then two years. There was still no sign of her.

What is the “School of Turin”? A group of diamond thieves that never uses violence
.

THE DA VINCI CODE

The big question: What would an art thief do with the painting? At the time, it was worth about $5 million—today, it’s priceless. To whom would the thief sell it? Even if a buyer were willing to spend that much, the painting was too high-profile to be passed along the art-theft network. It was too easy to trace. The crook would be caught.

The answer came on November 29, 1913. A wealthy Italian art dealer, Alfredo Geri, received a letter from a man who called himself Leonard Vincenzo. He offered to return the
Mona Lisa
to France...for a fee. Geri figured it was a hoax, but was intrigued enough to set up a meeting at a hotel in Florence, Italy. Geri took along Giovanni Poggi, the director of Florence’s Uffizi Gallery. The two men walked into the hotel room to find Vincenzo, a short, mustachioed Italian man who told them he’d been working in Paris at the time of the theft. Vincenzo reached underneath the bed and retrieved an object wrapped in red silk. Geri unrolled it, and Poggi verified its authenticity: It was the
Mona Lisa
.

THE PATRIOT

Leonard Vincenzo didn’t receive his ransom. Instead, he was taken to the police station, where he admitted his real name was Vincenzo Peruggia... and it was he who stole the
Mona Lisa
. On the morning of the theft, he explained, he entered the Louvre dressed in a painter’s smock and went straight for the
Mona Lisa
. No one else was in the Salon Carré that morning, so Peruggia simply removed the painting from the four wall hooks and hid it under his smock—frame and all. When he reached the staircase, he removed the painting from the frame and walked out. The entire heist took about 20 minutes.

So why did Peruggia do it? “For the love of country,” he said in court. “She belongs in Italy, where Leonardo painted her.” (Peruggia also said he was upset with Napoleon for his various Italian conquests.) But his past criminal record of burglaries, along with a list of art dealers that police found (including Geri), convinced the judge that his motivations were less than patriotic. Peruggia spent seven months in jail. He went to his grave in 1927
still
believing he was one of Italy’s greatest patriots.

As for the
Mona Lisa
, she made a triumphant return to the Louvre. Today, she smiles out—from her nearly impregnable, climate-controlled, bulletproof glass case—at more than five million admirers each year.

Panda car: British slang for a police car (because it’s black and white)
.

Want to talk like a mobster? These underworld terms will get you started. (But don’t you go tellin’ no one where you got it from, crumb!)

Zu
. Translates as “uncle,” a term of endearment for a senior member of the underworld.

Oobatz
. Crazy.

Ace of Spades:
The wealthy widow of a dead mobster.

Babbo
. An underling who has been deemed useless.

Shy
. Short for “shylock,” a mobster who lends money at an extremely high rate of interest.

Left-handed wife
. A mobster’s mistress, also called a
comare
.

Candy brains
. A mobster who also partakes of the drugs he sells.

Bubble gum machine
. Police car.

Government securities
. A set of handcuffs.

Fortune teller
. The sentencing judge, who knows your future.

Guest of the state
. A mobster serving time in prison.

Do a dime
. Ten years in prison.

Chased
. Banished from the Mafia (a merciful punishment considering the alternative).

Turban
. To give a man a turban is to crack his head open.

Serious headache
. A bullet to the head.

Dracula
. The guy who has to clean blood from a crime scene.

Buttlegging
. Bootlegging untaxed cigarettes.

Crumb
. A “regular Joe” who is not a member of the Mob.

On the pad
. A cop who receives payment to ignore Mob crimes.

Stugots:
From
stu cazzo
, it means “testicles.” (It’s also the name of Tony Soprano’s yacht.)

Cowboy
. High-ranking mobster who carries out his own hits.

Omertà
. The “code of silence” that prohibits cooperating with the government.

Flip
. To abandon the omertà and squeal to the authorities. Do that and you’ll likely be...

Whacked
. Murdered. Also “hit,” “popped,” “rubbed out,” “bumped off,” “iced,” “gone for a ride,” and “sleeping with the fishes.”

Texas Rangers were said to “ride like a Mexican, shoot like a Kentuckian, and fight like the devil.”

Canada: the land of big lakes, lots of snow, friendly people—and a whole bunch of dangerous, violent gangs
.

B
ACKGROUND

Most people don’t think of Canada as a place where violent gangs roam the streets, but in the past two decades, the number of gangs in the country has grown exponentially. Today there are today literally thousands of them, and their turf wars and drive-by shootings make the headlines more and more often. Here’s a rundown of some of the most notorious—and dangerous—of them all.

Gang:
Indian Posse (IP)

Base:
Winnipeg, Manitoba

History:
Indian Posse, believed to be the first “aboriginal gang” (or “First Nations” gang), was founded by a handful of disaffected teenagers in Winnipeg around 1990. IP quickly grew from a petty-theft operation into a criminal powerhouse specializing in drug trafficking, robbery, and prostitution on reservations, in cities, and inside prisons. Today it’s the largest of the many existing aboriginal gangs, with hundreds of full-fledged members and many more “associates” who can be identified by their red bandannas and “IP” tattoos. IP members are believed to be responsible for hundreds of violent crimes, including many murders, mostly of rival gang members in drug wars. Co-founder Richard Wolfe was sentenced to 19 years in prison for armed robbery and attempted murder in 1996, and still maintains a leadership position from his cell.

Gang:
The Galloway Boys, or G-Way

Base:
Scarborough, a section of Toronto, Ontario

History:
In 2000 this small but deadly gang was founded by a youth named Tyshan Riley, who, at the age of 18, became one of Scarborough’s leading gangsters. In 2002 a high-ranking G-Way associate was shot to death by members of their main rivals, the Malvern Crew, from Toronto’s nearby Malvern district. That led to a gang war that saw dozens of drive-by shootings and several murders. In 2004, after a two-year undercover police investigation, Riley and 16 other G-Way members were arrested.
Riley alone was charged with 39 offenses, including three murders and five attempted murders. He and two other members were convicted of first-degree murder in July 2009, and each was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences.