Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (62 page)

UPDATE

So was Felix Bloch a spy for the KGB? No one knows for sure... except Bloch and the KGB. More than 15 years have passed since the FBI launched its investigation, and after all that time the agency still hasn’t been able to put together a strong enough case to formally accuse him or bring him up on charges. Bloch is still a free man, and at last report was still a bus driver in North Carolina. If he was a spy for the KGB in the 1980s, the Russians probably still have a file on him. Maybe someday it will find its way into the hands of the United States, as Hanssen’s did. Maybe not.

In any event, the case will probably remain open until it is solved or Bloch dies...and that may be a while. “Longevity runs in my family,” Bloch said. “This could go on another 35 years.”

Your eyeballs are 3.5% salt.

National anthems played at sporting events are a sign of respect by the host country and a source of pride for competitors. But when the wrong anthem is played it provides a great source of bathroom reading
.

C
OUNTRY HONORED:
Ethiopia

SPORTING EVENT:
1964 Olympics in Tokyo

WRONG SONG:
Ethiopian Abebe Bikila had won the gold medal for the 26-mile marathon in 1960, becoming the first black African to win a gold medal in any event. But his chances didn’t look very good for the 1964 games: he’d had an emergency appendectomy just 40 days before the race. He ran anyway and captured the world’s attention when 75,000 screaming fans greeted him as he entered into Tokyo’s Olympic Stadium—four minutes ahead of the second-place runner. He set a world record time and became the first person ever to win two marathon golds. As he stood for the medals ceremony, expecting to sing along with his country’s song, Bikila got a surprise: the Japanese orchestra didn’t know the Ethiopian national anthem (no one ever dreamed Bikila would win)—so it played Japan’s anthem instead.

COUNTRY HONORED:
Spain

SPORTING EVENT:
2003 Davis Cup (tennis) in Melbourne

WRONG SONG:
Before the finals match between Spain and Australia, trumpeter James Morrison was called upon to play the Spanish national anthem. As soon as Morrison started playing, though, the Spaniards reacted with outrage. Why? He was playing “Himno de Riego,” the long-defunct anthem of a regime that had deposed King Alfonso XIII in 1931. (One version of the song has a verse about a man wiping his bottom on the king.) And Alfonso was the grandfather of Spain’s current monarch, the hugely popular King Juan Carlos I. When the team threatened to pull out of the competition, the organizer quickly apologized.

COUNTRY HONORED:
Philippines

SPORTING EVENT:
2003 Southeast Asian Games in Ho Chi Minh City

Mosquitoes can get athlete’s foot.

WRONG SONG:
After the Philippine judo team won two gold medals, the winners were confused during the awards ceremony to hear an anthem they didn’t recognize. “We didn’t know which one it was, but it wasn’t ours,” said Bong Pedralvez of the Philippine consulate. Response: The entire delegation ignored the music and sang the correct anthem a cappella.

BONUS BLUNDER:
That wasn’t the only slip-up. During the volleyball competition, the Philippine team noticed that their flag was upside down. The red stripe was on top and the blue was on the bottom. The error had more meaning than most knew: “If we put red on top,” Pedralvez explained, “that means we’re at war.”

COUNTRY HONORED:
Italy

SPORTING EVENT:
2002 World Cup in Japan

WRONG SONG:
During the 2002 soccer season the Italian national team was criticized because their players didn’t sing along when their national anthem was played. The coach took the criticism to heart and insisted his players learn the song, “Fratelli d’Italia” (“Hymn of Mameli”), and practice singing it. But the players were insulted by the criticism and announced that they would protest at the World Cup...by not singing the anthem. And they didn’t. (In reporting the incident, European newspapers pointed out that many Italians admitted to disliking the song, which ends with the words “We are ready for death!”)

HALF-WITS AT HALFTIME

During the halftime of a high school football game in Dallas, the marching band from Paris, Texas, put on a show entitled “Visions of World War II.” Part of the performance featured a student displaying a large flag with a gigantic swastika on it. At the same time the band broke into “Das Deutschland Lied,” better known as “Deutschland Uber Alles” (“Germany Above All”), the national anthem of Nazi Germany during WWII. It could not have been worse timing: it was Rosh Hashanah, the first day of the Jewish New Year. The stunned crowd booed, yelled, and even threw things at the performers. Band director Charles Grissom apologized for the incident, saying that he was just trying to be historically accurate. But the performance was, he conceded, “an error in judgment.”

Check it out: U.S. paper currency is fluorescent under UV light.

More interesting origins of everyday words
.

M
ASCARA

Meaning:
A cosmetic applied to darken the eyelashes

Origin:
“Anyone applying this substance to eyelashes to thicken them for an evening may not enjoy the etymology that, through Spanish
mascara
and Italian
maschera
, for ‘mask,’ returns them to Arabic
maskharah
, for ‘buffoon’ or ‘clown.’” (From
The Secret Lives of Words
, by Paul West)

UMPIRE

Meaning:
Person appointed to rule on plays, especially in baseball

Origin:
“From the French
noumpere
, which meant the same: ‘one who decides disputes between parties.’ Around the 15th century, people began to transfer the
n
in the word to the article: ‘
a noumpere
,’ becoming ‘
an oumpere
,’ and finally ‘an
umpire
.’ (It’s the same way ‘a
napron
’ became ‘an
apron
,’ and ‘an
ewt
’ became ‘a
newt
’).” (From
Grand Slams, Hat Tricks & Alley-oops
, by Robert Hendrickson)

SHERIFF

Meaning:
An elected official responsible for keeping the peace

Origin:
“In Anglo-Saxon England, the sheriff was the king’s chief representative in each county. The Old English form was
scirgerefa
, a compound of
scir
(“shire”) and
gerefa
, (“officer,” ancestor of the word
reeve
). Like many ancient titles, the meaning has changed. Today an English sheriff has chiefly ceremional duties, such as presiding over elections; a Scottish sheriff is a judge; and an American sheriff is a law enforcement officer.” (From
Word Mysteries & Histories
, by
The American Heritage Dictionary)

LIEUTENANT

Meaning:
A military rank

Origin:
“From two French words,
lieu
, (meaning ‘place’) and
tenant
, (meaning ‘holding’)—an officer of lower grade who takes the place of a captain. The English pronunciation of lieutenant as ‘leftenant’ is due to an early printing confusion of ‘u’ with ‘v’ which later became an ‘f.’” (From
More About Words
, by Margaret S. Ernst)

The United Parcel Service (UPS) was started by two teenagers.

Soy you thought soybeans were for just for health food nuts....

S
ACRED GRAIN

Soybeans were first cultivated 5,000 years ago in Asia. The ancient Chinese considered them one of the five sacred grains needed to sustain life (rice, wheat, barley, and millet are the others).

In 1765 a sailor named Samuel Bowen came back from China with a sack of soybean seeds. He gave them to Henry Yonge, the surveyor-general of Georgia, who planted them with phenomenal success, reaping three crops in a single growing season. Bowen harvested the beans and invented a process for making soy noodles. King George III awarded Bowen a patent and a medal from the Society of Arts, Manufacturers, and Commerce. Alas, when Bowen died in 1777, most Western interest in the soybean died with him.

A SACK OF SEEDS

Then, in 1851 a Japanese junk foundered off the coast of Japan, and a ship called the
Auckland
, bound for San Francisco, rescued the stranded sailors. But California port authorities wouldn’t allow the Japanese sailors off the ship for fear they would spread disease. By coincidence, Dr. Benjamin Edwards was in the area waiting for a ship to take him back to his home in Illinois. He examined the Japanese sailors and pronounced them healthy, and they gave him a thank-you gift: a package of soybeans. Edwards took the beans to Illinois and gave them to a local horticulturist named John Lea, who planted them. They grew so well that Lea began passing seeds to other people, who in turn grew them and passed the seeds along to others.

It wasn’t long before American ranchers learned the value of soybeans. Livestock thrived on nearly all parts of the soybean plant. And by the late 1890s, Western scientists began to make new discoveries. They found that soybean plants actually improve the quality of the soil they grow in by taking nitrogen from the atmosphere and converting it into a form that enriches dirt. All plants need nitrogen to grow, but few plants can get it from the air.

The average dream lasts about 20 minutes.

Researchers for automobile giant Henry Ford found ways to turn the soybean into paint, plastics, and fabric. Ford also had his chef, Jan Willemse, use them in as many dishes as possible, and many of Willemse’s recipes were showcased at the 1934 World’s Fair. Health guru John Kellogg promoted the use of soybeans at his spa in Battle Creek, Michigan. People began to think of soybeans as more than just livestock feed.

By 1938 the United States was exporting soy meal to other countries. When World War II began, production soared; soybeans fed millions of starving refugees. Soybean oil replaced imported fats and oils needed to make glycerin, which was used as a solvent and lubricant. Soybean meal increased animal production and soy protein was used as a meat extender.

THE ORIGIN OF SOY SAUCE

Centuries ago in Japan, people salted meat and fish to preserve it. Any liquid that seeped out of the fish and collected in the bottom of the barrel was used in soups and seasonings. Molds often covered this aging food, and when the liquid lay in the bottom of the barrel all winter, it fermented.

This fermented fish sauce became very popular in ancient Asia. When Buddhism became widespread, however, vegetarianism became the norm and fermented fish sauce was forbidden. In 1254 A.D., a Zen monk discovered how to make a similar sauce out of fermented soybeans, and it remains one of the world’s most popular condiments.

SOYBEANS TODAY

•
In 1924 the United States produced five million bushels of soybeans. Today it’s up to 2.6 billion per year, making soybeans the nation’s third biggest crop (following corn and wheat).

•
Soybeans are now grown on more than 73 million acres—an area about the size of Arizona.

•
The United States grows more soybeans than any other nation—half the world’s supply. Soybeans are the nation’s single biggest source of vegetable oil.

•
Soybeans contain 40% protein, compared to only 18% protein in beef. Two pounds of soy flour contains about the same amount of protein as five pounds of meat.

Shellfish lover: An oyster may change its gender multiple times in its life.

•
Soybeans contain seven of the eight amino acids essential for human health, but soybean oil has the lowest levels of saturated fats of any vegetable oil.

•
According to the FDA, “25 grams of soy protein a day, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol, may reduce the risk of heart disease.”

•
In addition to being used to make foods such as tofu, soy milk, and soy-based ice cream, soy beans are also used to make hundreds of consumer and industrial products, including car wax, chain oil, cleaning solvents, fuel additives, hydraulic oils, grease, motor oil, paint strippers, spray foam insulation, dust suppressants, ink, crayons, odor reducers, nail polish remover, hand lotion, hand cleaners, lawn fertilizer, candles, graffiti remover, fire extinguishers, bug sprays, disinfectants, soap, varnish, explosives, and more.