Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader (10 page)
Read Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers' Institute
BOOK: Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader
5.88Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
WHO WASN’T WHERE?
Cate Blanchett was not there for the 2008 Golden Globe Awards due to the Hollywood writers’ strike (actors boycotted the event). Had Blanchett been there, she could have picked up her award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in the film
I’m Not There
. “I wish circumstance would allow me to be there,” said Blanchett in a statement.
Cate Blanchett was not there for the 2008 Golden Globe Awards due to the Hollywood writers’ strike (actors boycotted the event). Had Blanchett been there, she could have picked up her award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in the film
I’m Not There
. “I wish circumstance would allow me to be there,” said Blanchett in a statement.
DINGLES AND BEEF
Every profession has its own slang. Here are some everyday terms used by movie crews.
Walk a banana:
Instruction to an actor to walk in a curvy pattern away from the camera for no other reason than to avoid blocking something that needs to be seen.
Instruction to an actor to walk in a curvy pattern away from the camera for no other reason than to avoid blocking something that needs to be seen.
Barney:
A cloth used to keep a camera warm in cold weather. It gets its name from
Barney Google
, a 1920s comic strip that featured a horse that always wore a thick blanket.
A cloth used to keep a camera warm in cold weather. It gets its name from
Barney Google
, a 1920s comic strip that featured a horse that always wore a thick blanket.
Buff and puff:
Hair and makeup.
Hair and makeup.
Futz:
To degrade recorded dialogue so it sounds worse. Example: The sound would be “futzed” (distortion or static is added) if a character is speaking through a telephone or appearing on a TV set.
To degrade recorded dialogue so it sounds worse. Example: The sound would be “futzed” (distortion or static is added) if a character is speaking through a telephone or appearing on a TV set.
Bubbles:
Lights.
Lights.
Make the day:
Successfully complete all scenes scheduled to shoot for that day.
Successfully complete all scenes scheduled to shoot for that day.
Noncombatants:
Anyone on set not involved in the shooting of a particular shot, such as extra crewmembers or actors not in that scene.
Anyone on set not involved in the shooting of a particular shot, such as extra crewmembers or actors not in that scene.
Gone with the Wind in the morning, Dukes of Hazzard after lunch:
The production spent too much time getting everything right before lunch and doesn’t have much to show for it, so they’re going to have to speed through the rest of the day’s scheduled scenes.
The production spent too much time getting everything right before lunch and doesn’t have much to show for it, so they’re going to have to speed through the rest of the day’s scheduled scenes.
Beef:
Lighting strength. “More beef” means that more-intense lighting is required.
Lighting strength. “More beef” means that more-intense lighting is required.
C47:
A wooden clothespin, a low-tech solution for a number of problems on a film set. Legend says that a studio accountant didn’t want to have to justify a production’s large order of clothespins, so he called them C47s to make them sound like sophisticated moviemaking equipment.
A wooden clothespin, a low-tech solution for a number of problems on a film set. Legend says that a studio accountant didn’t want to have to justify a production’s large order of clothespins, so he called them C47s to make them sound like sophisticated moviemaking equipment.
Shoe leather:
Scenes or shots with no dialogue that exist only to move characters from one location to the next, such as walking to a taxi or boarding an airplane.
Scenes or shots with no dialogue that exist only to move characters from one location to the next, such as walking to a taxi or boarding an airplane.
Fishpole:
Boom microphone—the one on the long stick they keep just out of frame.
Boom microphone—the one on the long stick they keep just out of frame.
Dingle:
A branch set in front of a light to cast creepy shadows.
A branch set in front of a light to cast creepy shadows.
McGarrett:
A 50mm film lens. The name comes from the character played by Jack Lord on the TV series
Hawaii Five-0
.
A 50mm film lens. The name comes from the character played by Jack Lord on the TV series
Hawaii Five-0
.
Manmaker:
Any prop, usually a wooden box, that an actor stands on to seem taller.
Any prop, usually a wooden box, that an actor stands on to seem taller.
Balloon tires:
Circles under an actor’s eyes.
Circles under an actor’s eyes.
Century lights:
Spotlights, so named because they were once made by the Century Lighting Company (which no longer exists).
Spotlights, so named because they were once made by the Century Lighting Company (which no longer exists).
Emily:
A technical term for a floodlight is a “single broad.” Legend has it that a lighting technician knew an unmarried woman named Emily.
A technical term for a floodlight is a “single broad.” Legend has it that a lighting technician knew an unmarried woman named Emily.
Flamethrower:
A cameraman who uses too much light—so much that the shot is saturated or impossible to see on film.
A cameraman who uses too much light—so much that the shot is saturated or impossible to see on film.
Honeywagon:
The portable toilet truck.
The portable toilet truck.
Groveler:
A soft pad for the camera operator to kneel on when a shot requires the camera to be very close to the ground.
A soft pad for the camera operator to kneel on when a shot requires the camera to be very close to the ground.
Inky:
A low-wattage (100- or 200-kilowatt) light. It’s short for “incandescent.”
A low-wattage (100- or 200-kilowatt) light. It’s short for “incandescent.”
Sheet metal:
A prop car
A prop car
Obie:
A small light mounted on the camera, just above the lens, to shine directly onto an actor’s face, invented by cameraman Lucien Ballard to show off the eyes of actress Merle Oberon (Ballard’s wife).
A small light mounted on the camera, just above the lens, to shine directly onto an actor’s face, invented by cameraman Lucien Ballard to show off the eyes of actress Merle Oberon (Ballard’s wife).
Powder man:
An explosives expert.
An explosives expert.
Mickey Rooney:
Instruction to a cameraman to move the camera a few feet, but very slowly—in other words, a short creep.
Instruction to a cameraman to move the camera a few feet, but very slowly—in other words, a short creep.
Rhubarb:
It adds realism to a scene when extras walk by having conversations. Since they don’t have microphones, it doesn’t matter what they say, so the actors usually say the word “rhubarb” repeatedly.
It adds realism to a scene when extras walk by having conversations. Since they don’t have microphones, it doesn’t matter what they say, so the actors usually say the word “rhubarb” repeatedly.
Snowshoes:
When a clumsy person bumps into a light and knocks it out of position, or trips over a cord and unplugs something, they are sarcastically asked to “take off their snowshoes.”
When a clumsy person bumps into a light and knocks it out of position, or trips over a cord and unplugs something, they are sarcastically asked to “take off their snowshoes.”
Martini:
The last shot of the day.
The last shot of the day.
UP IN A DOWN ECONOMY
Here are a few examples of what economists call “countercyclical assets” —products or industries that thrive while the rest of the economy tanks.
COMIC BOOKS.
Sales of vintage comic books from the 1950s and ’60s were brisk in 2009, but not for their nostalgic value—they’re an investment. Activity on the Silver Age Comic Book Pricing Index was up 14 percent. During the same period, Standard and Poor’s 500 stock index was down 11 percent.
Sales of vintage comic books from the 1950s and ’60s were brisk in 2009, but not for their nostalgic value—they’re an investment. Activity on the Silver Age Comic Book Pricing Index was up 14 percent. During the same period, Standard and Poor’s 500 stock index was down 11 percent.
SHOE REPAIR.
The average cost of a new pair of men’s shoes is about $50. It costs less than half that to fix a pair of shoes, but cobbling is a dying profession. There were 120,000 cobblers in the U.S. in the 1930s; there are just 7,000 today. But the bad economy has been good for the industry. According to retail trade groups, cobbling is up 25 percent. Sales of new shoes: down 3 percent.
The average cost of a new pair of men’s shoes is about $50. It costs less than half that to fix a pair of shoes, but cobbling is a dying profession. There were 120,000 cobblers in the U.S. in the 1930s; there are just 7,000 today. But the bad economy has been good for the industry. According to retail trade groups, cobbling is up 25 percent. Sales of new shoes: down 3 percent.
SEEDS.
You can save money by growing vegetables at home instead of buying them, and the newly unemployed have more time to tend gardens. Result: Seed catalog businesses are actually enjoying the recession. Onion seed seller Dixondale Farms reports 40 percent growth; the organic Seeds of Change says sales have increased 30 percent.
You can save money by growing vegetables at home instead of buying them, and the newly unemployed have more time to tend gardens. Result: Seed catalog businesses are actually enjoying the recession. Onion seed seller Dixondale Farms reports 40 percent growth; the organic Seeds of Change says sales have increased 30 percent.
VACATION RENTAL HOMES.
Since the economy sank, many Americans who own vacation homes have tried unsuccessfully to sell them for quick cash. So they’ve turned to another option: renting them out for a week at a time to vacationers. Americans still want to take vacations, but they want to spend less money doing so, and renting a private home costs a lot less than seven nights in a hotel. HomeAway is a company that manages these kinds of properties. Since 2007 its business has increased 59 percent.
Since the economy sank, many Americans who own vacation homes have tried unsuccessfully to sell them for quick cash. So they’ve turned to another option: renting them out for a week at a time to vacationers. Americans still want to take vacations, but they want to spend less money doing so, and renting a private home costs a lot less than seven nights in a hotel. HomeAway is a company that manages these kinds of properties. Since 2007 its business has increased 59 percent.
CHOCOLATE.
In December 2008, cocoa futures hit their highest level in 25 years. It’s partially because supply was down, but it’s also because chocolate demand was way up during the recession—chocolate is a comfort food. In the London futures market, the price of cocoa rose 71 percent in a single year to $2,546 per ton.
In December 2008, cocoa futures hit their highest level in 25 years. It’s partially because supply was down, but it’s also because chocolate demand was way up during the recession—chocolate is a comfort food. In the London futures market, the price of cocoa rose 71 percent in a single year to $2,546 per ton.
RANDOM BITS
ON ’70s HITS
ON ’70s HITS
Pop songs are short, catchy, and memorable—just like these facts.
• “My Sweet Lord,” by George Harrison.
The Beatles broke up in 1970. This song hit #1 in ’71—the first chart-topper for any solo former Beatle.
The Beatles broke up in 1970. This song hit #1 in ’71—the first chart-topper for any solo former Beatle.
• “Close to You,” by Carpenters.
It’s Carpenters (not “the” Carpenters), and this is their best-known song. But it’s a cover. The original version was recorded in 1963 by Richard Chamberlain—TV’s
Dr. Kildare
—as an attempt at a teen-idol singing career.
It’s Carpenters (not “the” Carpenters), and this is their best-known song. But it’s a cover. The original version was recorded in 1963 by Richard Chamberlain—TV’s
Dr. Kildare
—as an attempt at a teen-idol singing career.
• “Stairway to Heaven,” by Led Zeppelin.
The bestselling rock song ever…in sheet music (more than a million copies were sold).
The bestselling rock song ever…in sheet music (more than a million copies were sold).
•
“Daniel,” by Elton John.
As recorded, it’s cryptically from the point of view of a man who misses his brother as he’s “heading for Spain.” John thought the song was too long, so he didn’t record lyricist Bernie Taupin’s final verse that explains the story—Daniel is a Vietnam vet who returns home blind and disillusioned and leaves America forever—for Spain.
“Daniel,” by Elton John.
As recorded, it’s cryptically from the point of view of a man who misses his brother as he’s “heading for Spain.” John thought the song was too long, so he didn’t record lyricist Bernie Taupin’s final verse that explains the story—Daniel is a Vietnam vet who returns home blind and disillusioned and leaves America forever—for Spain.
• “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” by John Denver.
The backing singers on this recording were a vocal group known as Fat City, who later changed their name to the Starland Vocal Band and had a huge hit in 1976 with “Afternoon Delight.”
The backing singers on this recording were a vocal group known as Fat City, who later changed their name to the Starland Vocal Band and had a huge hit in 1976 with “Afternoon Delight.”
• “Morning Has Broken,” by Cat Stevens.
Rick Wakeman, the keyboard virtuoso from the progressive rock band Yes, arranged the song and played piano. He wasn’t paid for the session until 2000, when he received a check for $15.
Rick Wakeman, the keyboard virtuoso from the progressive rock band Yes, arranged the song and played piano. He wasn’t paid for the session until 2000, when he received a check for $15.
• “Sweet Home Alabama,” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Three band members cowrote the song: Ronnie Van Zant, Gary Rossington, and Ed King. So who was from Alabama? None of them: Van Zant and Rossington were from Florida; King was from California.
Three band members cowrote the song: Ronnie Van Zant, Gary Rossington, and Ed King. So who was from Alabama? None of them: Van Zant and Rossington were from Florida; King was from California.
• “Night Fever,” by the Bee Gees.
Drummer Dennis Byron
recorded the song shortly before leaving to attend his father’s funeral. He wasn’t around for the rest of the
Saturday Night Fever
sessions, so a portion of his work on this song was looped to provide the drums for “Stayin’ Alive.” And though “Stayin’ Alive” is probably the most famous disco (and Bee Gees song) ever, “Night Fever” actually sold more copies and was a bigger hit.
Drummer Dennis Byron
recorded the song shortly before leaving to attend his father’s funeral. He wasn’t around for the rest of the
Saturday Night Fever
sessions, so a portion of his work on this song was looped to provide the drums for “Stayin’ Alive.” And though “Stayin’ Alive” is probably the most famous disco (and Bee Gees song) ever, “Night Fever” actually sold more copies and was a bigger hit.
• “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen.
According to guitarist Brian May, the group did so many vocal and guitar overdubs that by the end of recording, the overused master tape was almost transparent.
According to guitarist Brian May, the group did so many vocal and guitar overdubs that by the end of recording, the overused master tape was almost transparent.
• “No Woman, No Cry,” by Bob Marley and the Wailers.
Marley’s first hit (in England) was also one of the few songs he recorded but didn’t write. It was written by his friend Vincent Ford, who ran a soup kitchen in Jamaica. The royalties from this song kept the charity afloat for decades.
Marley’s first hit (in England) was also one of the few songs he recorded but didn’t write. It was written by his friend Vincent Ford, who ran a soup kitchen in Jamaica. The royalties from this song kept the charity afloat for decades.
• “Hotel California,” by the Eagles.
The line “stab them with their steely knives” is a reference and homage to Steely Dan, whose 1976 song “Everything You Did” contains the lyric “Turn up the Eagles, the neighbors are listening.”
The line “stab them with their steely knives” is a reference and homage to Steely Dan, whose 1976 song “Everything You Did” contains the lyric “Turn up the Eagles, the neighbors are listening.”
• “You’re the One That I Want,” by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John.
This song was not in the original 1971 stage version of
Grease
. It was written specifically for the movie (but has since been included in the stage version).
This song was not in the original 1971 stage version of
Grease
. It was written specifically for the movie (but has since been included in the stage version).
• “Alison,” by Elvis Costello.
On this, Costello’s first single, he was backed by the group Clover. The group had a harmonica player who wasn’t needed for the session—Huey Lewis. Clover later became Huey Lewis and the News.
On this, Costello’s first single, he was backed by the group Clover. The group had a harmonica player who wasn’t needed for the session—Huey Lewis. Clover later became Huey Lewis and the News.
• “Baker Street,” by Gerry Rafferty.
The saxophone part by Raphael Ravenscroft was supposed to be filler—a placeholder until it could be overdubbed with a guitar solo later. But the sax part was never replaced, it became the song’s signature element, and the record went to #2 on the charts. Ravenscroft was paid $50 for the session. (And the check bounced.)
The saxophone part by Raphael Ravenscroft was supposed to be filler—a placeholder until it could be overdubbed with a guitar solo later. But the sax part was never replaced, it became the song’s signature element, and the record went to #2 on the charts. Ravenscroft was paid $50 for the session. (And the check bounced.)
• “Le Freak,” by Chic.
The songwriter conceived the opening lyric of “ah-h-h-h freak out” much differently from the way it appeared on the record. The word “freak” was substituted for a radio-unfriendly F-word, and “out” was used instead of “off.”
The songwriter conceived the opening lyric of “ah-h-h-h freak out” much differently from the way it appeared on the record. The word “freak” was substituted for a radio-unfriendly F-word, and “out” was used instead of “off.”
DOWN THE HATCH!
Here’s how folks around the world toast each other when they’re having a drink.
India/Pakistan:
Aish karo!
(Enjoy!)
Aish karo!
(Enjoy!)
Slovakia:
Na zdravie!
Na zdravie!
(To health!)
Romania:
Noroc!
(Good luck!)
Noroc!
(Good luck!)
France:
Sante!
(To health!) or
Cul sec!
(Bottoms up!)
Sante!
(To health!) or
Cul sec!
(Bottoms up!)
Arabic:
Shereve
! (To health!)
Shereve
! (To health!)
Finland:
Kippis!
(Cheers!)
Kippis!
(Cheers!)
China:
Gan Bei!
Gan Bei!
(Empty the glass!)
Swahili
:
Afya!
(Health!)
:
Afya!
(Health!)
Philippines:
Mabuhay!
(Long live!)
Mabuhay!
(Long live!)
Sri Lanka:
Onna Ehenam?
(Shall we, gentlemen?)
Onna Ehenam?
(Shall we, gentlemen?)
Serbia:
Ziveli!
(For health!)
Ziveli!
(For health!)
Portugal:
Saude!
(Health!)
Saude!
(Health!)
Latvia:
Prieka
(To joy!)
Prieka
(To joy!)
Esperanto:
Je zia sano!
(Health!)
Je zia sano!
(Health!)
Germany:
Prosit!
(Cheers!)
Prosit!
(Cheers!)
Argentina:
Chin-Chin!
(Sound of clinking glasses)
Chin-Chin!
(Sound of clinking glasses)
Iceland:
Skal!
(The cup!)
Skal!
(The cup!)
Italy:
Cent’ anni!
Cent’ anni!
(A hundred years [of luck]!)
Turkey:
Serefe!
(To honor!)
Serefe!
(To honor!)
Hawaii:
Hauoli maoli oe!
Hauoli maoli oe!
(To your happiness!)
Spain:
Salud!
(Health!)
Salud!
(Health!)
Israel:
L’Chayim
(To life!)
L’Chayim
(To life!)
Albania:
Gezuar!
(Cheers!)
Gezuar!
(Cheers!)
Greece:
Yia Mas!
Yia Mas!
(To our health!)
Brazil:
Saude! Viva!
Saude! Viva!
(To your health!)
Hungary:
Egészségére!
Egészségére!
(To your health!)
Kenya:
Maisha Merefu!
Maisha Merefu!
(To good life!)
Estonia:
Terviseks!
(For health!)
Terviseks!
(For health!)
Lebanon:
Kessak!
(Cheers!)
Kessak!
(Cheers!)
Iran:
Salahmatie!
Salahmatie!
(To good health!)
Indonesia:
Selamat minum!
(Cheers!)
Selamat minum!
(Cheers!)
Korea:
Ogung bai!
Ogung bai!
(Bottoms up!)
Yiddish:
Zol zon tzgezhint!
(To your health!)
Zol zon tzgezhint!
(To your health!)
DO-IT-YOURSELF
DISASTERS
DISASTERS
Tackling a home project? Be careful…or it might just tackle you.
PROBLEM:
Tone Pina’s apartment in Citrus Heights, California, was infested by thousands of cockroaches.
Tone Pina’s apartment in Citrus Heights, California, was infested by thousands of cockroaches.
Other books
Mr. Dalrymple Revealed by Lydia M Sheridan
Valhalla Wolf by Constantine De Bohon
The Warlock (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel #5) by Michael Scott
Honeytrap: Part 3 by Kray, Roberta
Breathe (The Destiny Series: Book 1) by Christine Grey
Death on a High Floor by Charles Rosenberg
Waiting For Sarah by James Heneghan
Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
Don't Try This at Home by Kimberly Witherspoon, Andrew Friedman
Snowman by Norman Bogner
