Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader (31 page)

What they called themselves has been lost to history; the Incas called them the
Chachapoyas
, which anthropologists think meant “People of the Clouds.” They lived in the dense forests that rise above the Marañón and Huallaga Rivers, a remote region of the Andes Mountains on the northern edge of the Amazon Rain Forest—so high above sea level that they’re literally in the clouds. And because the area is still very remote, most of the Chachapoyas’ secrets have remained hidden in the forests.

A century before the Spaniards arrived in the 1500s, the Inca Empire spread throughout South America, conquering the hundreds of tribes that inhabited the region. The Cloud People, however, proved to be fierce adversaries. In order to keep them subjugated, Inca liaisons lived in the Chachapoya villages. When civil war broke out between different factions of the Incas, the Chachapoyas found themselves caught in the middle. That’s why they so readily sided with the Spanish
Conquistadores
in their subjugation of the Incas. Unfortunately, that proved to be the Cloud People’s undoing. Although the Spanish freed them from Inca
rule, they introduced small pox and other European diseases. Less than 200 years later, the Chachapoyan culture was gone. What physical evidence remained was quickly enveloped by the densest jungles on Earth.

Up until the 1840s, the outside world had little proof that the Chachapoyas even existed. And then the fortress of Kuelap was discovered. Located on top of a mountain at nearly 10,000 feet, Kuelap once had 400 circular stone huts and buildings surrounded by a 60-foot-high wall. Built between A.D. 600 and 800, Kuelap protected the Cloud People from other warring tribes for more than six centuries before the Incas conquered them. When word of Kuelap spread, scientists, profiteers, and thrill seekers went in and removed most of the artifacts. Today, only a portion of the wall and a few structures remain.

Throughout the 20th century, the Chachapoyan culture was one of the great mysteries of archaeology. But in 2006 a Peruvian farmer was exploring a cave in the Utcubamba province deep in the northern Amazon jungle. About 820 feet below the surface, he discovered five mummified bodies surrounded by an array of artifacts and textiles. The farmer led a team of archaeologists to the cave—this time with a much improved knowledge of how to preserve and protect such a site. “This is a discovery of transcendental importance,” said lead archaeologist Herman Crobera. “It is the first time any kind of underground burial site this size has been found belonging to the Chachapoyas.”

Then in 2007 a group of hikers found themselves in a jungle so thick that they had to hack their way through it with machetes. Following the sound of rushing water, they emerged into a breathtaking area: A huge waterfall plunging down a 1,500-foot cliff. Bright blankets of flowers covered the ground. And on a nearby rock wall overlooking the valley far below were some buildings carved into the stone. As the hikers searched the area, they came upon a small village overgrown by the jungle. The round buildings were all intact; the artifacts were all still there.

When archaeologists were brought to the 12-acre site, they compared the artifacts to those from the cave. It was finally possible to start putting together a picture of how the Cloud People lived.

• Like other indigenous peoples, they were very religious and very much interested in making art. On the walls of their huts and meeting places were depictions of gods, birds, and couples dancing. (It’s unknown whether the dancing was ceremonial or for fun.)

• Wooden platforms found in the village were most likely used for grinding up plants for food and medicine. The pottery, though not as advanced as lower-land peoples such as the Mochica or Nazca, was skillfully made and decorated with ornate patterns.

• The Chachapoyas revered the color red. Nearly all of their clothes were red; even the bones of the dead were painted red.

But the big question: Did the Chachapoyas really have light skin? Based on the Spanish accounts, it was definitely
lighter
than the other Native American peoples, but there’s no proof that they were pale like Caucasians. There are two fascinating theories.

•
Adaptive Indians.
Before retreating to the highlands, the Chachapoyas had dark complexions. But over the centuries, the isolated population evolved lighter skin and taller stature due to the darker conditions and cooler climate. That still doesn’t explain the blond hair and blue eyes—neither of which are evident on the 500-year-old mummies.

•
Jungle Vikings.
Unlike just about every other dark-skinned native culture in the Americas—who crossed the Bering Strait from Asia thousands of years before—these people may have come from Europe. This gives credence to an Inca legend that says the Cloud People arrived on ships from the east. To the east is the Atlantic Ocean. So perhaps, during Europe’s Dark Ages, Nordic tribes traversed the Atlantic and landed somewhere near the mouth of the Amazon River. Then, finding the temperature too hot and muggy, they migrated hundreds of miles into the mountains before settling in the cooler cloud forests.

So far, there’s no conclusive DNA evidence to support either theory. But answers may be coming soon, so stay tuned for new insights into a culture whose legacy was once thought to be gone forever. Until then, if you want to see a remnant of the Cloud People, take a look at the beginning of
Raiders of the Lost Ark:
The idol that Indiana Jones attempts to “collect” is Chachapoyan.

 

Artist:
Radiohead

Method:
Download, and pay what you want

Story:
Radiohead was one of the world’s most popular bands in the 2000s, but in 2007, having fulfilled a contract with EMI, they didn’t have a record deal and didn’t really w-ant one. They started recording, and on October 1, guitarist Jonny Greenwood announced online that the new album,
In Rainbows
, was done. Not only that, it would be available in just 10 days, and only via digital download directly from the band. But the most surprising part: Fans could pay whatever they felt like paying—the $15 they would normally pay for a CD, or $5, or $100…or even nothing. In the first week
In Rainbows
was available, it was downloaded 1.2 million times with buyers paying an average of about $6 each. The standard royalty rate per copy sold via a record label is about $1. But because Radiohead didn’t have to pay a record company to manufacture or distribute
In Rainbows,
the band got all the money—approximately $7.2 million.

 

Artist:
Danger Mouse

Method:
Buy a blank CD, fill it with a “pirated” version of the album

Story:
Danger Mouse, a DJ who is part of the popular duo Gnarls Barkley, collaborated with the singer Sparklehorse on the 2009 album
Dark Night of the Soul
. The record’s scheduled May release was delayed indefinitely due to a legal dispute between Danger Mouse and his record label, EMI (the details of the problem were not made public). So Danger Mouse figured out a way to get the album out while still making money for himself (and, subsequently,
for EMI). Fans could buy a CD case labeled
Dark Night of the Soul
with a blank, recordable CD inside. The album had been “leaked” to several illegal online music piracy sites, so Danger Mouse just encouraged fans to download the music and copy it to the CD. (Who leaked the album to the Internet? Danger Mouse.)

 

Artist:
Jill Sobule

Method:
Defray recording costs with fan contributions

Story:
Other than a single radio hit in 1995, “I Kissed a Girl,” singer-songwriter Jill Sobule has never had much commercial success or much luck with record labels—two big ones dropped her for low sales, and two small ones went out of business. So she decided to record, release, and promote her eighth album,
California Years
, completely independently, with no involvement from the music industry. She set up a Web site where fans could donate money to help her make the album, with special rewards for especially large gifts.
Dancing With the Stars
host Tom Bergeron donated $1,000, for which Sobule wrote him a James Bond-style “personal theme song.” A British woman gave $10,000, entitling her to sing a duet with Sobule on the album. Exceeding her expectations, Sobule raised the necessary $75,000 in just six weeks.
California Years
was released in May 2009, to the best reviews and the best sales of Sobule’s career.

 

Artist:
Prince

Method:
Give away the CD to promote concerts

Story:
Most artists go on concert tours to promote their CDs, but by the mid-2000s, long past his 1980s prime, Prince was making more money from concerts than from album sales. So to him, it made more sense to use albums to promote his concerts. In 2004 Prince played more than 90 shows in the United States and Canada, and anybody who bought a ticket—about 1.5 million people—got a free copy of his latest album,
Musicology.
And because the cost of the CD was included in the price of the ticket,
Musicology
made it to the
Billboard
Top 10, despite little radio exposure. The promotion worked—most concerts sold out. Prince did it again in 2007, but this time, fans only had to buy a newspaper to get Prince’s
Planet Earth
. The July 15, 2007, edition of the British
Mail on Sunday
came with a free copy of the CD as a publicity stunt to promote Prince’s upcoming European tour.

 

BACKGROUND:
Pascal Payet, a.k.a. “Kalashnikov Pat,” is one of France’s most notorious criminals. In 1997 he was arrested for armed robbery and murder after an attack on an armored truck, during which he shot a guard 14 times. Payet was sent to Luynes Prison in southeast France to await trial.

 

ESCAPE!
On October 12, 2001, a helicopter appeared above the prison exercise yard. A rope ladder was lowered, Pascal and one on other inmate climbed it, and the chopper flew off. The daring escape shocked French authorities and made headlines worldwide.

 

ESCAPE II!
In May 2003, Payet was still on the loose when he and some associates decided to go
back
to Luynes Prison (in a hijacked helicopter) to pick up a few friends. Two of the men belayed commando-style down to the steel net that had been put over the exercise yard after Payet’s previous escape, sawed a hole in it and dropped a ladder through, and three inmates, all cohorts of Payet, climbed up. The helicopter landed in a nearby sports stadium, and the men left in a waiting car. The three friends were recaptured a week later; Payet, some months later. In 2005 he was sentenced to 30 years in Grasse Prison in southeast France.

 

ESCAPE III!
On July 14, 2007, Payet escaped again—and again it was with a helicopter. This one was hijacked in the nearby seaside resort town of Cannes; it landed on the roof of a building at Grasse Prison half an hour later. Three armed men jumped out and overtook the guards, went straight to Payet’s cell, took him back to the chopper, and flew away. The chopper eventually landed at a local hospital’s heliport, and the men all disappeared. Payet was arrested in Spain two months later and is currently serving a lengthy sentence in a French prison. Where is the prison? Cautious French authorities refuse to disclose its location.

On the night of April 28, 1908, Joe Maxson, a hired hand on a farm outside of La Porte, Indiana, awoke in his upstairs bedroom to the smell of smoke. The house was on fire. He called out to the farm’s owner, Belle Gunness, and her three children. Getting no answer, he jumped from a second-story window, narrowly escaping the flames, and ran for help. But it was too late; the house was destroyed. A search through the wreckage resulted in a grisly discovery: four dead bodies in the basement. Three were Gunness’s children, aged 5, 9, and 11. The fourth was a woman, assumed to be Gunness herself, but identification was difficult—the body’s head was missing. An investigation ensued, and Ray Lamphere, a recently fired employee, was arrested for arson and murder. Before Lamphere’s trial was over, he would be little more than a sidebar in what is still one of the most most horrible crime stories in American history…and an unsolved mystery.

Belle Gunness was born Brynhild Paulsdatter Storseth in Selbu, Norway, in 1859. At the age of 22 she emigrated to America and moved in with her older sister in Chicago, where she changed her name to “Belle.” In 1884 the 25-year-old married another Norwegian immigrant, Mads Sorenson, and the couple opened a candy shop. A year later the store burned down, the first of what would be several suspicious fires in Belle’s life. The couple collected an insurance payout and used the money to buy a house in the Chicago suburbs. Fifteen years later, in 1898,
that
house burned down, and another insurance payment allowed the couple to buy another house. On July 30, 1900, yet another insurance policy was brought into play, but this time it was life insurance: Mads Sorenson had died. A doctor’s autopsy said he was murdered, probably by strychnine poisoning, so an inquest was ordered. The coroner’s
investigation eventually deemed the death to be “of natural causes,” and Belle collected $8,000, becoming, for 1900, a wealthy woman. (The average yearly income in 1900 was less than $500.) She used part of the money to buy the farm in La Porte. But there was a lot more death—and insurance money—to come.