Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (86 page)

IN McCLELLAN’S SECRET SERVICE

Background:
Following the start of the Civil War in April 1861, General George McClellan, who commanded the Army of the Potomac, asked Pinkerton to head his personal “secret service”—he wanted Pinkerton detectives to gather intelligence on Confederate forces. Pinkerton agreed; he and his men went to work, spying behind enemy lines and interrogating captured Confederate soldiers to find out what they knew.

What Happened:
It was the single biggest failure of Pinkerton’s career. He routinely overestimated enemy troop strength. In 1861, for example, he estimated that there were 150,000 Confederate troops near Manassas, Virginia, when there were only about 50,000. In April 1862, he estimated 120,000 troops near Yorktown, Virginia, when fewer than 17,000 troops were actually there. Two months later he calculated that General Robert E. Lee was leading a force of 180,000 men, when in fact they numbered only 50,000.

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How did Pinkerton get the numbers so wrong? He was a great admirer of McClellan, who was obsessed with the idea that he was consistently outnumbered. Pinkerton willingly tailored his estimates to suit his boss. Even then McClellan wasn’t above throwing out Pinkerton’s numbers and making up his own higher ones.

Aftermath:
At best, Pinkerton’s failure helped the general lose his job—when McClellan botched the battle of Antietam in September 1862, Lincoln removed him from command. At worst, Pinkerton’s inflated estimates may have caused the Civil War to drag on until 1865 when it might have been ended in 1862.

JESSE JAMES

Background:
During the Civil War, Jesse and Frank James were members of a Confederate guerrilla group known as Quantrill’s Raiders. They used hit-and-run tactics to terrorize Union troops and civilians along the Kansas-Missouri border, and when the war ended they used some of the same tactics against banks, trains, stagecoaches, and other targets.

What Happened:
In March 1874, Pinkerton sent two of his top detectives, John W. Whicher and Louis Lull, to go undercover and try and get close to the James gang. Both men were found out and murdered; Pinkerton swore revenge against the Jameses.

He never got it. If anything, Pinkerton’s vendetta against the James boys helped turn them into even bigger folk heroes than they had been before. In 1875 Pinkerton agents, acting on a tip, raided the Missouri farm of Frank and Jesse’s mother, Zerelda. One of the agents threw an incendiary device into the house—Wild West buffs still argue over whether it was a bomb or just a flare—and it exploded, killing Zerelda’s eight-year-old son, Archie. Public sympathy shifted to the James family, and Pinkerton detectives began to be seen as symbols of the ruthlessness of the giant railroads and the eastern money men who controlled them.

Aftermath:
Pinkerton detectives were still chasing Jesse James when he was murdered in his own home by two members of his gang—brothers Robert and Charles Ford—while he turned his back to adjust a picture hanging on the wall. The Ford brothers hoped to collect the $10,000 reward on Jesse but instead only narrowly escaped being hanged for the crime. Fearing he was next, Frank James surrendered to the governor of Missouri, was tried for two different murders, and was acquitted both times.

Holy Mackerel! A bluefin tuna can weigh over 1,000 pounds.

THE MOLLY MAGUIRES

Background:
The early 1870s were a time of labor unrest in the coalfields of Pennsylvania. Railroad cars were sabotaged, buildings were burned, and mine superintendents (as well as German and English miners) were beaten and killed. A secret society of Irish immigrant coal miners called the Molly Maguires was suspected of the violence, and in 1873 the Reading Railroad, which owned many of the mines, hired the Pinkerton agency to break up the group.

What Happened:
In 1873 Pinkerton agent James McParland got a job in the coalfields posing as James McKenna, an Irish immigrant on the lam for a murder charge in Buffalo. Over the next two years he worked the mines while working his way up the ranks of the Molly Maguires, all the while sending written reports back to Pinkerton headquarters. By 1875 the Mollies knew they had an informer in their midst, and suspicion fell on McParland. He slipped out of town, having gathered enough evidence to shatter the Molly Maguires and send 10 of their leaders to the gallows.

Aftermath:
The operation was a tactical success, but it further stigmatized the Pinkerton agency as the hired gun of big corporations, a reputation that would dog it for years to come.

JOINING THE MAFIA

Background:
The American Mafia got its start in New Orleans in the 1870s. In 1890 members of that city’s Provenzano crime family assassinated Chief of Police David Hennessey as he was preparing to testify in court against them. The police arrested 19 Provenzano mobsters and threw them in jail, but the case against them was weak and it looked like they were going to get away with murder.

What Happened:
The Pinkertons joined the case. They arranged for detective Frank Dimaio to assume the identity of Anthony Ruggiero, a real Mob counterfeiter doing time in Italy, then staged an arrest so that he was thrown in jail with the Provenzanos. Only six other men knew his true identity: three at the Pinkerton Agency, two at the U.S. Secret Service, and the district attorney. That made the assignment very dangerous: without the guards’ protection, the mobsters were certain to kill Dimaio if they ever found out who he was. In his four months in jail, Dimaio contracted dysentery and malaria and lost 40 pounds, but he also gradually won the confidence of one of the Provenzano gang—Emmanuel Politz. Dimaio tricked Politz into admitting his role in the murder and then implicating the others.

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Aftermath:
Dimaio’s evidence helped to build an ironclad case against the mobsters, but they still managed to intimidate witnesses and the jury, which returned a verdict of not guilty. The mobsters beat the rap, but not for long: the next morning an angry crowd stormed the jail and murdered them.

THE SCOTT-DUNLAP RING

Background:
On January 25, 1876, a group of masked men stormed the home of John Whittelsey, chief cashier of the Northampton, Massachusetts, National Bank, and forced him to hand over the combinations to the bank’s three safes. The robbers then went to the bank and made off with $1.2 million. It was the largest bank robbery in U.S. history and would remain so until 1950.

What Happened:
While interviewing bank employees, Robert Pinkerton learned that William Edson, a representative from the vault company, had recently been to the bank. Edson was the one who had talked the bank into entrusting all three safe combinations to Whittelsey. Before that the bank had divided them among different employees, a much safer arrangement. Pinkerton put Edson under 24-hour surveillance. Another clue—that one of the robbers shrugged his shoulders continuously—led to the identification of the ringleaders, “Hustling” Bob Scott and his partner, Jim Dunlap. They were put under 24-hour surveillance, too, and when they were followed to a meeting with Edson, Pinkerton knew he was on the right trail. Detectives “interviewed” Edson several days in a row until he cracked and turned state’s evidence against the gang.

Aftermath:
Scott and Dunlap got 20 years; Edson went free.

General Santa Anna insisted on a daily siesta for his troops...even in the midst of battle.

By August 15, 1969, the stage was set for one of the largest gatherings of the 20th century. No one knew how large it would be until the event unfolded. It was evident early on, though, that this was more than a mere rock festival. (Part I is on
page 375
.)

F
RIDAY

Close to half a million hippies had converged on the site by evening, and estimates say that half a million more tried to get to Woodstock, but never made it past the 20-mile traffic jam leading into Bethel. Woodstock Ventures blamed the police for purposefully not maintaining the traffic flow in the hopes of ruining the event. In the end, thousands of people just abandoned their cars and walked to the farm. And when they got there, instead of going in through one of the two gates, the kids trampled the fence and walked right in. While Woodstock Ventures were overjoyed by the turnout, they were equally dismayed when they found out that very few of the concertgoers had paid. The largest concert of the century had suddenly become a free concert. And Rosenman, Lang, Kornfeld, and Roberts had no clue how they were going to pay for it.

When word got out on Friday afternoon that the bands could not make it through the gridlock, Woodstock Ventures rented a fleet of Army helicopters to ferry them in. But that would take time, and hundreds of thousands of kids were screaming for music. The only artist who had shown up—folkie Richie Havens—was ushered onto the stage at 5:00 p.m. His band hadn’t arrived yet, so he played solo...for three hours. Every time he tried to stop, the promoters threw him back onstage. Next up was John Sebastian, who wasn’t even scheduled to perform, but happened to be there. Lang was afraid that if the music stopped, the kids might riot. For that reason, the plan to stop playing every night at midnight was abandoned. If all went well, the music would go nonstop until Sunday evening.

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SATURDAY

When the sun rose on Max Yasgur’s field on Saturday morning, Woodstock was the third largest city in New York State. It was also one of the muddiest: five inches of rain had fallen in about three hours during the night. On the surface, the entire event looked like a mess. Greil Marcus, a reporter who covered the event for
Rolling Stone
, described the troubles:

The sanitation facilities (600 portable toilets had been spotted across the farm) were breaking down and overflowing; the water from six wells and parked water tanks were proving to be an inadequate supply for the long lines that were forming, and the aboveground water pipes were being crashed by the humanity; the food concessions were sold out and it was impossible to ferry in any more through the traffic; the chief medical officer declared a “medical crisis” from drug use and subsequent freak-outs; police reported a shortage of ambulances, and those that were available had difficulty getting back to local hospitals through the metal syrup of the traffic jams.

Against All Odds

But even with all of the adversity, the music kept going through the afternoon and people banded together for survival. The Hog Farm, a group of communal hippies, was hired to manage the crowds, run interference, help people make it through bad drug trips, and keep the message of love flowing through the crowd. Their leader, known as Wavy Gravy, when asked how he intended to maintain law and order, replied, “With seltzer bottles and cream pies.” Instead of the police force, they called themselves the “Please force.” Woodstock Ventures would later maintain that the $16,000 they spent to get the Hog Farm to Woodstock was the best money they ever spent.

Even the locals, many of whom had tried to stop the event, pitched in when they heard how little food there was for so many people. Churches, the Boy Scouts, and even the local Air Force base went on food drives and donated provisions by the ton. Through it all, the music kept playing. And then at five in the afternoon on Saturday, it started raining again. Heavily.

No Pay, No Play

But the rain was the least of their problems. The three main acts for Saturday night—the Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, and The Who—informed Woodstock Ventures that they wouldn’t play unless they were paid in advance, in cash. That added up to more than $30,000. Roberts didn’t have that kind of money on him, so he pleaded with Charlie Prince, the owner of a local bank, to give him a cash advance. Roberts promised that he was good for it (he had a trust fund of more than $1 million). But Prince was still skeptical. Then Roberts told him that if the music stopped, they might have to deal with the largest riot in American history. Prince conceded, and the music went on.

Where’d they go? Between 1918 and 1993, 76 patents were granted for flying cars.

SUNDAY

As the sun came up, The Who were just concluding the performance of their rock opera
Tommy
. Arriving by car (barely) the night before, they didn’t realize how big the crowd was until dawn. As they were singing “Listening to you, I feel the music,” the band saw almost half a million people looking back at them. Pete Townshend says it’s one of the most amazing things he’s ever experienced. (Less than an hour before, Townshend had another strange experience: yippie activist Abbie Hoffman ran onstage during The Who’s set and started preaching politics to the crowd. Townshend, not recognizing Hoffman, bonked him on the head with his guitar.)

By noon on Sunday, torrential rain had given way to baking sun. All of the extra space at the festival, even the dressing rooms, had been converted to hospitals. Someone had spiked the water supply with LSD, so the Hog Farm was helping thousands of kids (and many band members) through bad trips. Local medics were treating people for heatstroke, cut feet from all of the broken glass, pneumonia from being drenched for two days, and even blindness—several tripped-out kids had been lying on their backs and staring at the sun.