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Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader
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Bathroom Readers' Institute
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Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Praise
Acknowledgments
WE KEEP GOING…AND GOING…AND GOING…
YOU’RE MY INSPIRATION
WARNING LABELS
MYTH-CONCEPTIONS
BUTTERFLY FACTS
OOPS !
STAYING ON TRACK
THE LONG AND SHORT OF THINGS
FIRE SAFETY 101
CSI: OOPS
LOWER EDUCATION
MAN VS. DRYER
TECH SUPPORT
FOOD ORIGINS
LATTE
FAST FOOD KIDS’ MEAL
THE SHIRLEY TEMPLE
WHY ARE THEY CALLED “TANKS”?
EVERYDAY HEROES
STEERED RIGHT
RAIL BRAVE
IT CAME FROM ABOVE
DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING
BIONIC MEN
CONFESSIONS!
THAT’S AMORE?
STUPID CUPID
WHO’S SORRY NOW?
SLEEP THE NIGHT AWAY
OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEB SITE
TRADING PLACES
I WANT HALF!
METROPOLIS CONFIDENTIAL
A MINI-ENCYCLOPEDIA OF KRYPTONITE
EATING CONTESTS TO AVOID
CRANBERRY SAUCE
HAGGIS
RAMEN NOODLES
CHILI SPAGHETTI
PICKLED BEEF TONGUE (WHOLE)
BUTTER (¼-pound sticks)
HARD-BOILED EGGS
PICKLED JALAPEÑO PEPPERS
THE FIRST TRAIN ROBBERS
SOMETHING NEW
END OF THE LINE
TITANIC, STARRING MACAULAY CULKIN
DRIVING MISS DAISY, STARRING LUCILLE BALL
TITANIC, STARRING MACAULAY CULKIN
CHARLIE’S ANGELS, STARRING ANGELINA JOLIE
GREASE, STARRING HARRY REEMS
THE CROW, STARRING CHRISTIAN SLATER
FORREST GUMP, STARRING DAVE CHAPPELLE
THRASHINGS
HORSE RACING
BASKETBALL
SOCCER
OLYMPIC HOCKEY
GOLF
DID YOU EVER NOTICE…
THREE AMAZING AFRICAN TREES
THE BIG BAOBAB
THE MIRACLE TREE
THE TREE OF TÉNÉRÉ
OFFICIAL STATE BUSINESS
NUMBERED FACTS
THE GREAT RACE, PART I
GET A HORSE
MY CAR’S BETTER THAN YOURS
GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES
THEY’RE OFF!
TAKING THE LEAD
THE BEIJING TEA SCAM (AND OTHER CONS)
IRONIC, ISN’T IT?
DINGLES AND BEEF
UP IN A DOWN ECONOMY
RANDOM BITS ON ’70s HITS
DOWN THE HATCH!
DO-IT-YOURSELF DISASTERS
KITCHEN Q&A
What is “freezer burn”? Is it bad for you?
What’s the reason for boiling live lobsters?
Why do they put wax (or whatever that stuff is) on cucumbers?
Is it true that you have to cook pork until it’s well done?
There’s mold on my cheese. Can I eat it anyway?
Is that red juice oozing from the roast beef actually blood?
WHAT A CONCEPT!
EVACUATE NOW!
DUNKIRK, FRANCE
MISSISSAUGA, ONTARIO
THE SS REPUBLIC
PRIPYAT, UKRAINE
UNCLE JOHN’S STALL OF FAME
SO, WHERE ARE THEY?
FERMI’S PARADOX
LOW PRIORITY
A CONVENIENT SPACEGOAT
SILENT TREATMENT
FUNERAL MISHAPS
HE LOOKS TERRIBLE IN THAT (LAW)SU IT
DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD
BAD MONKEY
UNITED IN DEATH
DEATH AT A FUNERAL
ROBOTS IN THE NEWS
BUG-BOT
SCIENCE-BOT
BARTENDER-BOT
LIFTER-BOT
PET-BOT
TEACHER-BOT
RECYCLE-BOT
PSEUDOCIDAL TENDENCIES
DER FARTENFÜHRER
THE LEADER
OLD MAN
DIAGNOSES
THE CURE THAT ILLS
GUT FEELING
STILL FARTIN’
CHEST HAIR: $7 MILLION
THE SCAR POLICY
FAME…
…AND FORTUNE
THE 49TH STATE
BACKGROUND
DUMB CROOKS
EGG ON HIS FACE
TAKE THE MONEY AND (DON’T) RUN
KNIFE? CHECK. MASKS? CHECK. GAS? UH…
LIQUID COURAGE
HEY, I KNOW THAT GUY!
IT’S JUST POLITE TO LEAVE A NOTE
CUFF ’EM, DAN-O
INVENTED WORDS
FACTOID
AGNOSTIC
GROK
YES-MAN
REALTOR
GOBBLEDYGOOK
TOM SWIFTIES
THE BESTSELLING...
THE DIGITAL CAMERA REVOLUTION, PART I
A DEVELOPING STORY
SENSOR SHIP
THE KODAK DIGITAL TOASTER
GOING COMMERCIAL
TAKING OVER
AERO-NUTS
LOADED
CHANNEL SURFING
I’M AMERICAN, AND EUROPEAN
EPILOGUE
HIS LOUSY HIGHNESS
HEBREW
SPUN-OUT SPIN-OFFS
DOUGH NUTS
A ROYAL MESS
ALL IN THE FAMILY
ROYAL DISASTERS
MAD MEN
VICTORIA’S SECRET
THE WACKY WINDSORS
SCAT-R-US
WATER WORDS
DUMB JOCKS
FOUNDING FATHERS
JOSEPH PILATES
ROBERT MONDAVI
AH BING
RUDOLPH HASS
A REAL-LIFE GHOST STORY, PART I
DOCTOR WHO?
THIS OLD HOUSE
YOU ARE BEING WATCHED
RING RING
RICE IS NICE
RICE TO SEE YOU
HOW DOES RICE GROW?
KNOW YOUR RICE
RICE FACTS
UNCLE JOHN’S PAGE OF LISTS
THE WALK OF LIFE
JOHN STEWART (1747–1822)
WILLIAM WORDSWORTH (1770–1850)
CAPTAIN BARCLAY (1779–1854)
PHYLLIS PEARSALL (1906–1996)
PLENNIE L. WINGO (1895–1993)
FLUBBED HEADLINES
NATURAL GAS REPORT
POLICE LOG
IN A GALAXY FART, FART AWAY
A WASTED PAGE
STRANGE LAWSUITS
NAME THAT FABRIC
TWEED
GINGHAM
POLYESTER
RAYON
CORDUROY
SPANDEX
THE FUTURE… ACCORDING TO SCI-FI MOVIES
DIRTY AIR & BRAIN BUCKETS
OLD MAN RIVERS
MISSISSIPPI
THAMES
NILE
YANGTZE
AMAZON
DANUBE
QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD
ARTHUR RIMBAUD
JIM BROWN
KIM NOVAK
TOM LEHRER
ART BELL
IT A GRIL!
FAST FOOD
A SPORTS CAR IS BORN
THINKING SMALL
BUY AMERICAN
TOP SECRET
THE ROADSTER FINDS A HOME…
…AND A NAME
WHAT A DOLL!
A LAUGHING MATTER
FADS
BUTTON BEANIES
MEDLEYS
HYPERCOLOR
ZIMA
THE OBITS
TAIWAN’S #2 RESTAURANT
POO-BOT
GENIUS AT WORK
LOOKS FAMILIAR
IT GETS WORSE
BODILY FLUIDS
A WORD OF ADVICE
“MAKE MY DAY”
LOST AND FOUND: THE CLOUD PEOPLE OF PERU
ILLUMINATING DISCOVERY
DISAPPEARING ACT
RAIDERS OF THE LOST PEOPLES
THE SKINNY
MUSIC…WITHOUT THE MUSIC INDUSTRY
KALASHNIKOV PAT & THE HELICOPTER JAILBREAKS
BELLE GUNNESS: THE TERROR OF LA PORTE
THE DISCOVERY
BACKGROUND
MORE SUSPICIONS
NOT WELL SUITED
LAMPHERE
THE WOMAN IN THE BASEMENT
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
THE AFTERMATH
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Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader
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